Liz, we crossposted, which reminded me that i wanted to say congrats on your son's potty learning progress - woo hoo!!
Also, Bean is 3, his bday was in 11/2002
(Hope you don't mind me answering for you Rynna)
I find it so cool when 3 yr olds can read. My ds had started sounding out words when he was 2 yrs old but then stopped. He knows his letters and all the sounds they make but he has no interest in trying to put them together anymore. Having said that, he's obsessed with repeating all the letters in words that he sees when we go out. Signs, stores, license plates, etc etc.
My ds turned 3 at the end of december.
I don't think he'll start reading any time soon.
He does, however, know all the planets in our system and can recognize them in books, etc.
And he's already got many dinosaurs down. LOL.
Speaking of dinosaurs, Pottery Barn Kids has dinosaur hooks on clearance for $3.45! I got one today and I think i may go back on sunday for the triceratops. heh. They were out of stegasaurus (my favorite) though.
When I taught Montessori, I always loved teaching about dinosaurs. I worked in the afternoon class so we got to do all the really fun stuff. hehehheh.
I'm babbling. So tired. Ds napped til late and is still awake now at almost 11pm.
punk, technically, i'm not sure if i am offering. well i bet that cleared things up! let's see if i can say this right. I would be delighted for you to stay here if it was just me. how about i think about it and get back to you at the end of the month?
no thanks on the 3s reading, i'll pass. but i'm weird. i also like kids to walk and talk as late as they want. some bizarre idealism of innocence and babyhood.
my experience is that playing alone is predominantly individual trait. certainly there are stages of change, and some is habit and lifestyle. ruby plays alone the best by far. some factors are girlness mind moving in ten directions wanting to get those things done, imagination, and peripherally knowing that at least one of us should be around. she's also only known this home since before birth, plus dh was home the first two years and she bonded with him sooner than the boys. she's the first kid i've ever had that will just go into the backyard and start doing something. it also means she can run off and gets ideas into her head about needing to do something.
wonder where she gets it from.
hey, i got her to start the antibiotics easily. maybe it's cos my pms is over.
reed was my absolute shadow and part of the reason tv and computers came into his life was simply to provide a buffer. like inviting a not so great babysitter. sometimes i blame it on my overfocus and our endless moving when he was wee. certainly it changes with age. you can always count on the fact that they will grow up if nothing else. lately ruby has been tailing me of course it started with her being sick so now she just figures it should always be that way. but no, now that i think about it, it is nothing close to reed. his self starting mechanism is very rare. at least now he gets involved enough and enjoys his control over what he is doing. but he really acted like if i wasn't around, it didn't really happen for him, for a long time. he's an odder duck and i have to deal with similar issues with dh. and clay? he's in between. and a real character i treasure and find baffling because he is so much like me.
and by the way ladies, eilonwy's bean is ridiculously sweet, sensitive, bright, and self sufficient, and especially for a boy. do not think twice if your kid does not compare to him. don't worry, she'll get it later - when he's 7 - 8 or from having to deal with feistier siblings. i'm being silly.
as my dh has been saying, we get what we can handle.
Lindy has gradually gotten better at playing alone, and now she'll often entertain herself pretty well. The best way to encourage her to play by herself was for me to start moving around and working on something, like tidying up the house. Even now, if I sit down and try to read a book, she'll usually demand that I stop and entertain her, but if I'm moving around she'll often start playing with something (as long as I stay near her.) What also helped encourage her to entertain herself was not always stopping to do stuff with her as soon as she asked. I'd say, "Okay, I'll read to you in a few minutes" or "as soon as I finish X." And sometimes she'd get so interested in something in the meantime that I could just keep on working.
Some things she likes playing with by herself: little plastic animals, train set, coins, shoelaces/ropes, scissors. She loves cutting up paper into random little pieces and will spend a long time doing that (though I think her interest in that is past its peak.) Lately she's been playing at making a rabbit trap here in the bedroom. It's a heap of shoelaces and coins - I think the coins are the rabbits. (Unfortunately, the things she plays with the most are all things that will be unsafe for her baby brother - I don't know what on earth we're going to do once he's mobile.)
ETA: I just asked her about the coins in the trap, and she said they're not rabbits, they're rabbit food. She hasn't actually caught any rabbits yet.
