Insults from an evil lady.... - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 31 Old 08-01-2002, 12:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
DeChRi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 3,999
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
at the grocery store have me all bent out of shape. Dd and I went to the grocery tonight. She just got this great set of dress up clothes from MIL. Dd is 3.3 yrs old. She had on one of the outfits which consisted of a huge poofy ladybug spotted tutu, a frufru ladybug shirt whith lots of poof and lace, and these little spotted shoes that had poof balls and maybe a half inch heel. She was so proud as she hobbled on her ladybug shoes into the grocery, and everyone around was just going on about how cute she looked. Then this lady walks by, looks her up and down, and says "my god she is wearing heels, no wonder all the girls are dressing like sluts these days; thier moms are grooming them that way!" then huffed off. MY GOD SHE HAD ON ANTENAS ON HER HEAD!!!! She was in complete costume with tiny little BARELY heeled ladybug shoes. I almost passed out right there. WHat was that about!! Dd looks at me and says, "did that lady think i didn't look pretty?" and i said that she looked great and that lady much have been having a bad day. Then she says "what's a slut?". What is a mother to do?..............
DeChRi is offline  
#2 of 31 Old 08-01-2002, 12:46 AM
 
christina's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: emerald city
Posts: 292
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Jojo
wow....how crushing for your daughter. Her outfit sounds precious...that loony bat.

The single worst thing anyone ever said to me, as a mama, also happened in the grocery store.
My son was one year old, still crawling. We had been at this market for over an hour ordering his special one year birthday cake.
The floor in this market was shiny and spotless so I finally put him down to crawl beneath my feet since he was squirmy.

This old witch walks up to me and says "Is that your child?"

I glowed, and said "yes."

She said "You don't deserve a baby" and huffed off.

Jojo, I have never been so humiliated, hurt and pissed off in my life.
I huffed around the store trying to decide what to do to her, like ram her cart, or instead maybe sweetly defend what I had done.
Finally, I decided that walking by her again and smiling was my only response, otherwise I would have looked crazy!

So sorry for your judgemental encounter. maybe she never had the joy of having a child...or being a child.
christina is offline  
#3 of 31 Old 08-01-2002, 01:14 AM
 
khrisday's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: High Desert of California
Posts: 3,920
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
All I have to say is WHAT A FREAK!!!!!

(and not in the good way, either)
khrisday is offline  
#4 of 31 Old 08-01-2002, 01:16 AM
 
LiamnEmma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 2,365
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Wow, I find both of those encounters completely shocking! I feel lucky. The only encounter I can remember at the moment is from last month. DH, dd and I were at the hospital, going up in the elevator to check dd (15 months) in for surgery. She had on these cutie little jammies with some pink cloth sandal-y shoes and each shoe had a heart on it. This older woman looked at her (and all sorts of people were ooh-ing and ah-ing over her) and said, "What a little princess!" we both smiled and I said, "Yes she is, daddy helped her." She then said, "Well, you'll regret that later!" It was all I could do to not call her a bitter old biddy right then and there. Luckily the door opened and it was our floor. oy! What's wrong with people!?
LiamnEmma is offline  
#5 of 31 Old 08-01-2002, 01:16 AM
Administrator
 
adinal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 25,284
Mentioned: 11 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 64 Post(s)
As someone who doesn't have a child - but who is trying to - I can assure you that there is at least one person who has been raised to be polite. I honestly cannot imagine saying those things to anyone. EVER! I am so sorry that anyone put either of you through that. How horrible.
Absolutely shocking that people think that they have license to say sh*t like that to whomever they please. It makes me mad and just frustrates the hell out of me. I usually want to shake sense into them until their eyeballs fall out - and I am not a violent person.
Again - i am so sorry. That is awful. I wonder if you can do a class action lawsuit against rude people? I figure you can sue anyone else - why not rude people?

winner.jpg Adina knit.gifmama to B hearts.gif 4/06  and E baby.gif  8/13/12 (on her due date!) homebirth.jpg waterbirth.jpg

