Observations of 3 ~ Support group for parents of Three Year Olds! - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 134 Old 10-24-2004, 03:52 AM
 
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Don't currently have a 3 year old, but I remember the wise words of an older friend when my oldest was making me crazy at that age: "The terrible twos get a bad rap, but really it's the threes. A three year old is just a two year old with brains." It's so true! At three they have all the impulse, curiosity and energy that make a dangerous combo at two with the greater dexterity, memory and just plain ol' brain power to make it a particularly dangerous combo. Ever wonder why the preschools of old started with 3 year olds?
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#32 of 134 Old 10-24-2004, 07:13 AM
 
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ohmygosh! so nice to hear everyone's stories and know i'm not alone!3 has been so challenging. ok, the wonderful first yes, it's been nice to see her imagination go crazy and to receive all her sweet hugs and loves
but ohmyword! the challenges....

i saw some of you also had new babies and i swear i keep feeling like it's making it more challenging. we're having to stay home more these days, can't run out at a moment's notice to the park, etc. but she's hanging in there, it seems. it's my sanity i'm questioning. and like one of you said, i do miss quiet time with the baby, have been so challenged by it all lately i'm starting to consider preschool which i had not planned on doing yet this year but am wondering how else to ever get a break and i know she'd like it.

OK, here's my most major dilemma and if anyone else is experiencing it,please let me know........

the TALKING BACK and disrespect. we've had alot of "i don't like your stupid words!" "stupid old mommy" a fequent disrespectful ah! or ugh! sort of loud in our face response when we ask her to do something, and an occasional "i hate you" maybe i'll take this to the gentle discipline site too...

good lord, i love her, but good lord, it's been hard. i cherish the sweet moments, the hugs, the hobbit stories and the i love yous. they help get me through!
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#33 of 134 Old 10-24-2004, 07:44 AM
 
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two was also pretty easy for us... three is so difficult! he's so stubborn at times, pushing his sister over, taking toys away, trying to hit me or throw a toy at me when he's angry

we need help!

Momma to K ('01), E ('03) and A ('07)
Acting as a Gestational Surrogate for my cousin, EDD Jan 17th
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#34 of 134 Old 10-24-2004, 08:28 AM
 
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I think age three has been so hard for us because of the new baby. I think a three year age difference has got to be the most difficult of all. Yikes!


Age two wasn't that bad. I think age three wouldn't be that bad if he was an only child. Somehow adding the baby to the mix just jumbles it all up.

Doncha love my articulate way of explaining things?
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#35 of 134 Old 10-24-2004, 08:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Here's one of the most frustrating parts of this stage...

I posted this at around 5pm yesterday:



Quote:
Originally Posted by IdentityCrisisMama
I must say ~ there's hope, mamas!
Then we went to a great party and DC was so sweet and really got involved with the 4 year olds that were there ~ they even performed a circus act and were all wonderful.

THEN, we get home and DC had an HOUR long temper tantrum in the middle of the night over a 'fuzzy thing' and then she wanted her 'other mama' (ouch!) and a whole long rant of things that weren't even possible and, besides, it was 4am! Crazy freak.



The highs and lows are so extreme, ha?

Mama to DD September 2001 and DD April 2011 *Winner for most typos* eat.gif
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#36 of 134 Old 10-24-2004, 09:08 AM
 
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IdentityCrisisMama;
Not to make light of you "fun" evening activities but it was like an instant replay at our house 2 nights ago.
We went to bed (dh and I exhausted and I know she was overly tired as well) she had brushed her teeth, went potty, put her "night-time panty" on had her dolly, good night to pets, read books...we turned out the lights; put the idiot box on (t.v.) for a weather report; she sat STRAIGHT up in bed.
Telling us she cannot sleep with that noise on, she is not tired, she cannot sleep because of this, and that, and that again and on and on and on. How frustrating. I don't even remember much, but we all must have eventually passed out and she slept in a bit that morning. But I swear, this has happened twice already and it so strange...........