I just took DS to the dentist. He's just 3. He's never been to the dentist before. I know I should have checked this out ahead of time, but I found them so gentle and understanding with me.........but, when I took him back I asked where I could sit and they said they don't recommend that parents stay. I told them I didn't think that would fly (if DS was okay with it, that would actually be okay with me, though). The hygenist told DS that he would get his teeth cleaned and I could wait outside. He melted. I told her it wouldn't work at all. Really quickly she offered for him to sit on my lap, which worked perfectly. It wasn't hard for her, it was super easy for DS and for me. I don't know why the initial "recommendation." I feel like folks want these still small folks to be all grown up and independent and to not need their parents. It's frustrating!!!!
Just sort of wanted to share/vent........Thanks!
that's the general dental rule, because sometimes parents can be interference for their work. some kids will surprisingly just do what is said but balk if a parent is around. has to do with being most comfortable around us, comfortable enough to scream, the ultimate compliment of affection for us.
i'm having the same issue cos clay has a toothache and will not get it chiecked unless i find a way to be with him. unfortunately what is policy is different from what could actually happen, so i've been dawdling about calling anyone - already have had three bad pediatric dentist experiences, and there are only so many that will take a 5.
I forgot to say that BeanBean is a bit odd.
I'm sorry, I kind of forget sometimes, I just get used to him being the way that he is; since I don't spend a lot of time around other children his age right now, and the ones that I've known well have also been odd, it's easy for me to lose track of how different he can be.
I have to say, though, that I attribute a great deal of his independance to child-led weaning. I've met so many parents of little boys who are beyond impressed with how "brave" he is, and they've all said, "I wish I could have nursed my little boy until he was finished," or some such. One woman told me that her ten year old son was still climbing into bed with her and her husband on a regular basis, and she's absolutely certain that a big part of it was that she a) returned to work when he was very young and b) had to wean him at 13 months due to a medication she went on, and he wasn't ready.
BeanBean certainly got his fill of the nursies.
I'm all in favor of prolonging the babyness, but not beyond the child's needs. With BeanBean it was a bit easier, because he was my first, but I about bawled when BooBah started walking. I felt totally cheated out of infancy with her, because she became mobile so early. It's a big part of the reason that I was so desperate to have another baby so quickly after BooBah was born, because I really wanted to enjoy the baby stage and I felt like I didn't have it with her.
I'm hoping that Bella walks closer to a year, maybe later but not late enough for me to have a chance to get worried.
Right now, she's my sweet baby girl, and that's enough for me.
Our dentist recommended
that GA sit on my lap during the whole thing. I was sure she wasn't going to let them near her teeth but she totally cooperated. Megan I see you are in cambridge. PM me if you want the info on my dentist. He is a bit of a hike (newton) but just off 128 so pretty easy to get to. (and he is my dh's 2nd cousin)
I have been meaning to post about our experience at the dentist. Several of our friends have been reprimanded about pacy use. I told dh we were not going to mention that GA uses a pacy still (only in bed) unless they asked. I wanted to see if they objectively found any problems related to it. Well the dentists went ON AND ON
about how great the spacing is in her teeth and how perfect the shape of her palate is and how perfectly formed her face muscles are. He said she must have been a breastfed baby because they have the best mouths. I said well actually she still is bf. He said the best mouth he ever saw was on a kid who nursed for 4 years. According to him the suckling helps to form the palate. End of the story GA got to keep her pacy's and everyone is happy
(we only use the newborn size anyway we never increased as she got older)
Oh, the dentist! Did I mention here that BeanBean has several cavities? Only one of them would "need" work at this point, but his mouth is a real mess for a kid who doesn't get all that much sugar and never took a bottle to bed.
I loved the dentist, though, the office was *great*.
BeanBean was uncharacteristically clingy while we were there. I'm sure it had everything to do with me; I was (still am) very irritated that we had to be there at all. I'm kind of offended that my kid has cavities.
I am not looking forward to taking ds to the dentist. He has sensory issues (and PDD) so this is not going to be pretty.
