My son peed his pants at school today because of his teacher! **UPDATE Post #107 - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 112 Old 11-01-2005, 05:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am so pissed. I just picked ds (6) up from school because he had a "toileting accident". This was SO unlike ds, I was shocked. I went to pick him up, and find out what happened.

I walk into the nurses office, and DS is sitting there in a chair with his wet pants for everyone and their mama to see (and I mean he was soaked--I had to change his socks, wash his shoe laces, and clean his shoes ). I ask "Excuse me, but you couldn't give him a towel or drape to put on his lap?!" and I get "Oh, well, I didn't think of it.".

So I get him changed, and ask him what happened. Here's his story:

I was outside for recess and I really had to pee. I told Ms. C "I really have to pee" and she told me okay, to knock on the door. So I knocked on the door for a really long time, and I was hopping cuz I had to pee so bad, and I went back to Ms. C and said I really had to pee. She told me to go knock again, and some pee came out when I was hopping back to the door. Then she sent the helper [teacher's aid/paraprofessional] to knock with me, then all the pee came out. The helper had to go to a window and knock for the teacher to stop teaching and let me in.

I asked him how he felt and he said "I felt soooo embarassed and thought 'Oh man, this is gonna stink and feel uncomfortable on my legs' and I didn't want anyone to see me and know I peed in my pants"

The teacher never apologized to my son. Never told him it was okay, not to be upset, it wasn't his fault, etc.

I understand the policy to keep the door locked from the outside, so that any stranger can walk in and molest/kidnap/harm a child. But I do NOT understand the policy of leaving a 6 year old or younger to bang on a metal door with the hopes that someone will happen to be walking by at that moment to let them in. Especially if you're not going to follow up and make sure they made it in. : Especially with a child who is new to the district!

What would you do? I want to write a note to Ms. C, but don;t know exactly what to say. I am livid, but do not want all my anger to come through, as I don't want to be taken as some irrational, emotional, wacky home schooling mother who likes to complain about the public school.

kelly

PS-I don't think this is fit for "Learning at school and beyond" or whatever, because this has nothing to do with his education.

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#2 of 112 Old 11-01-2005, 05:34 PM
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That is horrible!
Definitely write a letter detailing everything. Then speak to the teacher and demand to know what is going to change in the future so that never happens to another child again.
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#3 of 112 Old 11-01-2005, 05:35 PM
 
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First of all, I am so so sorry this happened to your son. I would be so totally angry if I were you. I would ask for a meeting with the teacher and principal. This is inexcusable for your son not to be offered a towel, or extra clothes he could change into (many schools keep extra pairs of new underwear & donated pants/clothes just for this reason)!!!

The teacher needs to apologize and you need to be assured that this will never again happen again, that your son will be taken seriously if he needs to use the bathroom.

A big sympathetic
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#4 of 112 Old 11-01-2005, 05:36 PM
 
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Oh, Momma! I am so sorry. Your poor little man. I know just how that feels. I peed my pants at school when I was about that age b/c of a bladder infection. It was so embarrassing...but, I had a good teacher that made sure none of the other kids knew what was going on.
I would definitely approach the teacher. If it was me I would probably call her instead of writing a note. At my dd's school, her teacher sent home a note at the beginning of the year advising parents of her planning time. You might find out when your ds' teacher's planning time is and either call her or arrange a meeting. She needs to know how you feel about it, and quite frankly there should have already been a solution in place for this kind of situation other than sending a small child to knock on the door alone.
Blessings.
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#5 of 112 Old 11-01-2005, 05:36 PM
 
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Originally Posted by MamaInTheBoonies
That is horrible!
Definitely write a letter detailing everything. Then speak to the teacher and demand to know what is going to change in the future so that never happens to another child again.
I agree.
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#6 of 112 Old 11-01-2005, 05:36 PM
 
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You have every right to be fuming, Mama. I would definitely write a letter to the tracher and the principal but....if you are anything like me, I would wait until you are a little more calm. You will get your point across further. JMHO. What were they thinking? :
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#7 of 112 Old 11-01-2005, 05:37 PM
 
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I would be livid too. to your ds. I would definitely talk to the teacher about it but I'd wait until you are less angry to do it. It seems they need to develope a policy for kids having to pee during recess, I'm sure your son isn't the first kid who needed to pee during recess. I think the teacher handled the situation pretty bad and they were inconsiderate of your son's feeling after the fact too.