:energ y
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#37 of 134 Old 10-24-2004, 11:38 PM
 
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Just wanted to check in. I don't have the energy to post anything meaningful tonight.

My weekend consisted of . . . 4 1/2 hour car ride . . . . youngest ds's 1st birthday part . . . 4 1/2 hour car ride back. Insert 3 y/o into everything and I *think* you may be able to picture the outcome.

UGH!
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#38 of 134 Old 10-25-2004, 12:44 PM
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, Jaime. 9 hours in the car! Congrats on your little one turning 1! Mine will be there in less than 2 months.

We had a pretty good weekend here. Although, I've been fighting a cold. DH took the kids for most of the weekend, so I could rest. Hmm, maybe that's why it seemed so good. :LOL

We've been using Rescue Remedy lately to help with the tantrums. It doesn't act like a light switch, turning the tantrum off, but it does let her get a hold of herself a little easier. She is able to come out of it, with some help. DH keeps telling me we're drugging her, but it doesn't feel like that.


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#39 of 134 Old 10-25-2004, 12:48 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bec
We've been using Rescue Remedy lately to help with the tantrums. It doesn't act like a light switch, turning the tantrum off, but it does let her get a hold of herself a little easier. She is able to come out of it, with some help. DH keeps telling me we're drugging her, but it doesn't feel like that.


Bec
I've been using Hyland's Calm Forte on Joe . . . sometimes during the day . . . sometimes just at night. I say we are drugging him. My dh says we aren't. I dunno!
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#40 of 134 Old 10-25-2004, 03:20 PM
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Maybe it is drugs, but I think it is so innocuous as to not be held in the same class as most medicines, kwim?


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#41 of 134 Old 10-25-2004, 07:44 PM
 
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Oh boy - thanks for starting this thread.

About two months ago I was patting myself on the back - thinking I was a great mom, that my committment to GD was the reason I had such a fantastic, wonderful little girl and that nothing could go wrong.....

Then, about a month before her third birthday, all heck broke loose.

The last few months have been a struggle for sure - same spirit, same energy, much more intense needs - it seems. Her social needs went through the roof - so suddenly, I think she's rather bored with me. She's become very sensitive to things like wetness, seams, tags, etc, and like someone else said, alternates between needing to do everything herself, and wanting us to do everything for her (no in between).

Of course, we create this vicious cycle and feed off one another. I get stressed and busy=I am not as connected as a parent=she gets stressed and acts out=I feel less connected=I get more stressed...she feels my stress=she reacts to my stress=and on and on and on.

We've made plan to start preschool - I think she really needs more peer interaction and something to tire her out! It does not help that I've become super busy in the past two months with the Birth Network I started and my doula clients - so that Bella has had to adjust to all the changes inside her PLUS get used to having a sort-of working mom.

I've got plenty of specific questions, and look forward to following along with this thread.
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#42 of 134 Old 10-25-2004, 11:06 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by prmom
Does your dd know my ds?
BOTH of your DChildren have GOT to be conspiring with MY 40-month old - Growling at cashiers, and Lord Forbid anyone should tell her she's "Cute", "Adorable", or say ANYthing to her. SHe'll respond by Stomping her feet, putting her hands on her hips, jutting her jaw out, forming The Brow Of Doom, rolling her eyes wayyyyy back & Shouting, "I'm NOT CUTE!!"

I was MORTIFIED when she did that to the little old ladies in our church...Luckily, they all busted out laughing, and told me they remember ME doing stuff like that.

Never! :-)

Claire
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#43 of 134 Old 10-26-2004, 02:15 AM
 
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This is just what I needed! DH is sitting on the couch reading "Kids, Parents and Power Struggles" and I have my copy of "Raising Your Spirited Child" glued to my hand :LOL ! DD will be 4 in Feb, and I hate to say it, but we are counting the days sometimes : . Mostly, she is amazing, articulate, imaginative, creative and fun, BUT she is also Three!