Rynna, BeanBean may benefit from one of those sealants on the enamel. I had it put on when I was about 4 or 5 and I never got any cavities until I was pregnant with Zachary. One of my friend's has what the dentist called "soft teeth" and it seems like sugar and acid attack her teeth more aggressively than "regular teeth" and she has to be more diligent in hygeine. What a pain in the butt! (Mouth?)
DH is actually at the dentist right now!
His cousin is taking her boards today and then she'll be a Dental Hygeinist. We're hoping she'll join a practice with an oral surgeon so we can get a discount on the extraction of our wisdom teeth. It's either that or down to Mexico we go!
My dad had a root canal down there and it was less than half of what he would have paid here (even with dental insurance), and they did a great job, and everyone spoke English too!
I've been really neglecting my teeth since having kids, I haven't had them professionally cleaned since Zach was 5 months old...
Crystal and Julianna are going to the dentist tomorrow afternoon. Since they're foster they have the BEST health and dental converage so they already went in last year for check-ups, no cleanings yet. I'm sure they'll recommend a cleaning this year, and I'll have to get a referral for a pediatric dentist that does sedation. Crystal is deathly afraid of people wearing surgical masks, so she will barely let them put their fingers in her mouth to check for decay, there's no way she'll let them clean all her teeth! But Julianna does surprisingly well. I'll have to come up with the cash for Zach's cleaning too since I know he'll be jealous if Julianna gets to do it,
Anyway, I'll stop rambling about nothing important... I hear screaming from the other room!
Originally Posted by punkprincessmama
I was afraid it would be too hot for Aubrey out there this summer (for camping / traveling - our truck has no a/c)
My dh is out of town on a job right now, so I haven't even had a chance to talk to him about your offer. I know that we ideally want to finalize our plans this week and start making reservations for campsites / places to stay.
Just know that if you ever come out this way you have a place where you're always welcome.
That goes for any of you really, as long as you're not psycho or rude or really ugly. Just kidding!
I haven't been out of the house in a few days so I am getting loopy in the brain...
Originally Posted by DecemberSun
Just know that if you ever come out this way you have a place where you're always welcome.
That goes for any of you really, as long as you're not psycho or rude or really ugly. Just kidding!
I haven't been out of the house in a few days so I am getting loopy in the brain...
I guess that counts me out.
Hi all...Just wanted to say hi and introduce m'self...
My name is Kate and my DH and I have an almost 3 1/2 yo DS. Born 11/25/02. Going through some different and frustrating things right now. I was searching for some help/suggestions/"been there done that" stories, and found this tribe. I've read through the entire thread, and am glad to hear some of the things I'm experiencing are not uncommon. I don't have much time right now, but look forward to chatting with you mamas in the future. My son's name is Gavin.
Have a great day everyone!!!
Rynna, you may be psycho and rude, but I have seen your pictures and you're not ugly. Hee hee!!!
I feel ugly, though. In fact, I feel more ugly than rude... but plenty psycho a lot of the time. I probably won't feel "sane" for another three months or so.
I really think sanity is over-rated.
never been sane. sometimes i would like to be. i think it would require decreasing my sensitivity, persistent observation, and iq. sometimes i wish i was plumb stupid, then i wouldn't think and worry so much.
i just put on my new danskos. i've been a birkenstock wearer for the past ten years and i've realized i need a heel after getting a keen clog but they are too mucked up for a beautiful life and the wedding we're are going to in california, etc etc. i've decided these shoes are going to change my life. it cracks me up i am so serious about these shoes - i had got ruby some little ones and i have just coveted them for the past month and decided that the splurge was necessary.
don't get me started about teeth. clay had his top four pulled around 16 months they were unfixable and one had already broken to the nerve. he might have hit it but it came off in my hand (on friday at 5 oclock of course, that's when everything emergency happens to us). he was absolutely exclusively nursing it was right before my milk dried up suddenly (so i was really mad at my body.....) ruby had her top two pulled about a year ago.
