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#61 of 230 Old 11-25-2005, 10:50 AM
 
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OH and here is a truly embarrassing moment, I was mortified. We were in church last spring and the have young disciples time when the kids go up front and our pastor talks to them. She was talking to them about monsters and how you can pray (i forget how she related it now) and she asked what you can do when you are afraid of monsters. so my ds, he was 3 at the time, says "you can shoot monsters with guns!" , i was so embarrassed. This is coming from a child who does not watch anything violent, does not own a gun!!! I didnt even know he knew what a gun was!!! so the pastor was great and just kind of kept talking, so he SAYS IT AGAIN! LOUDER!!! (luckily everyone giggled.... a nervous giggle?) I could have died. After church I was like, I guess I need to have a little talk with Avery, and our pastor was like, oh no, its everywhere, you cant prevent them from learning about that stuff, she was really great. After church we talked about the whole thing and I was like... we dont talk about guns and shooting in church!!!
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#62 of 230 Old 11-25-2005, 11:21 AM
 
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OMG THIS IS MY TOPIC!

i am very close to my cousin. she had a dd when i was in 8th grade. we were always together so im going to share some of the things she has done to embaris me.

for some reason if she saw hair some place other than on your head she called it grass....and if you ask her where her butt is she would point to her vagina.....oh yeah my nickname has always been pickle....with that said...
i took her into the bathroom stall with me in the mall after standing in line for what seemed like forever. i pull down my pants to pee and she starts screaming at the top of her lungs "hey pickle you have grass on your butt!"

we were eating out (my cousin and her dd). while in the middle of conversation, she yells out as loud as she could "MAMMA MAMMA DO YOU WANT A PENIS?"

while waiting for a friend to get off work or go on break, one of her coworkers came to talk to me. my little cousin said "HEY LADY, YOUR TEETH ARE STICKING OUT!" i told her "shhh, dont say that" and she yells "BUT PICKLE HER TEETH ARE STICKING OUT!" the lady got up and left i think i was 16 or 17 and didnt know what to do or say because the ladies teeth were sticking out, she was really buck toothed. she was just stating the truth..

still on my little cousin..

she ran up to this man (very obese) and told him "WOW YOU ARE SO STRONG"
i was just thanking my lucky stars she didnt say fat.

now my son got me the other night, he has learned from daycare to stick out his butt, bounce it up and down and say "Na Na Na Na Naaaaaa!"

i was hosting a pampered chef party and levi went potty (poop) and ran into the middle of the room, infront of all the ladies saying "na na na na naaaa" sticking his dirty butt, bouncing it up and down.
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#63 of 230 Old 12-02-2005, 01:57 AM
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dh is going to kill me for this but....

dh was drying himself off after taking a shower and ds1 comes into the bathroom. He takes a look at his dad, touches his dad's penis and says, "It's small." Looks at dh's face and adds "it's beautiful".
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#64 of 230 Old 12-02-2005, 02:57 AM
 
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OMGosh you girls have me crackign up... I'll add mine...

Back when I had just 2 kiddos I was trying to check out at the grocery store by myself. I was paying the cashier and I suddenly hear a little girl singing over the intercom. Thinking "Ah how cute" then realizing its MY child I turn around and see my DD crouched next to the counter with the mic thing from the adjacent cashier register.

My MIL was watching the kiddos and Jo was about 3 or 4... MIL farted and said "Joscey, did you toot?" (totally kidding with her) she says "No, I fart and MINE stink!"

While I was pregnant with Mackie I had the kids at work with me (they always came to work with me) and one of my assistants was an overweight woman. Jo happily tells the gal "My mom has a baby in her tummy.. see?" Then goes on to say "Wow, you must have a really big baby in there!"

Jo (again) embarrassed just me when we were toilet training her. I was trying to tell her she only needed to use a little toilet paper to wipe her butt because she had a little butt. (She always had used a TON). I should have phrase that differently in hind sight. I go to show her and grab some toilet paper... She tells me "Oh mama, you are gonna need a LOT more than that!!" Dh thinks it hillarious to retell this one on a regular basis years later.

