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Gender identity: Clothes, toys and colors.

2K views 12 replies 7 participants last post by  Dawn's mom 
#1 · (Edited)
This is something that has stuck with me since my childhood. Yes, I read Peggy Orenstein's book 'Cinderella Ate My Daughter'. Although one doesn't have to agree with everything in the book, I think it's great that the issue with this pink girly-girl phenomena is being discussed and that's what I want this thread for.
When I was a kid and I was visiting my dad and his wife, she would always give me girl specific things. One Easter, she hid blue and pink eggs all over the house. I was drawn to the blue ones and my step-brother was drawn to the pink ones. His mom made us switch, telling us that pink is for girls not boys and blue is for boys not girls. I was so confused. How can a color be strictly assigned to one gender? A few years later, when I was about 10 or 11, I went through a "tom boy" phase. I didn't like to dress overly feminine, so no dresses. I hated dresses. I had my hair cut into a mushroom cut, and I was more into fighting video games and rough play. My mom was not happy. She snapped one day. "I raised a daughter. Not a son." I was hurt. I took an interest in something and it wasn't okay because I'm female, according to my mom.
Stuff hit the fan with me one day, as I got off the bus, my baby girl in a Snuggly wearing a black topped dress with a red and white striped skirt and a matching headband. An elderly man, asked how old my son was. I was appalled. I told him she's a girl not a boy. I don't think he really wanted to know my baby's age. He was looking for an opportunity to criticize me for not dressing my daughter up in feminine colors. He snappingly asked, "Why isn't she wearing girl clothes." I was so offended. I thought my daughter looked cute and her dress reminded me of Minnie Mouse.
When my daughter was a toddler, we lived in an apartment and met another mother of 2 in the same building. We often visited her place. She was strict about gender classifications. She wasn't very educated, was illiterate and believed every asinine thing social workers have told her. She told me that she was told by a social worker, because this was a rough area, her son is inevitable to get beaten up if he was shown affection. So she was advised not to ever hug him. Her son had cerebral palsy and needed constant care. She would, also, prevent him from playing with dolls or anything else considered "girly". Her daughter, on the other hand, was allowed hugs. She was not allowed to play with anything that was not considered "girly". I never said anything. Her family, her rules. But I never liked seeing this.
I raised my daughter to be allowed to play with whatever, dress how-ever and be whatever she wants to be.
We really have no choice when it comes to shoes and clothes. Feminine children's shoes are too narrow for her thick, wide feet. And she had to start wearing teen clothes by age 8 or 9 because she was too curvy for children's wear. But she could fit the boys clothes just fine.
Dawn, now, takes notice and retorts when she sees the doll aisle. She likes Monster High for the lack of pink. I think she feels it's pressured on girls to like it and that a girl isn't supposed to play with something unless it's some pastel color. Those Nerf toys and legos are prime example. I remember watching t.v. at daycare when a Lego commercial came on that featured pink, purple and white Legos marketed towards girls. One of the staff commented, "So, why can't girls play with the regular Lego?" This separate colors for separate gender thing has gone on long enough. I refused to buy into it.
But I'm not fully against feminine things. Barbie was a major focus with playtime growing up. I was more into setting up and decorating the houses and other big accessories and I found an interest in fashion. As you can see in my avatar, I loved Jem and I had a Jem doll. I loved girly things and make-overs. But I liked masculinity as well.
I like to wear make up occasionally. So does my daughter. It's a matter of balance.
Oh, those McDonald toys. Yeah, I take my daughter to McDonald's more than I should. Not the point. When my daughter wanted a happy meal, instead of asking what toy she would like, the cashiers ask if she is a boy or girl so they could determine for her what toy McDonald's wants her to have. I know they are trained to do this. But there have been times where it would get heated because I would end up with someone who really believes in this gender biased mantra and refuse to give Dawn the toy she wants. It's just a toy, sure. But it's not the point. It's the dictation that get's on my nerves.
The way I see it, it's more of a societal thing. There's no sign in the toy aisles that specifically indicate what are the boy toys and what are the girl toys. Apparently, the bias either only exists in the minds of society or we are just supposed to know because of the separation of pinkish toys and the other darker colors.


