ds is mean to dd and she loves him??? - Mothering Forums
The Childhood Years > ds is mean to dd and she loves him???
futbol mom's Avatar futbol mom 02:10 AM 01-15-2002
From the time my ds saw me in the hospital with dd#1 he was very angry at me. He hit me, kick me, would not be in the same room with me.... Now he is 5, and he still has a hard time with his sister. He doesn't want her to touch him, sit next to him, talk to him and the sad part is she loves him so much and tries so hard to do the "right thing" for him and he never approves. We are an AP family, I am an at home mom, I breast fed ds for 2 yrs. and well, frankley this isn't what I expected to happen. We now have a dd#2 and ds loves her. Wants to hold her feed her protect her...why the anger "still" towards dd#1.

Any insight would be most appreciated.

happyday8598's Avatar happyday8598 04:03 PM 01-16-2002
He probably resents her for "stealing" you away from him, in his mind. Even if you were PERFECT with the transition over, he probably just still has animosity toward her bc he feels that she is the reason some of your attention was taken away...

As far as "getting" him to get along with her, that's hard. Just work on how he FEELS toward her. Allow him to talk about it to you at will... Think of activities that they can do together that wouldn't allow for feelings of competing for any reason...

Owen sometimes seems a little mean to Caleb, and Caleb just takes it, and looks up at him with adoring eyes, and bright smiles.

It's sad to think about the younger sibling WANTING that love, and the older just not caring!!

Good luck! It's so hard to be gentle with children's feelings during the transition from the only child to having a sibling...

Be gentle with yourself!

geekmom's Avatar geekmom 02:06 PM 01-18-2002
I keep recommending this book. It's by Adele Faber and someone else. So gentle and understanding and EFFECTIVE! My 4 year old foster son just got a 2 year old foster brother and they're doing great! Not always smooth sailing of course, mostly due to the fact htat I don't have unlimited patience, but very dealable.

I know that everyone always says to give the older one lots of attnetion, etc., but I find that most people, at least on this board, give all their kids tons of attention and it still doesn't help. I think there's more to it really. Read whatever you can on siblings, etc. and see if you can address his anger directly.