OUR DAUGHTERS ARE PROTECTED SHOULDN'T OUR SONS BE TOO! :
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#8 of 112 Old 11-01-2005, 05:37 PM
 
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Oh man, momma I am so sorry! Your poor baby!

I would absolutely write a note. I would focus on the problem and how it could be prevented in the future. I am trying to understand this... the teacher and the kids are out in the yard and the teacher is actually helpless to get back into the bldg? Or she simply chose not to walk over and unlock the door or give the para the key and ask her to do it? What if rather than a bathroom emergency there had been a real emergency? A kid badly hurt? Okay.... I'm getting worked up now. That's not helping you. My DD is in Kinder and they sent a note home at the beginning of school asking us to send in a change of clothes to leave there... just in case.

I'm gonna have to get back to you on this.
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#9 of 112 Old 11-01-2005, 05:38 PM
 
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The note should stick with the facts without blaming or demanding an appology:

Dear Mrs C,

When my son peed his pants at recess on Tuesday he felt extremely embarassed and uncomfortable. According to him, when children are outside of the school building at recess toilet facilities are not available. This seems like an unacceptable situation. I would like to talk to you in order to find out what the school is planning to do to make sure that children have access to the potty whenever they need it during the day.

Sincerely,

DSs Mom
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#10 of 112 Old 11-01-2005, 05:38 PM
 
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That is AWFUL!!! :

I would speak to or write to the superintendant of schools as well as the principal. That is a totally inexcusable & borderline abuse/abuse of power -- UNACCEPTABLE!! So sorry your son had to experience that!
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#11 of 112 Old 11-01-2005, 05:39 PM
 
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Oh, that SUCKS for your DS. I had a similar incident happen to me when I was in Kindergarden and it still sticks with me to this day that no one apologized to me, and my grandmother (guardian) did not say anything to the teacher. And I had to sit in my wet clothes all the way home on the school bus, to boot. Thank God my brother was there so no one teased me. But it was humiliating.

Personally, I'd go speak with the teacher in person, if possible. Was the teacher who wouldn't let your son in his teacher? Or was it just a random teacher who refused to let him in? Either way, I'd speak to someone in person.
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#12 of 112 Old 11-01-2005, 05:40 PM
 
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Wow! They couldn't pull something dry out of a lost and found box for him to put on. And the fact that the nurse didn't even think about drapping/helping your DS is just so disrespectful and cruel!!

Why don't the recess aides have a key to re-enter the school? What if a child is hurt and someone needs to run to get the nurse/help? Are they supposed to bang on the door until someone comes? Definitely a safety issue that needs to be addressed.

Let the letter writing begin!

Next, tell your son to pee on the asshats.
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#13 of 112 Old 11-01-2005, 05:40 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AmyB
The note should stick with the facts without blaming or demanding an appology:
I hear where you are coming from but I disagree. What that teacher did would be grounds for serious censure and possibly suspension in many school districts. It's totally unacceptable & her superiors should recieve the formal complaint - not the teacher herself.
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#14 of 112 Old 11-01-2005, 05:40 PM
 
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Poor guy. CMM. I have a 6 yo boy too, he would be so embarassed if that happened to him. I wish I could give you some advice, but I don't know how to handle these kinds of things. I can *almost* see how this would happen in the first place -- teacher busy supervising the kids on the playground, figuring if she didn't hear back from your ds right away that it means he got inside; kids probably often say "I really have to pee really bad right now!" kind of things to make sure the teacher listens, etc. But the way he was treated after is absolutely inexcusable. How horrible of them.

