I think something is wrong with Violet - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 74 Old 02-26-2003, 02:31 AM - Thread Starter
 
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...And I've thought so for awhile but wasn't sure.

The thing is, she doesn't speak. I mean she speaks gibberish all the time, but her language is so far behind all of the other kids her age that I am very worried. My in-laws brought up their concern in September and I took her in to our family practice doc. The doc said she thought V was fine--just a little behind. Part of me thinks so, too, but the other part just knows that all is not well.

She doesn't startle. If a balloon pops, V will hardly blink. If you are behind her and say her name she often doesn't respond. She doesn't speak real words very often and when she does they are hard--very hard--to understand. She certainly doesn't speak in two-word sentences except for phrases that are generally said together ("Hi daddy" or "Thank you"). She doesn't pronounce the ends of words, though she will often get the first sound correct...then again, that is only for certain sounds.

I took her into urgent care last month because of a rash she had. They told me her rash was fine but that she needed speech therapy. I was pissed because that wasn't what I came in for...the lady who saw her said that by the age of three a child should be mostly understood by anyone. Violet isn't even near that stage and she is over 2 1/2. ( 2 years, 8 months)

It's not like I haven't questioned whether or not she has a delay or a hearing loss. I've done internet research and she meets about half of the hearing loss signs. It's just that she really seems to hear things some times--good old selective hearing. Sometimes she hears just fine. I don't know....

My friend Ingrid wrote to me something that her dd Simi said recently--something about Simi saying another boy pees out of his weiner (they are 1 week apart in age). Of course I laughed--how funny--but then it hit me. Violet does not express things like that. Is she thinking these things but can't say them? Or is she just not thinking them yet? Other kids seem leaps and bounds ahead. V's best friend at daycare (named Violet) told me she wanted to come to our house and play and that she liked the new baby Zoe. Violet just points and says "Baby!" The other Violet is nearly six months younger than V.

V's daycare provider expressed concern today over V's speech. She said everything I've been thinking. Then I talked to my aunt who is a nurse and who was just over at our house meeting Zoe. She said the same thing to me.

I am so scared. I know that just knowing what is up means we can do somethign about it. Knowledge is power, right? Then why is this so scary?

I am calling the doc tomorrow and hopefully they can get her in. I will demand that her hearing is evaluated and that she sees a speech pathologist.

Keep us in your thoughts, please. I'll keep you updated.

Thanks for listening.

Jesse
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#2 of 74 Old 02-26-2003, 02:56 AM
 
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that sounds really hard- knowing *something* is wrong, but not yet exactly understanding or having solutions yet. i will definately send thoughts your way.
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#3 of 74 Old 02-26-2003, 03:15 AM
 
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Sending strength & good energy thoughts ...

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#4 of 74 Old 02-26-2003, 03:21 AM
 
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Hugs to you.Positive prayers your way...
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#5 of 74 Old 02-26-2003, 03:30 AM
 
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My dd is only 20 months old, but I was feeling the same way. I contacted Early Childhood Intervention in our area and they came out, did diagnostic tests (at our house) and are going to work with her (at our house) 2x a month. She is a bit delayed. This is a free service if your child needs it.

That said, I am honestly not worried. Riley doesn't talk AT ALL like her peers. Very few understandable words. Everything is "ba!"...everything! But I know several kids who didn't talk until really, really late....like 3+ and then just started talking really well. The therapists also told me this....that they would work with her, but I should not be worried. She *understands* alot of words and phrases and is very involved with working on her motor skills, etc....

So, I would probably choose to do something (like contact ECI...your pedi probably has contact info), but not worry too much.

HUGS!! and pm me if you want to talk more!

edited to add: one of my close friends and I were talking about this and she noticed the degree that dd and I are connected (very) and said that Riley did not really have to use alot of words to communicate with me, because I just *read* her. I realized that it's true and that may be part of it....I don't know.

Also, your dd has KILLER hair! I LOVE IT!
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#6 of 74 Old 02-26-2003, 03:34 AM
 
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indiegirl, I looked at those beautiful photos of your daughter Violet. She is wonderful. And if she does have any issues, maybe they are hearing related....but when I see her face I see an animated, fully connected little girl. I don't see any of that "lost" look that frankly would scare me more than some language delays.
Take a deep breath....meditate and then call the right doctor. I see that you have a new little one...you might be extra fatiqued rignt now... (duh) but gather your strength bit by bit and follow your gut. Get DH to help with this next next step with Violet..it is too much for just you to worry about...especially with the new baby. together, I think you'll figure what is going on...and maybe it is nothing...just delay...we've all heard the same thing. Einstein didn't talk till he was three.

rest, too.

