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#1 of 116 Old 02-02-2005, 01:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Anybody reading "Playful Parenting?" I am trying out some of the stuff from this book with ds (3.5) and loving it. But it's challenging. Wondering if there's anyone who wants to talk about it.
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#2 of 116 Old 02-02-2005, 09:55 PM
 
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I have read excerpts and I think it's a great concept.

It's often hard, though, to be a bear scampering into the mudhole when all I want DD to do is go take a d&mn bath...

HoneyFern

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Never let your schooling interfere with your education. ~Mark Twain~

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#3 of 116 Old 02-03-2005, 01:10 AM
 
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Denise,

LOVE this book. It's my fav by far especially for this age group. It's made an immeasurable positive difference to my parenting, DH's parenting, our son's life and our family! It's a way of life! I'm actually RE-reading it right now. Brushing up you might say. DS has been going through a fearful time as of late (bedtime!) and as in the past, I'm finding role play an excellent way for him to work through some of these tough issues. We've also worked through hitting, tough times with playmates, concerns about particular outtings, etc. What I've found truly amazing is just how when I take time to really plop down, play and focus, DS often times really does bring up the things that he needs to work through. I have on occasion, taken the lead but usually it's not necessary.

DH has found wrestling a great vehicle for teaching boundaries and connecting. I'm a huge HUGE fan of f"ollowing the giggle!" The other day, I acted like a "dolt" while DS and I were playing with sporting equipment. DS has some confidence issues surrounding sports, but really wants to try them. My acting like a complete incompetent was reassuring and (ever so funny) to him. It also made the games so much fun that he didn't give up or bore of them nearly as quickly as he usually does....

On the same day, DS was telling me grand stories. Surprise surprise about all those scary monsters around! Just one after the other I listened in and DIDN'T try to make the stories end happy or discount them. I made comments about being scared myself, "OH MY GOSH, HOW DID YOU GET AWAY!?" DS in turn, came up with a number of ways to get away and how empowering that he had the answers inside of him! When a plane flew over the house and DS got that familiar panic look, it was *ME* who ran to the porch scared out of my mind and DS who ran after to comfort me.

That night, he fell asleep faster and slept better than he had in weeks!

So what are you working on?

The best,
Em

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#4 of 116 Old 02-03-2005, 06:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We play "Boss of the World," which is Glen's name for where I am extremely pompous and make up silly rules and then get bumblingly furious when he breaks them. He LOVES this game. I never would have done this--I assumed that it would just teach him to break rules. But it seems to be relieving some of the intense authority battles we have, and it makes me lighten up. Sometimes I do act like the boss of the world, I guess.... We laugh really hard.

I also play incompetent, usually when it's time to get dressed. "Is this (a sock) your hat? How does it go?" He loves getting dressed now, and I quit getting so Bossy about it.

I'm hoping playing can help DS with his fear of pooping.... The other day my hand (like a sock puppet) was terrified that it would have to smell wolverine poop.... I mean, totally silly. It seems like playing helps him relax and makes bathroom time more fun. His holding-it and fear is upsetting for me, too, so it helps to have something silly to do.

It seems like so far half the benefit of this book is in convincing ME that the world will not end if I (The Mom!) act silly, give up some control, and make fun of myself. Wow. It's so much more fun when I'm not afraid of the world ending all the time....

It's hard on my bummed and blue days. I just figure at least SOME of our days have a lot of laughing and play, and maybe that'll make up for the days I can't do it.
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#5 of 116 Old 02-03-2005, 06:48 PM
 
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I am reading the book right now


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#6 of 116 Old 02-04-2005, 12:20 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Denise K
We play "Boss of the World," which is Glen's name for where I am extremely pompous and make up silly rules and then get bumblingly furious when he breaks them. He LOVES this game. I never would have done this--I assumed that it would just teach him to break rules. But it seems to be relieving some of the intense authority battles we have, and it makes me lighten up. Sometimes I do act like the boss of the world, I guess.... We laugh really hard.
This is a great idea and something I think DS would LOVE. We've played in reverse where we sit down to play and DS gets to boss me around. It occured to me however that it would probably be even more fun if I sometimes didn't cooperate in a loud, silly, bumbling sort of way. *making mental notes for next time*