ignore this venting sob story - i'm still mad about it, or still figuring it all out. when we went to take clay to fix them (after an initial consultation), it was hard to figure if he was in pain or not because i wasn't sure he was suddenly crying for the first time in his life because my milk had dried up or he was hurting or because i was suddenly stressed that dh had hurt his back so badly that he was home. but dh wanted to get the caps. i agreed that he would have to stay with clay then because 1. he would have to endure watching the procedure, and 2. we figured clay would cry more because i could not hold him and he was velcrostrapped down completely (never again, but at the time it was this dentist or the one that completely insulted me on the phone about nursing). so they decided that the teeth needed pulling, and they did not ask me. i would have at least waited until i was sure they hurt or not all of them because he wasn't even talking or eating yet and i felt he needed those teeth. they wouldn't even let me have the teeth - i wanted to be able to look back and see how rotted they really were and to show him when he was older.
so i'm the terrible example for breastfeeding and dental worries and yes, they are both still nursing (pretty much just to get to sleep at night and if ruby wakes which has been more due to sicklies) i worked to get all the calcium in my diet early on during ruby's gestation. i can fault genes and maybe sugar and refined food existence in my own diet. and i really believe i have always eaten better than most people, aside from some starving times around age 19-23. reed has had two molars pulled already but much later and he nursed to 2. the two littles have more rotten teeth i need to attend to but haven't due to money - originally i nixed the dental plan from dh's new job because i figured we would still have to pay some and the plan would have taken a few thousand dollars. now i'm waiting for the window where we can sign up again and fix everything because it will be more. i still can't get why they got the worst genetics - dh has still never had a cavity, both of his parents have good teeth, my mom didn't have problems until middle aged. my dad has always been riddled with problems and so have i - most of my teeth have been filled and both of our gums are not up to par.
it's the kind of thing i have to not think about too much of or i worry i was made substandard and am passing it along. so my kids teeth disprove survival of the fittest.
and liz - you never know. reed has always been a big winner with these kinds of situations surprisingly. something about the rules of behaviour so strict or him having a delayed emotional reaction to something so strange. it definitely gets better with an age though. i do work to make it very clear that there is no option, emotionally project that i trust it will go fine, that it is something to get through quickly as an interesting adventure. usually little preparation or imformation (on the way there) and keep it light for him - only make simple positive statements. can never say, "it might hurt a little" until he's over 5 maybe. more like, "they are going to look at your shark jaw and see how pointy your teeth are, and then we'll go get a movie afterward" (if that's a tack that would appeal to him) and have him eat beforehand. afterward, you can tell stories of when you went to the dentist. if he is traumatized, i feel the key is to cuddle him and acknowledge him enough that he feels validated, but like the whisper of a brush - not to dwell on those feelings of an experience now over for the time being. if there are things he wants to talk about it is better upon reflection. and not to give him any of my misgivings - though sometimes the best i can do if i am upset is to say, well, it is over now. all that is really needed is your physical accepting presence. i have also found that reed over time has responded well to an object of affection - his blue teddy bear, so now could be a time to introduce something like that, introducing the lovey's name and saying he just went to the dentist too. this is also a good time to introduce any simple calming tools - for ruby, it is a bandaid, for many kids, it is ice, for me it is a wet washcloth temperature depending on occasion. it took me a long time to learn to appreciate the use of devices that were readily available in most circumstances and didn't involve my energy that simply meant comfort when the occasions arises, so forgive me if this seems so...duh.
some kids can do well with a related kids story for preparation - i know i should probably do that for the plane ride - they can feel accomplishment just recognizing the new things.
okay, i swear i will never use quick reply again because i cannot see how much i have written. i feel lucky if this makes any sense.
Only got a minute- Tea Olive, do you have an autism spectrum child?
My son won't really be able to talk about what happened as his speech is delayed. He also has MAJOR sensory issues and hates anyone going near his head. Rules, etc, don't make a difference to him. Been down that road in other places before. hehheh. You should have seen the nightmare of getting his eyes checked. Ugh, and we have to go through it again this month.
Ok, he's already getting into trouble this morning...gotta run.
Hola! I've been reading but everytime I go to to write *something* happens. seems okay right now. Rynna and Leah, you guys crack me up
I know the TV thing was a bit ago but...that has something that has been a a real challenge for me. Razi had maybe watched like 2 hours total (in his life) before we came up to the MIL's. Then when I had that big order and Tavis wasn't working yet, he waa letting Razi watch like hours and hours every day. Then I had to get him 'weaned' off of it. It was such a pain but it was hard because it did give me more time to myself. He's very sensative to things he sees on TV and I can see that he totally internalizes it. When there is tension I can see him absolutely shaking so I'm pretty careful about what he watches. I don't think I'd go for the simpsons. We had to leave the curious george movie that recently came out.