 

adinal is offline  
#6 of 31 Old 08-01-2002, 12:01 PM
 
lucina3's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 437
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
The worst I've heard was when I was pregnant with dd#2. I was about 8 months pregnant and dd#1 was a year old. I was carrying dd#1 in a sling through the mall. This woman swooped toward me (okay, that sounds dramatic, but really it was like she was descending on me like a hawk!!!) got about 2 inches from my face and literally screamed "You 14 year olds shouldn't be allowed to keep your babies!!!!!!" I was stunned... took a step back and said "I'm 20, not 14" She just glared at me and barked "You don't look it!" and stormed away!!! I couldn't believe it I just stood there for a few minutes - I didn't know what else to do!!!!!
lucina3 is offline  
#7 of 31 Old 08-01-2002, 01:30 PM
 
tara's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: lost in space...
Posts: 2,639
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
And it wouldn't make any difference if you were 14 - it's none of her damn business! I can't believe the nerve of these people! I would have a really hard time not flipping out on someone who said something like that to me. Grrrrrrrr...
tara is offline  
#8 of 31 Old 08-01-2002, 05:24 PM
 
greenluv's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: last padded cell on the right
Posts: 1,988
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have a grocery store tale.
My kids were 7, 2 1/2 and 6 months when this happened. Ok so we go to the store and upon walking in, an older woman walked up to me and asked if these were all my kids. I said yes, in that proud mom way we have. She looks at me and says "good god, you need to get yourself some birth control!"
I was floored! I couldn't believe she had the nerve to say that to me! I was too stunned to let rip with my usual sharp tongue. I still think about that to this day, but I now have some choice words for those rude people!!

banana.gif

greenluv is offline  
#9 of 31 Old 08-03-2002, 02:41 AM
 
Sofiamomma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Putting boobs in babies' mouths!
Posts: 1,359
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Some people really just don't have a clue, do they?! What hateful things to say!!!! I can't imagine saying anything like that to anyone. I mean, I would have a hard time speaking to someone who was screaming at or striking their child, let alone saying something about things like junk food in their grocery carts, which I would just silently be dismayed about. People who have ideas about children's clothing, overpopulation, and babies on floors ought to keep their opinions to themselves. It's none of their d@#* business! Good grief, we all have choices to make, and we're all just doing the best we can, right? And people never really have the whole story.

My story isn't quite as bad, but my feelings were really hurt by a comment a stranger made about my dd's toys. We were living temporarily in a friend's house while she was trying to sell it, so, of course we constantly had folks traipsing through. Most of dd's toys were set up in the dining room, things like a kitchen set, kid-sized ironing board, broom, mop, shopping cart, etc. There were also dolls and doll accessories. These were the things she played with most and were out in easy view. She also had trucks, balls, toy motorcycle (outside), tools, blocks, puzzles, books, doctor's equipment, etc., not necessarily in full view. The real estate agent gazed around the room and made a comment something like "no wonder we have so much sexism, look at how we raise our kids, and the toys we choose for them" I was just furious! How dare she?! She had no idea what she was talking about and how much care I put into making sure dd was exposed to lots of things. She was two for Pete's sake and really into imitating me, so of course she used the household things the most. I really wish dd would have walked in just then with her little tool kit and started imitating my sister, the handywoman!

SMC to Sophia, age 15, and Eleanor, age 9, and mother hen to too many nursing students to count!

