3 1/2 yo Tribe~ July 2006 - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 137 Old 07-11-2006, 11:11 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Fiddlemom
DS1 got his ya-yas out in the 2's and was starting to mellow by 3's. Not so w/ DS2. Throwing blocks and food, telling everyone to go away, picking fights with his older brother, ripping up books, crumpling up photographs (while people are enjoying them!).

He's driving me crazy!!! of course he's totally adorable, smart, hilarious, creative, but this other stuff is making me nuts.

Glad to see I'm not alone!!! I'm with you guys! :
This is exactly the sort of thing that BeanBean does when he doesn't get an iron supplement. Have you considered physical causes for this sort of behavior? Might he have low blood sugar, low iron, or maybe he's not getting enough sleep? I'm not trying to be nosy or anything, I just hate it when I can't enjoy my children and sometimes physical issues can get in the way for us so I figure, it could be an issue for others as well.

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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#62 of 137 Old 07-11-2006, 11:20 PM
 
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I just hate it when I can't enjoy my children and sometimes physical issues can get in the way for us so I figure, it could be an issue for others as well.
Glad you brought this up. My dd is usually great- listens better than my 6yo, is very verbally precocious and communicates her wants/needs/dislikes with explanations not tantrums, etc, BUT when she is tired, she just can't cope. Cries, throws major fits, becomes totally unreasonable, etc. She's phasing out her nap and it's been a nightmare. If she doesn't nap, she's falling apart by 3PM, but if she does sleep during the day, she doesn't fall asleep until almost 10, then is horrible the next day. Bedtime is 7-7:30 at our house and it works really well, but I know we just have to get past this nap-phase-out stage without pulling all of my hair out. And my 6yo is like this when she doesn't get enough protein. I"m constantly trying to figure out who's eaten what and who has gotten enough rest, etc. and if those are the reasons we're having trouble. I'm : most of the time, oh did I mention that my 14mo is cutting his 2yo molars : :

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#63 of 137 Old 07-12-2006, 12:49 AM
 
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Originally Posted by KayleeZoo
Glad you brought this up. My dd is usually great- listens better than my 6yo, is very verbally precocious and communicates her wants/needs/dislikes with explanations not tantrums, etc, BUT when she is tired, she just can't cope. Cries, throws major fits, becomes totally unreasonable, etc. She's phasing out her nap and it's been a nightmare. If she doesn't nap, she's falling apart by 3PM, but if she does sleep during the day, she doesn't fall asleep until almost 10, then is horrible the next day. Bedtime is 7-7:30 at our house and it works really well, but I know we just have to get past this nap-phase-out stage without pulling all of my hair out. And my 6yo is like this when she doesn't get enough protein. I"m constantly trying to figure out who's eaten what and who has gotten enough rest, etc. and if those are the reasons we're having trouble. I'm : most of the time, oh did I mention that my 14mo is cutting his 2yo molars : :
I'm so glad I'm not the only one who has to keep such close tabs on eating and sleep. I have been wondering if it is supposed to be this difficult to manage a child or if I'm just making it difficult for myslef.
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#64 of 137 Old 07-12-2006, 03:38 PM
 
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Thanks for the sticky vibes, Sarita, and thanks for the congrats, Jaz... I am hoping this one sticks, too. I have had waves a nausea off and on, but nothing major, and I'm still cramping off and on, so ????? My boobs had been really sore but now they don't hurt as much, so I am wondering if it's another blighted ovum that stopped developing or something. I read my cards and they basically told me to forget the past and move on, so take that as you will. I'll have my mom draw a couple quantitative hcg's in the next couple of days, and see if it goes up. All I can do is wait and :. It's not as if I NEED a fifth child, lol, but I would love to have one more of my own!!!

