Friend's 4yo very violent *graphic & disturbing* - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 137 Old 08-15-2006, 04:12 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Delacroix
You can call CPS anonymously. Do that. Please call the SPCA or some organization that can remove that new cat from the household as well. (I can't stand the thought of that animal being set up for torture and death.)
Ditto. IME CPS is fairly used to retaliatory reports against the one originally reporting abuse or neglect (not that it's any less scary or uncomfortable to think of your family being the subject of investigation, particularly when you are leading a less-than-conventional life ).

Animal Protection should be able to remove the cat following an investigation (I hope) - I can't stop thinking about that poor helpless cat being a prisoner in its home.

I agree with all the other posters who said act, call now, and stop all contact with your children and pets.

Sorry you are faced with this situation, mama. How horrible! Please do update us when you can.

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#62 of 137 Old 08-15-2006, 04:21 PM
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Update??

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#63 of 137 Old 08-15-2006, 04:30 PM
 
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wow that's awful!! I hope something is done.

When I was a summer camp counselor at the YMCA, there was a family of three kids. Two boys and a girl. They were really dysfunctional and gave off bad vibes. The boy was angry and acted out a lot. He used to pee on the front lawn of the Y just for kicks even though it got him in trouble (he was like 8). His sister was scary. She was very manipulative and stoic. She was about 12. Once the boy was acting really exceptionally angry and I took him aside and asked him if he was having a bad day or sad about something. He said his sister choked his pet bunny to death. She squeezed his neck until he died. I could not believe it. He said she did it on purpose because she was mad at him. I asked if the mom did anything and he said no. He was missing his bunny. About a week later he was expelled from the program because he found an old scoreboard that was taken down so a new one could be installed. It had thousands of small lightbulbs in it. He took some of them and threw them in the men's showers and several people cut their feet. I always wonder what happened to him. I don't think he was disturbed, he was just angry. His sister was disturbed and his monther was in total denial about her son's feelings and the warning signs. I tried to speak with her and she just put up a wall.

ETA: I would totally break off contact with this person for the sake of your child. One day he's going to try to put a rope around your son's head or shut him in somewhere or otherwise harm him. Run, do not walk, away from this family.

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#64 of 137 Old 08-15-2006, 05:38 PM
 
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If the uncle won't listen, speak to the wife -- another mother! I thought all mothers knew that killing animals was the first sign of SERIOUS problems that needed to be dealt with immediately. I thought everyone knew that??? I would make sure she knew about the animal killings, the peeing on mom's head and the injury to your own child. I would have to do this b/c if something serious were to happen I would feel super guilty for not informing her. Once I inform a person, it's their responsibility to do with it what they want.

I read this entire thread b/c I have a 4 yr old with aggression issues. He doesn't look smug though, he does not remember!!! I know he will hurt others unprevoked without knowing it hurt them, so I don't let him be around others without my presence. He has a medical disorder with regards to food, which at first I though was the issue and would resolve the issue. It's not, so we're moving on with our pedi to explore other options as the dietary option has been exhausted.

I think the big difference here is 1) I know my child needs help, 2) I do not fear him hurting me, nor has he ever be violent past the point of throwing toys, throwing a royal tantrum,pushing and the like and 3) I work with him and I'm seeking help b/c I see he is totally out of it when he strikes out at others. My own son seems to be leaning more toward an autistic spectrum disorder, which is totally different from the situation the OP describes -- but the point I want to make is the MOTHER IS FAILING HER CHILD!

CPS needs to be called b/c this mother needs a wake-up call. Children that young inflicting pain and suffering on animals to the point of death and then harming other children need certified counceling -- the mother should know this and should act accordingly. She has been told, by you and likely he was kicked out of preschool for behavior.

My sister just married a man with an older child who has serious behavior problems unidentified by the school system or medical professionals, of course dad was in denial. This kids scared me and I don't scare easily. I had to restrain a 10 yr old from beating the crap out of my 4 and 2 yr old when I was left to watch them before I knew what was up with this kid. They don't know what's wrong with him, but she is searching for answers and she will find a solution. That is the big difference again, a mother looking for answers, taking the child to the docs verse flippent dismissal that it's just a boy thing...