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#7 of 74 Old 02-26-2003, 03:40 AM
 
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Just wanted to send you hugs, love & healing energy
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#8 of 74 Old 02-26-2003, 03:47 AM
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fingers crossed, and big hugs for both of you...
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#9 of 74 Old 02-26-2003, 04:19 AM
 
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{{{Jessie}}}
I know these concerns have been eating at you a long while, and you know that I am of the BTDT tribe- twice. You are walking a scarry road, but it is the best path for your daughter. Definately have her hearing checked- you can get a referral for an audiologist through the ped (we have to do hearing tests every 6 mos and have done both the regular test and the brain stem one), and I would suggest calling early intervention as well as having your ped refer you to a specialist. EI can get her into therapy quickly, but I don't think in her case that it would hurt to get a full developmental eval done. If nothing else, it will calm your fears. And just know even if she has "delays" of any kind- she is still the wonderful, amazing, loving daughter that you have enjoyed and bonded with for the last 3 years. This won't change who she is- the child that you love. She has a wonderful, loving family, and that is the best thing that any child can have.
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#10 of 74 Old 02-26-2003, 04:47 AM
 
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My son was much like you described Violet. My ped referred me to ECI and an audiologist at his 2 year check up. The hearing tests came out fine and a speech therapist would come to our house once a week for 50 minutes. I actually learned quite a bit from her. He had no interest whatsoever in repeating after us. Then at 2 years and 10 months, he developed an interest in learning to talk. He took off. After waiting so long for him to start talking, you develop a new appreciation for your little miracle.....I love hearing him talk still today. He just turned 4 years old last month and every once and awhile, I have to ask him if we can just be quiet for a minute. He's still in speech therapy once a week in which he rides a bus to his school. He loves it and he's learning alot. I was worried like you too, but I always try to remember a saying I heard that 95% of the things you worry about never happen, so quit wasting your time. As a mother though, I know that is easier said than done, but it does help sometimes. And you know, no matter what happens, you and Violet will get through it. And you'll have that special appreciation going on between you two.
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#11 of 74 Old 02-26-2003, 04:55 AM
 
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I just thought of something else. Is Violet real active? My son was/is and I always thought that he was too busy learning to run, jump, climb....you name it, that he just was not interested in talking yet. When he mastered some of those skills, then his interest in talking surfaced.
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#12 of 74 Old 02-26-2003, 06:03 AM
 
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Sending you hugs and good vibes for the appt.

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#13 of 74 Old 02-26-2003, 08:34 AM
 
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Gosh, I remember when you posted a while ago about being recommended for speech therapy. If your mother's instinct is speaking to you then heed it. I agree with the other people who suggest that there might be a hearing problem.
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#14 of 74 Old 02-26-2003, 09:47 AM
 
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I too, think an assessment would help calm your fears and perhaps give you some guidance in a direction to go. That said, I want to relate a story that seems similar to your daughters. My ds one and only friend is 6.5 months older than he is. He turned 3 on December 17. He too has never said even one word except "da". He talks gibberish all the time. I also noticed the few times he tries to repeat a word like "thanks", it comes out "taan". His parents seemed totally unconcerned. I know all kids do things in their own time, but even I was really concerned for this child. I kept thinking, my son has all these complex ideas, does this child not have them? Is he missing out on lots of things? His parents tell me that their oldest son (now almost 15) was the same way and they felt all the involvment from Doctors did him more harm than good. Well, the other day I called them and guess who answers the phone? I thought I was talking to their older son. Within a matter of two weeks, this child is speaking cleary and in small sentences! Just goes to prove that parents know their own child better than anybody else. Perhaps some early intervention would have helped him communicate earlier, but he never seemed frustrated by his lack of words,(only the people around him were) I hope all goes well for you and Violet and that you get your questions answered and get headed in a direction that makes both of you comfortable and happy. Good luck to you both!

Jerri
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#15 of 74 Old 02-26-2003, 09:52 AM
 
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My daughter Lily didn't talk until she was three. I too worried, but evenually it did all fall into place. I hope the same goes for your little sweetheart. Take care, HeatherE

Sahm mom to three lovely girls, and happily married to a great, sweet guy
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#16 of 74 Old 02-26-2003, 01:06 PM
 
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(((((VIOLET))))))~

Its so hard! Dane's 3 teachers have brought up speech concerns over the past three years. I've talked w/his ped. about it over the past 3 years and he thought he was fine. I also took him to be evaluted through TPS Child Find Therapy program and there he tested "fine". But concerns were still there.

