My son peed his pants at school today because of his teacher! **UPDATE Post #107 - Page 4 - Mothering Forums
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The Childhood Years > My son peed his pants at school today because of his teacher! **UPDATE Post #107
momof3sweeties's Avatar momof3sweeties 03:48 PM 11-03-2005
Kelly,
I'm really late to this thread...but read most of it too. I am so sorry what happened to your little boy! It is extremely frightening the teacher is minimizing your child's feelings...and yours!

What is the business of having a 6 yo go off the the bathroom by himself anyway? Shouldn'y the TA accompany him or a "buddy".

The teacher doesn't want to admit she made a mistake. She could of easily walked to the door and banged on it herself for your child. This type of teacher is exactly why I don't want my kids in PS. My older son tried PS for a very short time. His teacher was sweet as pie to my face then my ds told me what how she really acted when parents weren't observing.

Hopefully your ds will get over his embarrassment and there aren't kids who make fun of him for something he had no way of controlling.

Also you know...the nurses office or somewhere should have a bin of extra clothing for when kids do have an accident. It wouldn't be that difficult for a few parents to donate some old underwear, pants, socks and shirts to keep on hand.

I would go beyond talking to the teacher, principle, superintendent...if they don't handle this properally. I would tell them nicely you will send a note to the rest of the kids' parents in your dc's class or school for that matter... letting them know exactly what happened.

Emilie's Avatar Emilie 04:02 PM 11-03-2005
The whole practice is unsafe and the attitude the teacher took is enough for me to want to homeschool!
I would immediately take your concerns about the door to the principal and then higher if need be. It is unacceptable. Make it more about the safety issue of the door- not the teacher- tho let it be known.
UgH. I will write more later and continue to look in!
Hugs
Em
onlyzombiecat's Avatar onlyzombiecat 07:08 AM 11-04-2005
This is outrageous and upsetting on all levels.
to your ds
I would definitely not let it drop. I would focus on what are they going to change in future so this doesn't happen again. (have teachers take kids seriously when they have to go potty, put a porta-potty outside, give the teachers outside a key, have extra clothes in case of accidents, apologize to the child, etc.) I might talk to other parents to see how they feel about the locked door also. This has to have happened to other kids.

I peed my pants in grade school more than once due to dorky restroom use policies and remember sitting in the office (still wet for all to see and smell) waiting for my mom as teachers and kids walked by me. It was incredibly humiliating. I guess things haven't changed much for the better in schools with regards to restroom use.
Pandora114's Avatar Pandora114 10:37 AM 11-04-2005
Ugh I dont get the potty nazi mentality *And I do mean the word in the authoritarian know it all do it my way or else meaning* of Elementary school teachers..

Seriously, I'd rather have a child miss out on 3 minutes of class, than be distracted as all getout with the urge to go, as WELL AS possibly missing the rest of the day due to having to go home because of wet clothes.

My elementary school was like that.

1: you could NOT pee during class time. You had to go at recess or lunch, and guess what, you were marched outside like ducks in a row without the opportunity to stop, as well as marched back in without opportunity to stop. Lunch times? Sit at desk eat lunch for 15 minutes not allowed to get up or speak during that time, then lined up and marched outside.

Oh yeah doors were locked at all times too and we weren't allowed in either except for life or death emergencies.

Needless to say I had alot of dehydrated classmates because we realized that if we didn't drink, we didn't have to go pee therefore wet our clothes.

Did I mention they made us hand them our lunchboxes. The teacher went through our lunchboxes for anything he/she considered "junky" seriously, Cookies, birthday cupcakes, you name it, was confiscated...

My husband broke the dehydration conditioning while in the Persian Gulf....

Me on the other hand...still wont drink enough water because of the whole pee thing...

Mabe that's why adults dont drink enough water, due to early school conditioning...
QueenOfTheMeadow's Avatar QueenOfTheMeadow 10:52 AM 11-04-2005
I am so sorry, not only that your son is going through this, but that you are going through this. I got a call from my son's teacher in the begining of the year saying that he was leaving the class and wandering the hallways for 20 minutes at a time due to hos frustration with adapting to first grade. From what I understand this happened over and over again. My son 6 year old son was left to wonder the hall by himself, with construction going on in the school. and construction workers able to come in. I was not pleased, and it made me sick to my stomach to think about what could have happened to him. Thankfully, we handled it with the school,and although they made excuses for him being left to wonder the halls, it never happened again.

Sorry to babble, but I just wanted to let youknow that I understand how frustrating and sickening it can be when you don't feel that your son is being taken care of the way he should be, and that his needs are being taken for granted. Keep up what your doing, and now take it to the next level, the principal. I would wait on tryin gto change his class, just because it is so hard on a child to have to make new friends at this point in the year.
FroNuff's Avatar FroNuff 12:02 PM 11-04-2005
Wow, I'm sorry you and your son are going through this. I agree with the others, take it up to the next level and don't let this just drop. That teacher sounds like a real winner...what was with her little jab at homeschooling?