I fear someone suing me b/c my mentally disturbed child hurts another kid on the play ground, hence we don't go to the public play ground. My boy doesn't even want to play with other children anyway (which is part of my suspition of Autism) -- so no sad faces okay.

Please do the right thing and call CPS, this little boy needs help that his mother is not able to see he needs -- but everyone who has posted from what I can tell agrees he needs evaluation and help. I don't think I read 1 single post out of 65 that said to leave this issue alone.

And do keep your family away from this child and mother, it isn't worth the risk. Just remember it does not matter what another thinks of you, it only matters what you think of yourself. Your children may not like it, but when they are a bit older they will understand completely and thank you.
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#65 of 137 Old 08-15-2006, 05:50 PM
 
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Sorry for the OT but....

Quote:
Originally Posted by NoMariposa
My sister just married a man with an older child who has serious behavior problems unidentified by the school system or medical professionals, of course dad was in denial. .
It could be the school has brought their suspicions up to the father but the father did not allow the child to be tested and diagnosed. My brothers children have some issues, niece has some learning disorders, and nephew I am 99% sure is autistic. The schools have been on my brother and sister about it for years but SIL REFUSES to allow the school to do any kind of testing and says the schools are terrible so they move every couple of years to find "better" schools. The kicker is my SIL is a Special Ed teacher and you would think she could recognize when her children have the very issues she sees on a daily basis, talk about denial!


To the OP please call CPS if you have not already, if not for any other reason that there is a 12 month old baby girl that is at risk of being horribly abused or worse
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#66 of 137 Old 08-15-2006, 06:30 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Delacroix
You can call CPS anonymously. Do that. Please call the SPCA or some organization that can remove that new cat from the household as well. (I can't stand the thought of that animal being set up for torture and death.)
You can. On the other hand, if you're seriously concerned about her retaliating, maybe you should let them know your name and tell them about that concern.
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#67 of 137 Old 08-15-2006, 06:42 PM
 
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please call someone!
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#68 of 137 Old 08-15-2006, 07:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, I did it. At first they said they might not do anything since he is so young. The worker still wasn't certain what they would do but was concerned that the mother wasn't even making him acknowledge what he did was wrong. She was also worried about the previous sexual acting out and hurting children without remorse. We'll see what they do.

My husband and I have decided to pretend we're cool with things until they blow over and we'll be moving within a couple of months and be done with the boy. I'll just make excuses on why we can't hang out until then. Honestly, the reason I was even questioning what I should do it that this is only a 35 pound, not-even-3-foot-tall little boy. It seems silly in a way to consider him on the same level as a serial killer, but one day he could be.

Now I'm reminded of something I did to the little boy she will probably use against me, so I'm a little worried. The day after he bounced on my son's head we went to the drive-in movies with him (the plans were made before and my boys didn't want to change them). Anyway, he sat on my son's (same son) chest and he was gasping unable to breathe and his mother was taking her sweet time getting him off first yelling at him then slowly getting up. Meanwhile my son was gasping and I flipped out and jumped up and over the seat and pushed the boy off my son. They were on the floor of my van in the dark and he landed only about 9 inches from where he was sitting on my son, on his folding chair (which I couldn't see when I did it). I guess he got a bruise (his mom said later) from his chair. Personally my son was in trouble and she let her son go on for what seemed like forever (maybe 30-45secs) so I had to do something. I, in no way threw him, just shoved him off my son. Should I be worried if she uses this against me?

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#69 of 137 Old 08-15-2006, 07:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Sorry ladies, I tried posting this 3 hours ago and it didn't work. Just found out. Sorry to leave you hanging.

It's in CPS's hands now and I'm anxious to know what they will end up doing. I also forgot to add in my last post that I did specifically tell the worker about the baby girl he is around now and that I fear for her safety.

