Anger Management in 3 and 4 year olds - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 1 Old 04-16-2005, 02:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hello

I am concerned about the anger I have been seeing my 3 and 4 yr old sons. Personally they have witnessed a few arguments between dh and I, my reaction is to always storm into another room. At times they have also seen me upset and sometimes I just need a moment to calm down, but if they ask for something or my attention I snap at them. I always try to apologize afterwards, but of course some of the damage is not reversible.

Lately my oldest puts on these pouting faces and pretend sniffling when he is disappointed by something e.g. he wanted his cousin to sleep over last nite, when I told him that wasn't going to happen, he started with the pouting. Usually when he does this I always tell him to cut it out. I know I should try to verbalize what he may be feeling, sometimes I do and sometimes I remind him to use his words to express how he's feeling.
As an adult I can now see I am a person who's always craved attention and as a child was able to meet that desire by pretending to be hurt or doing something that would get me more attention, without being destructive, just more low key things. I was very much a drama queen, and I don't know why my parents never squashed this, but I honestly feel this behavior is quite annoying and just not a quality I want my children to grow up with. I recognize of course that there are times when my son is genuinely sad, that's fine. Then there are times when he's faking or exaggerating, sometimes he goes around saying I'm sad I'm sad, which I know has directly rubbed off from him seeing me down.

On to the anger which I guess is more so in my three yr old. He has just turned three and in these last few weeks, my wonderful 2yr old has turned into a terrible three; which I was expecting (not prepared for) as this is when DS#1 behavior changed as well. 3yr old now slams bedroom door to make it known he is upset or grunts in response to being told no.

Ok maybe this post is more about me than my children, I guessing all of their behavior is soemwhat age appropriate, and could be curtailed a bit by my watching my own emotions around them. I am concerned about raising angry, depressed, sad children. Other than the times when I was upset I really thought I was doing a good job at keep calm and peaceful around them; but I know that must not be working because at least 1x a day 4yr old will come to me just to say,"Momma r u ok? Don't be sad I'm gonna take care of you." I don't want my children to have this type of burden.
As for the anger in my 3yr old, I am insecure and feel as if I am losing control. Ideally I want my children to be the type who hear and obey, I feel that if I accept the back talk and smart mouth that I am saying mommy's a pushover. Ok I know my children can be ducks in a row, but I do want them to show respect and there are certain things you cannot say to your mother.

Does anyone know what i mean?

Thanks
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