Quote:
Originally Posted by Denise K
I also play incompetent, usually when it's time to get dressed. "Is this (a sock) your hat? How does it go?" He loves getting dressed now, and I quit getting so Bossy about it.
Dressing games have helped us too! Several nights a week, DS and I have the "Jammies Race" where we race to see who can undress and put jammies on first. I play the bumbling, trying real hard but too slow mom and DS gets to win. Jammies used to be a real issue for us and now, he can't wait!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Denise K
I'm hoping playing can help DS with his fear of pooping.... It seems like playing helps him relax and makes bathroom time more fun.
Anything that relaxes a situation, makes it more fun? Good. Keep on it and I'll bet you'll see some real improvement!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Denise K
It seems like so far half the benefit of this book is in convincing ME that the world will not end if I (The Mom!) act silly, give up some control, and make fun of myself. Wow. It's so much more fun when I'm not afraid of the world ending all the time....
Amen to that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Denise K
It's hard on my bummed and blue days. I just figure at least SOME of our days have a lot of laughing and play, and maybe that'll make up for the days I can't do it.
I've had the very same thought process. I'm much more forgiving of myself on those rough days than I used to be. And, because we've been making PP a way of life more or less, those rough days aren't nearly so rough as they used to be. All relative.

Ok, so we've been working on bedtime fear issues. Our PP game of the day has been to chase each other, trading turns being the monster/dinosaur/dragon. When I'm chasing him, I get close but then let him get away (while bumbling of course). I'm trying to help him learn that HE'S in charge of his imagination and no one else, monsters included.

Also, before bed each night, we've gotten into the habit of talking over possible scary scenarios. DS will bring up for instance: "what if the neighbors tree crashes into the house?" and I'll say something (VERY animated and silly of course) like, "Ok, Sidney's tree breaks off at the roots, crashes through our house, and lands on your bedroom floor. When you wake up there's a huge branch sticking up your nose and a pine cone in your ear. What do you do?" He's giggling away and coming up with all sorts of solutions right off... "I'd pull out the branch and stick it in Daddy's ear. And I'd keep the pine cone for my art projects." Bottom line is that while he's still ending up on his floor bed in our room somewhere in the middle of the night, BEDTIME has changed considerably! He no longer fights it, seems much less afraid and falls asleep in minutes. I figure it's only a matter of time and more playing before the middle of the night stuff settles back to the old routine as well.

Happy playing. Always love hearing about other PP experiences. SHARE SHARE SHARE!

The best,
Em

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#7 of 116 Old 02-04-2005, 06:42 PM
 
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Hmm. I'd heard of this book before. Discounted it immediately. The very thought of acting silly with my kids gives me the *shivers*. (Not entirely, but you know what I mean.) But you guys make it sound-- fun almost!

Must investigate...

Someone moved my effing cheese.
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#8 of 116 Old 02-04-2005, 11:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The sneaky voice at the back of my head says, "if you crack a smile, you're doomed as a mother." Or wife, for that matter..... what a ridiculous idea. Got it from my mom, bless her. I have to fight that feeling every day. PP helps becasue now I'm doing stuff like wrestling and roaring and falling down, which are not things you can do with dignity really. I'm stunned that it actually makes things easier--I assumed it was going to be one more parenting advice thing that would make my life harder for the sake of my child, but no. It makes life easier, and it helps me be happier and less uptight too.
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#9 of 116 Old 02-05-2005, 02:55 AM
 
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I've been searching for a used copy of this book for a few months. Since I don't have it yet, I post excerpts from my Positive Parenting group on the fridge to remind me & DH to be gentle (DH is pro-spanking but I'm trying to get him to GD) and to give DH a few alternatives to spanking.
Lately he has actually playfully parented instead of lashing out and spanking when the kids have gotten a little rambunctious. The whole mood of the house changes to happy and silly and I breathe a big deep breath of relief (of course, I am also chanting a little loudly "patience, calm down, fill the love cup" to DH and that helps him keep his anger in check.
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#10 of 116 Old 02-05-2005, 07:00 PM
 