Sofiamomma is offline  
#10 of 31 Old 08-03-2002, 11:40 PM
 
Momof4's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Elkins Park, suburb of Philly
Posts: 181
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I was going to start a new thread on this, but it fits right in here. Today I took my 4 downtown to the doctor and decided to hang around the city since it was a beautiful day and I am solo this weekend (dh in away on business). I had dd (6) ds and dd (4) and dd (7 mo) in a sling. We stopped at an upscale "food court" for a snack/lunch. the kids were great (even I was amazed at how well things were going). After a trip to the bathroom, we were headed out when an older woman stopped me. She asked, are these all yours. I said yes, and beamed, waiting for a compliment. She said, and I am quoting here, "you need a visit to Planned Parenthood is what I think" and turned to walk away. I was stunned, angry and upset. All I could say was "I beg your pardon?" I said it about three times. She just walked away, waving her hand dismissively at me, without even looking back. I should add that I do not look like the kind of person who would usually be a target for such comments. (Please do not flame me -- I am not saying that anyone should be, but some people think it is okay to comment if you are or look poor, or are a racial minority, or are young). I look just as I am -- a middle class, jewish mom in her thirties. I even look mainstream (haha I can fool'em!). My kids were very upset. They wanted to know what the lady said and why I was upset. I tried to explain in positive terms what Planned Parenthood does (helps people stay healthy, helps them decide when it is right to have kids, since all babies should be wanted and loved, helps people who don't want kids to not have them). They were really confused. I tried to tell them that the woman clearly did not have enough joy in her heart to appreciate my four beautiful and wonderful kids and that she just thought I shouldn't have so many. Now dd2 thinks that "Planned Parent Neighborhood" as she calls it is a place you leave you kids when you don't want them anymore! (She must have put that nasty woman's comment together with another conversation with a woman who was admiring the kids, who mentioned she was a foster parent and explained that she takes care of two kids whose parents can't care for them right now). I am sick over the fact that my 4 yo is now afraid that there is a place where you dump your kids and some lady thinks that is where I should go! ARGH!
Momof4 is offline  
#11 of 31 Old 08-03-2002, 11:56 PM
 
tara's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: lost in space...
Posts: 2,639
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
That sucks. That just totally sucks. You don't deserve that. Nobody deserves that! Bleh.
tara is offline  
#12 of 31 Old 08-05-2002, 04:18 AM
 
merpk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Posts: 14,887
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Mind-blowing what people say to children. Or their parents. Hard to see any goodness in people like that.

It would be good to get a snappy answer for folks like that, would at least feel ... avenged. Or is that nasty of me, I don't know.



- Amy
merpk is offline  
#13 of 31 Old 08-05-2002, 08:35 AM
 
menudo's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: S to the J
Posts: 3,797
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I can relate. When DD was about 2 we were on a Greyhound bus comingfrom NYC to Jersey to visit Grandma/Grandpa. I too am assumed a teen Mom so I am used to those ignorant statements but this was so different. Due to the time the bus was predominately suits who commute. There was one "older Mom" with her teen kids by me who chatted with me a bit and I was shocked at how well behaved DD was-and quiet! Esp. with some idiots on cell phones half theride! So about 15 minutes from the stop, DD begins to babble a bit, still not as loud as the avg. phone talker. An old man in his snotty expensive suit yells, "If you can't contriol your kid, you shouldn't leave the house!" Honestly..I went off! lmao The other "mom", who was sweet, had to hold me back saying "some people just don't understand like we do." Needless to say, the man shut up and ran off the bus that day! heehee! But usually I bite my tongue as not to have my children harmed physically.....

BUT I have seen much worse on Greyhound bus trips. Once a Father had his small daughter, not yet 2. She was in that very difficult stage where she could not be held still. But this wasa bus. She slapped Daddy's face,etc. and he handled it so well. I was imprerssed when the BUS DRIVER yells "Control that baby or I will kick you off, etc." We were on the NJ Turnpike I stood, sat next to them (My DDwas asleep) and told him to ignore the driver etc. I asked if I could offer snacks, etc. HEwas so happy. the bus was not too full anyway. Then another Mother came over and offered some help/ I also had some words for the bus driver, who could care less...
menudo is offline  
#14 of 31 Old 08-05-2002, 11:50 AM
 
Teresa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Maryland
Posts: 591
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I know I've posted similarly elsewhere, but it bears repeating:

These people are angry, resentful, bitter individuals whose only pleasure comes of trying to make others as unhappy as they themselves are. When you respond as they expect you to (anger, frustration, etc.) you give them the exact emotional payoff they were seeking. They're delighted to have upset you--that was the objective.

You have a couple choices:
1. Act appreciative. "She looks like a slut!" "Thank you very much." (big warm sincere smile) or "You'll regret it later" "Hmmmn" (nodding head, looking very solemn and concerned)
2. Act agreeable. "Oh, you're so right! Can you give me the directions to the Planned Parenthood office?" (again, must be said sincerely, with a big smile) or "Yes, I know, Do you know which aisle the condoms are in?"
3. Act Barbie (forgetful and ditsy). "Planned Parenthood? What's that? Oh! Yeah, I just keep getting those itty-bitty pills alll mixed up!" (giggle and flip hair frequently)

Depending on the situation and my mood, I usually go for 'Barbie' first and Appreciative second! But it only works if you can maintain your composure. Instead of you being upset and angry, they'll be fully flustered and start falling apart when their usual means of emotional gratfication backfires!

