Help...tell me what you would do in my situation? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 06-11-2002, 09:39 AM - Thread Starter
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Hi everyone I need some advice on a situation. I'll try to make this brief and painless...
My daughter is 8 (9 in September). There is a friend of hers who moved from our neighborhood to another neighborhood in our town and this girl turns 7 I think today. Her birthday party is Saturday. I get the invitation to the party a couple weeks ago and it says come to so and so's party at her house and spend the night too. I call and leave a message saying okay, my daughter can come to the party,but no sleepover since I think 8 is too young to sleepover and I know for a fact dd will not make it thru a whole night at someone else's house. Well, the friend's mother calls me back and springs on me that she will pick my daughter up and drop her off because they are taking a bunch of little girls to a restaurant for dinner, and then taking them to a mall and giving them each money to spend. Well, this changes the whole story! On a Saturday night, this particular place that they are going to is going to be packed! And I don't like the fact that this mom knew she was going to do this outing but didn't mention it on the invite. This woman did this last year too-sprang on me when I was dropping dd off at the party that they were all going out for this night on the town. I told them my dd wasn't going and dd got all whiney and the mom thought I was a dork, but I was uncomfortable with it. What do I do about this now? Do I just suck it up and let dd go? Do I tell this lady I am uncomfortable with this type of outing and dd is not going? Am I being unreasonable? By the way, this woman has been known to buckle 2 kids in one seatbelt in her car (not my kid, no way) and I am also afraid that 13 little girls with one mom isn't a good idea.
Someone tell me what to do...suck it up and let dd go, or tell this lady to forget it. DD has already said she'll do whatever I say (in other words, she isn't so into going to the party)...sigh....
And one last thing...wouldn't a cake and some ice cream at the kid's house be nice? Why take our daughters out and give them money to spend at a mall? I mean, they will be teens soon enough....geez! That's a whole other rant....will shut up now....
Thanks for any and all advice
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#2 of 9 Old 06-11-2002, 10:19 AM
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Oh boy,

I've been in a simiar situation. My daughters best friend called to spend the night. Next thing I know they are talking about going out someplace at about 10 pm. Which was unacceptable to me. I called and talked to the parents and told them, look I don't mind if she spends the night, but I don't want her going _____. Luckily her friend decided she didn't want to go out, more than have my daughter over. BTW, this was the parents plan and the kids were about 10 at the time.

But I feel for you. I think you have to trust your gut on this. I make it clear to other parents that if my kid is with them I want to know where they will be ect. It's amazing that some parents think they can do anything with your kid and take them anywhere any time.
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#3 of 9 Old 06-11-2002, 12:13 PM
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My kids are not that old, but I think I would call the mom back and say that you would be happy to meet the group at the mall. You can drive her there safely, your dd can run around with her friends, you can be there to supervise and then you can drive her home.

It's still not the best situation - a mall party for 8 year olds? I really don't get it. But if your dd is dying to go then driving her there may be a good compromise.
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#4 of 9 Old 06-12-2002, 01:45 AM
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YIKES! Who the heck is this lady??? I would call the mom back and sayyou arecoming with to drive and helpout and dd will be going home after the mall, no sleepover. (Or like someone else said to meet them there)
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#5 of 9 Old 06-12-2002, 02:17 AM
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Agreement here ... if DD goes, so should you.

- Amy
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#6 of 9 Old 06-12-2002, 06:54 AM
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If your dd isn't all that into going or could go either way, I would just not have her go. Sounds like a weird party -giving kids money to go shopping! If your dd really wants to go, I would work out a compromise so that you'd go along or whatever it is you are comfortable with.

I totally understand your dilemma and why you are uncomfortable with the situation.

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#7 of 9 Old 06-12-2002, 08:53 AM - Thread Starter
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Thanks everyone for the replies I knew I wasn't being unreasonable! My daughter isn't going Saturday night-now comes the fun part of calling this manipulative mom and telling her she isn't coming. Daughter is fine with this, in fact, she told me herself she really doesn't want to go to the mall with them

Wish me luck on the call...keep fingers crossed that I get the answering machine!
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#8 of 9 Old 06-13-2002, 02:20 PM
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I agree with helping out. If you are comfortable telling her how you really feel, great. If not, just tell her you guys have some family thing to that day and you'll be out anyway so you'll just meet her there. If I was the other mom I would be thrilled at the idea of another set of hands with all those kids, as well as some adult conversation. Then again she sounds a little off her rocker, so who knows. Good luck!
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#9 of 9 Old 06-19-2002, 09:32 AM
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I recommend sticking with your instincts on this one. If you are not comfortable sending her off, go with her to supervise or don't send her to the party. She is so young. You definitely have a right to be concerned.
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