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5yo says she's scared...of me

1K views 2 replies 3 participants last post by  lauren 
#1 ·
Ok, I will readily admit that I have been diagnosed with major depression and general anxiety, but I do everything I can to get help. I take medication, go to therapy, and have even had electroshock and been hospitalized a couple of times. However, last week my in laws decided to take complaints of a "messy" house too far. Though I didn't know it was possible, they took these complaints to the courthouse and managed to get temporary custody of my 3 children until a hearing a month from now. I have a 7yo boy, a 5yo girl, and a 4yo boy. Since my in laws took them, they have been using a militaristic approach with my kids. All schedules and discipline and little affection, whereas our chores might have fallen to the wayside, but we always have taken time to play with and be loving to the kids.

In the past couple of visits with my children since in laws took them a little over a week ago, I have become increasingly worried about the behavior of my daughter. While my 7yo son has taken the change in stride, and my 4yo has responded with a general anxiety and escalating clinginess during visits, my daughter has become difficult to predict. What worries me the most is that tonight as well as a couple of nights ago, she ran away when I approached her and claimed to be scared. Now as I was abused as a child I do not believe in physical discipline, I find this incredibly hard to accept. I have never harmed her, and I do not believe she has ever been harmed by anything more than an occasional trip across a flat surface leading to a 'boo-boo' that can be calmed by a kiss.

While she was generally more attached to her father than my boys who usually cling to me, she has never shown this amount of detachment before. I worry about what her grandparents may have said in front of her regarding me. I have tried to be just as affectionate and play with her during my short daily visits, but I don't know what to do about this.

Can anyone shed some light on this situation? What's going on? What should I do?

Side note; please do not get distracted by the kids being 'taken away.' I promise that there is nothing wrong with our house aside from the usual clutter of toys and clothes. I have a lawyer that is confident that when an actual judge hears the complete stupidity of the complaints, the kids will be given right back to us.
 
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#2 ·
You didn't have a home visit from a social worker? When a complaint is made concerning a childs welfare, it is not normal for it to go to a judge and the judge to have the kids removed. It's harder to get children removed from a situation than that.


As to your daughter being scared..... what is your husband doing and saying at this time? Has he talked to his parents? Have you actually managed to calm your daughter down (with help from inlaws if needed) and talked with her? Has her father talked with her? If your daughter is scared of you after only a week with her grandparents, there is more going on than you are saying.
 
#3 ·
I have never harmed her, and I do not believe she has ever been harmed by anything more than an occasional trip across a flat surface leading to a 'boo-boo' that can be calmed by a kiss.

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I am confused by this statement. Can you clarify what you mean by this?

What is your relationship like with your in laws? Where is your husband? Are you still married? Is he with them?

Sorry for the inquisition, I just don't completely understand this.

Your daughter may be frightened by the enormity of the situation. It's distressing what you have all been through. She is confused. Are you getting nice long visits with her where you can snuggle and reconnect?

Your in laws probably went through probate court. This is still a judge, just a different kind of judge. Is it possible that something might have happened that you can't remember that might have frightened her? I say this kindly, knowing that with some of the mental health issues there can be phases where the memory is not as clear as one would hope.
 
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