Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: baton rouge louisiana
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the choices - my kids have shown me how crazy it can get. reed got to where he got mad he could not control the rain, and always felt bedtime was optional just from me being polite about it. or screamed the sun would go down. they still think baths and brushing teeth is optional due to my energy and they cannot bathe together eithout terrible mayhem. clay gets worked up and is a good decision maker in a very controlled environment, but gets way carried away otherwise. i cannot possibly give them a choice of how to spend time, like park or zoo because if the zoo ends up icky for somebody then they are all freaked and disappointed in themselves and i have a harder time convincing whoever to go again while the others are upset because they want to go. if it was all my idea without their consent then they can just blame the bad stuff on me. same with going to the store or even the order we do errands. i am getting to where there are few decisions about groceries and food now, because they all want their way, and i cannot accomodate what on the surface seems so simple, because they need so much to believe that i can follow through exactly what they want, so i have been limiting choices to seemingly nonexistent.
if i just buy an ice cream, they can complain about what i got and eat it. when i asked what flavor they want at the store or even discussing beforehand, then they tend to have a claim on their flavor or realize they prefer someone else's flavor and there are ownership and sharing issues and cry if it's all gone because dad ate the rest of it while they were asleep.
so i take the blame. it's all my fault. i'm okay with that, but i ain't doing all that messy stuff. and no, i can never in the rare instance ask them to choose toy or object to buy ever. they fight over the stuff people give us as it is. today they had four color choices of one kind of dollar umbrellas and ruby cried because there was not a pink and then clay complained because he chose red first and how will he be sure she leaves his alone but he doesn't want a different color? i'm getting closer to eliminating personal property altogether.
but that has alot to do with our personalities and two age spacing. go figure. at least it has been much easier with ruby, supposedly because i had some boundaries to begin with. it sucks sometimes because one of them will want to do something beautifully independent and not that big of a deal, like change spots where they sit in the van. i can't usually agree to this or they will all start to musical chair me and then have new problems with windows and kicking and needing water while i drive or how they get in and out. i'm so not built to be a resposible bossy managing control freak, and lately i've decided instead feeling like they are making me this way that i am going to shine in my power and once we get it right we can foster true joyful spontaneity. it's quite a path to take.
but today i have bad pms. i feel like the dutch boy with the finger in hole in the dam.