Zachary has been absoultely CRAZY the past few days. Mouthy, screaming, and just generally on edge. I know it's because ever since we got Kaylee we haven't been able to go out and about like we used to. We used to go to the water park, the mall play area, the pet store, the grocery store, etc., at the drop of a hat if we felt like getting out of the house, and it's just a little harder now with Kaylee and all her junk to drag along, plus Crystal is out of school for the summer, and it's been so HOT. I have been taking them to my mom's to swim a lot, so hopefully if I burn off the extra energy Zach will be nice again. (He's almost to the point where he can swim without wings or his vest, but he slips under the water sometimes, so he needs more practice. I'm so proud of him!)

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#65 of 137 Old 07-13-2006, 12:45 PM
 
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I just had to come post. We had the worst morning!

I took a chance and took both kids to the pool alone since some friends were going- I have never taken them both, alone before b/c I have been worried about keeping track of both of them around water, and what will I do if ds1 throws a fit when I'm holding the baby and we're in the pool. Well guess what, that is exactly what happened!

This pool is so restrictive, they barely let you move without blowing the whistle (don't get me wrong, I am extremely into water safety, but they go overboard to the point where kids can't even play, and it's a shallow kiddie pool!) and I had to constantly say no and stop him from doing whatever he was doing, b/c the lifeguard told me to (he had been playing perfectly nicely and appropriately) then he got down and started licking the floor! I asked him nicely to stop but he kept doing it! So he threw a fit, and I'm trying to hang onto the baby so he doesn't drown, and drag us all out of there.

So he screamed his head off the entire time in the locker room while I changed all 3 of us. And everyone was staring at us of course, and kept asking him what's wrong, which is the worst thing you can do! It was such a nightmare, I got so frustrated I told him to shut up in front of my friends : I have never done that before, I am so embarrassed.

Sigh. never again.

On to other topics- we're having major food/snack battles here, too. As much as I try to disengage and not make it an issue, he makes it one!

I just talked to a holistic / alternative health practitioner- not sure exactly what to call her- she uses kinesiology, essential oils, flower essences, etc- so we're going for an appointment next week. I hope she can give me some good ideas to use w/ him, and myself.
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#66 of 137 Old 07-13-2006, 01:22 PM
 
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Hi, I just found this thread and I haven't read all four pages. But I'm a little confused. The first page seems to be dominated by discussion of special needs children and I'm wondering if that's the purpose of this tribe.
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#67 of 137 Old 07-13-2006, 02:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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No this is not a specificaly special needs tribe, but there are some mamas on here who have children with special needs. I don't know how that could be misunderstood. :

itsybitsy~ I've had many a day like that. Isn't it infuriating? It doesn't make it any better when the society that we live in is so unfriendly to children (like not allowing kids to play in the pool, WTF!?!?!): :

We put everything on our shoulders, as mothers. and we do it all alone too (for the most part)... wouldn't it be so much better if we all lived in communities, where there was shared childcare, and lots of friends for the kids to play with, so theyd leave us alone all the time? That's the way its supposed to be, and I look forward to the day when that becomes the norm (again!)


so much empathy, mamas.. it will get better! One day they will wipe their own butts, and put themselves to sleep.
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#68 of 137 Old 07-13-2006, 02:48 PM
 
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Originally Posted by majazama
No this is not a specificaly special needs tribe, but there are some mamas on here who have children with special needs. I don't know how that could be misunderstood. :
Sorry to have been so stupid. I was just trying to avoid going OT, but I guess my daughter isn't quite old enough for this gang anyway. I'll go look for another grouping inclusive of her birth month.
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#69 of 137 Old 07-13-2006, 02:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by care_a_boo
Sorry to have been so stupid. I was just trying to avoid going OT, but I guess my daughter isn't quite old enough for this gang anyway. I'll go look for another grouping inclusive of her birth month.
We are an inclusive group. Any kids that are approximately 3 1/2 will fit in here. Not many of us have stuck around for that long, but I, for one, been taking part in this thread since my DD was 9 months old. And others were chatting before their kids were even born.