Good luck to you.
Emilie's Avatar Emilie 02:44 PM 11-04-2005
My mom has been a kindergarten teacher for 23 years. I asked her about her school and what she thought. She said each teacher had a key and they could and would unlock it.
This knocking business is not safe- in many ways.
She said to remain calm- and talk to the principal- and if you get no where go to the school board- superindendent- whatever.
It is not safe. They are not protecting anyone by letting children open the doors to strangers. I am sure there are parents there in custody disputes that would really like to know that all their ex spouse has to do is knock on the door.
Emilie
littlemama06's Avatar littlemama06 04:03 PM 11-04-2005
That is so sad.I am so sorry for your little boy.
Fiercemama's Avatar Fiercemama 06:21 PM 11-04-2005
I'm sorry that you and your son have had this situation.

If you are concerned about the safety of policies at your child's school, check out the book "Protecting the Gift". I should be required reading for every parent IMHO, but its got information on what you should ask your school about their safety and emergency policies.
ChristaN's Avatar ChristaN 06:40 PM 11-04-2005
Another thing that I don't understand is why the school doesn't have a loan closet of clothes for situations like this. I have never known an elementary school that doesn't keep some extra clothes in the office for kids who have accidents, fall in a big puddle or whatever. He should have been discretely escorted to the office by an ADULT not a kid, given a change of clothes & and had his wet clothes sent home in a bag.
my2girlsmama's Avatar my2girlsmama 07:11 PM 11-04-2005
Quote:
Originally Posted by CookieMonsterMommy
UPDATE:
I told her that DeVante was very upset, and she said "Well, the really good thing is that no one really saw him after he had the accident-it wasn't a big deal" (way to minimize a 6 year old's feelings!) I explained to her that yes, people did notice, because he had to call out to her that he wet himself, and he was accompanied to the nurses office by a female classmate, and was forced to sit in his own urine for about 20 minutes for everyone to see and smell, and we thought that was a big deal.

She says....ready for this?

"Maybe, since he was homeschooled until now he just needs to get used to the routines and customs of being in a class a little better" : This is the same woman who, 3 days ago, told me my son was getting along nicely, is a pleasure, is fully oriented,

So, yeah, I'll be talking with someone higher up, because this really is more of a safety issue than I 1st considered, and the teacher was not helpful at all.

Any advice/support? My family (mother and father) are both saying "Oh would you just drop it already"...they never once stood up for me, my issues and feelings and safety were never important enough, and I don't want my son to know what that feels like...so I'd really like only supportive advice from this point on, as I've already made my decision to try and change this stupid policy as well as get an apology from the school nurse.

Thank you all,
Kelly
And supportive advice you shall get.

All I can reply to the above bolded type is Oh my ever loving God! I am SO FED UP with this asinine response teachers/school staff give.

For what it's worth, my child hasn't been homeschooled, but apparently because DH and I practice a gentler way of parenting she has less social skills and is timid for their liking.

I don't know, if *I* was forced to stay out of the classroom in the morning until I emptied my bag of books and lunchbag to carry it all in my little 6 yr old arms, I'd be freaking out too.............needless to say I am preparing my wording for a meeting on that one come December. I am so utterly with you on the taking it to a higher level. I plan to as well. I'm even on parent council if for no reason other than to be able to be in on things and have at it when need be with principal who herself is a moron...she took the side of a grade 6 recently when this kid was *touching and picking up and carrying on* with my dd and her friends...luring them to side of yard they were not supposed to be.....she says "oh hey that kid is nice...your kid is just 6 and doesn't understand" Yeah ok you wentch. I have taught my kid good touch bad touch and ANY touch that is not comfy is to be reported..but they ignored her.

You have to be so on top of this crap it is scary, and angering.

Hang in there mama. Keep copies of all that you write, meet with principal, then go higher up until you get AN APOLOGY and the rules at least are looked over and revised.
Cutie Patootie's Avatar Cutie Patootie 04:02 AM 11-07-2005
Coming in reeeeally late. I am so sorry that happened to your little guy. My mama bear insticts fired up as soon as I read your post. The whole thing is just ridiculous! I can't believe the teacher responded like that and then brought in the homeschooling thing. I agree, keep going until your son gets an apology. Then instead of remembering it as that embarassing time he peed himself when he was 6, he will remember it as the time his mama kicked butt for him.
Threefold's Avatar Threefold 04:12 AM 11-07-2005
Chiming in here as another teacher mama.
They can't pee freely at recess?
Can they drink water?
There are not spare clothes to loan?
Teachers don't have keys, yet kids open the door whenever someone knocks?


My school office falls short in many areas, but every single person in there is compassioante when a child has an accident, and there is a cabinet stuffed full of spare clothes!
So sorry mama to you and Devante.
And for following through on this. I don't think you should let it go, their policy needs some major overhauling, IMHO .
greenluv's Avatar greenluv 04:36 AM 11-07-2005
I've followed this thread from the beginning.