What are your thoughts on the issue.
 
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#2 · (Edited)
I completely understand your frustration, and agree with you entirely. Recently, I read the book "Parenting Beyond Pink & Blue: Raising Kids Free of Gender Stereotypes", by Christia Spears Brown, and it radically changed the way I see gender in children, the way I use gendered language around children, and my understanding of why people are so stuck on gender. I highly suggest this read, as it will explain many of the things you mentioned.

I think that most children, like you, naturally have traits and preferences that reflect both the 'boy' and 'girl' stereotypes. The problem is that, in most children (particularly boys), traits and preferences that fall into the stereotype of the opposite gender are usually discouraged. I think it's so sad that boys aren't allowed or encouraged to be sensitive or express their feelings; wear dresses, pastels (after age 1), or the colour pink; have long hair, barrettes, or bows; show an affinity for 'pretty' things (clothes, fine china and silver, art, antiques, decor, etc.); or play with dolls, dress up (unless it's a 'boy' costume), or tea party. In my own life, I know several boys (many my own relatives) who've done all of those things when in a safe environment (so obviously some boys like that stuff just as some girls do), but out in the real world, they're immediately put down and judged. I've heard the, "What are you doing with a doll?! Boys don't play with dolls!" The, "Pink is a girl colour! You're not a girl!" And the ever so tragic, "Be a man. Big boys don't cry."

I think that the world is a bit more lenient when it comes to girls liking 'boy' things, but like you've said, there's still a stigma. People are shocked to see a rowdy girl, while they smile dotingly on the girl who sits quietly with her doll. And when a little girl is sitting with her legs apart or wiggling in a chair, I always hear from the mother, "Keep your legs together. Be a lady." I'm always thinking, "She's not a lady! She's a child, give her a break!" Meanwhile, they barely try to keep their boys from running around the store. I hate the phrase, 'Boys will be boys.' I think we should change it to, 'Kids will be kids.' One other thing that really bothers me is that the first thing people say to a girl when they see her is, "Hi! I love your [dress/hair/nails/shoes/tights]!" I hate what that says to a girl. They do it unconsciously I know, but even when I kindly point it out, they get super defensive about it. I think comments on a girl's looks can be very dangerous, even though they seem innocent.

I wish we lived in a world where children were truly free from societal standards to dress the way it suited their personal style, to play with the toys they truly enjoyed, and when they grew up, to choose a vocation that suited their unique talents and interests. I don't think there's anything wrong with a girl liking pink, dresses, or dolls. I don't think there's anything wrong with a boy enjoying blue, trousers, or cars. But I know that nowadays, those tastes and preferences are determined by much more than the child. They're determined by the parents, by the other adults in that child's life, by her peer group, and by the advertisers who market those products, and then (unless the child has a strong enough personality to go against the grain), after those people have determined what's okay for the child, the child herself.
 
#3 ·
I completely understand your frustration, and agree with your completely. Recently, I read the book "Parenting Beyond Pink & Blue: Raising Kids Free of Gender Stereotypes", by Christia Spears Brown, and it radically changed the way I see gender in children, the way I used gendered language around children, and my understanding of why people are so stuck on gender. I highly suggest this read, as it will explain many of the things you mentioned.

I think that most children, like you, naturally have traits and preferences that reflect both the 'boy' and 'girl' stereotypes. The problem is that, in most children (particularly boys), traits and preferences that fall into the stereotype of the opposite gender are usually discouraged. I think it's so sad that boys aren't allowed or encouraged to be sensitive or express their feelings; wear dresses, pastels (after age 1), or the colour pink; have long hair, barrettes, or bows; show an affinity for 'pretty' things (clothes, fine china and silver, art, antiques, decor, etc.); or play with dolls, dress up (unless it's a 'boy' costume), or tea party. In my own life, I know several boys (many my own relatives) who've done all of those things when in a safe environment (so obviously some boys like that stuff just as some girls do), but out in the real world, they're immediately put down and judged. I've heard the, "What are you doing with a doll?! Boys don't play with dolls!" The, "Pink is a girl colour! You're not a girl!" And the ever so tragic, "Be a man. Big boys don't cry."