Its always nice to have more poeple in our tribe, and I'd be sad to see you go! The more the merrier.

I hope you aren't serious about saying "sorry to have been so stupid"... I thought that maybe you had not read the actual posts, just skimmed through them.
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#70 of 137 Old 07-13-2006, 03:10 PM
 
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Do any of you wonder if your child is lonely? (for playmates his age) I guess it's hard here cuz we don['t know a lot of people. Ds had some really good friends in AZ. I thought he would love going to school but that didn't work out. Anyway, right now, 2 houses down there is a bunch of kids his age (ish) and he just been watching them alot. I don't know the people so it isn't like I can just go over and join them. I think he misses kids but especially the friends he already had, that he knew and is comfortable w/. sigh. Maybe i just miss having IRL friends and am projecting.
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#71 of 137 Old 07-13-2006, 04:13 PM
 
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Just found you all!

I really hope this constant whining will STOP soon. That and crying if he doesn't get what he wants. It is so tiring and infiriating. How can we teach Silas to "not sweat the small stuff" when everything is a big deal to him? *sigh*

And, not to make like of true bi-polar disorder, but wth is it with 3.5 year olds and the hot-cold nature? One minute Silas is calling us "mean" and whining about something, the next minute he is playing his harmonica at my belly "for the baby".

As for sleeping, we lie next to him until he falls asleep. I'm hoping we can wean him off this soon, but he still seems to need this from us. Hit or miss whether he will stay in his bed all night. DH and I both use body pillows, so with Silas in bed with us, NO ONE gets any sleep -- something I cannot do without being in my 3rd trimester. Plus the body heat he generates has me majorly sweating.

I really shouldn't complain because on the whole he is a great kid, but these little phases he goes through really make parenting, especially gentle discipline, super tough.
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#72 of 137 Old 07-13-2006, 07:13 PM
 
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Well, BeanBean isn't lonely; he's got a BooBah. He's also introduced himself to all of the neighbors, and often goes knocking on doors to talk to people. :ignore He is, however, very dramatic. "If I don't get some ice cream, I'll never be happy again!" "I'm just going to die, I will be dead and my daddy will be so angry with you!" and on and on. He's quite the little drama...er... king? I take it all in stride.

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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#73 of 137 Old 07-13-2006, 08:51 PM
 
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Um, OK, if new members are OK here, I was looking to get more active on MDC. I did feel a bit stupid though. I didn't want to assume that just anyone could join up and when I started reading the first couple of pages, I really wasn't sure...

Anyway, I used to belong to a group like this on Babycenter back when I was pregnant. The group stayed active for a long time, moving to a private web site eventually. But the last time I went looking for it, it was gone. I'd stopped posting there because I felt like a weirdo anyway. I mean, we used to keep our fingers crossed for each other that our OBs would offer to induce. And then the advice about putting babies to bed, and transitioning to bottles. Then came spanking debates, and on and on. Meanwhile I was getting to know my own mind better and finding myself wandering outside the mainstream. We all got along fine, but you know how it is. I miss them, and hearing all about their kids though.

Anyway, my daughter is asking me to read, so I'd better go. I'll peek in again soon. I already appreciate the laughs I got from reading quotes from your children.
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#74 of 137 Old 07-13-2006, 08:59 PM
 
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majazama- I read your birth story and posted there I didn't know fern was your SIL, she was in my DDC- what a great SIL to have!

So how long has this tribe been around? Was it a DDC once upon a time?
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#75 of 137 Old 07-13-2006, 09:07 PM
 
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It was a ddc once - before there was officially ddc threads here. weird to think I've 'known' some of you ladies for 4+ years.

