Would you tell your child he was right to distrust a former caregiver?
I just happened upon some disturbing news that validates my son's feelings about someone who cared for him 4 years ago. I'm going to tell his father about it. I'm wondering whether to tell my son, too, and reiterate that it was right to tell us his objections to this person and that he should trust his "creep sense" in future . . . or if it is better NOT to tell him because it could scare him.
Specifically: My son is going into 4th grade now. For the first half of his kindergarten year, he went to after-school care at a small childcare center near the school. There were 3 adults working there at all times. The one who walked over to meet my son at school was Tom. My son complained that Tom acted teasingly with him--calling him names that are similar to his name but different, joking about did he have a girlfriend, tugging on his curly hair--and would not stop when he told him to stop. Although the teasing always sounded like it was within the range of what some adults think is funny, we felt that because our son did not like it, Tom should quit when he said quit! We talked with the childcare manager about it, twice, and both times she spoke to Tom and he backed off, for a while. We had no other complaints about this childcare and only left because my partner lost his job and became able to pick up our son from school. But by the time he left there, our son was grumbling that he really did not like Tom and didn't even want Tom to look at him.
So today, I noticed a mom online looking for childcare in my area, and I was going to recommend this center. I searched the Web for contact info...and I found that Tom was arrested 2 years ago and found guilty of sexually molesting a little girl. He did not do it at the center but at her home, where he was babysitting her. Investigation of the childcare center found absolutely no problems there. But still!!! My son was right about Tom being creepy! I am feeling sick even about having him walk half a block in public with this guy, day after day. I am confident that they were never alone and unobserved.
Should I tell him? Or is it better just to keep being supportive of trusting his instincts about people, without mentioning that this one person turned out to really deserve his distrust?
Mama to a boy EnviroKid
10 years old and a little girl EnviroBaby
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