I think that I read somewhere that for attachment parented children, the independence issues of the Terrible Twos are often delayed until 3. I remember when dd was two, thinking "Wow! We are such great parents ! These are the terrific twos!" Enter Three...whole new perspective!

We also find that with spirited, sensitive, high-energy dd, many things set her off...sugar, anything artificial, chemical smells, more than one PBS kids type show, too many things going on. I highly recommend that moms with the extra spirited variety check into food sensitivities. We did and she had some and avoiding those things helps tremendously.

Oh well, I didn't mean to do "War and Peace" . I think that support for parents is key!!!
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#44 of 134 Old 10-26-2004, 10:08 AM
 
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So, Tracy isn't 3 yet.He is just 2.5 However he seems to be showing some of the same things you are talking about with your dc. He started them around August. We moved from VA to OH after dh losing his job. So, I thought it was from that stress but here we are 2 months later and its still the same. It never occured to me that it could be his "developmental" stage.

Did you have dc that were really really really really challenging at 2? He started that stage at about 16 months. So, that kidna makes sense that he beganthat stage 8 months before turning 2 and its the same with 3.

Could that be possible? I'm not dealing with a child that has "issues" but one that is just developing normally??

My parents keep trying to tell me that if I don't get a hold of him now I never will. But I find it hard to believe that the little boy cuddled up nexxt to me, who walked downthe steps looked at me and said. Mommy! Love you!! Is some sort of out of control little one.

Like all of you said. He turns it on and then its off.

He is suddenly overly sensitive to noise, being wet, being thirsty, tags, clothes in general, and a bunch of other things.

Single Mom to 2 amazing little men. T(7) and B(5)
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#45 of 134 Old 10-26-2004, 11:43 AM
 
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That's my issue too. This totally sweet litle guy who will run up to me, hug my leg and say "love you too Momom" one minute can be completely out of control the next. I do not want to believe that ds has any issues beyond that is normal for his age but I am not beyond the help and expert can give. That is the reason we had my ds evaluated by early intervention and then by the public school system. He doesn't have an issue, so to say, but the therapists have been awesome on giving us ideas of things to try to help him stay in control and to calm down when he has lost it. They also help me and give me ideas of how to relax myself (who knew word search puzzles could be so relaxing!!!!).

It's another day and it is POURING rain outside right now. I hope it lets up so we can get that all important outside time.
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#46 of 134 Old 10-26-2004, 12:25 PM
 
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What ideas did they give for getting him to calm down?

If he is screaming and won't stop I walk up to himall excited and say...Lets whisper! That seems to stop him and eh starts laughing and whispering too.

So far thats the only thing to stop him.

Single Mom to 2 amazing little men. T(7) and B(5)
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#47 of 134 Old 10-26-2004, 02:41 PM
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Ok, here is what drives me up the wall. Katie had preschool today. Great. She has a fabulous time like normal, says goodbye to her teacher. We get home. No problem still. We walk in the house. We're in the entryway. I have myself, and Emily to get shoes and jackets off of. Katie asks for help with her shoes (velcro shoes that she knows how to get on and off. Never had problems before). I tell her I'll help her as soon as I get done with Emily and myself. She pitches a huge fit. I finish getting myself and the baby ready, and take Katie's shoes off. She is still howling, though. We go upstairs. Still howling. I ask her what she wants for lunch. Howling. I ask her if she wants to cuddle for a few minutes. Howling and NOOOOOOOO! I leave her alone for a few minutes. More howling. Now, 10 minutes have past, and she's getting hysterical. I lose my patience and tell (at least I didn't yell this, although I worked hard not to) her that if she can't use her nice words and nice voice, to go to her room until she can calm down. She runs off screaming to her bedroom. A minute or so later, I walk into her room and ask her if she is ready to calm down and use her nice words and nice tone of voice. She stops howling and says, "Yeah, mama!"

