My grandparents irritated by dd!!!(turned out longer than intended :wink) - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 08-27-2002, 02:08 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I CAN"T stand it!!!! My mom's side of the fam are very quiet, never speak their mind...but make snide remarks to be hurtful!
My grandparents were visiting my parents this weeken, so I made a huge effort to be there, as I don't see them often, and they are getting older, and blah blah!
So, the first night, they got there at like 4pm, dd was having cramps in her stomach, and was miserable, and just did not want to be 'cute', so I left because I could see the look on my grandparents face, that I was letting her yell, ( I had her in my arms whispering to her, trying to calm her down, but she did not know what she wanted, so figured yelling would help). I knew they thought I wasn't handling it right, but I don't believe in time outs, so I'm not going to start now! So, I left, day 2-we are there for supper, didn't get there until 6pm, which was stupid on my part because it's getting late...but actually dd was in great spirits, and was just playing having a grand old time...my grandma and grampa kept making comments like, I'm exausted just watching her!...I ignored it...then, at 9pm, she says, what time does she usually go to bed? I said well, approx 8 pm., she's looking at me and her watch......so I said, oKay then, I guess we're leaving!

You know, it's so hurtful, that people can't just get over the fact that dd is not a shy girl, not the kind of kid that'll sit pretty and "listen"...she's busy, and I love her spirit, and I encourage her to use her imagination, and so what if I'm constantly running with her? ARGH! Just needed to vent!
(at my cousin's wedding, my aunt actually took me aside and said, soand so has offered to take Soleil aside and calm her down... )

What?????????????I just drove 6 hrs to come to this stupid wedding, dd is playing with her cousins, who by the way are chasing her and not leaving her alone, and you think she needs to be calmed down BY SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A KID???and we're in a huge hall...why can't she run around?????

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#2 of 7 Old 08-27-2002, 10:29 AM
 
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Well poop on them! You keep on nuturing that special nature of your DD, and they'll appreciate it in the long run. She'll only be this age for such a short time, good thing! -- you won't have to put up with their remarks so long.
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#3 of 7 Old 08-27-2002, 05:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Clarity,

Thanks for your words of encouragement, but I feel this is only the beginning...they don't know I'm homeschooling dd, as it is not an issue yet (she's only 3)...and I'm sure there will be much cause for criticism...and that they will look 'down' on dd for it! It's not that I care all that much, it's just that I don't judge them...for example my grandparents loooooove MIKE HARRIS....the evil man who was our provincial minister...no thought for the poor, just on making the rich richer! He even managed to build a golf course and a new housing develpment in my hometown, on a site that was "off limits" by the ministry of environment as all our trout spawn there...but he got in there and build a PGA golf course!

Sorry.....they are sooooo different from me, I guess I just wish we would try to accept each other, we are family, if it wasn't for them my mom wouldn't exist, nor would I , nor would DD, and it saddens me...that's all!
Sorry for going off...just a little sad!
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#4 of 7 Old 08-27-2002, 06:04 PM
 
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I'm so sorry....I know we'd all like our family to be, well, family! I hope that while DD is young you can start setting ground rules about how you deal with them, and what kind of behaviour you tolerate. People are never to old to learn! Yes, I do try to tolerate elder family members, but only so far. I rmember being young (like 8 or so) and realizing my grandparents were deeply racist. And my mother was not. I understood the difference clearly. I pick and choose the kind of things we do together with problem relatives to minimize issues. (we don't talk about religion for example). And I try to gently but matter of factly express when they're upsetting me. (and reminding them they're disagreeing with YOUR choices and YOUR parenting, and not to take it out on Soleil!) Some people are just poisonous and no fun to be with. I wish this were easier. Soleil sounds soooooo fun though! Go splish splash in the bathub and forget your yucky relatives!
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#5 of 7 Old 08-27-2002, 08:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Clarity:

I must say your name suits you well. You are bang on with your advice and sympathy.
I will try to keep conversation on a lighter level....or maybe just be too involved in Soleil to have to sit down with them...I can be present without actually engaging in conversations.....
Soleil is a riot, I love hanging out with her, she makes me laugh so hard! She is teaching me so much. I would not want her to be any other way...not that she would ever allow anyone to suppress her true self, I know that for a fact...just another lesson she taught me, always be yourself no matter what...and she's only three????????????????????????

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#6 of 7 Old 08-28-2002, 08:27 AM
 
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I know exactly how you feel. Our ds, 4, is very rambunctious (bouncing off the walls type) and my in-laws always go on about 2 of their other grandkids (children of their favorite son!) who are such ANGELS, they just sit quietly and read, or sit quietly and do puzzles, or sit quietly and play gameboy, they are just such ANGELS!!!!! We also get the "I'm tired from just watching him, etc" comments and the general impression that they think there is something wrong with him, and with the way we parent. They came to visit us for the first time when ds was 3, and then they sat on their fat asses doing crosswords for 3 1/2 weeks and didn't even play with him!

I know that a 3 year old that runs, shouts, plays all day without stopping is actually "normal" and is having fun, as opposed to the neice and nephew that are so controlled they are hardly allowed to speak if adults are present (in our case, not saying all quiet kids are being controlled). But still, I was extremely hurt bc I just wanted my son to have grandparents that love him for who he is and play with him when they come 3000km to see him for the first time in his life. (yes, I'm a little bitter). I guess what I'm trying to say is that you love your child, encourage her to have fun, and if the old fogies don't like it that's just too bad.

Meanwhile, I'm dreading Christmas with the in-laws (the favoured child will be there with the favoured grandkids)
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#7 of 7 Old 08-28-2002, 08:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
I know that a 3 year old that runs, shouts, plays all day without stopping is actually "normal" and is having fun, as opposed to the neice and nephew that are so controlled they are hardly allowed to speak if adults are present (in our case, not saying all quiet kids are being controlled).
I know exactly what you're saying here, my cousin's dd is only 6 mts older than Soleil, and has always been more quiet and cautious, this is what my grandparents are used to seeing, as my cousin lives in the same city as them....so then they see my crazy 'out of control' dd, and look down on her and me????Oh, it's sooooo frustrating....luckily, I don't think I'll be seeing them over the holidays....not putting myself thru that...I'll probably end up saying something I regret...I do not have the ability to express myself without sounding offensive...when I'm upset....
Glad to know there are other kids out there like mine!!!

Good luck to you over the holidays downunder....

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