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#15 of 112 Old 11-01-2005, 05:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nntalamu
If it was me I would probably call her instead of writing a note. At my dd's school, her teacher sent home a note at the beginning of the year advising parents of her planning time. You might find out when your ds' teacher's planning time is and either call her or arrange a meeting.

See, that's the thing--I asked her when her planning time was when I 1st met her, and she just told me "If you need to get in touch with me, you can write me a note and leave it in the Take Home folder. If you need to call, just call the main office and leave a message with them" Which I was unhappy with.

You're all right. I think I'm going to write her a note--when I calm down some--telling her that his father and I need to meet with her. WTF should I care what she thinks of me or thinks I'm complaining about something trivial (which I know I'm not).

Kama I'm not sure if the teachers have a key or if the doors are opened from the inside when recess time is over. Good point about an emergency. I asked ds and he shrugged, saying "I don't know. Maybe they have a time lock...or someone crawls in a window and goes inside and opens the door." lol, I'm guessing I'd better ask someone else for the facts!

Again, I understand the rational behind keeping the doors locked, but there needs to be a better way.

Kelly

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#16 of 112 Old 11-01-2005, 05:49 PM
 
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I'd write the letter to the principal or superintendant.
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#17 of 112 Old 11-01-2005, 05:49 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AmyB
The note should stick with the facts without blaming or demanding an appology:

Dear Mrs C,

When my son peed his pants at recess on Tuesday he felt extremely embarassed and uncomfortable. According to him, when children are outside of the school building at recess toilet facilities are not available. This seems like an unacceptable situation. I would like to talk to you in order to find out what the school is planning to do to make sure that children have access to the potty whenever they need it during the day.

Sincerely,

DSs Mom
ITA!! :
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#18 of 112 Old 11-01-2005, 05:51 PM
 
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I would approach the administration, not the teacher. I would focus solely on the fact that they need a better system for children who need access to the restroom during recess. Unless you know differently, I would assume that the recess supervising teacher couldn't leave an assigned post because of safety and/or legal reasons (so many teachers required to be out with so many kids). I would also assume that the teacher inside simply didn't hear your son, not was deliberately ignoring him. What you want is a solution to the problem, not to fix blame. After all, you might be frustrated if your child was hurt while the recess teacher was helping another child to the restroom or in the classroom while the teacher went to let a child in the door.
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#19 of 112 Old 11-01-2005, 05:52 PM
 
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And Im sorry that your son had to experience this embarasment.

& the Nurse/office personell on the other hand..... AWEFUL for them to not offer him a towel/blanket/lost & found coat SOMETHING to cover with while he waits
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#20 of 112 Old 11-01-2005, 05:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Evan&Anna's_Mom
Unless you know differently, I would assume that the recess supervising teacher couldn't leave an assigned post because of safety and/or legal reasons (so many teachers required to be out with so many kids). I would also assume that the teacher inside simply didn't hear your son, not was deliberately ignoring him.
All the teachers go out with the kids for recess, as well as the TAs.

And there was no teacher where my son was knocking. The door opens to a hallway, where there may or may not be someone passing through at any given time, not a classroom. The TA who finally went with him, and she couldn't get anyone at the door and so had to knock on a classroom window and signal to a teacher who had a class in session. Also, the door is about 50-75 feet from the playground equipment. It's a really idiotic crap shoot if you ask me.

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#21 of 112 Old 11-01-2005, 06:02 PM
 
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Your poor little boy! No matter WHY this happened, I know he was mortified, and that is terrible.

I would caution against going straight to the principal and/or superintendant before trying to resolve the issue with the teacher first. There is often little respect for parents who go 'straight to the top' so to speak when it's not a SERIOUS issue (CLEAR safety issue, abuse, etc).