Go for the jugular, mama!! Be sure they understand in no uncertain terms that the problem does not lie with your son, but with their attitudes.
millionmom's Avatar millionmom 06:42 PM 11-07-2005
Coming from a teacher's point of view, I think your best bet would be to make an appointment with the teacher to discuss the situation. I don't think going to the administration right away is your best solution. Your son is in that classroom for the rest of the year and going over her head to the administration before knowing her side of the story could make the situation that much worse. Try to work it out with her first.
It is always a good idea for small children to have extra clothes at school. We request this each year (I teach kindergarten) and it's very frustrating when students don't have clothes. If their clothes are there it makes the situation so much less of an embarrassment!
CookieMonsterMommy's Avatar CookieMonsterMommy 05:33 PM 11-08-2005
Well, I spoke with the Ass't Principal Ms. H (who kept calling me Mrs. B, even though I told her that my name is Ms. V and that I was never married to ds's dad--but that's a whole other thread!)

I voiced my concern about the student's safety in regards to kids letting in anyone that knocks, and was told that there are cameras in the hallways and security gaurds that do rounds. Also, they are in the process of getting the teachers badges and will hook up a swiper outside the door so that the teachers can unlock it. So that's good.

I also mentioned how my son's emotional needs were not met, and she told me she'd have a talk with Ms. C about that, how it's such a routine thing for teachers to deal with

I then got into how my son was treated in the nurses office and how I'd be more than happy to donate clothes in his size and that he's grown out of or help start a collection through the PTO so that when this happens again (to another child), there will be a change of clothes and not only will that tone down the embarassment, but it will save the child from losing time in class while his parents bring in some new clothes. I was told "Well, they do that in kindergarten, but there isn't enough of a need in 1st grade" which kind of annoyed me, because moments ago, she just said it was very common. :

But either way, she said she'll have a talk with the nurse as well about being more sensitive to the children's needs and will discuss with the 1st grade teachers at the next "grade level meeting" (?) ways to help children into the building quicker in the event of an emergency or need to use the bathroom.

She also apologized that ds went through this, and told me that I did the right thing, coming to her with my issues.

Overall, it went okay. Not as great as I had hoped, but not as bad as I ad feared.

Thank you to all the mamas for their support and advice. I appreciate it.
Kelly
shine's Avatar shine 11:58 PM 11-08-2005
It bothers me that your school officials took your son's embarassment so lightly. Since both the teacher and the asst. principal are women, perhaps you could illustrate your point by asking them how they would feel if it happened to them. Many women struggle with bladder control problems and most of the women I know have bladders the size of a grape (I know I do). I'm sure if they were in the position of needing to use the restroom and couldn't get to one, they might see the situation differently.

An available restroom is a reasonable request since most places don't allow peeing on the ground, and why can't they put a buzzer on the door and a video cam to buzz people in when they need to?

I'm sorry your kiddo had to experience that.
Emilie's Avatar Emilie 01:46 AM 11-09-2005
I am glad they are getting an outdoor entry system. Keep on top of when tho!
Good for you for taking a stand. So many people just shrug and say that is the way it is- when things are WRONG!
Go ahead and take a change of clothes for your son.
I can remember children peeing their pants in many gradeschool grades. Somewhat due to the fact they were NOT ALLOWED TO GO!
I hope your son is doing ok.
Hugs mama
Emilie
RubyWild's Avatar RubyWild 04:58 AM 11-09-2005
Why don't the teachers have keys? Did she answer that?
momma2mingbu's Avatar momma2mingbu 11:26 AM 11-09-2005
What they may not be considering in turning down the idea of a clothes closet at school - what about kids who get SICK at school, not just toileting accidents? My son puked all over himself there once this year (in FIRST grade) and they were able to give him a change of clothes. You might bring that up.
CookieMonsterMommy's Avatar CookieMonsterMommy 12:08 PM 11-09-2005
Quote:
Originally Posted by RubyWild
Why don't the teachers have keys? Did she answer that?
There's not even a key hole. The way it is right now, it's completely unaccessable from the outside, unless opened from the inside.

The buzzer thing is a good idea...but that would have to pass budget and actually be worked on, which would take a while. It might make more sense to wait till the teachers can open it themselves at this point....

I think I'll just birng in a box of used but wearable clothes to the nurses office. if they don't like the idea, they can donate the clothes. (Ms. H. said there was an issue of the clothes being clean enough to put on other kids. Um...wash em 1st?)

Thanks again!

Kelly
taz925's Avatar taz925 01:01 PM 12-27-2005
Quote:
Originally Posted by CookieMonsterMommy

I think I'll just birng in a box of used but wearable clothes to the nurses office. if they don't like the idea, they can donate the clothes. (Ms. H. said there was an issue of the clothes being clean enough to put on other kids. Um...wash em 1st?)
Wouldn't they rather have dirty clothes on than sit in pee filled ones! Way to be sensitive! Could you have your child have a change of clothes in his locker or backpack? I sometimes send extra pants etc. when I send him with snow stuff.
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