Yay! It's May for the 3 year old tribe! - Page 6 - Mothering Forums

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#151 of 156 Old 06-02-2006, 09:32 PM
 
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What about arguing with your DP in front of the kids? Is that a huge AP no-no? DH thinks it is but I actually disagree. My parents fought in front of us (Us- "Mom and Dad, quit arguing!", Parents- "We're not arguing, we're having a discussion!") and in a way it taught me how to fight and how to ask for what I want. And I also learned that two people can be yelling at each other one minute and talking about what to have for dinner the next, and it's ok to disagree because it doesn't always mean that you hate each other. Any thoughts, wise women?

I know I do/say things that I shouldn't in front of my kids... I blame it on the insane Arizona heat getting to my head. :

Leah coolshine.gif adoptionheart-1.gif homebirth.jpg

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#152 of 156 Old 06-02-2006, 10:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for acknowledging my fishing for love.

I should have elaborated about H... It doesn't matter even if there is just two options, she *still* will go back and forth on it... it's hilarious and maddening, and I love it too! Because I know she's getting her voice.. and I always try to have it easy for her, but still, still, still.
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#153 of 156 Old 06-02-2006, 10:54 PM
 
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Jazz, Mariah does the *same8 thing, exactly.

Leah, I tend to agree with your p.o.v. on arguing, for all the same reasons you listed. But I have also said "I'm so frustrated with your father doing x" and I shouldn't have, because it was just a negative statement, me venting frustration to a child, which isn't really cool, kwim?
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#154 of 156 Old 06-03-2006, 04:22 AM
 
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i'm all for being real in front of the kids and disagreeing but they should see that we make up too, which tends to be a short and sweet moment because we are communicating easily then, so it isn't always that obvious and not exactly easy to stage.

punk, it would probably freak my dh out for y'all to stay here. he is already paranoid since his truck was violated twice and he has very different social boundaries than i - like my friends tend to cut out of here before he comes back from work - even friends he likes. and he really wasn't that okay with his sister staying here last year when she really needed it and i know that's part of the reason she left after two days because of his vibe even though he had brought her here. i know it doesn't make sense, and i truly apologize for leading you on due to my wishing. i get resentful because before him my home was where everyone came, and it has never been that since we got together. i haven't even really had anyone over here in a few months now. we've got some evolving to do in general. i'm really sorry.....

much love, casina
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#155 of 156 Old 06-03-2006, 04:34 AM
 
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the choices - my kids have shown me how crazy it can get. reed got to where he got mad he could not control the rain, and always felt bedtime was optional just from me being polite about it. or screamed the sun would go down. they still think baths and brushing teeth is optional due to my energy and they cannot bathe together eithout terrible mayhem. clay gets worked up and is a good decision maker in a very controlled environment, but gets way carried away otherwise. i cannot possibly give them a choice of how to spend time, like park or zoo because if the zoo ends up icky for somebody then they are all freaked and disappointed in themselves and i have a harder time convincing whoever to go again while the others are upset because they want to go. if it was all my idea without their consent then they can just blame the bad stuff on me. same with going to the store or even the order we do errands. i am getting to where there are few decisions about groceries and food now, because they all want their way, and i cannot accomodate what on the surface seems so simple, because they need so much to believe that i can follow through exactly what they want, so i have been limiting choices to seemingly nonexistent.

if i just buy an ice cream, they can complain about what i got and eat it. when i asked what flavor they want at the store or even discussing beforehand, then they tend to have a claim on their flavor or realize they prefer someone else's flavor and there are ownership and sharing issues and cry if it's all gone because dad ate the rest of it while they were asleep.
so i take the blame. it's all my fault. i'm okay with that, but i ain't doing all that messy stuff. and no, i can never in the rare instance ask them to choose toy or object to buy ever. they fight over the stuff people give us as it is. today they had four color choices of one kind of dollar umbrellas and ruby cried because there was not a pink and then clay complained because he chose red first and how will he be sure she leaves his alone but he doesn't want a different color? i'm getting closer to eliminating personal property altogether.

but that has alot to do with our personalities and two age spacing. go figure. at least it has been much easier with ruby, supposedly because i had some boundaries to begin with. it sucks sometimes because one of them will want to do something beautifully independent and not that big of a deal, like change spots where they sit in the van. i can't usually agree to this or they will all start to musical chair me and then have new problems with windows and kicking and needing water while i drive or how they get in and out. i'm so not built to be a resposible bossy managing control freak, and lately i've decided instead feeling like they are making me this way that i am going to shine in my power and once we get it right we can foster true joyful spontaneity. it's quite a path to take.

but today i have bad pms. i feel like the dutch boy with the finger in hole in the dam.
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#156 of 156 Old 06-03-2006, 11:53 AM
 
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Hey, guys, it's June! Liz started a new thread.
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