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I looked up this book on Amazon and there are two books with same title and different authors. Which one are people reading?
Thanks
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#11 of 116 Old 02-05-2005, 08:32 PM
 
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MSings - It's the Cohen book.

shanleysmama - Here's a good price ($4.94) at half.com. Hope it helps.

http://half.ebay.com/cat/buy/prod.cg...1856&meta_id=1

Such a great thread! Embee and Denise K - thank you for sharing your experiences! They're great to read and get ideas from. I'm trying to be more playful (seems sort of oxymoronic, doesn't it? :LOL). We have so much stress in our lives right now and it really helps. Definitely difficult, though. I find when I remember that it helps me to tame my inner control freak which, of course, helps ds and I connect so much better.
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#12 of 116 Old 02-06-2005, 12:11 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by journeymom
Hmm. I'd heard of this book before. Discounted it immediately. The very thought of acting silly with my kids gives me the *shivers*. (Not entirely, but you know what I mean.) But you guys make it sound-- fun almost!

Must investigate...
Do! You won't be sorry. This book will change the way you think, act and interact with your children. Denise put it soooo well: it really does make life so much easier. The more effort you put towards PP, the easier it gets, more and more rythym builds and it becomes a way of life. I'm incredibly grateful for having read this book. I have read many wonderful parenting books (Kids Are Worth It, How To Talk... etc.), but if I had to choose only one, this would be it. Truly. It's the one that stays OFF the bookshelf most of the time. Just picking up and reading a few paragraphs can change the whole course our day.

And I want to reiterate that it's not just a great way to relate to your kids (of course, laughter IS incredibly healing). With your help, connection and willingness to be playful, you can truly help them work through tough kid issues. Growing up is not easy as I remember all too well! Kids need someone to meet them where they live (in play!), and a parent is the very best person to do this IMO. PP, has been an absolutely invaluable book for DH and I. Anytime DS has an issue (hitting, social/friend, fears), we now look to PP before anything else. We look at it as trying to SOLVE from the inside out, rather than trying to control/stop the behavior from the outside in. KWIM? It works too well to consider anything else before it, and being that it's such a healing experience for DS? WIN/WIN

Ok, stepping off soapbox now. Sheesh, I think I've been waiting for a thread just like this to SPOUT about PP. Thanks for the opportunity Denise.

The best to all,
Em

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#13 of 116 Old 02-06-2005, 12:26 AM
 
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Oh, almost forgot DS's *working out the fears* PP moment of the day.

DS and I were cleaning this morning, moving large of pieces of heavy furniture, ya know... the usual. Anyway, DS got a hold of a beautiful/scary mask (complete with horns) that belongs to DH. DS started wearing it around and pretending to be a monster as of course, this has been his/our MO lately. DS and I took turns being the monster, running around the couch, similar to my post from the other day.

Later in the game however, DH came in and was getting his turn to be the monster (and here's where a little parental guidance can be helpful in PP). DS and I have been talking a lot about how sometimes when people are grumpy/mean, it's usually quite possible that they are feeling sad inside. I suggested to DS while he was hiding behind my leg from monster/DH, that perhaps the monster was grumpy for some other reason than just being a monster. DS decided maybe he needed a hug and so he hugged DH/monster. We then took turns playing this game (over and over and over) with DS at the helm (of course): "Now YOU be the monster, mom!" When I went to step out a few minutes ago, DS was concerned that he wouldn't have anyone to protect him from the monster if I left. I suggested that it was he who figured out a way to tame the monster all by himself (HUG), maybe it was "possible" that he didn't need me to protect this time. Afterall, he knows how to protect himself from this monster. He really thought about this and said, "Oh yeah!"

I'm waiting to see how many HOURS he spends in his room tonight before coming into ours. He's been sleeping better and better, each night a little longer in his own room and it's easy to see how good he's feeling about himself in general. Much more relaxed than just a couple of weeks ago and he hasn't fought bedtime in days now... HUGE relief for yours truly.

