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#61 of 222 Old 02-22-2006, 01:39 AM
 
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big hugs and love Mama. I am so sorry you and your baby went through this.

Mama to 5 babies. UCer, too!
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#62 of 222 Old 02-22-2006, 02:42 AM
 
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I like too many other mama's here, and everywhere, was molested when I was a little girl many times. By my brother.
The best thing you can/did do is believe your baby , and let her know it is not her fault, and you DO believe her.

To you!

To your DD!

To your DH!

To all of you!

: : to that boy he need

Keep us posted, and let us know what happens.
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#63 of 222 Old 02-22-2006, 02:55 AM
 
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Oh, I'm so sorry.

Sadly, I'm another one who has a similar story to your DD's. When I was 5, a male babysitter (filling in for his sister) took my 2-year-old sister and I into my parents' bedroom and tried to get us to fellate him. I don't actually remember if we did or not, but I remembered details of his anatomy for years, and told my friends (who were totally grossed out and of course couldn't help me process the incident)...but he told us not to tell our parents and I didn't tell my mom for 11 years...and I really never discussed it with my parents after that one time when I was 16...none of us knew how to talk about it. It is SO good that your DD told you right away, and that you listened and took her seriously! The important thing is that she gets validation for how she feels, which is probably mostly confused! - when the incident happened with me, I didn't know what to think, but I knew something was very very wrong about what had happened. It bothered me a lot and caused me a lot of guilt, because I didn't have anyone to listen to me and help me process it. You will be able to get your DD the help she needs to process this and move on. Stay strong, mama!

My heart goes out to your family.
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#64 of 222 Old 02-22-2006, 03:05 AM
 
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I am also thinking of you and your dd. And I'm thinking what a wonderful and clear headed job you did of being loving to your dd and taking care of what needed to be done. Take care of yourself and your dd in the days and weeks to come. Much love.
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#65 of 222 Old 02-22-2006, 03:27 AM
 
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Not sure what to say. I am so incredibly sad,angry hurt for your DD and yourself. I was abused as a child and had a scare last year with my DD. I applaud you and your strength and sensiblity. I can honestly say I wouldn't have been so calm.
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#66 of 222 Old 02-22-2006, 03:49 AM
 
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Why didn't they interview the teenager?

"Have faith in yourself and in the direction you have chosen." Ralph Marston

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#67 of 222 Old 02-22-2006, 06:02 AM
 
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I couldn't read and not reply. I'm sooo sorry, your family is in my prayers.

One of the luckiest woman in the world! luxlove.gif

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#68 of 222 Old 02-22-2006, 06:40 AM
 
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I so very heartily agree with everyone else. You are amazing. I can't imagine a better response.

I too have a childhood story like so many other mamas here have shared... and one of the BIGGEST things that will forever stick in my mind is my father's reaction the second he had a clue that something was wrong. It brings me a feeling of peace and security even now when I think about it.

I hope you and your family finds the peace you need. Sending you strength and love. Big big hugs.

Weirdo Mama to amazing Aurelia, age 9 & Ember Roslyn, age 3!
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#69 of 222 Old 02-22-2006, 11:11 AM
 
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#70 of 222 Old 02-22-2006, 12:28 PM
 
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Oh mama, you and your family will be in my thoughts. You are a great mama.

Emily SAHM to four unschoolers Olivia (9), Brian (7), Jack (6), and Liam (5)
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#71 of 222 Old 02-22-2006, 12:45 PM
 
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Hugs to you and your little girl
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#72 of 222 Old 02-22-2006, 12:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow, I did not expect to see all these reponses. We have a forensic interview scheduled this afternoon. They will play with DD and have her show/tell them what happened.

I am afraid of what I will hear. I will be in a room with a mirrored window so she can not see me.

I still have not told DH. I want to have the interview completed and know what direction things are going first. He has not called so I am not lying to him, just not contacting the command telling them what happened.

Thank you all so much for your support.
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#73 of 222 Old 02-22-2006, 01:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I will try my best to explain why I ahve not contacted DH or the command. If you don't know the military this will all be greek.