The dentist things is coming up for us real soon too. A year ago they wanted to sedate him in the hospital (since he was under 3) and cap his 4 front and fix some pits in the back. I'm not sure where his bad teeth came from either. I didn't have a cavity til I was in my early 20's and dp has good teeth too. I know they will want to do the same thing again but at least he's old enough now for it to be not so scary (for me I guess) I don't think the decay has progressed much in the last year but I'm not a dentist
I also need to go to the dentist but I'm so embarraced! I'm unable to brush my teeth when pregnant.
We have the insurance for it so I guess I;ll go. (BTW I do other things to clean my teeth but still they arent' lookin so great)
So the weirdest thing happened about a week ago. I did night wean razi but other than that I've been very pro CLW. Suddenly, I am so completely done nursing him. Unfortunelty he's not done.
I feel so bad but I think it's because it is hurting sooo bad. I thought it would taper off a bit but it's gotten more. There's no milk. I've gotten him to go to sleep w/o out nursing all this week pretty easy but he still wants to nurse once or twice during the day. I didn't really think I would ever feel this way and it makes me sad.
okay getting long. Hi to all the new moms on here!!
littleteapot, we are due around the same time!
oh, amy, I got razi to play and entertain himself by not getting off the couch and puking my guts out for months
It's nice that he does it now but I felt so bad at the time.
to you all
saritasmile-Just wanted to let you know that when I was pregnant with Gavin, I reached my nursing limit with Desmond. Luckily, he was already down to only nursing for bedtime and naptime and it just took the gentlest push to help him wean at 26 months old.
I just read a ton and am trying to catch up on everything. I've been meaning to call the dentist to get a checkup for myself and get Desmond in there for his first visit. Procrastination tends to be my middle name. I'm kind of afraid he'll freak out and hate the dentist for life. No particular reason to believe this will happen, though. His teeth came in late and look great, so hopefully it will be no big deal.
On husbands, my dh is a chef and works A LOT. Today is his one day off for the week and he is with the boys while I'm at work (for five hours). I think it's good for him to spend some time alone with them. He generally sees them for a couple of minutes in the morning and then comes home long after they've gone to sleep for the night. I tend to wish he were around more, but then when he is around it's tough because I get set in my ways and he throws things off. His mother has some very different ideas on parenting than I do and she tends to tell him things over and over and over and over again until he questions my decisions on them.
A question for those with other children/younger siblings to your 3 year old...
Desmond has started sticking his foot over onto Gavin's (he's 8 1/2 months) carseat while I'm driving and this really bothers me for some reason. I don't want Gavin touching dirty shoes and then putting his hands in his mouth and I really just want to be able to tell Desmond something and have him listen to me. I try not to get to angry when I repeat myself and he doesn't listen, and I try to distract him, but nothing seems to work. Lately I've pondered not going anywhere (which would drive me even more insane) and buying a minivan and putting them in different rows of seat (not really an option just now). Any other ideas or similar experiences?
Marie, I'd just take my DC's shoes off while in the car if he couldn't keep his feet out of his brother's car seat...
I am getting used to having a baby in the house again. Kaylee is 21 months, but she is so much more delayed than the usual almost-two-year-old, so it seems like she's younger. She crawls and stands, but no walking on her own yet, no eating by mouth, no words, still babbling, etc. So I am getting used to doing everything with a baby on my hip again! I had forgotten how needy babies are!
Her ventilator tubing only reaches about 6 feet, so I have taken her off the ventilator quite a bit so I can carry her around while I work, or she crawls around exploring. She's still on oxygen (on a 50 ft cord) which pushes pressure into the lungs like the vent, but obviously she has to breathe on her own. And she does very well! I still don't have doctor's orders to do it, but I can not keep her holed up in her room her entire life because of the ventilator. She needs to exercise, and dig in my potted plants, and throw toys, and rip books, and all the cool stuff toddlers get to do!