What never ceases to amaze me about PP, is that if I really take the time to tune into DS and his play, he ALWAYS seems to come up with his own ways of dealing with whatever issue is at hand. By just tuning in, and playing along (and for the most part, letting him take the lead), he seems to have a sense of what he needs to do (and what *I* need to do ) to work things out. The phrase, "we have a lot to learn from our kids" comes to mind a lot these days!

My ramble for the day. Thanks.

Em

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#14 of 116 Old 02-06-2005, 01:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Glad you did the soapbox thing, Embee--I tend that way, and it's good to know somebody else is THAT carried away about this book. Such usefulness is so rare....

After my miscarriage in November, I felt very disconnected from DS sometimes. Esp. through the 2 or 3 weeks of depression. Not being able to laugh with your child--when I read that line somewhere in PP, I saw myself a couple of weeks before. It's the saddest feeling. It was after the depression that I got this book, and I feel like PP is helping us rebuild our relationship. It's great that DS isn't screaming as much, or hitting me all the time, etc; it's better to know that it's in part because we are right with each other again. I feel so relieved, jsut having some guidance in finding that connection.
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#15 of 116 Old 02-06-2005, 07:58 PM
 
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Denise

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've been there but it was before I had my son... the emotions of a miscarriage are not unlike any type of loss and I can only imagine how hard it must have been to try and stay connected while working through all of it. *sigh*

It is so reassuring to know that when DS and I get sliding on the skids (and we do indeed), that healing is just a "plop down on the floor away." Like I mentioned before, it helps me to not be so rough on myself for those days when my parenting is less than stellar. A good laugh can get us on the road to healing faster than anything else.

The best,

Em

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#16 of 116 Old 02-13-2005, 01:11 PM
 
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I read the beginning of this thread and was so inspired I reserved the book from the library. I'm now on the chapter about wrestling. I'm really enjoying it. I always felt that I was pretty connected to my dd but I'm seeing how the playful parenting makes us have more fun and so far, less battles. I'm still a litte uncertain how to use it with my dd's fears: preschool, swimming and our battles to get dressed and go outside.
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#17 of 116 Old 02-13-2005, 06:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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There's a whole chapter on fears, which you may not be at yet. But for us, I just keep playing with the idea of fear. DS is scared our house will catch on fire (bad side fo all those fire truck books), and sometimes can't sleep becasue he sees "sparks" when he closes his eyes. He got a brochure of construction tools that has a guy cutting pipe on the front --lots of sparks--and so I made the tiger we were drawing on newsprint be afraid of the sparks--it thought they would catch the house on fire. He loves this, and he keeps bringing out the picture again and saying slyly, "Tiger? are you still afriand of this picture?" and he'll explain about photographs and stuff while I tremble and wail. More drama makes more giggles. I have no idea how this is working in his psyche, but at the very least it's fun.
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#18 of 116 Old 02-14-2005, 12:03 AM
 
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Denise - Fantastic idea for dealing with fire fears! DS loves the whole fire fighter scene as well and just today he drew a picture of our house being on fire. I know it's just one more step in him absorbing that the world can indeed be a scary place, but I'm hoping through PP, I can help him feel more empowered and not let fears run his life like they did for me as a child. I'm going to keep your idea on the ol' burner for when I need it. Something tells me it will be very soon. Thanks for sharing.

Your post brings up an important point, that indeed it really sometimes makes the best sense to hit things head on. I know as a parent and particularly before I read PP, I was afraid to "feed" DS any information about a fear or whatever it was that needed working through. I knew better, but somehow got caught up in the thinking where by bringing it up at all, I was feeding it, rather than helping him cope and work through it (ACK! MY MOTHER!). My biggest enemy as a fearful child was that no one would take time to talk (much less play) with me about them. I got lots of "you're ok's" and "it will be fine's" from my mom, but this gave me nothing. I had one appointment with the child therapist at my grade school (I had gotten to the point where I was too afraid to go to school) and remember how much better I felt leaving his office. My whole life since then, I've been trying to figure out why drawing a picture of my family and playing a game called TOE TACK TICK made me feel so much better. Now I understand completely. Sad part is, my mom poo pooed the idea of me going in for more appointments as the therapist suggested. She only told me this a few years ago. I was so saddened, and was honest with her: "I really could have benefited from that Mom." *sigh* She knows that now, but back then... yada yada yada

But I digress...

