DD Molested Yesterday - Mothering Forums
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The Childhood Years > DD Molested Yesterday
USMCbaby's Avatar USMCbaby 02:24 PM 02-21-2006
Update on pg. 11

I am not sure where I should post this, so MODS, feel free to move it.

Yesterday we had an encounter at the beach with some friends. I told DD I would take her for a walk and then to the swings at the park. My friend was camping with her family at the beach so I stopped by to say hi and ask if she wanted to come with us to the park. Her son (15 y/o) took DD (3.5 y/o) ahead of us. When we walked down to the park they were not there. We went to a different park, they were not there. At this point I was desperately trying to find her, but not sound like I was panicking. We went to the first playground again, they were not there, then I went to the other playground again and FINALLY found them playing on the swings. The 4th time we searched for them.

I told him we were looking all over for them and he lied to me. HUGE RED FLAG. He said they had been up there the whole time. I told him we were up there looking for them and he said he had to go to the bathroom. I thought I was going to be sick on the spot. Why in the hell did he take my DD in the bathroom with him?!?

I told DD it was time to go and said goodye to the family. I acted like we were in a hurry to go run errands that morning. After we were away from their campsite, I asked DD if she had gone to the bathroom. She said no. I asked her if he went to the bathroom and she said yes. Then she told me in detail what he did to her. She said that he did (or tried to) put his penis in her mouth, and she didn't like it.

I was practically running for the car. I was going to take DD to my friend's house and see if she heard the same thign I heard. DD does know anatomical terms for genitals, but I was in complete shock. As I was leaving the beach area, I saw a police officer and flagged him down. I told him what had just happened, and the report began. I was told not to let her eat or drink anything, as well as use the restroom. Easier said than done with a 3 y/o, but I was able to distract her for 3 more hours.

We had investigators come to our house. They did not interview DD. We took her to a forensic clinic and she was tested for DNA and had a physical exam. They said her hymen was intact and the mouth swab came up negative. Next step is a forensic interview at the same place. They are going to schedule it for this week, as soon as we can get in, but I am playing the waiting game.

The family has not been contacted yet. Another twist, my DH is deployed in Iraq and I do not want to tell him until after the interview. Not that the interview will change my mind about what happened, but I want to have more answers for him. I feel helpless and his grief will be 10x worse than mine because he can not help her or be here to comfort her.

DD seems fine and at this point so I am thankful for that. I am just at a loss, don't know what to do, don't have very many people I can talk to, and would like some support from anyone who has been through this.

thismama's Avatar thismama 02:28 PM 02-21-2006
Oh my gosh I am so sorry.

It sounds like you did the right thing. You asked her what happened, believed her, and alerted authorities. She will know you protected her and took her seriously.

I don't have any advice. I'm very sorry your family is going thru this.

amybw's Avatar amybw 02:29 PM 02-21-2006

I am sorry I am not much help, i just wanted to give you a hug and say I am so sorry that happened. Do you have a local clinic that gives counseling? I would just make sure that your DD knows that she didnt do anything wrong.

What is wrong with people!?!?! That boy needs some serious counseling.

So sorry that happened.
MountainLaurel's Avatar MountainLaurel 02:30 PM 02-21-2006
Oh Mama, I couldn't read this and not post. I'm sending positive energies your way. This is going to be a horrible time for you and your family, but please know that you have done one of the most important things that your DD needs you to do: YOU BELIEVED HER and you are PROTECTING HER.
AngelBee's Avatar AngelBee 02:36 PM 02-21-2006
I am soooo sorry! I do not even know what to say...

: for your daughter and your family.
mama_b's Avatar mama_b 02:36 PM 02-21-2006
I don't have any advice, but I could not read this and not post. I am so so sorry this happened. s to you and your family.
Strong Mama's Avatar Strong Mama 02:42 PM 02-21-2006
Oh mama I dont have any thing to say but big hugs to you and your little girl right now. You need all the love you can get.
LavenderMae's Avatar LavenderMae 02:45 PM 02-21-2006
I am so sorry. You are a great mama, you did exactly what you needed to. With your wonderful support and love your dd will get through this. Many healing vibes to your dd and you. I will keep your family in my thoughts.
TeaBag's Avatar TeaBag 02:46 PM 02-21-2006
OMG. I am so heartbroken over this. : for you and your family, especially your dd.
UnassistedMomma's Avatar UnassistedMomma 02:48 PM 02-21-2006
I haven't been the mom, but I've been the child and you did the right thing momma. The biggest pain from my situation (ongoing for 9 years) was that my mom refused to believe it and wanted to make peace w/ the molester (my sisters husband). I could have healed alot faster had she just believed me. You did the right thing.
MotherWhimsey's Avatar MotherWhimsey 02:59 PM 02-21-2006
OMG I am so so sorry for you guys. You are doing the right thing by pursuing this, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. My parents never legally persued my abuser because they wanted to save me anymore grief (I was 16 though). I still to this day regret that nothing was done. Legal action won't take what happened back, but it can give some closure, plus that boy needs to be held accountable for what happened, and hopefully given treatment so that he doesn't try it again. A mother should never have to go through this and neither should her child. We're here for you if you need us,
s Courey
Rhiannon Feimorgan's Avatar Rhiannon Feimorgan 03:03 PM 02-21-2006
Hugs and love to you and your dd. You did the right thing and acted fast. How absolutly heartbreaking this must be for you. You and your family are in my prayers. I hope that boy get's help before he does that to some other child.
kate~mom's Avatar kate~mom 03:03 PM 02-21-2006
oh god.... and to you and your dd. major healing vibes to both of you - i know it has to be tough not having your dh to hug or even vent to.
calicokatt's Avatar calicokatt 03:09 PM 02-21-2006
Oh NO! I'm so so sorry.
GruppieGirl's Avatar GruppieGirl 03:13 PM 02-21-2006
Sorry. I double posted. Not sure how.
GruppieGirl's Avatar GruppieGirl 03:14 PM 02-21-2006
Oh mama. I am so very sorry.