Amy
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#76 of 137 Old 07-13-2006, 09:30 PM
 
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Wow....it's amazing to read all the posts and realize that my son isn't completely unusual! During all the 2yo stuff we had just moved and I didn't know anyone, and it was so isolating. I had a hard time meeting anyone who parented like I did and who didn't recommend that I spank him into submission! : I didn't really know that he was spirited; I just knew that I couldn't do things with him like other people seemed to be able to do with their children. After he turned 3 everything go SO much better. Then in May it all whipped back again...tantrums with a nuclear power source! We still have great days, or parts of days, but when those mood swings hit it can be rather deflating.

Once I met some other AP mamas with spirited kids, I seemed to handle things so much better. Not always, but I'm still working on it! I'm glad to find this thread, and hoping to gain some more inner strength that will help me raise my spunky boy!!

Kristen
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#77 of 137 Old 07-13-2006, 10:41 PM
 
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Hi Mamas...

Sarita, I know what you mean about IRL friends. Most of my girlfriends are still child-less. And it's really REALLY hard to find cool moms, YK? I meet someone somewhere and they end up being formula-feeding daycare-worshipping mainstreamers who decide I'm a ~freak~. Plus I live too far from all the "in" hangouts for kids, so it's even hard to make it the scheduled AP playgroups. Have you tried posting in the Spokane "Finding Your Tribe" area? That group is VERY active, and for awhile they had weekly meetings at Shadle Park, so you might want to check that out. I will be in Spokane for my brother's wedding in September, so we can try to get together if you're not too uncomfortable at that point for company!

So, it was like 115 here today. My brain is mush and my kids are bored to tears because I won't dare take them out and about in this heat. My parents are in Mexico for the weekend also, so I won't have anyone to play with . We can still go over there and swim, but it's not as much fun without someone to hang out with .

So, anyway, just checking in and saying howdy and all that...

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#78 of 137 Old 07-14-2006, 12:25 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by itsybitsy25
majazama- I read your birth story and posted there I didn't know fern was your SIL, she was in my DDC- what a great SIL to have!

So how long has this tribe been around? Was it a DDC once upon a time?
yep, shes a keeper And did you know that she's in this tribe too!? Her son elwynn was born the same month and year as my dd. crazy coincidence.

Its nice to see a bunch of newbies join us.

I hope that we are all still chatting in 20 years!
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#79 of 137 Old 07-14-2006, 01:14 AM
 
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I wasn't here when this was a DDC; I joined later, after reading for a while to find out how tense everyone was, and if they'd think I was being elitist or mean when I talked about what my Bean's up to. I lurked here for a fair bit before I ever posted.

Speaking of which, whatever happened to solsticemama? She was so cool...

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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#80 of 137 Old 07-14-2006, 09:55 AM
 
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solstice mama is pretty much off the internet. i speak with her occassionally but she is not an online much. she is doing great tho and i will send regards.


Sarita-
Kathrynn is very social, so we go to places where kids hang out every day, whether it be the library, or the pool or the park. I'm looking forward to moving into town so one day i can have a kid over to our house. its funny, kathrynn doesn't care how old the kid is- in fact i think babies are her favorite. maybe bc they are not agressive. not sure. anyway, if we go somewhere and there is a baby, she is occupied forever.

speaking of babies, kathrynn finally asked me the other day how she got in my belly. :P i knew one day that question would come. well, i told her, and she seemed totally satisfied and hasn't brought it up again. lol
she knows the concept of an egg, like how things transform from eggs into chickens, catepillers, ect. So i guess it made sense that she bascially started from an egg too. it was like a 10 min conversation and she hasn't mentioned it again.
anyway, i love the thinking process.
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#81 of 137 Old 07-14-2006, 09:58 AM
 
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And did you know that she's in this tribe too!? Her son elwynn was born the same month and year as my dd. crazy coincidence.
Mine, too- Dec. '02!
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#82 of 137 Old 07-14-2006, 10:16 AM
 
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Originally Posted by itsybitsy25
I just had to come post. We had the worst morning!

I took a chance and took both kids to the pool alone since some friends were going- I have never taken them both, alone before b/c I have been worried about keeping track of both of them around water, and what will I do if ds1 throws a fit when I'm holding the baby and we're in the pool. Well guess what, that is exactly what happened!

