Need new ideas for toilet teaching. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 01-12-2006, 05:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My DD will be 4 on Sunday and she still isn't toilet trained. She almost never goes unless I promt her to do ie right before preschool or another outing. If she does head to the bathroom on her own, it is b/c she already peed a little bit. She also hasn't pooped in the potty in months!!! She has actually done it a couple of times! I thought forsure after she does it once, she will do it forever, but not the case.

I feel like I have tried everything with her, we have done sticker charts, rewards, disaplining (taking toys away, time out...) We Praise 'till the cows come home, and still no. Oh, but get this..... she is trained for over night! I so don't get it!!!

Right now, we are just keeping it low profile thinking that we yelled at her a few too many times when she poops in her panties for the billionth time. We are also letting her poop in a pull up otherwise, she will hold it in.

So, any suggestions would be great. Do you think it could be medical?? I just don't know what do to and am stressed with the thought of her actually pooping at Preschool.

Marianne
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#2 of 6 Old 01-13-2006, 02:01 AM
 
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First, yes, perhaps you should get her checked for medical issues. But, I wouldn't freak out. I have a cousin who pooped in a diaper until she was five and a half. She did see a psychologist, though.

Next. I taught preschool. Chill out. Preschool teachers deal with accidents at the rate of at LEAST one per week. They are so used to it that it's a non-issue.

I also nannied for twelve years and have helped so many kids decide to use the potty that I've lost count.

Is she ready, do you really think she is? Then quit the charts, quit the praise, quit the yelling too. Tell her that from today on, she will be going potty in the toilet. Show her the rags to clean up if she has an accident (everybody has an accident now and then...and we have to learn to be responsible for our actions and clean up after our mistakes) don't get upset, just stay very calm and help her (read "let her do most of the work, but support her") clean up. Show her where you'll keep her changes of clothes, too, including several pair of underware, in the bathroom or very near by. Tell her that she can just change, and throw her soiled clothes in the hamper (or etc). Then, and here's the killer, GET RID OF THE PULL UPS. I know. You hate me already. When she withholds, give her a stool softener. She'll go when she realizes that it's not a power issue, you're not mad, you're not pressuring her to "act like a big girl..."that it's simply time for her to use the toilet. THen, go do some yoga, and prepare for up to a month of accidents. Don't ever react. Just get up and support her through the cleanup if that's what she needs.

This may sound harsh. I don't think so. I really think that, if she has met all of the milestones, and you are really comfortable with the concept of her being able to use the potty on her own, all you are doing is honestly showing her the support she needs to believe in herself...and giving her the parameters she needs to be comfortable growing up. Kids need parameters. If you let her poop in her pullups and she's comfortable sitting in poop, she's just going to do that. If you calmly show her that you believe she's capable of doing it in the toilet, she'll begin to believe it, too. But you can't pressure or excite or demean. Just support. Show her the facilities, the clean clothes, and the clean-up stuff. Teach her action (pee on the floor) and reaction (clean it up).

I've done this with several kids in the new fancy diaper (pullups) of the 21st century way past when they even want to be. You'd be surprised, it usually only takes a few days of sitting in a pee puddle with a chapped bottom. NO. It's NOT punishment. It's acting and seeing the consequences of those actions. If this was a two year old who hadn't met the "pt ready milestones" yet, I would have a totally different answer (ie:leave her alone!). SO. Good luck. Stay calm. Just what I've done in the past.

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#3 of 6 Old 01-13-2006, 11:08 AM
 
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Just like any other new "skill", using the potty will happen when your dd is ready. 4 is not that old. I think the best course of action is to just drop it, definitely QUIT punishing her for not using the potty (did you punish her for not walking earlier?), and let HER decide when she's ready.
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#4 of 6 Old 01-13-2006, 11:47 AM
 
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When you say she is "trained for overnight" do you mean that she gets up to use the potty at night or just that she does not pee during the night.

If its just that she does not pee during the night she is NOT in any way trained. Her body is simply making a normal hormone (for some kids it happens earlier or later) that stops urine production at night. It has nothing to do with anything regarding potty learning!
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#5 of 6 Old 01-13-2006, 07:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks ladies!! You gave me something to think about and reasuring that I am on the right track to just lay low. ie don't react anymore. I believe she is trained at night. She surpised the heck out of me a few weeks back by going to the washroom at like 2 in the morning. I was wondering why she wasn't leaving the bathroom.... there was no more toilet paper.

She does 'clean up' after herself if she pees. She will come and find me wearing PJ bottoms. I will try and figure out a way to let her know how to clean up her poop messes. I gotta make her dunk her panties herself... right?? She sees me do this with her sisters diapers... so she knows what do to.

Now, I thought of the stool softeners. My only concern is that her stool is quite soft. (I don't think my annoyance with her dirty panties would be such an issue if I was able to just plunk the stuff in the toilet... no... it can spread all the way down her legs with the removeal of underwear) I am afraid of what it might do. I call it playing with fire.

So yes, thank you so much for your help!!!

Mar.
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#6 of 6 Old 01-14-2006, 12:41 PM
 
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No, the only time I'd use a stool softener is if she withheld and made herself constipated (poop is hard and dry). Wouldn't want you to give the poor girl the trots! And, yes, I'd say that if she has other mimicry skills going on(does she like to help you sort laundry, put away flatware, dust, can she work the dvd player?), she could dunk her own panties (although you will probably have to go back when she's not looking and dunk again if her poops are that messy...she IS four). Remember, though, that when she's ready is ultimately when she'll do it on her own. That's why you can't push it either way, just show confidence in her. I would say that if she's waking up in the middle of the night to go, she's at least on the road to there, though!

Mama to two awesome kids. Wife to a wonderful, attached, loving husband. I love my job-- I'm a Midwife, Doula and Childbirth Educator, Classes forming now!

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