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Focus and attention in at a four and a half year old

1K views 6 replies 6 participants last post by  vconst 
#1 ·
Me and my wife are trying to adopt a 4 and a half little girl.
We are taking the adoption process step by step, we have seen the child
in home of the foster family and today we spent almost 6 hours just us and
her.
What we observed is that she cannot focus on a task for more then 5 minutes, whether
it is coloring books, drawing, playing with dolls or almost anything else.
She starts playing with something and in a few minutes she says "Let's go outside
at the playground.", she wants to change the TV cartoon channel, or play with something else.
She chooses 2 different games to play with in the same time, and if we tell her
it is better to play with just one, she refuses.
The only thing that managed to keep her focused for more then 5 minutes is
putting stickers on other toys.
At the foster home where she lives now, we observed her alone and some activities
seem to keep her more focused (puzzles, for example). With other kids (the foster
family has 2 natural childred, boys), she likes to get involved in group
activities (puzzles again), but not every time: she was bored and protesting
when we tried to read them a children story, while the 2 boys were very interested
and attentive.
My question for other parents with a child of the same age is: is this normal
for a 4 and a half year old? I read a lot of stuff on the Internet, I realize
that expecting a child of such age to be focused for more then 10 to 15 minutes
is totally unrealistic, that it is different when alone versus playing with other
kids, that it depends on how interested she is in what she is playing with and
so on.
But I would like hear about other kids of this age from their parents.
Thank you for your answers.

P.S.: We are not living in the US, my English might have said that already .
 
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#2 ·
That sounds pretty normal to me. My 4yo can stay focused on one thing for longer than five minutes but it's rare and usually when she's playing by herself. Generally she moves from activity to activity fairly quickly.



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#3 ·
at 4

My son would focus intently on things that interested him. He was super fidgety though, would rock back and forth in his little kid chair while eating, would run up the stairs and jump off while talking to me over and over, would spin and twirl instead of walking. Always moving is what I remember. He was super impatient about waiting for anything, and would run himself until he was exhausted and cranky. Slept well at night though LOL. Stories were always part of our day so he would sit and listen to them, and he could play simple board games with me, other kids, not so much. Some kids don't find TV all that interesting, although I'm pretty sure at that age my son was watching little kids shows to the end, I think Go Diego Go was one of his faves. Whenever we went camping (we would do backwoods camping and portaging) he was fantastic for a kid his age, and our trip to Mexico went pretty well considering all the walking on foot we did. I guess you'll find out the areas she's happiest and best in soon enough.
 
#4 ·
That sounds typical for a 4 yr old. :) Also consider that you and your wife are relatively new to her, which might make her nervous and more excitable than usual.
Our girls had very different temperaments at that age (one very outgoing and one very shy) but both of them behaved very differently with guests in the house than around just family.

PS- Your English is just fine!
 
#5 ·
If it seems very out of step to you, it may be. Children who have had to go into foster care have almost by definition been exposed to things that are not normal: abuse, neglect, trauma, drug exposure and/or are biologically predisposed to a certain range of issues involving executive functions. One goes into fostering best with eyes wide open. Trauma can cause a lot of symptoms that mimic various attention deficit conditions. There are many websites that will provide education on trauma, its effect on development and symptom patterns. Bruce Perry's Child Trauma Academy is one of the best and includes many articles written for parents.

You might also want to post in our (Mothering) Adoption/Foster subforum for more guidance.
 
#6 ·
My two children were not like this at 4. They could both focus on something they enjoyed for a long time. I remember both of them watching the shark tank at the aquarium or a model train area in our botanical garden for 30-40 minutes at this age and much younger. Also, since they were old enough to understand all the words, we've been able to read to them until our voices give way.

My daughter has ADHD, and if we were trying to get her to do something that did not interest her, like sit at the table for dinner or put her clothes on, it was terrible. The flip side of that was that if she was interested in something, it was (and still is) hard to get her attention or tear her away from it. My son does not have ADHD.
 
#7 ·
Thank you for your answers.
In the mean time, we took her with us the next day also,
in the same environment, and she behaved completely different.
We tried to reduce distractions to minimum:
we hid my electic toothbrush that was something new for her and made her brush her teeth like 10 times,
also hid the TV remote and took only 3 toys from her home.
At the playground, where the first time she would stay just a few minutes before running in the hotel to do other stuff,
this time she took her time swinging while having a conversation with me for like 20 minutes about her "brothers",
how do they play, how is she doing in kindergarden, asking me how was I behaving when I was a child and so on.
I also downloaded 2 children games on my phone that stimulate attention and memory,
she played them repeatedly, with very good results I would say.
At lunch she would again engage in conversation with both of us, while eating calmly.
There were some distractions like when a group of older kids started running around and playing loudly
in the hotel lobby and she had to go see what are they were doing and observe them, but overall
a very different situation then the previous day.
 
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