I'm feeling so sad and so sorry. Today I passed on my own issues to my beautiful, happy, wonderful six year old daughter.
Background: A family lives across the street with 2 children similar in age to 2 of mine. The children are delightful and over the years, we have invited them over to play numerous times. We have invited the family over casually on several occasions.....because we made ice cream, or because we ordered pizza.... My daugher loves their little boy. She always wants a play date with him. We walk across the street to invite him to play about once a month. But often he cannot come over for one reason or another. Sometimes we go ring the bell to invite him over and no one answers even though it seems like they are home. I usually tell DD they must be in the backyard or they must have just left their windows open or they must have taken their dog on a walk.
Today I was out of whatever usually keeps me from saying it and I just said, "I don't know why they don't answer the door. I don't know why they ignore us."
In my mind, they avoid us because of one of three possibilities: 1.) They have seen the inside of my minivan and must think that because it is so trashed that we are trash, 2.) They have heard me yell at my kids some point ( I don't yell much but I have yelled before), or 3.) they have observed that we don't treat the dog like another child and so they think poorly of us. In other words, by living across the street from us, they have noticed that our family is not perfect and so they hate us. Now, I know this is not logical but it stems from peer rejection in adolescence and I have just passed down these insecurities to my bright sunny friendly outgoing daughter, who is now wondering why her friend doesn't want to play with her.
Aaaaargh! Do you have any advice on how I could go back and talk to her about what happened today?
Thanks.
Background: A family lives across the street with 2 children similar in age to 2 of mine. The children are delightful and over the years, we have invited them over to play numerous times. We have invited the family over casually on several occasions.....because we made ice cream, or because we ordered pizza.... My daugher loves their little boy. She always wants a play date with him. We walk across the street to invite him to play about once a month. But often he cannot come over for one reason or another. Sometimes we go ring the bell to invite him over and no one answers even though it seems like they are home. I usually tell DD they must be in the backyard or they must have just left their windows open or they must have taken their dog on a walk.
Today I was out of whatever usually keeps me from saying it and I just said, "I don't know why they don't answer the door. I don't know why they ignore us."
In my mind, they avoid us because of one of three possibilities: 1.) They have seen the inside of my minivan and must think that because it is so trashed that we are trash, 2.) They have heard me yell at my kids some point ( I don't yell much but I have yelled before), or 3.) they have observed that we don't treat the dog like another child and so they think poorly of us. In other words, by living across the street from us, they have noticed that our family is not perfect and so they hate us. Now, I know this is not logical but it stems from peer rejection in adolescence and I have just passed down these insecurities to my bright sunny friendly outgoing daughter, who is now wondering why her friend doesn't want to play with her.
Aaaaargh! Do you have any advice on how I could go back and talk to her about what happened today?
Thanks.