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#70 of 137 Old 08-15-2006, 07:09 PM
 
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keep us posted... s to you for being strong enough to do the right thing
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#71 of 137 Old 08-15-2006, 07:16 PM
 
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Did you bring up your concerns re: false accusations as retaliation?
Well done Mama!
Do you feel at all relieved?
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#72 of 137 Old 08-15-2006, 07:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maple Leaf Mama
Did you bring up your concerns re: false accusations as retaliation?
Well done Mama!
Do you feel at all relieved?
Yes I told the worker about the false allegations about the father she did in retaliation and how she said she would do it to anyone who called on her. She made a specific note that I am worried she will do this to me.

Well, his mom called within an hour after I called CPS, so no, I'm not feeling much relief yet. I hope they will get the help they need but will be on edge until it blows over. I also don't want to make it obvious it was me who called since I'm not the only one who worried about her son openly to her. Still hoping she won't think it's me. We're moving soon enough I can keep her at bay.

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#73 of 137 Old 08-15-2006, 08:07 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MyCalling
Here's another aspect that worries me. If I were to do both call and tell her I don't want her son around, she'll know I was the one to call and she would retaliate by calling them on me! She would and has on her child's father for calling on her about sexual acting out by this boy (which is one of the signs on the RAD link).

I know she would call on me in a heartbeat and as she said "do whatever it takes to get their kids taken away." Including lie and exagerate. I have a: homebirthed (one without birth cert), homeschooled, unvaxed, no checkups, 2 kids sleep in our room, two share a bed in another - family. They are also always dirty since they play outside all day and track it in no matter how much cleaning I do. I'm sure you all understand our lifestyle and why I'm hesitant.
I can totally understand why you would be worried about retribution. I would still call NOW... and then just be incredibly busy over the next few weeks/months that when she wants to get together - you have other plans. If that means that you and your son are hanging out at the library or park or whatever by yourselves WITHOUT her son, so be it.

Edit - Yeah - okay this looks really stupid here now. I tried posting it for quite awhile but kept getting the server was too busy. Sorry, and I'm glad you called, too!
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#74 of 137 Old 08-15-2006, 08:25 PM
 
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I'm glad you called - it was a brave thing to do (and the right thing too). Hopefully CPS et al will handle this well and he'll get the help he needs.

If the reason he's at his uncle's for care now is because he was kicked out of his preschool, it's entirely possible that she will assume that the preschool called him in, instead of you. So, this may be the optimal time for you to have reported things - she may decide to "go after" the wrong people in "retribution."

I'd keep quiet, and keep busy. Hopefully getting together as a family will be a moot point because he'll be in custody getting help/counseling. And, hopefully she'll also be receiving counseling too.

ITA with everyone else - this boy is sending out horrific warning signals. I don't know if there's a way to get someone on this track back to being able to be empathetic and so on - but if there's any hope at all of that, it's better than the alternative, which could well be serious physical harm to more animals, and to other people as well (if not their deaths). Especially with a 1 year old baby accessible to him!

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#75 of 137 Old 08-15-2006, 08:39 PM
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Not to be a pain, but could you call the SPCA too? :
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#76 of 137 Old 08-15-2006, 08:40 PM
 
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I'm glad you made the call!!

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#77 of 137 Old 08-15-2006, 08:48 PM
 
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I hate cps but you did the right thing,brave,neccessary move.This kid needs help and fast, hope thats what he gets. I'm glad you are moving soon as this could get ugly, just be wary as the mom doesn't sound like she is much worried about her son's very dodgy behaviour/situation and that is not a cool sign.Hope all will improve. I know you have been real good to this boy and he has been really violent and dangerous to those around him, probably cos he is ill basically. This made me cry. 4 years old! Imo kids do not end up like this without some serious damage/neglect occurring in their lives.
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#78 of 137 Old 08-15-2006, 09:37 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Delacroix
Not to be a pain, but could you call the SPCA too? :
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#79 of 137 Old 08-15-2006, 09:54 PM
 
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Just wanted to say that you did the right thing. Definately still call the SPCA too.

I really wanted to say though, that if you know of ANYONE that agrees with you that this is very serious.....besides all of us here that have read this thread!! Please encourage them to call. The more calls CPS gets about a given situation, the more seriously they take it and the more quickly they investigate.