It's akin to waving gaily and happily to an obnoxious driver who has just cut you off in traffic and gestured obscenely to you. Once the two teenagers driving were actually knocking their middle-fingered hands against the glass so hard that I know they had sore knuckles the next morning. As for me I was smiling and waving at them (Barbie technique) just like it was dear Aunt Bea. The more they gestured, the more gaily I laughed and waved (Yes, I could read their lips saying "You stupid b......" but they didn't know that. Barbie doesn't speak 'redneck!') When they finally exited I laughed hysterically. They were doubly frustrated at their inability to provoke me, and I, maintaining my Buddha-Barbie-ness remained calm and unruffled and even the tiniest bit sorry for them being so angry & unhappy.

Just bounce their negative energy back at them, but don't waste any of your own in the process.

A Buddhist parable:
Two monks were preparing to cross a river when a young, beautiful woman asked if they could help her get across.
The monks were not supposed to touch any woman, but the older monk willingly placed her upon his back, carried her across and set her down on the other side.
He and the younger monk continued their journey.
After quite some time the younger monk burst out, "How could you do that? We are forbidden to touch women!"
The elder monk replied, "Son, I set the young woman down and left her by the river, but you, who did not touch her, carry her still."

In reality I am the anti-Barbie in every way (there aren't any in my home, to be sure), but she and 'Chrissy Snow' sure are helpful in these situations!
Teresa is offline  
#15 of 31 Old 08-05-2002, 09:52 PM
 
LiamnEmma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 2,365
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Teresa
LiamnEmma is offline  
#16 of 31 Old 08-05-2002, 10:48 PM
 
Momof4's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Elkins Park, suburb of Philly
Posts: 181
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Even people who don't mean it make dumb-a** comments. When a seemingly nice woman in the children's clothing store today found out I had 4 yo twins in additon to the 6 yo and baby I had with me in the store, she blurted "I don't know how you do it!" I replies -- "with a lot of joy". Later in the conversation she said "you must be out of your mind!", to which I replied, "do you think so? I don't." Still, the woman with the Planned Parenthood remark was not really offering helpful advice!
Momof4 is offline  
#17 of 31 Old 08-06-2002, 02:42 AM
 
merpk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Posts: 14,887
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Teresa, thank you for that parable ...
Awesome.

- Amy
merpk is offline  
#18 of 31 Old 08-06-2002, 11:30 AM
 
Irishmommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: In the bat cave with heartmama
Posts: 46,976
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I was at the grocery store last week with a 7 yo, 6 yo, two 4 yo, one 2 yo, one almost 2 yo, and the cashier asked me if they were all mine. I could tell she was dying to comment, but I was in a good mood and just said 2 mine, 2 fostered, 2 visiting. She shut up then. If I had been in a bad mood however and she said something....
Irishmommy is offline  
#19 of 31 Old 08-07-2002, 03:26 AM
 
rianna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: somewhere out there
Posts: 278
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
OK.... When my first was about 6 months old or younger I was in a walmart. I had done my shoping and was ready to go. I had so many bags that I got in the car, pulled up to the front, and went to get my bags (witch were already paid for and ready to go). As I was coming to the car from my first trip a woman looked at me and said..."you should be in jail for leaving your kid in the car". I was shocked!!! I was putting my bags in the car and she was happy... the car was running... it was safe. Then.. still upset, I hear over the intercom "could someone call the police in human recource, someone left their kid in the car". I felt like such a bad mother....
People have no right. My child was happy to not be carried on my hip with tons of bags. People are insane and hurtful. I would not take that now and I will stick up for myself. I am also a big fan of smiling and saying thank you. Sorry for your daughter and you.
rianna is offline  
#20 of 31 Old 08-07-2002, 06:32 PM
 
Super Pickle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 1,710
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
When someone makes an ugly comment about your large fmailies, one reply that would be neither nasty nor flippant, but would still enable you to maintain your dignity, would be a sincere and kind,
"I'm truly sorry that you are unable to share in my joy."
Super Pickle is offline  
#21 of 31 Old 08-07-2002, 10:36 PM
 