I think that the world is a bit more lenient when it comes to girls liking 'boy' things, but like you've said, there's still a stigma. People are shocked to see a rowdy girl, while they smile dotingly on the girl who sits quietly with her doll. And when a little girl is sitting with her legs apart or wiggling in a chair, I always hear from the mother, "Keep your legs together. Be a lady." I'm always thinking, "She's not a lady! She's a child, give her a break!" Meanwhile, they barely try to keep their boys from running around the store. I hate the phrase, 'Boys will be boys.' I think we should change it to, 'Kids will be kids.' One other thing that really bothers me is that the first thing people say to a girl when they see her is, "Hi! I love your [dress/hair/nails/shoes/tights]!" I hate what that says to a girl. They do it unconsciously I know, but even when I kindly point it out, they get super defensive about it. I think comments on a girl's looks can be very dangerous, even though they seem innocent.

I wish we lived in a world where children were truly free from societal standards to dress the way it suited their personal style, to play with the toys they truly enjoyed, and when they grew up, to choose a vocation that suited their unique talents and interests. I don't think there's anything wrong with a girl liking pink, dresses, or dolls. I don't think there's anything wrong with a boy enjoying blue, trousers, or cars. But I know that nowadays, those tastes and preferences are determined by much more than the child. They're determined by the parents, by the other adults in that child's life, by her peer group, and by the advertisers who market those products, and then (unless the child has a strong enough personality to go against the grain), after those people have determined what's okay for the child, the child herself.
Oh, it even continues into womanhood. I can't stand it when people tell me to smile when I'm content or tell me how tired I look. One time I was at the Tim Hortons by my work and the cashier has some nerve to tell me that I should wear make-up more often. She said this a week after she saw me wearing eye make-up, make-up that I ended up washing off right when I got home because it was causing an irritation in my eyes.

I remember in the 90s, older kids were being made fun of for playing Barbie or anything cutsy. I was teased for being in ballet. I knew no one outside my dance class who was in dance. I had one friend in gymnastics and another friend was in modelling. The teasing caused me to have a break-down and quit ballet.

Advertisers are more so answering to the parents demands and taking note to what kids like, or what they are told by parents to like. I think too much credit is given to companies. Have you seen the 'What Would You Do?' episodes on gender profiling kids? It's an eye opener that it really sort of is a societal pressure and expectation. I think we should start telling people to butt out next time they give us their unsolicited views.

Boys really don't have it any easier. Where to start on that one?
 
#5 ·
I'm with pumabearclan. We've tried very hard to keep our kids in environments supportive of whoever they want to be. I NEVER take them in stores where there is a lot of boy/girl stuff (I realize that is a luxury of being part of a two-parent family), they don't watch random TV, and we socialize with people we trust to have similar enough views. I am hoping that they have strong enough bases that when they hit puberty some part of them can stay aware of possibilities besides the dominant themes in advertising.
 
#6 ·
Every year during back-to-school shopping my son was drawn to the pink items. I let him choose pink for ages 3, 4, 5, and 6. But, finally, at age 7 I just couldn't do it. I knew this would be the year the kids in his class would be likely to tease him. I did it to protect his fragile, innocent self.

I stood there in the store, literally fighting tears I would not let him see, as I said no to what he wanted for an incredibly, utterly stupid reason. A certain color is exclusively owned by one gender? What an assinine thought. I could not even come up with a coherent reason and instead told him I preferred another brand (that didn't come in pink).

He's 13 now and loves to wear bright neon colors: fluorescent orange, yellow, green, etc. One day we were passing some items in a store and he casually remarked how the first bright color he remembers liking was pink. "That's why you always wanted pink things?" I asked. "Sure," he shrugged, "it was the closest I could find to neon back then."

