Discipline Help Needed! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 01-03-2002, 06:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am at my wits end. I have 3 1/2 y.o. son. For months now, he has been acting out several days a week. He hits me, bites me, yells at me, calls me names, etc. I try to make sure he gets enough sleep and healthy food and little if any tv. This behavior is not only directed at me. Sometimes dad, granny or even yesterday--the doctor. Usually he is mad because he has to do something--pick up toys, get dressed, go somewhere. However, sometimes it seems to come out of the blue.

We do not yell, hit or call each other names in our home. We try to keep our voices calm and reassuring. I have tried talking, explaining, negotiating, time outs, time ins, taking away toys, treats, even time with me. Nothing seems to stop the behavior.

Most of the time he is sweet and kind. At preschool he is an angel. I am shocked and disturbed by his behavior and I don't know what else to do.

I feel I am in conflict with him all the time. Its so sad. I have been a co-sleeping AP from the start. I breastfed him until 3. What happened?
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#2 of 7 Old 01-03-2002, 06:39 PM
 
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I feel for ya! This is a difficult age for these little ones. They are struggling for independence and get very frustrated with themselves and us! Some of your childs behaviors may be learned from preschool where he knows he can't act them out yet feels safe acting them out at home. Or it could be the terrible 3/4 syndrome. From my experience 3/4 was much more difficult than two's. I have two teens and a 3 1/2 year old. My boys did the hitting, biting thing for a while and then moved on to something more chanllenging. I want to say it is probably just a phase and to hang in there and ride through it, disciplining gently yet keeping everyone safe. Good luck!
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#3 of 7 Old 01-04-2002, 12:07 AM
 
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Sometimes at this age they are really struggling for autonomy. Do you give him ample oppurtunity to make many choices for himself throughout the day. Is his day pretty much planned out for him or does he have a chance to give a little input? Just letting him decide if you go to the bank before or after you have lunch makes him feel like his opinion counts.
When they were younger they didn't seem to care much about these things. Sometimes the only way we know they have moved on to a new stage is when they start acting out.

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#4 of 7 Old 01-04-2002, 02:03 AM
 
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I agree with the ideas posted above. I was wondering though if it's possible your son is witnessing some of these behaviors in some of the kids at preschool and is then 'acting them out' at home?

Liz
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#5 of 7 Old 01-04-2002, 05:23 PM
 
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Another thought, though I also think the thoughts above might be on target...

Any changes in his diet? Unexplained aggression has been linked to food allergies. You may find it worth your time to investigate this possibilty. The best source of information, IMO, is the book "Is This Your Child?" by Doris Rapp, M.D.

Good luck!
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#6 of 7 Old 01-05-2002, 04:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I appreciate your feedback. I don't know about the allergies. We are vegan. But I will check on the book in our library. I also don't think it is learned a preschool. It is a very mellow group of kids. I am in the classroom as helping parent approx. once a month and so get to witness interactions.

Regardles of where it was learned, I think I need better coping mechanisms--as does he. I do find that really focused time on him helps and if, I let him plan how he spends his time. However, sometimes, you do have to go places and do certain things--i.e. brush teeth.

I am going to get some calming tea and rescue remedy for me.
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#7 of 7 Old 01-06-2002, 11:36 AM
 
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i too am finding that my daughter will get into hitting me

sometimes it seems to be a 'i want your attention NOW' maneuver

as much as i dont want her hitting in anger i've been trying to redirect it to a pillow and she refuses to walk away from me when she's in that mood



Quote:
Originally posted by babeola

Regardles of where it was learned, I think I need better coping mechanisms--as does he. I do find that really focused time on him helps and if, I let him plan how he spends his time. However, sometimes, you do have to go places and do certain things--i.e. brush teeth.

I am going to get some calming tea and rescue remedy for me.
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