The suspect's step-father is in Iraq. His Mom and I are both volunteers in the Family Readiness Group. She is in charge of all the wives in the battalion. It is split into 5 different companies and I am in charge of my husbands company.

As soon as the news hits in Iraq, I can't count on the service members to keep this confidential. Sad but true. They will tell their wives and this family will find out prior to the authorities contacting them.

If I tell DH now, he will not be able to handle the news, as well as the the fact that NOTHING has been done by the investigators. The suspect has not been questioned or taken into cutody and this is day 3. We have the interview this afternoon and this evening I will get a message to DH.

I was afraid of telling him that it was just this incident, because I believe it has happened before. My DD has been around the suspect frequently during the deployment.

I am completely torn onthis, but I have to tell myself that I am protecting DD. My husband will have to understand that I was trying to keep the case confidential. I do not want the family to have a chance to create a story, get a lawyer etc. They should not be prepared and waiting for the authorities to contact them because they heard about it through the grapevine.

In the civilian world, I would not have these concerns. Fortunately, DH is getting out of the Marine Corps in 2007.
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#74 of 222 Old 02-22-2006, 01:08 PM
 
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My heart goes out to you. I think you are doing the right thing by not telling your DH at this time. Being in control of the situation is key and by telling you will lose control over the situation. I would wait until you have all ducks in a row before letting him know. Maybe a counselor can help you work out how to tell him without him feeling hurt and alienated. I hope that he can understand that your not telling him was not to hide anything from him, but to protect your daughter in a very delicate situation. He should know how the grapevine is by now and the damage that can be done.

Good luck. With your support and quick action, your daughter is already on the road to healing.
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#75 of 222 Old 02-22-2006, 01:13 PM
 
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Oh I am sick to my stomache reading about this experience. I am terribly sorry your DD and you have had to go through this. There isn't much more I can say that other posters haven't but I was just wondering how your DD is holding up with all this??
You definitely seem to be holding yourself together, but you do have a lot of support from the professionals which I think is fantastic. They were quite on the ball with everything... definitely good to hear.
Good luck with the interview this afternoon!!!

to you and your family!!!
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#76 of 222 Old 02-22-2006, 01:35 PM
 
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Prayers for healing, support, and strength for your DD, you, and your DH. s
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#77 of 222 Old 02-22-2006, 01:40 PM
 
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My heart goes out to you. I think you are doing the right thing by not telling your DH at this time. Being in control of the situation is key and by telling you will lose control over the situation. I would wait until you have all ducks in a row before letting him know. Maybe a counselor can help you work out how to tell him without him feeling hurt and alienated. I hope that he can understand that your not telling him was not to hide anything from him, but to protect your daughter in a very delicate situation. He should know how the grapevine is by now and the damage that can be done.
: My heart and prayers go out to you. Like the others I am glad you have the kind of relationship w/your dd that she could tell you. When I first saw your post I wasn't going to read it, but I then I thought, "what if something happened to my dd?" As parents we don't like to hear stories like this, but the way you are handling things cannot be easy, but you seem like you are just a very strong trooper.
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#78 of 222 Old 02-22-2006, 01:49 PM
 
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You are a fantastic mama. You will be able to see your daughter through this. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

And also--don't feel like you have to justify any of your decisions here! A lot of mamas are rooting for you and want to help by offering advice, but it's up to you whether to take it or not. Save your energies to take care of your daughter and yourself.
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#79 of 222 Old 02-22-2006, 01:55 PM
 
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I'm so sorry this happened to your sweet baby girl. You're such a great mama to listen to her and act on the information. You know your military situation better than a civilian like me. If you think it best to hold off on telling your dh then do so..tell him later.

