I can relate to what you are describing with my just turned 9 yr old dd. After a miserable year at school last year, I pulled her out and am homeschooling her. Her teacher wanted to have her tested for ADD. There is no way I was going to do it, because they only do it so they can put them on meds. (The forms themselves were published by the pharmeceutical company that makes the drugs). She does fit all the descriptive points of ADD, but as my good friend (and child development specialist) tells me, we look at her behaviors as positives, not negatives.
I haven't really figured out how to deal with the problem since it's made easier by the fact that she isn't in school. I still get frustrated with her for not doing what she needs to be doing as you said -chores, bedtime, etc. She doesn't cry much, but is prone to tantrums and has a very difficult time with transitions. She basically just doesn't do something unless she wants to or sees value in it. Like your daughter, she is very bright and I think was generally bored with school. She had been moved up a grade, but it didn't do any good. They still had them doing workbooks and worksheets all day and she couldn't stand it. The work was easy for her and so repetitive. She would just sit and read her book all day and not participate in what everyone else was doing. She could have been done with it really fast, but just refused to give in to it. (I'm sure my attitude didn't help as I think that mode of learning is ridiculous as well). Needless to say, we had a very hard time with her teacher last year as well. The only teacher she liked and respected was when we lived in New Zealand for a year. SHe was an awesome teacher, but also strict. She accepted Emma for who she was and just dealt with it rather than battling her. She also does not care for writing, but I just look at it as we all like and dislike certain things and that is not one of her favorites.
No one I know has a child like her at all and so I really don't know how others deal with this situation. Our children sound similar. I don't really have any advice, but have you considered homeschooling? We unschool actually. She is in charge of her day, we don't do anything formal. I'm of the mindset that children learn in spite of us and do not need us to actively teach them but be their guides and help direct them along their path. SOme kids do just fine in a school setting. My 7 yr old dd is the total opposite. She loves school and will do whatever the teacher asks. (She does go to an awesome school, though).
I understand your frustration. Please feel free to PM me or continue this discussion on this thread.