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Constant play

1K views 4 replies 4 participants last post by  lauren 
#1 ·
What am I doing wrong or what have I done wrong? My DD, 7yo, and DS, 4yo demand my constant attention. We can go to a fun all day Fun Farm and when we get home they want me to play with them. If I don't they usually misbehave in some way. Or I can play Legos or Barbies for an hour and a few minutes after we stop they have nothing to do and say I don't play with them. I am a single mom but it wasn't much different when their father lived here because he did not participate. When I ask them to play together it usually becomes too rough and destructive. I have been negligent in discipline, I know. I do use time out. Any thoughts to help this exhausted momma's?
 
#2 ·
It's not reasonable for them to expect you to play with them, but they've found how to manipulate you. I guess I'm not one for feeling like it's my job to play with them anyway.

This is how it work in our house: I would lay it out in simple terms for them. "It's not my job to play with you, it's my job to be your mother. I will offer to play with you when I can, but do not pester me if I have told you no. If you cannot play by yourselves then there will be a consequence (basically, a punishment, but we remove privileges rather than do something to them)." If they then repeat the behavior, I would warn them once again and include what the consequence will be (we limit screen time, so loss of "computer time" or "movie day" would have been a big one for both kids at 4 and 7). If they do it again, follow-through on the consequence.

I don't find timeouts terribly helpful in this kind of repetitive and purposeful (maybe unconsciously) situation, more in situations where a kid has escalated out of control and is in a bad place.
 
#3 · (Edited)
Holy cats do I disagree with the above poster!!! That sounds like such a sad house.

OP - it means you're doing a good job and they enjoy your company. Awesome! Good for you for setting up a wonderful home environment. But, we all need a break sometimes. Set yourself up for them. Set up a movie, set up a play date, find a camp/club/sport they can be part of that gives you a break. You deserve it!

Also, let the kids find their own path to playing with each other. It might not look like what you would do, but if it's working leave it alone. Kids tend to be more physical with each other and that's ok (to a point). Let them play outside. I like ah-ha parenting and a book called the secret to parenting. We run a punishment free home and have happy, well behaved kids who, for the most part, play well together.

And ((hugs)). It's not easy.
 
#4 ·
Different, I guess. It's not a sad household, it's actually a household where the kids are very good at finding things to do on their own. We don't watch TV and they get "movie time" once a week, so we don't really rely on the screen for babysitting. And we do play with them, but not at their beck and call.
 
#5 ·
Let's remember not to post to pull each other down. We're all finding our way in this parenting thing and gentle support works better!

Carolb4 I can remember when my kids were little--my oldest had a difficult temperament and, left to his own devices would often find a way to stir the pot when I wasn't available. It was very annoying! I am a fine playmate for a little while, but I also wanted them to learn how to play with each other without me. As a working mom, I had lots to do and though I enjoyed their company, and they mine, there were times they had to just play and not with me. I think it is a balance.

I also think that sometimes what a parent brings to the play is structure and ideas, and for some kids whose imaginations are not as good, or who have poor impulse control, it is more these things they are craving than the actual parental presence.

Since I found punishment rarely worked, especially in situations where a child is attention seeking (because they begin craving even the attention that 'punishment' brings), I would go out of my way to notice and appreciate when they were playing together nicely (just with words of appreciation). I would sometimes throw out prompts to help their play, or provide materials. For example they liked to create forts and starships and race cars out of household materials, and I was fine with running to get a prop that they needed to improve their structure.

I agree that it is o.k. to tell them you need a break and then let them know what you expect, and offer to give them ideas and such, get a game down for them, etc. but not to BE there at all times with the play.
 
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