You did the right thing to trust your child and act so quickly.

My thoughts are with you.
churchofdisco's Avatar churchofdisco 03:15 PM 02-21-2006
for you momma. i can't even begin to imagine. you absolutely did the right thing to believe her and to report it right away! it won't take back what he did to her, but at least it might stop him from doing it to other children. lots of healing vibes and prayers your way.
Viriditas's Avatar Viriditas 03:38 PM 02-21-2006
I just wanted to say how sorry I am for you and your daughter. Hugs and strength to both of you.
mamaroni's Avatar mamaroni 03:41 PM 02-21-2006
oh, mama, that's just heartbreaking. many hugs to you and your dd.
mimid's Avatar mimid 03:51 PM 02-21-2006
I have nothing to offer but and prayers for you and dd.
Simplicity's Avatar Simplicity 03:53 PM 02-21-2006
You and your DD are in my thoughts. How horrible.
liam's mom's Avatar liam's mom 03:53 PM 02-21-2006
I am so, so, so sorry. I honestly feel sick for you and your dd...If I can help you in any way (do you have my most recent email addy?) please know I will.

hipem's Avatar hipem 04:04 PM 02-21-2006
So sorry, mama! You and your family are in our thoughts.
AEZMama's Avatar AEZMama 04:08 PM 02-21-2006
I, too, can only offer you and let you know that you so did the right thing. Who knows how many "friends" this boy has done this to. You are so much more calm that I am-I don't think I would have been able to restrain myself from doing something violent to him.

You are one amazingly strong & smart mama.
Electra375's Avatar Electra375 04:09 PM 02-21-2006
So many hugs to you.
I do urge you to contact your dh in Iraq. Your dh would want to know regardless of how much information you have, he may feel trapped b/c he isn't here; but how would he feel if you tell him so much later that it's like "honey, 3 wks ago our dd was molested by blank..." as apposed to "honey, 2 days ago our dd was ..." They are so far away and the miss so much, this is important for him to know regardless of how painful it will be for him. It might also be a good thing he is away b/c I would think the first reaction a father would have would be to go "kill the SOB" who did this -- my first reaction as a mother after shock would be to cut his genitals off or at least torture him!
Also, if you can contact his CO with this information yourself that would be a good thing b/c chances are your dh won't tell his CO himself. The military has people for your dh to talk to about his feelings and this is a big serious issue. The worst would be your dh to start acting out or taking this aggressively out on another and his CO would have no idea what's gotten into him.
{Former Military Officer's wife in an overseas duty station, some spouses and families present, some not.}
I am glad you got a police officer right away. It's a hard thing to do.
Also, your dd may forget about this entire incident, which is a good thing IMO for childhood sake. However, I urge you to tell her the story at an appropriate age in the future. I found out I had been molested in a vision I had, like a dream. It was my first year being married that this came out. I decided not to tell my mother b/c I feel it would have crushed her and my father. My dh knows, but I'm not sure how much he believes. I believe it was one of their students they hired to babysit, a male. I do have confirmation that 1 male babysitter was used. And he took me into their bedroom, I'm fuzzy on the details, but I know I was not allowed in my parents bedroom. It explains a lot...
Threefold's Avatar Threefold 04:14 PM 02-21-2006

No doubt one of your worst nightmares.
I am so sorry and just want to ech what many poepl have said, you did step in to protect and support her and she knows that. I'd also think you've been doing something very right over her lifetime that she trusted and told you what had happened right away.

sahm1's Avatar sahm1 04:18 PM 02-21-2006
I am so sorry you and your daughter are going through this.
joesmom's Avatar joesmom 04:25 PM 02-21-2006
How awful. I imagine many moms would not have questioned any of the situation. If you had not drawn her out, your dd would be carrying around a "bad" secret. You felt like something was wrong, you asked her about it, & you took action! I think that is amazing.

I don't know what to say about your husband. It breaks my heart to think of him over there, hearing about what happened & being helpless to "fix" it... but if he doesn't hear about it right away, will he resent it??

Please keep us posted. I am so sorry for your dd but I think the way you are handling it is so good for her. She will be ok!
Peppamint's Avatar Peppamint 04:38 PM 02-21-2006
Oh dear to you and your dear daughter. As a child, both of my step "grandpas" tried to molest me and thankfully my parents were VERY proactive and willing to protect me no matter what- it did affect me a lot though, in that I was (or should say am) very cautious when it comes to men I don't know or don't know well. The fact that you're standing up for your dd and supporting her is so very important. Kudos to you.
Jillybean's Avatar Jillybean 04:53 PM 02-21-2006
Oh how horrfying for you! big for you and your daughter. You are so strong and a wonderful mama to have acted so quickly to protect your dd. I'm sorry I have no advice. Your poor dd, I am glad she seems to be ok, though.
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