we did spank for a little while, and i felt just horrible about it.
the pressure to spank from "those who knew best" & it took his step dad a while to learn to parent, we were very poor & under a lot of stress & sometimes we'd loose our temper & spank! when things cooled down though we'd _always_ make it the _first priority to talk about it, to tell him we were wrong for spanking and we were sorry; however, he was also wrong for hitting (biting, trying to stuff cat in toilet, other tpical toddler problem, etc.) and let's both try to do better. it just seemed like the best i could do at the time. maybe we gave him mixed messages?
please please please tell me the tantrums are a phase. intellectually i know they are. i read the article in the recent mothering
, i had my husband read it, but when world war III started breaking out over the bedtime toothbrushing issue, i had to go into the kitchen and chant over and over again like a mantra that i hadn't screwed him up for life. yet.
(thank you, simonee, i love my screen name too. i made a little hobbit costume for ds for his 3rd halloween, which was before the movie came out, complete with glow-in-the-dark sword, brass ring of doom on a cord, jaunty feathered cap, and furry little hobbit feet made out of half-circles of fake fur that almost matched his hair, tied over his sneakers. nobody knew who he was supposed to be, or had even heard of tolkien, middle earth, or hobbits!
i am surrounded by illiterates.)
how do i explain the differences? he keeps asking why his sister doesn't use her crib? where's her stroller? we thought making a sling for his doll would be a start, but we don't want him to feel like she's more important than him. he and i survived welfare together. that created a bond that's just as strong and sacred as all the babywearing in the world, i just don't know if he can understand that.