Almost 4 year old - constant questions, repetitive - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 06-29-2014, 12:16 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Almost 4 year old - constant questions, repetitive

My almost 4 year old boy is driving me batty. He will ask "Where are we going", and I'll answer him, and he'll say "and then when", "and then when"? - even once I say we're going home, he'll continue "and then when"... 10 minutes later, he'll start again, "where are we going"...like he's not sure anymore of what I said. Is it possible to answer him so the question stops? And he expects an answer immediately, so if I'm driving and trying to figure out where to go, he's insisting on getting his answers right away. I probably need to give him a calendar or list for the day, but he can't read yet. Is this a specific personality issue or is this common? I don't remember my older son being like this.
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#2 of 10 Old 06-29-2014, 05:17 AM
 
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I think developmental, at this age, they are still learning:
- how to make a conversation (don,t interrupt, give people time to answer...)
-they realize that they can know ''their future'' by asking questions, and then verify if it really happens. When my 4y.o. realized that if he asks questions, he can determine what will happen to him that day, he was amazed! He kind of abused of it at first, to really make sure it works. Now he is almost 5 y.yo, and he only asks once.
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#3 of 10 Old 06-29-2014, 03:27 PM
 
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I am not totally sure, but I think my son might have started doing similar things around then.

At some point, I started reminding him that I had already answered that question, then telling him I would answer it one more time but after that I wasn't going to answer that question anymore. Then I give him full attention, answer the question, and don't answer it anymore. Seems to work. I try not to be mean about it.
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#4 of 10 Old 06-29-2014, 05:15 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lmk1 View Post
My almost 4 year old boy is driving me batty. He will ask "Where are we going", and I'll answer him, and he'll say "and then when", "and then when"? - even once I say we're going home, he'll continue "and then when"... 10 minutes later, he'll start again, "where are we going"...like he's not sure anymore of what I said. Is it possible to answer him so the question stops? And he expects an answer immediately, so if I'm driving and trying to figure out where to go, he's insisting on getting his answers right away. I probably need to give him a calendar or list for the day, but he can't read yet. Is this a specific personality issue or is this common? I don't remember my older son being like this.
My son would get a bit anxious about what was happening and then repeat these questions over and over at that age. He wanted to know what is going on but had a hard time remembering.

In your case , check in: "I think I answered that a few minutes ago. Do you remember what I said?"

If that is what is going on you could make him a visual (like a quick picture drawing) of the schedule. Or a little card to hold onto when there is a change of plans? Or use a timer countdown he see / check?

Four is the age of questions though. No getting around that. Just enjoy it, someday soon you will be onto the one word answer age
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#5 of 10 Old 06-29-2014, 11:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks...I will try some of the suggestions. He is very very insistent. I need to answer every question immediately and do everything immediately, otherwise catastrophe. Oh, and I know everything too...like what his swimming teacher is doing at 8pm! Or the puppet he saw at the library...I can't just say "I don't know" because "YOU DO KNOW!" And it never works to say "what do you think?", because he'll get mad and say "YOU TELL ME".
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#6 of 10 Old 06-30-2014, 08:35 AM
 
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Originally Posted by lmk1 View Post
And it never works to say "what do you think?", because he'll get mad and say "YOU TELL ME".
I think you need to be OK with him being upset sometimes. Everybody is upset sometimes, and it isn't our job to fix it. Its not a mater of it working or not working (i.e., keeping him from being upset) but rather whether he is making progress toward more socially appropriate behavior.

I think that using a calendar is a GREAT idea. I started using them when my children were pre-literate to help them understand when different things would happen. Its how they learned the days of the week.

We also did visual schedules -- very simple pictures to represent what would happen and what order it would happen in.

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#7 of 10 Old 07-03-2014, 02:56 AM
 
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I think it is common to children at that stage. During that stage they become more curious and starts to ask endless questions due to their self-awareness and world awareness and w/c I believe parents should answer because it's a part of their learning no matter how irritating they can be.

My love for children has seen me featured in many education and children websites, whether talking about healthy snacks, motivating students or children's fashion at Bonza Brats. I love reading books, and shopping is my way of spending time with my young family. If you would like to catch me, you can via Google+ or Twitter: @HollyEasterby
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#8 of 10 Old 07-03-2014, 09:43 AM
 
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Kids tend to do this for different reasons, but with my DS it typically seemed to be a way to keep the conversation going. As in, I'd like to keep talking to you, but all I can think of is, "Where are we going?" So I'd answer his question again & keep the conversation going myself. For example,

DS: Where are we going?
Me: to the grocery store
DS: ... Where are we going?
Me: Do you remember? We're going to the grocery store. We need to get food for this week. I know we need apples and milk. Can you think of anything else we need?
DS: We don't have any bananas.
Me: That's right! We need to get some more bananas. I'd like to make pasta this week, so we also need to buy some pasta and some peas. I wonder if we'll see Mr. H (our butcher) at the grocery store. He might be working today, but he might be at home.
DS: He might give me a sticker.
Me: If he's there I'm sure he'll give you one! Mr. H always stops to talk to you and give you a sticker when he sees you. He's very friendly.

DS didn't do this too much, but when he did this seemed to help. DS's conversational skills have greatly improved, so I don't get the repeated questions much anymore. However, there are times when he actually forgets where we are going, but that happen so me too!
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#9 of 10 Old 07-03-2014, 12:16 PM
 
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These are all great suggestions! I also use the "have I already answered that? Do you remember what I said?" And then keeping a running commentary.

I've also found it useful to try to list off the order of how things are going to happen. Making it kinda sing-songy and counting them off on my fingers. Repeating it over and over until they have it memorized, then I have them telling me what happens next!

Ex: 1st get gas
2nd go to the store
3rd go home
4th unload the groceries
5th playtime!

Then as we complete each task we talk about it and eliminate it from our "song"! My kids love it and get really excited talking about it.
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#10 of 10 Old 07-04-2014, 04:19 PM
 
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Thumbs up

Quote:
Originally Posted by lilitchka View Post
I think developmental, at this age, they are still learning:
- how to make a conversation (don,t interrupt, give people time to answer...)
-they realize that they can know ''their future'' by asking questions, and then verify if it really happens. When my 4y.o. realized that if he asks questions, he can determine what will happen to him that day, he was amazed! He kind of abused of it at first, to really make sure it works. Now he is almost 5 y.yo, and he only asks once.
This is a great summary. At that 3-4 age, kids are really just figuring out the ropes of language and what kind of information they can convey and discover by using it. As time goes on, they'll gradually learn how to be more polite, etc.
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