Strangely all of my embarrassing stories are with JO. My other 2 havent embarrassed me too badly yet.

Mom to Joscelyne 14, Andrew 12, and Mackenzie 10 and wife to Nate.
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#65 of 230 Old 12-02-2005, 03:08 AM
 
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Thanks for the laughs, I have one to add
The other day my dd is at the neighbor's house and they are discussing what they will do when they grow up. DD says, "When I grow up I'm going to get married!" Our neighbor, a 4.5 year old boy replies, "When I grow up I'm going to bang my head against the wall until I pass out and fall on the floor!"
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#66 of 230 Old 12-02-2005, 03:51 AM
 
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OMG!! That last one had me in tears (lol, I almost wrote teats ).

Last night me and dh where at a tree lighting with our 3 boys. ds1, 4years, says that he had some hair on his teetee. It is crowded, likethiscrowded, and we always say penis, so I am assuming that it was not that area so it was safe to talk about amongst a thousand folks. he tells me AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS that it was a hair on his penis and he pulled it out because he don't want no hair on his penis like daddy. We left right after. I am still giggling about it . dh did not think it was funny at all though.
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#67 of 230 Old 12-02-2005, 04:36 AM
 
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According to my nephew rabbits don't bounce, they go 'wang wang wang wang wang'. And I bet you never knew that the noise a helicopter makes is 'fuckafuckafuckafuckafucka' (I didn't know that either until my son told me in a very crowded grocery shop).
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#68 of 230 Old 12-02-2005, 11:06 AM
 
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Private parts. Kids love talking about them lol!
This wasn't in front of anyone but worth mentioning...
When we were in the shower one day, ds, who was a little more than 2 proclaimed that I had hair on my "clam penis".
No one ever said "clam" around him in reference to a vagina, but I guess we know where it comes from now huh?
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#69 of 230 Old 12-02-2005, 01:06 PM
 
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Has anyone's dc drawn a nude family portrait at school? This happened to another neighbor of mine and the teacher called her at home, laughing and warning her what was coming home on the bus.
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#70 of 230 Old 12-02-2005, 02:28 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redhotmama
Has anyone's dc drawn a nude family portrait at school? This happened to another neighbor of mine and the teacher called her at home, laughing and warning her what was coming home on the bus.
Not at school but my then 4 year old drew a picture of me nude in the sand (with a stick) when we were fishing. It was not a quiet lake either, husseling and busseling with lots of people. I didn't until she called out that she had found little sea shells for my nipples. The picture looked like something you would find on the bathroom stall of the boys jr. high bathroom. :
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#71 of 230 Old 12-02-2005, 06:15 PM
 
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Oh What I get to look forward to. These were so hilarious. I even woke my baby laughing so hard. Thanks I needed a laugh. New baby stress
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#72 of 230 Old 12-02-2005, 06:32 PM
 
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My 4 yr son told our African-American neighbor that he had a mean face. The man laughed and said why he thought he had a mean face? My son said, "Look how dark it is" (!).
Yikes! I was so embarrassed and so sorry but the man didn't seem too offended.
My son and I had a talk after that. I did not realize just how much color symbolism is used in the world...my little boy associates darkness with meanness or evil and light with goodness and joy.
I explained to him that you cannot tell about a person from their outside...I reminded him that my dad's wife (Granny is African-American) has a "dark" face.
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#73 of 230 Old 12-02-2005, 06:42 PM
 
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Thought of one more...
My little boy and I were in the bathtub when he was about 2. He knew the word for his own "penis" and started pointing to my parts and saying "penis". I told him, "Mommy has a vulva". So now he knows the right word : )
Well, it's turned into a teasing game....he tells me "You have a penis!" and I gently correct him, "No, I have a vulva."
Well, we were out shopping at Trader Joe's...Christmas Season too so it's BUSY. He was hysterically laughing as he told many a passing stranger, "My Mommy has a penis!"
OH MY GOSH...shopping time was over
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#74 of 230 Old 12-02-2005, 10:51 PM
 
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When I was about 3 years old I loudly asked my mother in a public washroom: "Mommy, why do you have a mustache on your pee-pee?"