So, last week, we had an evalution at Mary Bridge Speech and Hearing and they said that YES, he could benefit from some speech therapy. But now we are on a waiting list (it will be about a month).

Please know that you are not alone in this and I wish you luck on your journey.

Much Love & Hugs~

Lisa

Lisa, Todd, Dane and Amber: & :::
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#17 of 74 Old 02-26-2003, 01:25 PM
 
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One thing I wanted to add....today is Riley's first appt. with a speech therapist. I'm thinking it'll be great, but I also feel strongly that I don't want her to feel pressured. For example, if the therapist is sort of pushy ("can you say X, say X, X....X, say X, etc....) I might discontinue. I don't want her to feel pressure to perform or anything....kwim?
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#18 of 74 Old 02-26-2003, 02:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you everyone so much. I could hardly read the replies through my tears.

To answer questions: Yes, Violet is very active and animated. The active part I can understand--ie, she is mastering motor skills and doesn't have time for verbal. What worries me is that she is SO animated and full of personality that any delays would be overlooked because of her charm. I hope that doesn't sound weird, but this kid has personality plus and I think people just get a kick out of her and don't see beyond that. They are not the ones that have to deal with the terrible temper tantrums because V can't experss herself. It is so hard to deal with when she can't express herself. It makes me want to cry/scream.

Someone brought up being really connected and I think that is a worthy point. My doc said (at her Sept. eval) that V and I are so connected that I tend to do things before Violet asks for them. I agree that this is true--or was--but I have made a concerted effort to have Violet at least try to speak her needs. It's like you expect some sort of progress. The progress has been so slow, so incredibly slow...For instance, Violet learned a new word this weekend ("Okay"). Sure, she'll repeat a word when you ask her (even though you can't really understand it) but then she'll never use it. When I say she learned a new word I mean she repeated a word and then used it on her own. I'd say this is the fourth word she's learned in two months.

She has an appointment at 3pm today with the family practice doc. I will talk about ECI and a comprehensive hearing test.

Again, thanks so much for the advice/support. It truly means the world to me.

Jesse
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#19 of 74 Old 02-26-2003, 06:49 PM
 
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hmm, i don't know what to add. i can tell you that my sister's little boy did not speak, other than ''bird'' & "joe" until after age two. he will be 3 in oct. & still doesn't talk in complete sentences. he will put two wrods together now & he will say the names of anything we point to. so we are not really worrying too much, every child is different, he is REALLY active too; i think there is a connection there, plus he has an older brother & my son who do for him & talk for him.

does violet make eye contact with you & obey simple instructions?? does she know her colors? if you feel that she is on target in most areas but just not talking i would not worry too much. it is a great idea to have her tested though.

i remember reading somewhere that the "late bloomers" catch up to their peers by age 5 or 6 & you could never tell them apart. hth!

love, jenny
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#20 of 74 Old 02-26-2003, 07:07 PM
 
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Jess,
Its a good thing you pay attention to your gut, it could well get your precious Violet the intervention she needs.

As a mom, i can feel your fear, please try not to be so scared.....dont let the fear consume you. a little goes a long way, kwim?

Let us know what happens. We are all here with our fingers crossed!!

Lisa

PS i love the name Violet!
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#21 of 74 Old 02-26-2003, 09:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by joesmom
does violet make eye contact with you & obey simple instructions?? does she know her colors?
Yes to simple instructions, no to her colors...

She does sort really well (by color/shape).

The appt. went well. I have a referral for a hearing test (not until March 18 ug! and for a speech eval.)

I'll keep you posted

Thanks everyone once again.

Jesse
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#22 of 74 Old 02-27-2003, 02:19 PM
 
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(((warm thoughts)))

ds did not speak well until 3.5-4 years old (at least to others, we could generally figure out that flrflr meant balloon, etc LOL)

hearing quality was not a concern with him, so not at all the same situation as yours, but because he was SO FRUSTRATED that his ideas were not being understood we started using sign language when he was about 18 months. just regular ASL, the simple signs like "milk" "more" "banana" "no" for things he would normally point and grunt about and then get upset because we weren't getting it. the tantrumming literally stopped, it was pretty amazing, and he was forming sentences through sign...

that may not be something that fits with what you are pursuing, but i thought i'd throw it out there!
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#23 of 74 Old 02-27-2003, 02:37 PM
 
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indiegirl, I hope you will get some answers when you take Violet to her hearing test. Another mama here thinking good thoughts for your dd.
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#24 of 74 Old 02-27-2003, 03:19 PM
 
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I can really understand the concern. We have some similar issues with Sam, but with him, I think that he is just ignoring us.