Mangomama, as Dr. Cohen states in the book (if you haven't read it yet, you will ), If your child is afraid of something, play it! Afraid of preschool? Play it! Play the usual roles or reverse roles or even take on roles (or perhaps she will want to) of those you need to: preschool teacher or other kids in the class for example. Follow her lead for which role you each should take and switch it around when she wants to. For swimming, I'm not so sure exactly what you could do to create that environment IRL, but perhaps a big bowl of water, a couple of dolls that will do ok in water and see what your DD does? For getting dressed? We have found races to be HUGELY popular. We have more trouble with jammies here so when it's time, I run into my room yelling, "TIME FOR THE GREAT JAMMY RACE!" He can't resist and is practically falling over himself to get there to BEAT me. (Which he always does of course, because I play the bumbling dolt of a mom who can get her pants on.)

However, since you mention preschool, it could be that an unwillingness to get dressed and out the door or directly related and by hopefully solving the preschool issue, you can solve all three. Also age (not sure what age your DD is). My DS at 3 1/2 was very difficult to get dressed and out the door, but now at 4, no problems. I usually ask who he is going to bring for the carride and he chooses and animal or train. Once we aren't focusing on him, he gets right in and is ready to go.

Best of luck to you!

Em

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#19 of 116 Old 02-14-2005, 02:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I've discovered a really neat thing about DS through playing. He's usually much rougher than I prefer in play--though, once we started wrestling, I remembered that I actually like that kind of thing. And he has done a lot of hitting and biting--I think of him sometimes as an aggressive wild kid....

Then we got a magazine that has a story about Hare tricking the Bad King Lion into leaping into the water hole and drowning (instead of eating hare). These folktales, they are so unsanitized ..... Well, DS had me read it 3 times in a row without stopping. Then he wanted to play it--I was supposed to be the lion. And he'd trick me into the hole--we had to do it exactly like in the story--and then stand there looking at me soberly while I lay there dead, and then want to play it all over. The 4th time or so, I lay there dead and asked, "are you concerned becasue the lion died?" he nodded. "Would it be better if the spirit of the lion was kinder and wiser than the alive lion, and came back to be with all the animals and help them?" He said "Yeah!" So I acted spirity and got up, and he ran over with a big grin and gave me a huge hug.

Which said something to me about him--that he likes this power and conflict play, but the reconciliation part is really important to him. He is always inviting me into his den after we wrestle over who gets to go in there, or helping me up after he laughs at me falling down chasing him. He gets in physical battles with his friends, and I've been trying to see a way to help them with the reconciling part--but it's hard when his buddy is crying and screaming for mommy's milk and won't look at him..... they're so little.... It's really neat for me to see this side of DS coming out in play-- and to think that maybe it can help him learn better social skills too.
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#20 of 116 Old 02-14-2005, 07:47 PM
 
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Thanks for this thread. I had never heard of this book, but picked it up at my libe thanks to you mamas. Now I think I want to BUY my own copy because I suspect this might be a book I will want to return to again and again!
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#21 of 116 Old 02-15-2005, 02:08 PM
 
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Thanks for the suggestions Embee and Denise. I understand what you are saying about fear Embee. I was the same as my 3 1/2 dd and I don't want those fears blocking her way. I know yelling" Just do it. Or "don't be so afraid" don't work. So I'll play the games.

I am having a hard time to figuring how to implement them though. Our preschool games seem to fall flat. I start them and they just don't go anywhere.
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#22 of 116 Old 02-15-2005, 05:30 PM
 
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I first heard of this book about a month ago, on another thread. I ordered it the next day and have got a little more than half way.

This is a GREAT book!!!