And, here's the rest of the story...when he was in 4th grade we discovered he has terrible eye-sight. He needs glasses of a very high magnification and probably will be legally blind at some point. So, the preference for bright pink as a young child had been all about his eyesight.

I feel even more angry now that pressure from people like my mom about ideas of gender identity, and future sexual preferences, prevented my child from choosing the pencils and ruler and stapler he could actually find in his desk.

P.S. I've learned to rise above. Son #2 wore make-up to school at age 5 because it made him feel brave and strong. At age 9 he still regularly dresses up with my jewelry and make-up and he and I have regular pedicure parties (especially now that I need him to paint my toenails because I can't reach them anymore!)
 
#7 ·
Every year during back-to-school shopping my son was drawn to the pink items. I let him choose pink for ages 3, 4, 5, and 6. But, finally, at age 7 I just couldn't do it. I knew this would be the year the kids in his class would be likely to tease him. I did it to protect his fragile, innocent self.

I stood there in the store, literally fighting tears I would not let him see, as I said no to what he wanted for an incredibly, utterly stupid reason. A certain color is exclusively owned by one gender? What an assinine thought. I could not even come up with a coherent reason and instead told him I preferred another brand (that didn't come in pink).

He's 13 now and loves to wear bright neon colors: fluorescent orange, yellow, green, etc. One day we were passing some items in a store and he casually remarked how the first bright color he remembers liking was pink. "That's why you always wanted pink things?" I asked. "Sure," he shrugged, "it was the closest I could find to neon back then."

And, here's the rest of the story...when he was in 4th grade we discovered he has terrible eye-sight. He needs glasses of a very high magnification and probably will be legally blind at some point. So, the preference for bright pink as a young child had been all about his eyesight.

I feel even more angry now that pressure from people like my mom about ideas of gender identity, and future sexual preferences, prevented my child from choosing the pencils and ruler and stapler he could actually find in his desk.

P.S. I've learned to rise above. Son #2 wore make-up to school at age 5 because it made him feel brave and strong. At age 9 he still regularly dresses up with my jewelry and make-up and he and I have regular pedicure parties (especially now that I need him to paint my toenails because I can't reach them anymore!)
Wow, What an intriguing discovery. This is one of the reasons we need this topic brought up and discussed. I know you are going to have some mighty well-rounded sons, who will grow to have a confident type of respect and understanding towards females that no other boy will have.

It wasn't that long ago that pink was considered a boy color, because it was a pastel shade of red and red was thought to be a brave, strong, masculine color, and blue was for girls because it was considered a softer, delicate color. If you notice in the older Disney movies, Alice, Wendy, Cinderella wore blue dresses. Aurora, I think was in a time where the color shift was occurring and that could be why, in the movie, Fauna and Merryweather fight over which color her dress should be, pink or blue, and green Flora never participated in the color battle. I think it's just so interesting that a color can cause so much controversy.
I knew new moms who were so uptight about gender profiling with color they refused to allow a girl to where green and boy to wear yellow. So, it's not just pink and blue. If you look at era's long ago, babies were dressed in white, boys and girls wore dresses until they were about 3 I think. This may have been the earliest examples of gender neutral child rearing. But it could go back further.
 
#9 ·
I had heard that pink was a male color because it was the baby form of red and that blue was for girls because it was passive. So interesting. The dresses also make sense. I still prefer gowns for newborns and then rompers because I think a pants with a waist is uncomfortable for my fat little babies.

But what is even more interesting is the question--why do we care? Why in the world are we assigning gender roles or sexual orientation to BABIES?!?!

Another story about people's perception being out of tune with the child...my younger son was playing dress up with my things (make-up, jewelry, clothes) and he asked his dad if he could take a picture and send it to grandma. My husband, knowing my mom and what hell we'd have to pay if she saw this picture, told him no. He explained that grandma wouldn't like to see a boy dressed as a girl.

Here's the key point: My son, puzzled, said, "I'm not dressing as a girl, I'm dressing up like mom."

His actions had no more meaning than if he had dressed up in his dad's suit and tie. He was dressing up like the real people in his life, not like a vague gender role.