We play for a few minutes. I know she is hungry, because she hasn't eaten anything since breakfast (it's almost noon, so over 4 hours). I ask her what she wants for lunch. I also tell her that I will need to pump in a few minutes, so we need to have lunch now. She can't give me an answer. I give her several options and tell her to choose (all the options are things I know she likes). She won't. I tell her if she doesn't pick, I will. She finally tells me she wants a salami sandwich. So, I start to get up to make it for her. She starts climbing all over me, saying she doesn't want anything. She wants to be picked up. Over and over. So, fine. I decide not to make it a power struggle, and tell her she doesn't have to eat, but I do need to pump now. I start getting my stuff ready and she jumps up, all happy, saying, "Yeah, I want a salami sandwhich!!" AARGH!!! I'm ready to tear my hair out!

I should note, that she was just fine after she had something to eat. I just wanted to vent a little.


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#48 of 134 Old 10-26-2004, 03:58 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bec
Ok, here is what drives me up the wall. Katie had preschool today. Great. She has a fabulous time like normal, says goodbye to her teacher. We get home. No problem still. We walk in the house. We're in the entryway. I have myself, and Emily to get shoes and jackets off of. Katie asks for help with her shoes (velcro shoes that she knows how to get on and off. Never had problems before). I tell her I'll help her as soon as I get done with Emily and myself. She pitches a huge fit. I finish getting myself and the baby ready, and take Katie's shoes off. She is still howling, though. We go upstairs. Still howling. I ask her what she wants for lunch. Howling. I ask her if she wants to cuddle for a few minutes. Howling and NOOOOOOOO! I leave her alone for a few minutes. More howling. Now, 10 minutes have past, and she's getting hysterical. I lose my patience and tell (at least I didn't yell this, although I worked hard not to) her that if she can't use her nice words and nice voice, to go to her room until she can calm down. She runs off screaming to her bedroom. A minute or so later, I walk into her room and ask her if she is ready to calm down and use her nice words and nice tone of voice. She stops howling and says, "Yeah, mama!"

We play for a few minutes. I know she is hungry, because she hasn't eaten anything since breakfast (it's almost noon, so over 4 hours). I ask her what she wants for lunch. I also tell her that I will need to pump in a few minutes, so we need to have lunch now. She can't give me an answer. I give her several options and tell her to choose (all the options are things I know she likes). She won't. I tell her if she doesn't pick, I will. She finally tells me she wants a salami sandwich. So, I start to get up to make it for her. She starts climbing all over me, saying she doesn't want anything. She wants to be picked up. Over and over. So, fine. I decide not to make it a power struggle, and tell her she doesn't have to eat, but I do need to pump now. I start getting my stuff ready and she jumps up, all happy, saying, "Yeah, I want a salami sandwhich!!" AARGH!!! I'm ready to tear my hair out!

I should note, that she was just fine after she had something to eat. I just wanted to vent a little.


Bec
Oh Bec, I can so relate to this. It could have been a scene right out of my home today. You handled it well. Be proud of yourself for that

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#49 of 134 Old 10-26-2004, 04:43 PM
 
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Ok, question.

What do I do when he gets so wound up I can't even think?

He'll get to where he'll stand and yell like he's yelling at someone. He'll wave his arms and get so into it. He jsut yells weird things. Most of the thinsg are things he's heard us say. Stop. No. that type of thing. But I can't seem to get him to stop.

Then all of a sudden he jsut stops and is fine.

Is it an impulse thing? I almost feel like it is anger coming out. He jsut seems so mad when he does it.

My FIL and my DH and my father all have tempers. My dad has his in check, my dh does for the most part, my FIL not all the time.

My dh tells me stories about things my FIL did when he was little and it makes me sad and scared.kwim?

Single Mom to 2 amazing little men. T(7) and B(5)
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#50 of 134 Old 10-26-2004, 05:06 PM
 
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I'm so glad I stumbled upon this thread. My 3.7 year old ds fits right in with all of yours.