SueDid's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 65
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I found myself unexpectedly (and happily) pregnant at 40 with baby number 5...I had one woman ask me what I planned to do about it...I said "have a baby!"...my brother in law (the scientist) said "you know they know what causes that now"

As for the car thing...I read a few different boards and they rip people up one side and down the other for leaving their kids in the car even for a second. Many will call CPS or the police on their cell phones and wait for someone to arrive. It's really scary how quickly people are willing to call the authorities on someone else. The sad thing is most of the time it's unfounded and the children who really need the help are slipping through the cracks.

I have to say, though (please, please read this as gently as I intend it) that I wouldn't leave a baby in a running, unlocked car while I ran back into the store, in the same situation I would take the cart full of bags and baby to the car, put baby in the car and unload my bags from the cart to the car. I often parked right by those cart holder things so I could easily return my cart.
Sue
SueDid is offline  
#22 of 31 Old 08-08-2002, 01:30 AM
 
rianna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: somewhere out there
Posts: 278
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
SUEDID... QUOTE
have to say, though (please, please read this as gently as I intend it) that I wouldn't leave a baby in a running, unlocked car while I ran back into the store, in the same situation I would take the cart full of bags and baby to the car, put baby in the car and unload my bags from the cart to the car. I often parked right by those cart holder things so I could easily return my cart.
Sue

I agree with you... mind you it was ten years ago, I had to many bags to use your sugjestion, and I was 16. I would not do that now I was just using an example of rudness. It is still no ones buisness you know. anyway...
rianna is offline  
#23 of 31 Old 08-10-2002, 02:27 AM
 
CorasMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Standing on my head
Posts: 2,425
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I get some really hurtful comments about my choice to wait indefinitely for a second child. People - complete strangers - have asked me "Don't you think that's a tad selfish?" I also get lots of comments about how it would really be best to do it now while I'm young and full of energy(!) Usually, I turn the other cheek, but sometimes, I say something like, "Well, it's not selfish, and I'm not full of energy. I have a chronic pain condition and migraines and Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome, and it's all I can do to be the mother that I am to my one child." That usually shuts people up!

When I was pregnant, at 23, and single, and looked like I was 15, I got a lot of dirty looks and comments. I even got to use one of the witty comebacks suggested in one of my favorite books. This old lady on the bus said something like, "You need to find that baby's father and make him do the right thing. You can't have a baby all by yourself!"

Usually, I can't think of witty comebacks, but I'd just read about this, and I'd gotten these comments before. I said, "Find him? But it took so long to get rid of him. And I'm not having my baby all by myself. I have two birth partners, my family, two obstetricians, a slew of nurses, and a hospital!"

scifi-convention runners Kate, DH Drew 11/07, DD Cora 12/97. We , ,
Welcome to baby Fiona with a giant omphalocele, 6/17/10!
CorasMama is offline  
#24 of 31 Old 08-12-2002, 08:07 PM
 
LizD's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: with all the madmen
Posts: 2,302
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Well, I am the first to get into a slanging match with busibodies, but my calmer, nicer self has decided that when faced with these horrible comments, I will try to just say, softly, "why are you saying these things to me?" or, "please calm down." It's like Aikido; take that energy being flung your way, redirect it, and let it take them down.

What's awful is we loving parents are often subjected to this meanness and when you see someone deriding or beating hell out of their little kid in the store no one says a word.
LizD is offline  
#25 of 31 Old 08-13-2002, 12:27 AM
 
LkelciWard's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Ojai, CA
Posts: 6
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
People do say the meanest things, and I have decided that they are simply unaware of what kind of impact is has on us.

Last winter my dh and I announced to our families that we were expecting another (ds was not quite 3). The responses were generally enthusiastic and congratulatory. My grandfather, on the other hand, said "Isn't there anything else you do with your life?"

I was shocked - as well as raising my son full-time and at home, I am a full-time student at a University, dh and I run an environmental organization locally, and my dh and I are building a house, NOT having it built, WE are building it - it's not as though I am not DOING anything with my life.

