Spirited Child AKA STRONG WILLED CHILD... - Mothering Forums

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Old 08-03-2004, 03:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have read SEVERAL books on the "strong willed" or if you prefer the "spirited child".
I am in need of suggestions, feedback, etc...

I have a 5 year old son who falls into this area...he is a love...however, boy oh boy....he gives he a run for my money...

He really struggles with his younger brother who is 3 and not strong willed.

I simply feel very defeated a lot of times with him.

I want to do the most loving and nuturing things with/for him...it is really hard sometimes.
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Old 08-04-2004, 11:14 AM
 
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I just wanted to say I understand and you have my support....

take a peek at my post "help! my son is driving me nuts!"...
I have a spirited strong-willed boy as well.
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Old 08-04-2004, 07:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for your reply
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Old 08-05-2004, 02:12 AM
 
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My spirited child is only 3, so I haven't experienced the dynamics of 5-y-o, but these are things that help me:
1. Get enough sleep (why am I still up????) :

2. Make sure she's eating well and sleeping enough.

3. Try to think about how the personality trait that's driving me crazy could benefit her in the future (i.e. persistence, unwillingness to give up/in, creativity, etc.) if guided in the right way.

4. Try to imagine how she's feeling in the moment.

5. If you're spiritual at all, prayer. This is my big one. If I can manage to specifically ask for help every morning, it nearly always makes a huge difference. I notice the days I forget!

6. Keep looking for support from people who approach parenting in the same way as you. That's one reason I love to come here. Share your frustration with like-minded people, so you can avoid having unwelcome suggestions wiggle their way into your mind, making you think, "this just might work and I'm so desperate, I'll try it!"

7. Always, always, always remind myself that LOVE is what works. Force will only get me half as far as love, and it will only stick for half as long. I've got to LOVE her to where I want her to be (in 15 years!), because I know I can't force her there!

Next week, I'll probably be the one here looking for support because my child's driving me crazy. But this week, I can see clearly enough to write all of that. Good luck!
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Old 08-05-2004, 11:11 AM
 
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I have a very strong willed 7 yo who was driving us insane. You may have already read this one, but I found "Setting Limits with Your Strong-Willed Child : Eliminating Conflict by Establishing Clear, Firm, and Respectful Boundaries" by Robert J. MacKenzie to be of great help.

He has a chapter in there about looking at the kind of "dance" you do with your child that I found really useful. We've stopped "dancing" in our house by changing the way we communicate with dd and it has helped enormously. We are all much calmer, and we very seldom raise our voices. My 7 yo dd even commented that she thought things were much better once we started implementing the changes outlined in the book.
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Old 08-05-2004, 01:02 PM
 
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We have a thread in Finding your tribe called Mother of Spirited CHildren roll-call http://www.mothering.com/discussions...1&page=1&pp=40

That is the URL. for some reason I can't get the hyperlink to work..
Best of Luck and warm Squishy Feelings..

Dyan

It's lonely being the only XX in a house of XYs.
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Old 08-05-2004, 07:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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THANK YOU MAMA"S SOOOO MUCH for all you feedback and support...I have needed it!

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