My stepdaughter, at about 4 years of age, came to us and said:
"I *accidentally* stuck my finger in the dog's butt." I don't think she actually did (I sure hope not) but you better believe that hand got a good scrubbing!

Finally pregnant with #1 and #2! Due September 9th, 2014 
   
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#75 of 230 Old 12-03-2005, 01:29 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chiedza
"Who wants pizza? Who wants ice cream? Who wants vulvas?" Don't know where he got the idea that was food, but I cleared that one up right away!
Well, lotsa people eat it.
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#76 of 230 Old 12-03-2005, 03:20 AM
 
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Okay, I've been laughing way too much late at night on this thread. I just remembered when dd was 2, my sister and I took her for a walk in the woods. My sister suddenly needed a bathroom about an hour into the walk and I told her, you're going to have to go off trail, there are no outhouses this deep in. She is very neat, very modest, and there was no way she was going to do this. But after a few more minutes she realizes she is just not going to make it back, so she very awkwardly picks her way into a little ditch out of sight. I never even really said anything to dd about it, we just kept it very matter of fact, altho all the way back, my sister keeps mumbling, I can't believe I did that.

About four months later there is a big extended family dinner, everyone dressed up, potluck, fresh flowers, etc. Some conversation is going on with my dh and brother in law, and at one point, BIL jokingly says, "Does a bear s___ in the woods?" And dd instantly turns to my sister and says, "You do."

Oh man, the look on my sister's face.
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#77 of 230 Old 12-03-2005, 03:54 AM
 
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my kids love those price scanners in walmart. my 10yo ds will grab anything and check the price. so as we walk by one, he sticks his hand under to "see how much he costs". i proceed to tell him "oh, i can tell you what you cost...you cost me my youth and figure!". (i was joking, and he totally knew it!) he fires right back with "YOU HAD A FIGURE???" as loud as he possibly could.

ds2 was not quite 3 when we were in a public bathroom (pre-diva cup days) and he felt the need to shout out, "oh my god, mommy you're bleeding! are you ok?! THE BLOOD IS ALL OVER YOUR UNDERWEAR!"

Bring back the old MDC
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#78 of 230 Old 12-03-2005, 04:27 PM
 
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Oh man, these are hilarious!!

The boys(7&2), my mother and I were @ In & Out a couple of weeks ago. Well, my mom excused herself from the table to use the restroom. As she was walking away, my 2y/o shouted, "Grammy gonna take a dump!!" My mom almost died, mostly from laughing so hard.

Heather, mama to          
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#79 of 230 Old 12-03-2005, 05:02 PM
 
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My DD loves to tell anyone she meets that her new brother has a penis like her daddy and she has a vagina like her mother! She has also been known to walk over to DS and I while I'm talking to people and say "Hi Baby Brother!! How is your penis today? Should I check it for you?"

Oh - one other (she loves body parts) Soon after DS was born, a single childless male friend of ours came over to visit. DD got up on the couch, laid down and started grunting. Friend asked her what she was doing and she rubbed her belly and said "My baby is coming, I'm trying to push her out my vagina right now. Do you want to watch?". He didn't come over for a while after that!
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#80 of 230 Old 12-05-2005, 03:15 AM
 
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Yes the Bagina itch! we know it well. for a while it was all DD wanted to talk about. "My bagina was itchy so when I take my bath I can't use the Big Bird bubble bath. So I took a bath with no bubbles and guess what? MY BAGINA DIDN"T ITCH ANYMORE! YEAH" clap of the hands. though embaressing being in a crowd of women (baby shower) I think the response clap was genuine!
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#81 of 230 Old 12-05-2005, 01:41 PM
 
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OMG - these are HILARIOUS! My DD came and asked what I was laughing about...