Whining and arguing are way down. Getting things done is way up. Everyone gets along better. Two minutes of laughing and being silly really makes a huge difference.

I understand my child better. I used to think half of what she said was just basically nonsense. Now I see she was trying to tell me something, and I didn't hear it. I thing anyone who has a child or baby, and is not themselves a child psychologist, should get this book.
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#23 of 116 Old 02-16-2005, 12:41 AM
 
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Mangomamma,

Hm, that's a tough one... when things fall flat. I'm having a similar issue right now trying to play out some social situations. I just can't seem to find the right vehicle. I've tried following his lead, but as Dr. Cohen suggests, sometimes if the issue is strong enough for the child, they will go to some length to avoid addressing it, including playing about it. If I could only think of a way to facilitate the right atmosphere to bring out the issue.

*think think think*

*still thinking...*

But seriously, sometimes it just takes time. The right play situation will present itself and you can jump in and follow along when the time is right. Our issue I mentioned above is about empowering DS in social situations. He's got a confidence issue that sometimes manifests itself in an aggressive way (aka, he turns into a clawing, roaring, angry dinosaur). Now, as playful parent, I both appreciate this and recognize what is going on however, for those not in the know, it's just plain aggressive and not likely to help him relate to others in a productive way... hm... any ideas anyone?

The best,
Em

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#24 of 116 Old 02-16-2005, 12:59 AM
 
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I'm sitting here reading this thread and I'm thinking back to when I was a little girl....can I even imagine how wonderful my life would have been if my parents had been silly even one day a month? You guys ROCK!:

I had heard of this book here at MDC but really knew nothing except it was good. Now it sounds GREAT! Your kids are lucky to have mommies like you. I can't wait to read it!
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#25 of 116 Old 02-16-2005, 03:46 AM
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Embee,

I won't be able to get this book for a long time (acess probs), and I'm wondering if you could describe some of the things Cohen says about hitting. Thanks!
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#26 of 116 Old 02-16-2005, 11:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Embee

empowering DS in social situations. He's got a confidence issue that sometimes manifests itself in an aggressive way (aka, he turns into a clawing, roaring, angry dinosaur). Now, as playful parent, I both appreciate this and recognize what is going on however, for those not in the know, it's just plain aggressive and not likely to help him relate to others in a productive way... hm... any ideas anyone?

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Em
That's funny. That was my question. Today DS knocked over or grabbed and shoved his best friend four or 5 times while they were playing. I am trying to figure out how to play with this--we do talk about it, and do conflict management at the time..... One thing I do remember from the book is that kids benefit from being able to act out that aggressive rough stuff with parents, that it helps them figure it out--like wrestling, etc. So I can keep that up. Maybe we should wrestle before his friends come over. But I am wanting ideas too....
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#27 of 116 Old 02-17-2005, 12:34 AM
 
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Denise, Hm, wrestling before friends come over sounds like something to try indeed. I am thinking perhaps just a maintainance dose of role play before play dates might be the answer. I've been trying to attack the situation in a general way, but perhaps I need to just be case specific. Tomorrow we have our regular weekly babysit/playdate with one of his fav pals. I'm planning to pretend I'm his pal earlier in the am and do some mock play scenes. They get along well for the most part, but his pal is a very strong personality and lately has gotten rather exclusive with me and I can tell it bothers DS, jealous and also a bit of the "left out syndrome."

Hi ParisMaman! Well, Dr. Cohen talks quite a bit in his book about aggression. He delves deep and what insights he has! I don't have the book on me right at present, but I will see if I can get some good excerpts/paraphrases sometime later in the week.