Good luck with all of this. I know that if must have been extremely difficult to call about this....and also extremely difficult for you to have dealt with this for so long. Hopefully she will become aware of the importance of getting her child help,
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#80 of 137 Old 08-15-2006, 10:04 PM
 
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I'd bet dollars to doughnuts that the poor child is being abused by someone in his life. He is in danger as well as being a danger himself. You did the right thing.
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#81 of 137 Old 08-15-2006, 10:10 PM
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I'd bet dollars to doughnuts that the poor child is being abused by someone in his life. He is in danger as well as being a danger himself. You did the right thing.
It could well be...but not necessarily. Sometimes undetected brain injury is at fault...although in this case, the mother is sorely lacking in empathy herself. She HAS to be, to bring another animal into the home.
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#82 of 137 Old 08-15-2006, 10:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't know why she is like this with the animals. She truly thinks she is doing the best thing for her child. Besides disciplining him, she is a very good mother in all other aspects except very over-indulgent. She really tries to consider the effect of everything she does on him like not introducing men she dates to him, keeping him in the same daycare even when she moved many times on the other side of town so he would have that constant, and other things that are kind of over-protective. She thinks glossing over this is in his best interest and nothing I have said has convinced her she is wrong.

I do feel kind of bad she will have to go through so much just to learn she is wrong and could have gotten her son the help he needed on her own. I think for her to put him in counseling is to admit she failed somehow and that her son is not perfect like she wishes. Also, talking about it will somehow scar him for life since he's currently too young to understand what he's done and will later forget he ever did it when he outgrows it. Let's hope she can't convince CPS to agree with her.:

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#83 of 137 Old 08-16-2006, 12:21 AM
 
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Please keep us updated.

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#84 of 137 Old 08-16-2006, 09:33 AM
 
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Wow. What a scary situation. I hope that the boy and his mother get the help they need. I also hope that she doesn't suspect you and that you move away without incident.

Hugs to you, mama.
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#85 of 137 Old 08-16-2006, 10:20 AM
 
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Have you been able to contact the uncle's wife to warn her about his behavoir?
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#86 of 137 Old 08-16-2006, 11:50 AM
 
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This thread is to long for me to read the entire thing at this moment.. . but it sounds like sociopathic behavior to me. That boy needs help quickly. I'm thinking Reactive Attachment Disorder.

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#87 of 137 Old 08-16-2006, 12:34 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Delacroix
It could well be...but not necessarily. Sometimes undetected brain injury is at fault...although in this case, the mother is sorely lacking in empathy herself. She HAS to be, to bring another animal into the home.
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#88 of 137 Old 08-16-2006, 12:50 PM
 
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I would tell her that he no longer allowed to play with my son. And as much as it would suck I would give her some information that explains how this behavior is sociopathic and ask her to get help for her son. I would also make it clear that if she didn't do it on her own I was prepared to intervene to make sure he got it by calling athourities.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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#89 of 137 Old 08-16-2006, 01:01 PM
 
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I think this is one friendship worth losing. I'm sorry to hear how mean her child is but he seems to have serious psychological problems. He probably needs to see a psychiatrist before it gets worse. Once he's school aged he will be nothing but trouble for other people around him. I feel for any future children he will be be around at playgrounds, family or school.

If it were me I would probably call CPS and have them visit the family. Let them see how violent he is for themselves and see what type of treatment he may need. He could have been born this way, had a brain injury when he was little or just got exposed to something that has scarred him for life.

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#90 of 137 Old 08-16-2006, 01:57 PM
 
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Huge hugs to you, mama. IMO, you are causing yourself too much stress about situation that is totally out of your control. You did what you KNOW you needed to do, even if it was hard to do and you're second guessing yourself now. You should be proud of yourself for stepping out of your comfort zone, it isn't easy, I know!

Second of all, I will keep you in my T&P regarding this situation. I hope that the mom is able to get her head out of the "perfect mother/perfect child" clouds and realize that her son has major problems and they need to be dealt with. I also hope that you and your family will be safe in the meantime. Please, please make that your #1 priority right now. You are responsible for your children/family's safety/health first and foremost.

Peace, mama. Please keep us posted.
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