Julianna was, of course, so good at the dentist today, and Crystal did surprisingly well! She sat still during the X-rays, which is a MAJOR feat for her. The ladies were training someone (slowly) on the X-ray machine and I'm like "Hurry up, she won't sit still for long!", lol. She whined a little when the dentist put his mask on, but she actually opened her mouth and was very well behaved for the exam. Because of her heart issues they suggested prophylactic antibiotics before an actual cleaning, and I'm thinking we'll be able to get it done with no sedation.
I think she finally understands that not everyone who puts on a surgical mask is going to hurt her, but she's not ready to trust everyone yet either. But it was cool, and I'm glad she didn't freak out again like last year.
DH let Zach take a nap today while I was gone
: , and he's in his room right now screaming like a seal, or seagull, or something like that, I can't understand him...
Hm, BeanBean never tried to put his foot on BooBah while we were driving. He took her blanket a couple of times, and then I started giving him a blanket of his own and it was all good. I'm with Leah, though; removing shoes sounds like a great idea. In fact, I'd ask BeanBean to remove his own shoes, he loves doing things like that.
Maybe he just wants to be close to his brother, to feel like he's doing something with/for him?
hey there, i'm starting to panic abt packing for our vacation. silly silly....
sarita - hugs!!!!!!! oooh, i have been there mamma. i get the feeling you need to get out and absorb some positive energy, even if it is indirect people watching or having a weekly scheduled 30 minute walk alone. this is a very sensitive and special time for you. was your other pg like this?
liz, reed is not diagnosed. and he is seven - i forget how much he has grown up in the past year....and it is hard to remember how things were when he was 3....
marie, my dh is a chef too. i'd like to blame my problems on his varying schedule.....but it looks like i have to learn how to really exercise my power soon, lots more.....i think the problem with the daddy dynamic is a common one, esp when the mamma is home. it feels disruptive because things ARE different. can you move the brothers to the opposite ends and put a big box between them? i can't help much here - my kids are always provoking each other and yes, i have them in their own seats in the van (tho someone always gets to kick a seat, and the impulse control doesn't slow as down until around 5ish and after).
i think after all this time that tv is a thing to limit. and this is after different phases of allowing my kids to watch pbs kids until they were sick of it - in the name of self regulation but, really because i was too exhausted to do much else and had too many directions to take care of. again, i think controlled repetitive movies on a little screen are better than the constant programming. probably what helped me the most was when dh decided he was sick of tv - it used to be how he decompressed after his job - so we were closer to the same page about mindless tv viewing. unfortunately this problem also applies to my emailing and net usage - it is barely interactive for my body and can be large amounts of input that makes me screech alot in the end too. big screen movies can be too much - i'm sorry abt curious george sarita.
I keep meaning to tell you another thing to do on your vacation. I think your dh works at whole foods is that right? You guys HAVE to visit the Berkeley Bowl
It is a totally awesome independant natural foods store. Because it is in California it has soo much wonderful organic local produce. I was there once and they had 5 varieties of mangos, 3 different passion fruits, several eggplants you get the picture. It's a def must do along with Chez Pannise (you already mentioned that was in your plan)
Have fun! I miss the bay area!!!!!!
Has anyone read the book The Secret to Parenting
? I'm about halfway through it. I'm wondering if anyone has read it and has found it to be useful in dealing with their 3's.
thanks for hugs casina
You are totally right about the postive energy. I'm actually going to call the yoga studio today and get into the prenatal class. There is also a single mom who's has an adopted 3 yr old from guatamala whose yard backs ours. I've decided to go over there and invite her to this coffee shop near. it's hard to compare pregnancies. I *think* I was sicker w/ razi but I didn't have razi to deal w/. i made it to 20 weeks w/o taking any medication. this time I hit the wall sooner and I think mostly cuz i have razi who needs me. I hope you have so much fun on vacation. i love going on vacation, mostly cuz i don't have to think about what's for dinner every night, lol!
Razi has been doing funny feet stuff lately too. He's learning how to pick things up w/ his toes. he's also been figuring out how to push buttons w/ his toes. It's been really funny to watch.
gtg, razi has his dentist appt this morning.