A couple of months later, I called my dad to let him know that I had miscarried and that I had been carrying twins. His first response was, "Well, I guess the message is that you should be focusing on other things." I couldn't believe it! My own father! He didn't even say he was sorry.

People don't think about how their comments can hurt others, and in my grief, I couldn't get over these comments from two men I love dearly, and to whom I have regularly gone for comfort.

I guess the thing I have learned is that we need to let things roll away no matter how much they sting, and to teach our own children how to respond appropriately...what things are and aren't appropriate to say. Like my sister who yelled in the store, "Wow He sure has a BIG bottom, mommy!"

And LOVE.
LkelciWard is offline  
#26 of 31 Old 08-22-2002, 10:09 AM
 
LunaMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: orbiting the earth
Posts: 2,416
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
LKelciWard, I am so sorry your family reacted that way. :better

I have occasionally been on the receiving end of a negative comment, but none so hateful as those described above. The comments made about large families (I have only one child right now) are especially awful. Honestly, when I see a family with lots of children, especially close together in age, I'm filled with admiration! I usually say something to the mom along the lines of, "Are all these children yours? Good for you! What a beautiful family!"

I agree that people who do this are miserable themselves and just want to spread it around. Teresa's suggestions sound great, although I must admit I don't know if I would be able to stay cool enough to do that! Good for you, Teresa!

And a for LizD, too, for pointing out what really makes me boil all the time, too: the fact that loving moms minding their own business are the victims of such comments but rarely do you see anyone saying anything to people who are doing things that actually are bad, like telling their kids to shut up or slapping them. I mean, I don't even do that (I figure the last thing an irate mom needs is someone criticizing her in public; it sure as hell won't help her kids any to make her more angry ).
LunaMom is offline  
#27 of 31 Old 08-22-2002, 01:30 PM
 
panda's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Midwest
Posts: 446
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm so sorry you've had to hear these things! Makes me feel sick about our culture. sigh.
panda is offline  
#28 of 31 Old 08-27-2002, 01:20 AM
 
Pynki's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Inside the café au lait
Posts: 7,891
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Despite my best efforts when i was 23 i didn't look it... I worked in a down town area and would go out to eat at lunch.. Well actually i would waddle esp in that last trimester.. I didn't look pregnant for about 5-6 months, but i definately looked pg the month before i delivered... You wouldn't believe the dirty looks i go from most of the business dress ladies doing the same thing that i was... I just wanted to stand on the corner and yel..."I AM 21 YEARS OLD!!! NOT 16!!!" It shouldn't have mattered, but it made me feel terribly embarassed to be pregnant... Thankfully no one said anything to me.. I'm not good a pregnancy and after throwing up for 3 months straight i probably would have cried right in the middle of the street...

It's lonely being the only XX in a house of XYs.
Pynki is offline  
#29 of 31 Old 08-30-2002, 01:55 PM
 
journeymom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Having a Gilly Water with McGonagall
Posts: 9,804
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
Pynki, if it wasn't one group, it would be another. In my mom's family 21 is still too young to be having a child. In my mother in law's family, they are on to their second child at 21.

I love the Buddha Barbie.

Someone moved my effing cheese.
journeymom is offline  
#30 of 31 Old 09-02-2002, 01:26 PM
PM
Banned
 
PM's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 3,707
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
This isn't about kids, but LKelci's remark about her grandfather reminded me of what my grandfather said when my mom told him I was living with an Italian (that's eyetalian for him), "She just wants to be with him for the sex." The man was like 80 at the time! I laugh now but it really hurt me at the time - I was 19.

I can't believe what people will say. I have commented on this before, and some of you may roll your eyes at me, but I have noticed that this is purely cultural and pretty American. We Americans seem to think we have the right to butt into everyone's lives any time we want. It may have to do with the pressure we're under all the time about watching our mouths so we don't get sued! Seriously! Dh (a Frenchy) and I were talking about this the other night at dinner. He was saying how stressed we all must be because of all the different things like liability (specifically, we discussing the fact that my dd went on a picnic with her afternoon playgroup and how in the US you would have to get signed permission and take out insurance, etc.), sexual harassment, PCness, no health insurance, kidnappings, etc. Maybe this is the outlet people have found?
PM is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off