I can't decide...one more baby? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 8 Old 08-06-2002, 08:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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How do you decide when your family is complete? My youngest is now 2 1/2 (we have a 6 y.o. DD and 3 1/2 y.o. DS) and I am wanting another one. I get tired thinking of the lack of sleep that comes with newborns, but otherwise, I think four is an easier number. With three, one tends to get left out. They try so hard to all three play together, but it is rare. And I wonder if there is any advice out there from mothers/fathers who had the same decision to make and went for it. How is it with four?

Thanks, melanie,
mom to moira6, declan3, scarlett2,
wife to michael
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#2 of 8 Old 08-07-2002, 10:46 PM
 
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Well, we didn't actually decided, per se, we just let things happen, and we had 4 kids in 7 years. The first 2 were 2 years apart, there was a 3 year gap and the 2nd 2 were 22 months apart, it worked out great for us. When our youngest turned 5 and I turned 40, we figured we must be done, then I got pg again, but miscarried. We figured it was God's way of telling us we weren't done yet, to get ready, and sure enough we were pg again 4 months later. Our children are now 15, 13, 10, 8 and 2...and we're hoping to get pg one more time so our little guy has a sibling closer to his age.

Personally I think that I will always feel like I want one more, but at 43 menopause will soon be upon me!
Sue
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#3 of 8 Old 08-08-2002, 03:32 AM
 
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Why not just let what happens, happen? It wouldn't be a good idea, though, to have more just because you think the kids want more, or want another playmate. Your body, your babies.

I keep thinking I'll be happy however many kids come through me but I admit to feeling very mortal lately, and having this constant underlying fear that my kids might grow up without me ... don't know if it's a depression thing or what, but it does make me hesitant about more kids. And being 40 doesn't help that mortality morbidity, either.

- Amy
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#4 of 8 Old 08-08-2002, 09:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yes, the age thing. I purposely didn't mention my age b/c I didn't want it to sway opinion. I am 38, 39 in November and that is the main reason I hesitate at all. Otherwise, I would just let it happen or at least not feel like I needed to decide soon. But that is what I feel. That I need to decide very soon and either get pregnant now or have the DH have the "procedure."

I am leaning toward having one, I like the idea of a bigger family. The kids at this age are becoming so much fun and I think that all three would be so excited to have a baby around.

We are all about the same age, huh? How is it raising teenagers, SueDid? I am really looking forward to the challenge, which sounds crazy, doesn't it? But I am.

amyrpk, I have always worried about that too. I inherited that from my mother I thought. Bargaining with God to let you be around until they graduate from highschool. I can't believe I will be 40 in just over a year. I really don't feel like a 40 year old at all. Probably b/c I have such young children.

Thanks for the response!!
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#5 of 8 Old 08-08-2002, 11:46 PM
 
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I'm often mistaken for younger because of my younger children. Actually having teenagers has been wonderful, so far. I really think if one takes the time to teach them when they're little the teenage years aren't nearly as hard as they are made out to be. It helps to be aware of who their friends are, too. We're fortunate to have a wonderful youth group at our church and most of our teens' friends are from the youth group or are neighbors so we know the parents and the kids are well aware of the fact that we all watch out for one anothers teens.

The older 4 were wonderful when we had the youngest one, even our older son, 13 at the time, was not embarrassed that his mom was pregnant. He was on a mission trip when the baby was born and one of the chaperones later told me that he talked more and more the closer to the end of the trip they got, he was so excited to get home to see the baby. Our girls, now 13 and 10 are fabulous with him and are really hoping we have one more because they love babies as much as I do. They were and continue to be a huge help, not only with the toddler but around the house as well.
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#6 of 8 Old 08-12-2002, 02:43 AM
 
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Okay, this is kind of a funny way to decide it, but my friend and I were just talking about this the other day. When I only had ds, I wanted 4 children, so did dh. Then I got pregnant with dd, and dh decided he was happy with two. I was unconvinced. Since her birth however, I've come to conclude that I'm perfectly fine with two as well. I wouldn't be sad if number three happened upon us, but I'm totally okay with two.

Anyway....my friend has four, the last two are my ds and dd's ages. She was asking me if we weren't just going to have one more and I vehemently said no. She laughed and said, "Yeah, I find that when women say, 'maybe', or 'I don't know', they need one more." So I guess the moral to this story according to her is, if you're asking, you're needing, and you should just go ahead and do it.

Leah
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#7 of 8 Old 08-12-2002, 09:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Yes, I think you guys are right. We had friends visit this weekend and they have an 11 mo. baby who was a preemie and she is still so tiny. I couldn't keep my hands off of her. I just lugged her around everywhere. I did that with my third dd, too. I would sometimes panic for two seconds saying, "WHERE'S SCARLETT!"
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#8 of 8 Old 08-12-2002, 09:57 AM - Thread Starter
 
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....and then realize I was holding her. She was so quiet and content just being on my hip as I ran around the house taking care of her brother and sister.

Thanks for all responses.
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