Again and again...why do we care? Why are we so threatened if children don't conform to what we expect to see? Why do we assume there is any meaning behind the child's actions, or assign our own perceptions of intention?

How can we imagine that a child exploring the gear and traits of a gender is any more permanent or predictive than a child exploring the gear and roles of a fireman or a policeman or teacher?
 
#10 ·
I had heard that pink was a male color because it was the baby form of red and that blue was for girls because it was passive. So interesting. The dresses also make sense. I still prefer gowns for newborns and then rompers because I think a pants with a waist is uncomfortable for my fat little babies.

But what is even more interesting is the question--why do we care? Why in the world are we assigning gender roles or sexual orientation to BABIES?!?!

Another story about people's perception being out of tune with the child...my younger son was playing dress up with my things (make-up, jewelry, clothes) and he asked his dad if he could take a picture and send it to grandma. My husband, knowing my mom and what hell we'd have to pay if she saw this picture, told him no. He explained that grandma wouldn't like to see a boy dressed as a girl.

Here's the key point: My son, puzzled, said, "I'm not dressing as a girl, I'm dressing up like mom."

His actions had no more meaning than if he had dressed up in his dad's suit and tie. He was dressing up like the real people in his life, not like a vague gender role.

Again and again...why do we care? Why are we so threatened if children don't conform to what we expect to see? Why do we assume there is any meaning behind the child's actions, or assign our own perceptions of intention?

How can we imagine that a child exploring the gear and traits of a gender is any more permanent or predictive than a child exploring the gear and roles of a fireman or a policeman or teacher?
I think it has more to do with the fear that sons may turn too sensitive. But why is that so bad? There are a lot of things that boys have liked or like to do that have been viewed as something a boy should be ashamed of. In the 90's is was considered taunt-worthy to do anything thought of as girly. I was bullied for being in ballet. I was the only girl in my school, that I knew of, who was in ballet. I was mainly teased for having to go to school with my leotard on underneath my clothes and my hair in a tight bun because I had class soon after school. Otherwise, I tried not to show it. I was teased as much as they would if I were a boy. Okay, before I jump into a Beyoncé song, there are boys in ballet and they are strong and get to dance with girls doing all the brunt work of having to lift and spin them. I don't even have to go into the discipline and strength that's involved. There is nothing "pansy" about it. What? They were tights? So do all those super heroes and medieval characters, like Robin Hood.
In Shakespearean times, men played both male and female roles as women were not allowed to be actors.
The only time I've really been offended or annoyed is when a man fails at sounding feminine but is serious about it and uses that impression in a violent or sick way. Think emimem or slim shady whatever he wants to be called.
Getting a little off topic there, sorry, but just needed to vent that out.
Anyways.
In Orenstein's book, she raised an interesting question, who really has the disadvantage? Who is really free or not free when it comes to clothing and toy selection? Girls get to wear pants and dresses, lacy stuff and neutral play clothes. They get to play with anything on the gender spectrum and rarely does one bat an eye. But boys are discouraged to play with anything pastel, pink or purple or wear any of those colors. They are discouraged from playing anything that replicates domestic house play, fashion, or decorative.

When it comes to Halloween it is worse for girls. They are heavily encouraged by costume companies to wear sexed up super hero and occupational clothing. Even before they are teens, the only costumes that are store bought that will fit a 10 year old are from the teen section and the costumes look like lingerie or those roll play costumes you find in sex shop window displays. My daughter likes to invent costumes and that takes care of that, but it's still the message that is seen when you are browsing with your kids. Costumes hardly change for boys when it comes to age.

One thing, though, is that I do not view make up as equalling wanting to be provocative. Those scented Lip Smacker lip balms are not for the pleasure or encourages boys to kiss girls, it's merely for the girls. Lip balms can have a waxy smell to them. The added scents can have more of an impact on their hunger for food than their hunger for boys attention.
 