I am having a particular challenging day today, completely at my wits end. My ds has been sick for several days and has been rude and disrepectful to all of the family, in particular his little sister. I have been thinking that my sons aggressions and bad attitudes were a direct result of me losing my cool and screaming more then I should amoung other things. Reading through these posts has reminded me that these behaviours, although not completely unaffected by me, are age appropriate. It's nice to be reminded that other moms are dealing with the same issues.
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#51 of 134 Old 10-27-2004, 10:00 AM
 
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Please help! I don't know what to do

I was washing dishes this morning, he asked to go outside or something, and I told him to wait a few minutes so that I could finish up dishes (only had a few left). he responds by throwing a toy at me, hitting me in the leg. i got down to his eye level, and i told him that it's not okay to throw toys at people. so, he takes one of his cars, and throws it right in my face, hitting me right in the nose (it really hurts!!).

how can i teach him not to throw toys? he actually does this occasionally when he's angry/upset, and i'm trying to show him other ways, but it doesn't seem to be helping

:

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#52 of 134 Old 10-27-2004, 11:41 AM
 
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we have a blow up chair and it is our "punching" bag. I tell mine whenever he hits that it is not ok to hit people, I tell him if he is mad he can go hit the chair and then I go hit it with him, which makes both my kids laugh. I want him to learn anger is ok and teach him healthy ways to express it, since I didn't really learn that. But I tell him it is never ok to hit others and if he keeps hitting me, I take him to his bed and say he can come out when he calms down.
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#53 of 134 Old 10-27-2004, 04:54 PM
 
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I'm in! DS is almost 3 years, 9 months. He spent the first 8 months of his 4th year being an absolutely charming child. The last few weeks, though, have been challenging, to say the least : He's also dealing with a baby in the family, but the baby's not exactly new, YK?, and up to now DS's been great.

I don't really think DS fits the category of "spirited child", but I just placed an order with Amazon to get "Raising Your Spirited Child" anyway, along with "Playful Parenting" and a couple of Waldorf-ish books to help DH and I explore schedules/daily rhythms with DS. I also think DS needs more regularly scheduled outdoor time, but it's challenging for us as we come into winter (it's snowing/raining today), especially since we live on a steep lot with NO yard to play in.

I'm excited to commiserate with all of you and hopefully learn a few things from mamas wiser than me as we journey through this challenging time
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#54 of 134 Old 10-27-2004, 05:14 PM
 
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Today . . . .

Do far so good. No major things to report. Joe has been his destructive self. The house was strewn with toys when I came home from a 2 1/2 hour car trip to pick up a dog. What the hell am I thinking???? Joe "seems" to be in better control and a little less hyper/destructive with a dog around. I don't know why that is but we've seen it and decided to invest in a smallish dog. Platin, the dog, is outside sleeping right now. He got along really great with the boys. He even rolled over and let them pet his tummy. The babe got a little too personally with the dogs back end . . . the dog growled but did not snap or anything. Scared the piss out of the baby though which, I guess, could be a good thing.

I love this dog so much but I really am wondering what I got myself into. I figure this way I HAVE to go outside and we'll all get more exercise and outside time.

Was this a truly dumb idea?? I'm a sucker for an animal in need.
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#55 of 134 Old 10-27-2004, 07:35 PM
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Jaime - I think a dog is a great idea! Animals can work a magic with children. I know they are used alot in OT and other therapies. There is something special about the connection a person can make with an animal.

I don't think it's a crazy idea at all.



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#56 of 134 Old 10-27-2004, 07:47 PM
 
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I've got a three year old, my last daughter, and I could use all the support I can get! It's easier in a way, because she sleeps well at night now, doesn't put stuff in her mouth, understands basic "danger" issues and can follow simple directions. But tougher in a lot of ways too. Mostly Kate is easy going, but she gets very stubborn if she can't have what she wants. And with two older sisters, she seems to know how to push buttons more. Also, no more naps makes the day tougher.

But oh what a cute age! She is so smart and can really converse with us now. She loves watercolor painting, reading books, the playground, and "helping" me with chores.

