Need help creating a BEHAVIOR CHART - Mothering Forums

 
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#1 of 7 Old 01-27-2016, 06:17 PM - Thread Starter
saa
 
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Need help creating a BEHAVIOR CHART

My child has been misbehaving a lot on school (been getting worse) and as at home the teachers have brought the following to my attention :
Easily Distracted
Distracts other kids
Makes funny remarks to get other kids to laugh
Does not read/follow instructions
Answers back and argues

I spoke to the teacher and offered to create a 'behaviour chart' to help my child improve his behaviour.
It is not about chores at all.
It for a day-to-day focus on behaviour.
It could lead to rewards or punishments (revoked entitlements).
Looking for ideas if all you hard-working mommies have put together a chart or plans.

Thanks in Advance
- Golsa
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#2 of 7 Old 01-28-2016, 11:35 AM - Thread Starter
saa
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by saa View Post
My child has been misbehaving a lot on school (been getting worse) and as at home the teachers have brought the following to my attention :
Easily Distracted
Distracts other kids
Makes funny remarks to get other kids to laugh
Does not read/follow instructions
Answers back and argues

I spoke to the teacher and offered to create a 'behaviour chart' to help my child improve his behaviour.
It is not about chores at all.
It for a day-to-day focus on behaviour.
It could lead to rewards or punishments (revoked entitlements).
Looking for ideas if all you hard-working mommies have put together a chart or plans.

Thanks in Advance
- Golsa
Hmmm.. I guess there are no ideas worth sharing here !
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#3 of 7 Old 01-28-2016, 11:47 AM
 
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1. It's an idea that's so far outside how many of us around here parent that people may be holding their tongues to keep from saying something unkind.
2. This is not a fast forum, a response in more than a day is the norm not an exception.


But anyway, the main thing that aggravates me about behavior charts is that all too often there's no way to regain lost ground. There's rewards for being perfect, but no way to regain rewards once a single mistake is made. They also are often about correcting kids for being kids. So that a totally normal kid gets told that they're bad just because they're acting like a kid. It's not good for the kid that needs help with school manners, it's not good for the kids in the class who witness that.

Since you know and love your kid, and only have him or a couple other kids, you might be able to do something positive at home with a chart to guide behavior. The school, especially a school that can't handle a kid making jokes, isn't going to use a behavior chart well.

Last edited by SecondtimeMama; 02-02-2016 at 10:53 AM.
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#4 of 7 Old 01-29-2016, 04:36 AM
 
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Hi Golsa, and sorry you didn't get a quick response!

THere are lots and lots of reasons for challenging behavior to show up in a child and most of us would be hard pressed to jump right into a behavior chart. Behavior charts do have their place, but there could be some legitimate reasons for your child's behavior, and just eliminating (or trying to) behavior is rarely the first line of defense.

I wonder if you could tell us a little more about him, the family constellation, recent stressors, family history of similar behavior, etc., so that other members could be more helpful in a fuller context.

Hope to hear more about your situation. Also check out Mothering Gentle Discipline forum nearby.http://www.mothering.com/forum/36-gentle-discipline/

 











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#5 of 7 Old 01-30-2016, 08:28 AM
 
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I'm a special education teacher and help design behavior charts for kids with ADD/ADHD, emotional disabilities, and behavior disabilities. Your post sounds like you said you would help design a chart for the school to use and to me, that doesn't sound like a good idea. The school needs to create the school's chart because a behavior chart needs to follow the detail of a child's schedule, be easily implemented, and provide immediate feedback.


In order to be effective, a behavior plan needs to require behavior that the child is actually capable of, and needs to address the function the behavior serves for the child. This is a really basic step, and speaks to what Lauren said. You have to understand the behavior before you can change it. For example, if your son is confused by the work at school and is acting goofy rather than admitting that he is lost, you can offer him a trip to Disney to sit still, be quiet and do his work, it work fix the problem that he CANT do his work. If they problem is that he needs more physical movement, more sensory input, a pair of glasses, a little tutoring, etc., no behavior plan will work.


Once you are 100% what is causing the behavior and 100% sure that you are requiring a behavior that he can do, then finding a reward that is meaningful is super important. Some kids do well with a physical reward (one of my students earns Pokey Man cards, but a lot of students do well with extra time to do something they enjoy (earning time with an art box) or extra attention (time to read together). One size fits all rewards seldom make a change for kids with real behavior problems. You have to know what is truly meaningful for the child.


But, unless you are making a plan for behavior at HOME, I still feel you are on the wrong path. You can't implement a plan at school any more than his teacher can implement a plan at home.


My suggestions are to start with the basics -- have his vision and hearing tested. Find out where he is academically compared to the demands of his class -- is the work too hard, or too easy? Explore his diet and see if certain food effect his behavior in negative ways. Consider the total amount of movement he gets and the total amount of time he spends setting in front of screen (tv or computer).


I suspect that many parents would support school behavior MORE by getting their child into a disciplined sport such as swimming or a martial art, and then by making reading and board games a corner stone of time at home rather than TV, rather than by offering ice cream cones and extra screen time.

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#6 of 7 Old 02-02-2016, 04:28 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Elizabeth Stratton View Post
I also need it
What is it you need? A behavior chart? For yourself or a child?

 











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#7 of 7 Old 02-02-2016, 07:05 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by saa View Post
My child has been misbehaving a lot on school (been getting worse) and as at home the teachers have brought the following to my attention :
Easily Distracted
Distracts other kids
Makes funny remarks to get other kids to laugh
Does not read/follow instructions
Answers back and argues

I spoke to the teacher and offered to create a 'behaviour chart' to help my child improve his behaviour.
It is not about chores at all.
It for a day-to-day focus on behaviour.
It could lead to rewards or punishments (revoked entitlements).
Looking for ideas if all you hard-working mommies have put together a chart or plans.

Thanks in Advance
- Golsa
If the child likes charts, a behavior chart could be great. If he's good at math and games and likes rules, using a chart might be something he finds reassuring and manageable. (This is an insight I got when my son was a little guy--I hate charts and rules, but he loves them. I got him to agree to dress himself quickly every morning because he enjoyed seeing the measurements of how long it took him on a chart.) I agree that this isn't something you need to do for the school, though. It's something you can discuss with his teacher as a strategy for managing his behavior.

I'm glad that @Linda on the move brought up the issue of learning disabilities like attention deficit disorder. That also occurred to me. You probably also need to be thinking about whether your son's school is providing work that is sufficiently intellectually challenging and interesting. If he is intellectually gifted and school is too boring, that can turn him into a class clown or a troublemaker, even if he doesn't have an official ADHD diagnosis. Does he read for fun at home? What kinds of books is he reading in school? Does he like math? The level of math at school is not always satisfying.

The chart may be a good option, but it's worth figuring out whether there are other things going on that make it difficult for him to behave. If his behavior is the main focus of you and of his teacher, you might be losing sight of other educational goals, like promoting a love of reading and opportunities to write and learn science and history!

Divorced mom of one awesome boy born 2-3-2003.
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