This pool is so restrictive, they barely let you move without blowing the whistle (don't get me wrong, I am extremely into water safety, but they go overboard to the point where kids can't even play, and it's a shallow kiddie pool!) and I had to constantly say no and stop him from doing whatever he was doing, b/c the lifeguard told me to (he had been playing perfectly nicely and appropriately) then he got down and started licking the floor! I asked him nicely to stop but he kept doing it! So he threw a fit, and I'm trying to hang onto the baby so he doesn't drown, and drag us all out of there.

So he screamed his head off the entire time in the locker room while I changed all 3 of us. And everyone was staring at us of course, and kept asking him what's wrong, which is the worst thing you can do! It was such a nightmare, I got so frustrated I told him to shut up in front of my friends : I have never done that before, I am so embarrassed.

Sigh. never again.
If it makes you feel any better we have so many moments like that here. My ds is very strong-willed and the minute he even senses you would like him to do something he decides to test out what will happen if he doesn't. And I always have a toddler in my hands as well.

Yesterday, we met friends at a really busy waterfront park. I swear all my friends have the most mellow, laid-back children. I think I probably had to chase ds about 5 times as he was running away from me. Poor dd was either plopped down with my friends while I ran away chasing ds or she was in my arms as I was trying to run. We went back to the car for a "time-in" to take a minute and recuperate. It worked for a little while but then when it happened again I just left. I've always said my son is spirited, strong-willed but lately I'm wondering if I'm just using that as an excuse. Actually, I don't really mean that. I mean, I know he is those things but I guess I'm just feeling like a bit of a failure. I really wish I could spend some time with some friends whose dc's behaved like my ds just once in a while just so I didn't feel so alone.

Karen - spouse to dh for 11 years, mama to ds (Nov '02), dd (May '05) and ds and dd (Jun '08)

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#83 of 137 Old 07-14-2006, 11:03 AM
 
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Karen-
I've found that its never helpful to measure your own kids against someone elses. It leads to a lot of self doubt and other things.
I try to keep in mind that Kathrynn is just spirited and different then some kids.
I went thru a stage a couple weeks ago where i was doubting myself a lot bc a mom on another board was talking about how her son was. it made me think i was doing things wrong. but the thing is, her son has a totally different temperment then kathrynn. they are just different people.
having said this, i am trying to work on being more patient while having boundries w/ kathrynn. its always a state of change and leaning, IMO.

hugs!
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#84 of 137 Old 07-14-2006, 12:29 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Mona
Karen-
I've found that its never helpful to measure your own kids against someone elses. It leads to a lot of self doubt and other things.
I hear you there. I try really hard not to do that but when I'm at the end of my rope in terms of patience I struggle wondering "what the heck is going on with my child?, "Why is everything so darn difficult?", "Their children don't have a complete meltdown because I was supposed to be pretending to be pulled in a trailer behind his imaginary truck and I forgot and took a two step detour to pick up dd" :

It doesn't help that we have different parenting techniques in general so I guess I sometimes feel "judged" by them, even though they're not - kwim?

Oh well, we have a summer of activities planned with friends and their children so I better stock up on that patience and backbone and find some new techniques to help ds.

Thanks for the

Karen - spouse to dh for 11 years, mama to ds (Nov '02), dd (May '05) and ds and dd (Jun '08)

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#85 of 137 Old 07-14-2006, 02:59 PM
 
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I hear ya on the hot/cold stuff with the 3 year olds! Their mood can change SO fast! DS seems to be getting so much more whiny and dramatic about things lately too! Like if he wants me to carry him right then and I can't at that moment (holding his sister, in the middle of going to the bathroom, etc.) he has a complete meltdown laying on the floor and screaming!: Then later he can be totally fine.