#11 ·
Dawn's Mom wrote:
Stuff hit the fan with me one day, as I got off the bus, my baby girl in a Snuggly wearing a black topped dress with a red and white striped skirt and a matching headband. An elderly man, asked how old my son was. I was appalled. I told him she's a girl not a boy. I don't think he really wanted to know my baby's age. He was looking for an opportunity to criticize me for not dressing my daughter up in feminine colors. He snappingly asked, "Why isn't she wearing girl clothes." I was so offended. I thought my daughter looked cute and her dress reminded me of Minnie Mouse.
:scratch Why were you "appalled"? If it is okay for both sexes to wear all colors and styles (as you said--and I agree) then why is it appalling if someone is mistaken about your child's sex? Why do you think he was "looking for an opportunity to criticize"--wouldn't he then have just criticized, instead of asking an unrelated question? *I* think he truly was curious about your baby's age, or just generally wanting to chat about the baby, and happened to guess wrong about the sex, and then he snapped at you because *you* probably snapped at him (because you were so appalled) and your tone put him on the defensive. In any case, I think your response to, "Why isn't she wearing girl clothes?" could have been, "Actually, this is a dress. I guess it's hard to see that when she's in the Snuggli." Then you could be satisfied that you were right, he could be satisfied that your daughter was appropriately dressed, and everyone would be happy. :hippie

When my son was about six months old, I was walking down the street with him in the sling wearing khaki overalls with an embroidered giraffe and a yellow gingham hat. A lady walking the other way said, "Oh! What an adorable little girl!" I said, "Thank you! Actually he's an adorable little boy." and started to move along. She changed direction so that she could follow me home (I live on an out-of-the-way street two blocks off the main street; I really don't think that's where she'd been headed) ARGUING THAT I WAS MISTAKEN ABOUT THE SEX OF MY OWN CHILD because "Boys don't have eyelashes like that! Boys aren't that beautiful!" I was soooo tempted to whip off his diaper and prove that he was a boy, but that would be rude and disrespectful of my child's privacy, so I just patiently said, "He really is a boy," about 16 times and then tried to pretend she wasn't there. Since then, I have only corrected people's perception of the sex of my child if it was really necessary, because it doesn't matter all that much to me and I don't want to get badgered like that. Oddly enough, when my son was 7, I'm pretty sure that same lady turned up at our yard sale; I recognized her after she started saying, "It's so wonderful how your daughter is helping you! Girls should always help their mothers! Oh, you'll be a good wife someday!" :eyesroll He finally said, "I'm a boy!" and she said, "Oh no you're not! Don't say such things!" He's 10 now and we still laugh about it from time to time.

My son has always been fond of purple and flowers. I have bought him dark purple things with neutral styling, but when he's choosing his own I've let him get things that are much more "girly" if he wants them. Sometimes I've warned him, "Some people might think that's for girls," and he considers it but usually likes the thing so much that he gets it anyway. He's attended very diverse, urban schools, and it's not been a big problem. In preschool when he chose black shoes with purple glitter accents and ankle straps, a classmate said, "Why are you wearing girls' shoes?!" and the teacher said, "That's a style that mostly girls like, but that pair belongs to Nicholas, so they are boy's shoes." :thumb I have heard him use that response himself a few times. He got a PlanetBox lunch kit when starting kindergarten and chose a purple outer bag and rainbow unicorn magnets for it; not until the middle of first grade did anyone tell him it was a "girly lunchbox", and at that point his reaction was to tell me he'd like to get an alternate set of magnets to use some of the time. He's since gotten some more magnet sets, but the rainbow unicorn is still in rotation. He had the purple bag until it wore out and then chose a red one "for a change."

He had long hair until Monday. We finally cut it because of an intractable tangle. Most people's reactions have simply been that it's a big change and he looks very handsome--but I'll be interested to hear what the kids say when he goes back to school. He had occasionally been teased about "looking like a girl" and it bothered him, but not enough to change the hairstyle that he liked...partly because it was like Daddy's! :) (But Daddy has a beard, so nobody ever thinks he is a girl.)

A few days ago, he asked me why it's an insult for a boy to say to another boy, "You throw like a girl!" but nobody ever says a girl throws like a boy. I tried to explain the long history of people believing that females are less/worse than males. He was very puzzled.
 