Keep us updated. All the best. for you for your dd

Normal is just a setting on your dryer.
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#80 of 222 Old 02-22-2006, 02:01 PM
 
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I am so sorry mama
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#81 of 222 Old 02-22-2006, 03:27 PM
 
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Just wanted to echo that your reaction is is the bright sspot in a bad situation. I am hoping for the best possible resolution for you and your family.
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#82 of 222 Old 02-22-2006, 04:33 PM
 
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I am so sorry to hear about your DD's experience . You are so strong and smart to think as quickly as you did, and get your little girl the help she needs so fast. You are doing everything right and I commend you. I will pray for strength for you and fast healing for your little girl's spirit. :
I hope the boy that did this gets some serious help, and is punished accordingly.
Lisa
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#83 of 222 Old 02-22-2006, 04:43 PM
 
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Momma i feel your pain. I have never had this happen to me or my kids and hope to god it never does. All i can offer if my prayers,i will keep your family in my prayers.All i can say is that you should always know were your kids are at all times and i know that that is not enough. I have a 10 month old and 8year old. I never let my youngest go anywhere with out me, ever if its just over to his nana's house(grandma) i dont let him be around noone alone. If he is with anyone i tell my husband to stay there and not to walk off. Because these days you have to be careful cause you cant even tell about relatives. I dont plan on letting my 10month old go any were unless he can talk so he can tell me what has happen to him or so on .Even with my 9year old. I always ask what has happened, and wont let him stay the nightwith anyone,
Momma you did the right thing and i hope you press charges against this boy. He needs to get some help before its too late.
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#84 of 222 Old 02-22-2006, 04:45 PM
 
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to you and your brave little girl.

You are handling this amazingly! It must be so hard not to call dh and tell him, but now I understand why you are withholding the information for the time being. It's better to catch him off guard.

If you are able to, please keep us updated.
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#85 of 222 Old 02-22-2006, 05:17 PM
 
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Mama I am so sorry that happened. I agree with the other posts in saying good for you for immediately taking action and coming to the defense of your dd!

I am thinking good thoughts of support and strength and healing for you and dd and dh.

Let us know what happens. Obviously that boy needs some help!:
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#86 of 222 Old 02-22-2006, 05:24 PM
 
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I am so sorry this happenned to you and your DD and family. It sounds like you're handling it in the perfect way. Your DD is very lucky that you are there advocating for her. And your DH is lucky to have a wife that is keeping the home fires burning and handling things so well in his absence.

I also noticed from your signature that you are pregnant? Somehow that made me feel especially bad that you have to go through this during this time.

One little thing i wanted to add to what a previous poster said about the district attorney deciding whether to file-- I worked as a juvenile probation officer and so had a lot of dealings with the system, and I would encourage you to communicate directly with the district attorney's office and raise hell and insist that the case be prosecuted. In my experience, they really do listen to victims if they are vocal and it makes a difference in what the outcome might be. (And legally you are the "victim" since you are the legal representative of a minor child.)

Hugs to you and your DD!!
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#87 of 222 Old 02-22-2006, 05:27 PM
 
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Thinking good thoughts for you and your baby girl

R
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#88 of 222 Old 02-22-2006, 05:29 PM
 
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Oh God, I wanted to cry reading this. I am so sorry for your sweet little girl, and for you. I see that you are pregnant, and your dh is deployed too.......I can't imagine being in your situation right now. Huge hugs to you.

I wanted to say, like everyone else, that I am so impressed with you as a mama. You listened to your intuition and did everything absolutely right. I think it will be important for both you AND her to know in the future, that this is not your faults. HE is 100% in the wrong.

The most important thing I think will be not to let it define her. Always, always it should be emphasized that there was something wrong with this boy, not her. You tell her that she is good, wonderful and amazing, always.

Please take care of yourself, mama.
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#89 of 222 Old 02-22-2006, 05:34 PM
 
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I must commend you for your clear-headedness on this!

My stomach sank when I read your story and my thoughts are with you. I can’t imagine something like this.

You are going about this the right way. You really seem to have it well thought out.

That young man needs to spend time in jail.

Be Strong!
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#90 of 222 Old 02-22-2006, 05:55 PM
 
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I'm so sorry that you and your dd are going through this. I just wanted to echo the pp's in saying that you handled the situation perfectly. You're doing such a good job of taking care of your little one.
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