I do have the boys on opposite sides of the car, but ds1 can still reach his foot across. I guess I should just take his shoes off, but it is a bit of a pain. I just love converse all stars and continue to buy them for ds even thought they have laces. They seem to be easiest on his feet. They are a pain to take on and off all the time, though. I've got to get him some sandals sometime soon, so if he still thinks it's hilarious to put his feet on his brother by that time, I'll do the take them off thing.
The bay area! I miss it, too. I actually just got some pictures from a friend that I met while living there. She was in Kauai and made me long for a vacation. I'd love to go back to the bay area or to the napa valley. Sometimes I really miss our little cottage in Calistoga.
I finally made a dentist appt for myself and ds, thanks to this thread.
We live in rural Maine. My ds goes to daycare at my best friends apartment. She has 5 boys (1 of her own
). She lives in what we (humoursly) refer to as "the ghetto"... as it's the only apartment complex around and it's in the middle of town and there's a big dumpster in her parking lot (and she HAS a parking lot!!). Well, here's a funny he must of picked up from his day at "the ghetto"...
I was reading him a book last night and stopped to answer a ? dh had asked. Baylor kept saying "moooooommy- keep reading" over and over and then finally he says "mmmmmooooommy, keep reading- put your back into it... you can do it if you put your back into it"
I laughed so hard!
Ha ha, edamommy.
I'm going crazy.
Julianna's social worker called yesterday and said that they're going to move to place Julianna with a family member on the reservation.
There is a new judge in the juvenile courts for the tribe that is gung-ho on reunification with tribal family members at all costs. They're all pissed off that 75% of their kids are put into foster care at some point in their lives, so the courts want to place them back on the reservation with tribal members. The sad part is that none of the orignal problems that caused the removal of the kids are being fixed, so they are being put right back into the homes they were taken out of. And so the future generations of this tribe are continuing down the very path of their elders- drugs, alcohol, violence, and lawlessness.
Julianna's grandma (her dad's mom) wants her. I'm sure she's been getting pressure from tribal social services. ("Oh, we'll offer you more land on the reservation! Oh, we'll offer you monthly monetary support! Take your granddaughter and teach her the ways of her people before our culture is lost forever!") She already has custody of two of her son's three kids, so it's only natural that she'd step up to raise his youngest. The courts are going to try to fit in as many visits as possible between now and August, because the judge wants to see more visits with natural family. Then in August they will reconvene and most likely change her case plan to include reunification with family, and custody will be granted to her grandma. I am dying.
The judge even made the comment that she doesn't like "her" tribal kids calling their white foster parents Mom and Dad.
: Um, I've had the kid since birth, what the hell is she supposed to call me??? When you're a baby you don't care that your real parents are somewhere else, all you know is the person who comforts you, cleans you up, and feeds you. That's the person you know and love. Do you know how many times Julianna has said "I was in your tummy", or something similar? I've stopped trying to explain to her that she grew in Mama Jessica's tummy, that Daddy James and Mama Jessica made her first and then she came to live here. I just nod and say "Yep, you were so tiny when you were a baby!" She is mine and I am hers, as far as she's concerned.
I have heard that she is going "home" so many times that I don't know exactly how to react to it. When Julianna was 1 her mom wanted her back (she's in jail again, surprise surprise), then last year at this time it was her father (who is nowhere to be found again, surprise surprise), and now this year it's her grandma. I know there's nothing I can do about it, I just have to wait. And that's the hardest part- not really knowing if this time will be IT. Social Services said they will work with us and take as long as need be for Julianna to get bonded with her family and ready to move. We have talked to her about it and she said "I don't wanna go with Grandma Angie! I wanna stay at my house." Then she asked me "You wanna come, Mama?" Zachary is going to be beside himself when she's gone- they spend all day playing together and talking in their little language. It's going to be VERY hard for him. I have no idea how to handle that one. He said "She's not leaving, Mom", in his matter-of-fact, I-know-everything-because-I'm-three tone of voice.
Julianna knows her sister (who already lives with her grandma), and seems to really like her, so that will hopefully make it easier for her. She is 9 I think, so she likes being the little caregiver and helper, so I am hoping having her around will make Julianna more comfortable.
I hate this.
DH asked me "Can I just run away with her?"
I know you guys all understand, so that's why I'm venting here. But I don't want to bring you all down, I just wanted you to know what is going on in my world...