Sahm mom to three lovely girls, and happily married to a great, sweet guy
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#57 of 134 Old 10-28-2004, 01:10 AM
 
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We just got a dog, too! I thought I was nuts with the baby a 3 yo and the stray kitten we took in last month. But now 2yo Bodi, a rescued German Shepherd, is part of the family. Tonight, with her head on the dog, Anna says "Mom, I am so happy. This is the dog that I always wanted forever and I love her." So far so good, and Bonus, Anna wears herself outchasing the dog on walks. Now If I could learn to use a coat I wouldn't freeze either.

Yesterday was a terror day for being 3. She made no sense and was soooooo emotional. When I was finally losing it, the dog comes up and starts licking my face and stops me from yelling. Hmmmmm...I think the animals are smarter than we are.

I have so many things to rant about, but tonight I want to end on a good note. Three is fun, really fun. Watching Anna tuck her doll into bed tonight for 30 minutes made me crazy but it was adorable. She always manages to carve out a little order in her day, no matter how crazy its been.

My favorite thing about three (for today): Hide and Seek. I love watching her pretend to hide, behind the basketball post, and giggle the whole time. She counts to 10 and pretends not to see me hide, even walks past me several times on purpose. She just loves the act and playing it out. Sometimes she hides by laying on the floor with her hands over her face. I can sense her trying to be invisible. Its so fun. Three is silly and I love it.

Angie, mama to Anna '01, Mia '04, and Leif '08 and angel1.gif '03  angel1.gif'07 angel1.gif'12.Expecting someone new in 7/13! pos.gif

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#58 of 134 Old 10-28-2004, 01:02 PM
 
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Well, so much for the great idea of a dog . . . .

Joe did something . . . we're not sure what since it happened behind the recliner . . . and ended up getting a scratch from the dog that require 3 hours in the ER and 3 stitches. In the dogs defense, I know Joe provocted it and the dog scratched him rather than bit him. I'm *pretty* sure that Joe tried to lay on the dog and the dog didn't like that. The dog attempted to roll over and caught Joe in the face with his too long nails (which we are getting clipped today). UGH! I'm just not sure what to do now. Is this dog going to work out? Was this a total mistake? UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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#59 of 134 Old 10-28-2004, 06:42 PM
 
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Intensity Too - poor Joe! How's he doing?

I hope the dog works out for you. For us, a 3 year old and a dog isn't a very good fit. DH and I have had our beagle for 10 years (we got him as a pup), but he's turning into a crabby old dog, which isn't working out well. Dog lovers, please don't flame me, but since we've had kids, DH and I have become less and less of "dog people". If we had the opportunity to choose, we'd be a "no dog" family. I'm tired of the kids poking the dog, even if it's just in play, and having the dog growl at the kids. I don't think he'd ever bite, but I just don't know, YK? DH and I would rather devote our energy to just the kids right now...

Anyway, how's everyone doing today? DH and I have started severely restricting TV and movies (just since yesterday) in the hope that the overconsumption of media is contributing to misbehavior. We've been pretty good about limiting TV, but we've been pretty lax on movies. DS was soooooo upset that he couldn't watch a movie yesterday, so I finally gave in and let him watch a Thomas the Tank Engine movie after dinner. To my surprise, he watched less than 15 minutes and then asked to build a block castle with me on the floor. Yay! This morning, he watched about an hour of Playhouse Disney early (6-7 am) and then told DH he wanted it to be "quiet time". The TV has been off ever since, and there are puzzle pieces and plays silks strewn throughout the house as a testament to "free play".

Slightly T - I don't think I have the ability to post without writing a mini-novel
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#60 of 134 Old 10-28-2004, 07:26 PM
 
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Joe has been doing great! He is more relaxed when a dog is present. That's what irks me so much about lastnight. Obviously Joe is not ready for a dog byt it helps mellow him out. I can't win either way.

Joe did not cry at all when he got his novacain shot to numb his eye or when the doctor was putting in the stitches. I swear that child has the highest pain tolerence ever!!!

Our only issues today (and they were terribly minor) . . . . playing in the mud but I just let that go. Heck, that's what baths are for. The other was taking off his dipe and pooping on the floor. I think it may be time for duct tape. :LOL
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