That said, we too have had our battles with hitting. We've had however mucho success with things like role play/drawing/puppet play in working through it. About a year ago, DS went through an intense hitting phase involving a friend's younger son (his playmates younger brother). He was being babysat at their house once a week. During all of this, I made extra time to sit down and play with DS and as Dr. Cohen suggests, let him take the lead. He was more than willing to show me that he too was trying to work through this. Everytime I sat down with him, the play would always turn to one object/character hitting the other be it trucks, trains, stuffed animals, puppets, whatever. I followed along... at the library one day we happened to be playing puppets. DS made up his very own game and even called it appropriately enough, "HIT BACK." I admit, this was early on and I wasn't feeling all that sure when he kept wanting me to hit his puppet back, but I went along (gently of course). Then, when I felt we'd covered that territory, I changed up and then starting talking my puppet more like, "I really don't like to be hit. I don't like hitting you. I like it when we play nice though." We went on like this. On and on... it seemed. Whenever we'd sit down to draw, he'd want me to draw someone hitting someone else, etc. Over a couple of weeks time, DS revealed to me through play that he was really working on boundaries more than anything else. In addition, he was feeling rather insecure at my friend's house and also feeling a little sibling rivalry towards his pal's younger brother (another thing he talks about in the book, that even only kids can experience sibling rivalry was hugely eye opening for me). The best part however is that after this couple of weeks, the hitting stopped. He went back to being very gentle with the younger chap, as he had always been in the past. *whew*

I think how a parent uses PP really depends upon the child's favorite mode of play. DS LOVES pretend and role play so in a way, I think he makes it rather easy for me. Today, we were having a ROUGH day, DS was tired, whiny and nothing was going his way much less a mom trying to get the chores done. Finally when I was washing the car and he was getting frustrated trying to help, I fixed him a snack, gave him an official supervisor chair which I placed on the porch, and told him he was the boss. He LOVED it. "Uh mommy, you missed a spot!" He would occasionally get up and hide behind the bushes during which time I'd "slack off on the job" and he'd get to suddenly reappear and reprimand me, "Go back to work!" He was laughing, I was laughing... laughing so very healing. He really needed to get some control and what better way than through playing the boss! (Thanks Denise!)

I'm rambling. I love this thread. It's keeping me "current" so to speak. I LOVE PP and I keep it on the shelf for reference, but it's easy to lose sight when you aren't reading up all the time, forget what you need to do, etc. This thread is helping me keep it fresh!

Thanks!

Em

Em 43 - Wife to hubby Mom to DS born: Jan. '01
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#28 of 116 Old 02-17-2005, 04:55 PM
 
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been awhile since i've read this book, but i really liked it. i think i need to get my own copy and perhaps my own copy of spirited child.

the sibling rivalry comments were interesting. i think i could work through a lot of stuff with dd1 (just turned 4), but dd2 (14mo) is with us all day, too, and it's just rough. dd1 needs a lot of personal space and that includes from dd2 who just adores her and wants to be with her. dd1 will shove and push and kick her away and that just pushes my buttons and i start getting really mad since she's kicking my baby. she also does a lot of angry screeching in dd2's direction. dd2 isn't really old enough to understand that dd1 wants space, but she's old enough to get her feelings hurt when dd1 snatches a toy from her or kicks at her or knocks her down or screeches at her.

as for playing, dd1 llllooooooooovvves stories. she likes to take over when i start one, though, so i'm not sure i could get her to talk about pushing/kicking/screeching, but i guess i can try and keep an ear out for opportunities to bring it up. role playing she also tries to direct and gets mad if i say something that she doesn't want me to.

any suggestions for dealing with this?

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#29 of 116 Old 02-17-2005, 06:13 PM
 
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I have to share. I've been trying to play "Preschool" with my dd and usually she just finds a way to nix it. Today she avoided playing it and played another game and then all of a sudden said, "OK lets play preschool." So we did. I was the daddy and she was the mommy, Winnie the Pooh and Rudolph were the children. Unfortunately, the door was locked and the"children" were sick so they had to go to the doctor instead. But we at least played it for a little while.
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#30 of 116 Old 02-17-2005, 07:18 PM
 
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okay, on a more urgent note, i think i need to take dd1 to the pediatrician. she might have strep. she has an absolute phobia of the dr. i mean full on hysteria. what on earth can i do to ease this for her? she's even afraid of stories with drs in them. she loves "max and ruby" and there's one where they're playing dr with a toy drs kit and she won't go near it. it's bad...

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