Questions I would ask:

1. How many adults are available for supervision during recess?

2. How do adults gain access to the building from outside?

Assuming there is more than one adult outside and they have access to the building through either a key or code for a key pad, my suggestion would be for an adult to escort said child to the door and let them in.

If there is only one adult outside with the kids, it's a bit harder depending on where the door is located compared to where all of the other children are playing.

If there is no access to the building through either key or code, I'd be concerned about emergency situations more than potty accidents.
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#22 of 112 Old 11-01-2005, 06:05 PM
 
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Yeah...

And where are they supposed to potty while they are out there playing?? Thats what Id want to know....
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#23 of 112 Old 11-01-2005, 06:07 PM
 
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I would go above the teacher and go straight to the principle.

I see a number of problems, most have been mentioned already.
How do the kids come came in after play time?
What about an emergancy, bang on the door? Stupid!
Looking the door when student are OUTSIDE does nothing to protect them as they wont be able to run inside for safety.
And shame on them for not giving him something to wear/cover.

I hope they pee their pants but of course that wont happen cause theres nothing stopping them when they have to go!



MsDoula if you are taking a siesta from MDC what are you doing posting
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#24 of 112 Old 11-01-2005, 06:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Ms.Doula
Yeah...

And where are they supposed to potty while they are out there playing?? Thats what Id want to know....
That's the thing! They're supposed to bang on the door till someone happens by and lets them in! : Illogical!

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#25 of 112 Old 11-01-2005, 06:16 PM
 
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Why does the teacher and assistant teacher not have a key to the door? Period. What if something happened outside- um, like a kid fell off the swing and broke his arm- etc.
I am so sorry for your little guy- that is absolutely unnacceptable.
I think I would go beyond note writing here- or maybe a note and a visit? If you get nowhere- go to the principal. This is a major safety issue-
Emilie
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#26 of 112 Old 11-01-2005, 06:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Emilie
Why does the teacher and assistant teacher not have a key to the door?
I don;t know if they do or not. I'd imagine they would. It's one of the questions I intend to ask.

Kelly, mama (12yoDS), doula, RN, and writer.
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#27 of 112 Old 11-01-2005, 06:19 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by momto l&a
I would go above the teacher and go straight to the principle.

I see a number of problems, most have been mentioned already.
How do the kids come came in after play time?
What about an emergancy, bang on the door? Stupid!
Looking the door when student are OUTSIDE does nothing to protect them as they wont be able to run inside for safety.
And shame on them for not giving him something to wear/cover.

I hope they pee their pants but of course that wont happen cause theres nothing stopping them when they have to go!



MsDoula if you are taking a siesta from MDC what are you doing posting
: I errr.. I uuuhhhhh....

Im 'visiting' for a few ok!!
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#28 of 112 Old 11-01-2005, 06:23 PM
 
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My little guy is 6 too and I almost cried reading this, I know how my darling would feel in this situation. There are so many issues surrounding their locked door policy something definitly needs to be said. My son was involved in an incident when he first started and I defifintly let my emotions get the better of me and I gave the teacher the big 'what up'! They might think im an irrational overprotective mum but they sure as hell changed their policy straight away!
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#29 of 112 Old 11-01-2005, 06:23 PM
 
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oh kelly, how awful!! that is such a hard thing for a little boy to have to put up with. and so unfair. all one needs is to be a little sympathetic to others needs and feelings.

poor little boy. let us know how he does tomorrow?

gosh ur posting about them banging on the door till someone notices is really, really scary. what if there was a fire?

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#30 of 112 Old 11-01-2005, 06:24 PM
 
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I would talk to the teacher first and ask her what she thinks of the situation and how you might approach the administration if these aree the rules the teachers are given. If everyone is suppose to bang on the door until someone walks by seems like a really stupid protocol. I'm sure it is not the teacher making it up, though I also believe she could have handle the whole thing much better. I think if you approach her as an ally against the school's policy instead of just focusing on how she mishandled it, she will be more likely to help you find a way to prevent this in the future.
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