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#13 ·
Dawn's Mom wrote::scratch Why were you "appalled"? If it is okay for both sexes to wear all colors and styles (as you said--and I agree) then why is it appalling if someone is mistaken about your child's sex? Why do you think he was "looking for an opportunity to criticize"--wouldn't he then have just criticized, instead of asking an unrelated question? *I* think he truly was curious about your baby's age, or just generally wanting to chat about the baby, and happened to guess wrong about the sex, and then he snapped at you because *you* probably snapped at him (because you were so appalled) and your tone put him on the defensive. In any case, I think your response to, "Why isn't she wearing girl clothes?" could have been, "Actually, this is a dress. I guess it's hard to see that when she's in the Snuggli." Then you could be satisfied that you were right, he could be satisfied that your daughter was appropriately dressed, and everyone would be happy. :hippie
I was appalled (and I'm probably using that word differently than how your of it. I was quite offended and shocked.) because it's not that she wasn't wearing "girl clothes", she even had a headband on that many parents would put on their baby girls, the ones that would match their outfit. She was wearing a dress, frilly socks too. I felt that because her clothes weren't pink or some other color traditionally associated with females that the man was passing judgement that she had to be a boy then, and his tone wasn't friendly when he asked about her. I could already hear that he was going to make some sort of smart remark and his assumption on her gender I knew right away was due to the color of her clothes. I mean, come on, it was so unnecessary. And it wasn't like we were sitting, waiting for a bus or doing something that would allow 2 strangers to embark in even a brief conversation. I had just gotten off the bus and he approached me as he was getting on the same bus. So, no, it wasn't a situation for idle prattle about my daughter. Snuggly's don't conceal that much to not see what a child is wearing. Her legs are out, she was wearing frilly socks, her arms and head are exposed and it's open at the sides, with straps to. I didn't answer him very rudely when he mistaken her for a boy. I did tell him calmly, "She's a girl." and he just raised his voice and snapped, "WELL, THEN WHY IS SHE DRESSED LIKE A BOY?" and went along his way. I was taken aback and felt that he knew she was a girl but just didn't understand that it's okay for a girl to wear bold or dark colors. I'm not the wittiest of people, so it's hard for me to come up with a clever answer other than a straight to the point reply.
 
#12 ·
When I had my child I made a decision to try my best to give her as many options as possible. I have always bought clothes from both departments and which ones are the favorite has shifted back and forth and often there has been a mix of all kinds of patterns and colors that she has liked. Right now she is quite into dresses and leggings which are often combined with her Spiderman shoes or booths and her favorite hat is one handed out from a farmer's association which is green and white and has their logo on it. She has short hair, chosen by me as she always has very tangled hair at the back of her head. When she was younger she had hair at about shoulder length. I plan to keep her in a short hair style now until she is old enough to ask for long hair both because it is convenient and frankly because I think she is very cute in short hair.

I tend to make sure to support unconventional choices and slightly push back at choices that I feel are the ones that are supported by society at large. Though I have noticed that my daughter sings songs from Frozen which they have watched at preschool (they get to watch video clips sometimes) I have chosen not to suggest that we watch it at home as well and she has never asked for it. I don't buy princess dresses or extremely girly outfits at this point, once she is old enough to ask for it I will probably do. I didn't buy Spiderman either until she specifically asked for it. I don't like Spiderman very much to be honest but she does and I have accepted that. She has never read any of the comics or seen any films but I think she likes the way it looks and that it is considered "cool" at preschool.

I have also made the choice to be the "wild" parent who wrestles her and runs and plays wild games. I want her to see that this is OK for women as well as girls and as I almost always wear dresses and skirts she will also know that this type of dress does not have to be passive or just used at parties where we sit still and behave. I have even told her that we wear dresses so that we can move our legs properly and run faster. With shorter dresses this is true I think, it does help movement compared to pants in fabrics that are stiffer. I make sure to not just comment on her beauty and her clothes and make sure that she knows she is strong and brave.
 
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