I love how his imagination is really taking off now. He loves playing cars, and they go to all his favorite places (children's museum, store, etc.). Sometimes he has them stopping at traffic lights or all lined up in a traffic jam on the "street". It is fun to watch him and listen to him play.

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#86 of 137 Old 07-14-2006, 10:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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oh, yes. My dd does the bipolar-thing a bit. I wrote about this a lot, but this is how some of our conversations go....

H.." I want to watch little bear"
me..."then watch little bear"
H..."I DON't want to watch little bear!!!!!!!!!!"
me..."then don't watch little bear"
H..." I WANT to watch little bear!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
me..."you can either watch it, or not watch it, you decide"
H... "I don't want to watch little bear"
me...:"ok then"
H.. on the floor "wah, wah, I WANT to watch little bear!!!!!"
me...gets little bear movie and puts it in
H,... I DON'T want to watch little bear!!!!!
......

then she will watch it...
......

etcetera etcetera. It's crazy making! holy crap! I think that she does this when she needs more one on one time from me, cause I have to interact with her. But she seems to be getting better with this.
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#87 of 137 Old 07-15-2006, 04:04 AM
 
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hey everyone!

jaz, that's a classic scenario you are describing. she just wants you to take command. the choice is too overwhelming for her. certainly she feels she has the right to complain afterwards, because you've accepted and loved her so that she feels she can vent any opinion. That part is the compliment to you that you have not sat on her ego all this time.

by now i just try not to giggle when i see other parents having troubles with their kids. watching someones else's exasperation and their screaming child in a grocery store is confirmation that i am still living in the right world with real people, and i try to help when my interference seems it can be beneficial. suspending judgment, emanating forgiveness and compassion. it is a lesson and gift that helps me cope with myself and my own, and we mammas can learn to help each other in realtime. the world would be a strange cardboard place if all our kids were seen and not heard with vacant smiles.

right now it is just as hard for the littles as it is for us to parent them. they have a myriad of struggles dealing with being a baby and moving towards childhood. big swings and even less predictable behaviour for me is usually actually a good sign - it means they are on the verge of getting somewhere some kind of mind body emotional growth spurt. (even if it means they are getting sick - i know that something is happenning. the hardest for me is if they are just icky to be around all the time in a constant manner)

they are just starting to have a whisper of a voice that tells them to stop for independent actions. they do not think in their head and have the capability to see consequences. what they have is habit and innate personality, and sometimes a need to pee that is as influential as a need ofr protein, and a radar for experience at the moment.

i've got blunt explanations if y'all want them: of course, i'm only a so called expert on me and my own! i seek community and am always learning from my kids and working to be the better person since my kids tend to emulate my worst aspects.

eilonwy, that's so interesting you lurked on us!
mona, so glad to hear thar solsticemama is well!
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#88 of 137 Old 07-19-2006, 12:06 PM
 
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Yeah, my kids are kind of strange. When Bean was about 6 months old, I started a thread and found out just how unfriendly people can be when your child is obviously different. Anyway, it's all good-- you ladies are nice.

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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#89 of 137 Old 07-19-2006, 12:32 PM
 
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it's back!

i hate to say this, but it is something where you develop a thicker skin as you experience it. i would say it is actually more important that i, the mamma, act more gracious to have any effect on naysayers and critics and just plain mean people. in the end it is me they are looking at. i have to stick my chin up and smile and have a sense of humor and be breezy as best as i can when i have the energy. they are just kids. and i have to show how to behave and have confidence in the duress of being frowned on.
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#90 of 137 Old 07-19-2006, 02:32 PM
 
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Good to see you all again.

Leah coolshine.gif adoptionheart-1.gif homebirth.jpg

Hubby guitar.gif, ds (11) REPlaySkateboard04HL.gif, adopted dd (10) notes2.gif, dd (6) dust.gif, dd (1) femalesling.GIF & 3 foster dd's wheelchair.gif upsidedown.gif diaper.gif  

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