We were going to the bathroom at Nordstrom and I had to change my tampon, so DD announces to everyone, "WOW MOMMY! YOU MADE A BIG POOP!" ugh. LOL.

We were at Target and DD and another rather robust woman bumped into one another. THe nice lady said "Oh I am so sorry sweetie!" and DD replied "that's OK, you're squishy." OMG. Thank God the lady had a sense of humor and cracked up.
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#82 of 230 Old 12-05-2005, 05:46 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by luckylady
We were at Target and DD and another rather robust woman bumped into one another. THe nice lady said "Oh I am so sorry sweetie!" and DD replied "that's OK, you're squishy."
:
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#83 of 230 Old 12-05-2005, 10:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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OK- I just had to add another one (that squishy one reminded me...) It doesn't involve MY kiddo but a dear freinds and my mom.

My friend's son was over, he was about 6 and he was more of a round child coming from a proud and round family. My mom was sitting at the table and he comes over to her, takes a big handful of her upper thigh - wiggles and jiggles it back aand forth and says "Mmmmmmm....fluffy" With this dreamy look on his face. Later, I cracked up telling his mom the story and she relayed that he has a thing for soft, fluffy women!
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#84 of 230 Old 12-07-2005, 05:07 PM
 
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these are to die for! I practically woke the baby last night i was laughing so hard!
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#85 of 230 Old 12-09-2005, 08:01 PM
 
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Originally Posted by G&B'sMama
So I ran to the bathroom with 2 ½ year old DD in tow and made it just in time to get to the toilet. After a minute or so DD starts making these gagging noises and says “Mama, that’s a big stinky poo-poo” over and over again really loudly. The bathroom was in the back right next to where a scrapbooking class was going on. I could hear every word they were saying. I am trying to shush her and she starts saying

“I want out, its too stinky in here, help me get out help me!”
: : : ... : ...

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#86 of 230 Old 12-10-2005, 01:26 AM
 
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I wasn't going to post really as my son hasn't done anything to embarass me, until I came across this one:
Quote:
My 4 yr son told our African-American neighbor that he had a mean face. The man laughed and said why he thought he had a mean face? My son said, "Look how dark it is" (!).
and I remembered.....my ds was 3 and my uncle (well really just very close friend of the family) was outside mowing his lawn. So we went over for a visit, and they played for a while, when it was time to go my uncle asked Isaac for a high five...and Isaac said 'no way, you're dirty'..oh I was just mortified : Luckily he's an older man and has many neices and nephews and Isaac hasn't been the first one to say that. I tried to have a little talk with him but I'm not sure he understood

Mom to Ds1 (8 1/2) Ds2 (6) Dd (2 1/2)!!!!
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#87 of 230 Old 12-11-2005, 12:44 AM
 
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At restaurant, when PG with #3 DS tells the waitress, "My dad gave my mom 3 sperms!"

Same restaurant, same day, same waitress, after a trip to the potty, DD1 tells waitress, "My mama made a poop...a BIG one!"

I never see that waitress there anymore...

Mama to 3 kiddles. joy.giffencing.gif Doing my best and trying to stay afloat.vbac.gif

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#88 of 230 Old 12-30-2005, 04:43 AM
 
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#89 of 230 Old 05-19-2006, 02:29 PM
 
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another

DIYer mama to DD 11/00 and DS 6/05- both intact, naturally!
...missing Mothering Magazine...
 
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#90 of 230 Old 05-19-2006, 07:00 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by keeksmom
At around age 3 my dd fixated on the word "penis". She just enjoyed saying it. One day, riding in the shopping cart, she loudly announced to the checkout person and everyone else in line, "My mommy has a PENIS!".






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