At my wits end. :( - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 11 Old 08-20-2014, 05:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Unhappy At my wits end. :(

I have three children. My youngest is 3.5 years old and he is a runner. He runs and hides. He does not care if I come after him quickly, or let him wait in the hiding spot. He doesn't not care if it is someplace dangerous (like a parking lot). He doesn't not stop even if I am panicking and screaming.

I have nothing left...I have tried.....rewarding him for not running, trying things away for running, giving him Time Outs, making him ride in a car (push toy thing), carrying him screaming, hiding on him, saying good bye and walking the other way........AND NONE OF IT WORKS..

And he won't walk holding my hand.

SO....I have two last choices....either stay home all the time...which doesn't seem fair to my daughters.....or use a safety harness.

Either of those choices....really upset me.

He is 3.5 years old....and should have outgrown this.

Now I am wondering....is there something wrong? Should I be worried that he will always be like this?

I am just at my wits end and just really not enjoying this anymore.
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#2 of 11 Old 08-21-2014, 03:31 PM
 
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Originally Posted by momtoS View Post
I have three children. My youngest is 3.5 years old and he is a runner. He runs and hides. He does not care if I come after him quickly, or let him wait in the hiding spot. He doesn't not care if it is someplace dangerous (like a parking lot). He doesn't not stop even if I am panicking and screaming.

I have nothing left...I have tried.....rewarding him for not running, trying things away for running, giving him Time Outs, making him ride in a car (push toy thing), carrying him screaming, hiding on him, saying good bye and walking the other way........AND NONE OF IT WORKS..

And he won't walk holding my hand.

SO....I have two last choices....either stay home all the time...which doesn't seem fair to my daughters.....or use a safety harness.

Either of those choices....really upset me.

He is 3.5 years old....and should have outgrown this.

Now I am wondering....is there something wrong? Should I be worried that he will always be like this?

I am just at my wits end and just really not enjoying this anymore.
i am interested why you have such a hard time with a harness? your son seems to be the perfect example of why one needs one.

but that is a personal choice.

if you do feel his running away is an issue - which it may or may not be, can you get the school involved and do some evaluations.

but mama come out of that ' will he always be like this'. from personal experience i will tell you that is a huge parenting succer. living in fear really saps your own parenting skills.

also please remember a diagnosis comes out of a range of issue - not just one. he has to be showing other signs too of not listening.

in the meantime it seems the best solution for your peace of mind is the restraint.

i hope you have a lot of support mama. you sound like you are at teh end of your line. i hope you get to take care of yourself too.

((((((HUGS))))))
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#3 of 11 Old 08-22-2014, 11:02 AM
 
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Use the harness. We used one and never had a second thought about it and the kid was normal.

If you are really concerned about that behavior at his age, ask your ped about it.

Getting upset does not help. Just take a deep breath.

Last edited by tadamsmar; 08-22-2014 at 01:10 PM.
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#4 of 11 Old 08-22-2014, 11:12 AM
 
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Absolutely - either use a harness (they have cute ones that look like animal - backpacks: you hold the tail) or put him in a stroller. I would choose harness, but whatever works for you.



As per whether to worry - a soft maybe.

The flight issues plus lack of responding to consequences for behaviour say ASD to me - but I could very well be wrong.

Good luck, mama.

kathy

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#5 of 11 Old 08-22-2014, 11:21 AM
 
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My mother used a harness on me as a child - and it was not a cute, non-obtrusive one, lol!

My mom rocks. Love her. No therapy over the harness. Take it easy on yourself.

Kathy
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There is a battle of two wolves inside us.  One is good and the other is evil.  The wolf that wins is the one you feed.

 

Book and herb loving mama to 1 preteen and 2 teens (when did that happen?).  We travel, go to school, homeschool, live rurally, eat our veggies, spend too much time...

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#6 of 11 Old 08-22-2014, 12:42 PM
 
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I don't think that's outside the realm of normal at 3.5. My biggest bolter didn't start doing it until around that age...my sanity saver was a neighborhood park with a double barrier. Finally I could sit down instead of chasing!
Give the harness a try, what's the harm if it works? He might even like it; I never got around to getting one (she outgrew the phase fairly quickly) but my runner was always asking to "be a doggie" with a playsilk tied to her beltloop so I took advantage of that often!
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#7 of 11 Old 08-23-2014, 03:18 PM
 
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Originally Posted by kathymuggle View Post
My mother used a harness on me as a child - and it was not a cute, non-obtrusive one, lol!

My mom rocks. Love her. No therapy over the harness. Take it easy on yourself.

Kathy
Kathy, I am another harness survivor', no therapy either! Mine was white leather and was called "reigns"!
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#8 of 11 Old 08-23-2014, 09:18 PM
 
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use the harness or use a stroller. it's not fair to anyone if you stay home all the time. Maybe he likes seeing the reaction he gets from running. Just a thought.

If this is the only issue, it's normal.

lovin DH since 1/04, best mom for my 3 boys 10/04, 11/08, 11/10 one girlie (1/07), and one 13 wk (10/13) just your average :ha ng multigenerational living family!!
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#9 of 11 Old 08-23-2014, 11:11 PM
 
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Personally, I'd go with the harness. I would hate to give up the outside world, but you can't give up safety.

I know there are several times when I did things that we never thought we'd do to keep our kids from creating risks for themselves. I used the Bumbo as a trap for my daughter when she first became really mobile so that I could do things that required my brief but full attention (she was a little monkey and got out of play yards, etc), never thought I'd do that.
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#10 of 11 Old 08-24-2014, 08:14 AM
 
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There's nothing wrong with a harness. I used one for my youngest once in a while. My little brother wore one pretty much all the time for about a year or two. He's now a normal, functioning adult.

Not sure the ages of your other kiddos, but could you carry him across parking lots until you get to a safe area(playground, etc)? Or perhaps carry him until you can strap him into a shopping cart?

When my kids were that age, I would give them one chance to hold my hand across the parking lot. The second they let go, I would pick them up. They gradually learned that if they want the independence of walking, they would have to behave appropriately. It worked really well. Took a couple of years though... In the meantime, get a harness.


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#11 of 11 Old 08-24-2014, 09:07 PM
 
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I can remember 3.5 -4 with my boys. My one rowdier boy loved, and still does love, to push my buttons when it comes to things that make me panic... For instance, he used to lick things and stare up at me to see my reaction. At first I would go nuts, but then after a long while, I let it go and he stopped when I stopped giving him the attention he wanted for the behavior. Running out into the street is more dangerous, though. My advice- go with the harness as the other moms have suggested, and cut yourself some slack for doing so. Safety comes first. Especially when you have other little ones plus yourself to worry about crossing streets and parking areas safely. I have never used a harness, but I have seen parents use them several times and it doesnt seem that the child was uncomfortable or upset by it. On the plus side, from my experience with testy little boys, I think you're little guy will eventually grow out of wanting to drive you nuts in that way. Given nothing more serious is going on with him, I think he will. Can I ask if his behavior is still the same if the destination is somewhere that he wants to go to? For example, if you were taking him to the train museum and you let him know that you guys could only stay if he stayed by you and was safe, would he still run off on you? I understand you will have to take him to less interesting places, but thinking about that might help you narrow down whats going on for him. If its boredom, maybe give him the option of earning a visit somewhere he wants to go in exchange for good behavior while running errands? How old are his sisters? I was thinking that since he doesnt want to hold your hand, maybe he would rather cross the street holding hands with his big sister?

I wish I had more suggestions, but I hope this helps some.

Good luck!
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