I am glad you got the appointment even if it feels like a million years away.

My friend's son was three before he even utterred anything but a grunt or a whine. He just didn't feel the need to talk. He also had a big sister who would talk for him a good bit of the time, so that may have had something to do with it. Now you can't stop him from talking.

I will think positive thoughts for you.
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#25 of 74 Old 02-27-2003, 08:10 PM
 
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Hey, indiegirl, hang in there. Just wanted to say, don't worry about colors, I've read that kids aren't expected to really know their colors until age 4, and those who know them before do so just because they've been actively coached.
Hope all goes well with the hearing test!
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#26 of 74 Old 02-28-2003, 01:16 PM
 
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Good luck with the hearing test... I was one of those "late bloomers". I was four years old before anyone realized that I wasn't talking. I had two older sisters to do it for me. My grandmother finally realized in church one sunday that I could not hear her if I was looking away. A hearing test revealed total hearing loss in my left ear. Probably due to German measles with a fever of over 105 at nine months. I have never had a hearing aid or anything else. Once my family was made aware and I started speech therapy, I haven't shut up since!! Everything will work out the way it should.
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#27 of 74 Old 03-01-2003, 07:27 PM
 
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My older DD had speech delays and our Dr. sent her for hearing tests when she was 2. At the time, I thought it was sort of silly because I felt she could hear just fine and was learning to talk at her own rate. During the hearing test it was obvious that she could hear very, very little. It was all that I could do to not just sit there are cry.

She had chronic fluid in her ears (the ENT monitored her for a few months) and we had tubes put in. She had about six months of private speech therapy, starting when she turned 3. By the time she was 5, her speech was caught up with her peers.

What I learned.....

hearing test don't hurt. It is much better to get one and find out everything is OK than to stick you head in the sand.

the sooner a speech problem is caught, the easier it is to deal with. Many kids like my older DD end up in school before anyone does anything, and they far more intervention to catch up with their peers.

Some kids need to be pushed to reach their potential. A good therapist can find ways to do this and make it seem like a game.

If your child has a speech delay -- HAVE THEIR HEARING CHECKED. There is a lot of ground between deaf and perfect hearing. Just because your child isn't deaf, it doesn't mean that they can hear well enough to develop normally.
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#28 of 74 Old 03-02-2003, 01:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm pretty convinced it's a hearing loss. Last night we were sort of sitting in a triangle (dh on couch, V on the ground playing and I was at the desk). I had told Mike to talk to V but not to move (because she notices movement). He asked her if she wanted to take a bath (she loves to bathe). He asked her in a normal voice if she wanted to take a bath. Nothing. Again he asked...nothing. She had her back to me and I asked her if she wanted a "sweet." Nothing. Now, these are her two favorite things. I whistled. Nothing.

Then Mike moved and raised his voice, asking her about the bath...She looked at him and said yes.

I feel like crap because now that I am facing this I am realizing the signs are there! Um, how often do I have to raise my voice, clap, snap just to get her attention? Hello! The friggin signs are there, why didn't I see them before??????????

I am mad at myself tonight.

Jesse
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#29 of 74 Old 03-02-2003, 01:30 AM
 
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(((jesse)))

oh, i can feel the pain in your words. don't be too hard on yourself; you can see now there is a problem & you will be right on top of it to fix it. if violet's hearing has always been less than perfect, that is probably why you didn't notice, kwim? like, you ALWAYS had to work harder maybe to get her attention, so harder seemed normal to you. does that make sense? keep us updated on violet, she is a cutie pie!

love, jenny
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#30 of 74 Old 03-02-2003, 02:16 AM
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Still here thinking good thoughts for you and V....try not to be too hard on yourself...V seems very lucky to me to have a momma that loves her so...and wouldn't a part of you be a little relieved? To know what the issue is. and to have it be something you can DO something with...but perhaps it is too soon for that...there must be other emotions too...gosh, Indiegirl, I don't know what to say... ((hug))
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