Friend's 4yo very violent *graphic & disturbing* - Page 5 - Mothering Forums
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#121 of 137 Old 08-18-2006, 05:03 PM
 
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Why are you still talking to her?

RUN FAR FAR AWAY FROM THIS FAMILY AND NEVER LOOK BACK
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#122 of 137 Old 08-18-2006, 05:09 PM
 
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Originally Posted by oddeebean
Why are you still talking to her?

RUN FAR FAR AWAY FROM THIS FAMILY AND NEVER LOOK BACK
: plus, it is not really going to look as though you actually fear this child if you continue to maintain any relationship with the family. just my opinion.

How stressful!!!
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#123 of 137 Old 08-18-2006, 05:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by KeysMama
: plus, it is not really going to look as though you actually fear this child if you continue to maintain any relationship with the family. just my opinion.

How stressful!!!
My husband doesn't want me getting us into CPS issues because of her. He actually didn't want me to call because of us being called on in retaliation but in the end I felt the boy needed help more and called when he was gone. I'm trying to make this as non-confrontational as possible to avoid her calling with a bunch of lies about us. His thoughts are that we're almost ready to move and we can avoid her until then. Even my mom agrees with him and she hates this little boy for all the things he's done to her grandsons. See, you all are the only ones on my side, so I'm in a tough spot.

She was told things by the CPS worker that her son did to my children and dog, so it was obvious. I tried to blow it off telling her I have told many people about the things he's done and so has my mom who lives with us and has seen these things firsthand. She doesn't know what to believe and I think her listing off things my children have done which she sees as CPS-worthy was her anger left-over from before she called and I gave her another possible way I could be connected to this, but not the one who did it. Does that make any sense? Ugh! Stressful is right!

We'll see what she does. I'm hoping she just stops calling me and I might just blow up and use her insinuating those things about my children as the way to get her to if she keeps calling. I could care less if she calls CPS on me anymore. My kids are great, my house is fine. I'll justify every fringe-lifestyle choice we've made. I just want to get it over with!

We welcomed our 3rd , 7th September 23, 2010!
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#124 of 137 Old 08-18-2006, 06:49 PM
 
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but in the end I felt the boy needed help more and called when he was gone.
you did the right thing.
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#125 of 137 Old 08-18-2006, 07:21 PM
 
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You did do the right thing. We are all mandated to report as community members. You are helping a little boy and his mother.....even if they can't recognize it right now. The thought of counseling is often threatening to many....unfortunately (I'm a social worker and used to work in an agency that supported children and their families).
I don't think there would be a problem if you contacted CPS today or Mon and let them know anything she has been saying to you (if you feel threatened yourself, even with retaliation of lies she may say to them). If at all possible, document any conversations you have with her from here on out. You might also want to sit down and just make some notes for yourself about the incidents you did disclose to CPS. That way, if they contact you for any further info, you won't forget anything (I saw you are pregnant....I always forgot everything when pregnant and they will want as much info as possible)
But definately, don't have contact with the family. If she calls, just try to get off the phone. And, don't call back... you can always claim that preggo brain!!! I completely understand that this situation is very unnerving for you, and that you don't want to set her off. That isn't worth it either.

s mamma, I hope that things begin to cool off for you and your family.
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#126 of 137 Old 08-18-2006, 07:54 PM
 
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Good for you for calling. It was a tough moral stand to take. And you did it, despite opposition from your family.

For a better world, we all need to do something beyond the 'comfortable'. Congratulations! Give yourself a big hug. (I looked for a "pat yourself on the back" icon, but couldn't find it .)

Let's hope that CPS sees through her 'excuses' about how her kid could have learned this.

Now practice "Gee, you know with our move and the 4 kids, I've got sooooo much to do. Can't stay on the phone."

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#127 of 137 Old 08-18-2006, 08:01 PM
 
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Originally Posted by MyCalling

ALSO , she has spoken with a Vet who says the cat who most recently died did so because of Kidney failure! I'm sure she called and asked why a cat would pee blood and that's the answer...no other details. Also, the rabbit that died before was a feeder rabbit and she was told when she got it that "it was defective or had a disease and that's why it was labelled a Feeder and it would die at any moment." Bulls t! My husband's friend raised rabbits and feeder rabbits are not ill in any way. This was not the story she told when it happened. These are always the stories she comes up with weeks, months, years later after someone plants excuses in her mind.

!
Umm sounds a little odd to me, and I am a vet...usually cats in kidney failure drink a lot, and urinate a lot and have very dilute watery urine. A bladder infection or injury could cause them to urinate blood but uinless it was a kidney infection or some other kidney disease kidney failure would not have those symptoms. I seriously doubt the story about the feeder rabbit too. I hope they remove either him or any other animals from the house too, as obviously they would be in danger. Does not seem to me he has the ideal personality for a vet...scary his mother would think so!

Lets hope he gets the help he needs and that he can be straightened up, it seems sad to condemn a 4 year old as a future serial killer, and I hope there is some change here, and the situation is changed so he can hurt no more animals or children in the meantime. He sounds seriously disturbed and in desparate need of help. I would really break off contact with her, you don't have to answer the phone and talk to her, you can be just conveniently busy. At least it sounds as if he is getting counselling and thats a start, and maybe a step to his mother realizing there is a serious problem, whether or not he was born with sociopathic tendencies or had an abusive family history or both.

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#128 of 137 Old 08-19-2006, 03:19 PM
 
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Originally Posted by MyCalling
It's obvious he hasn't learned empathy, but I can't imagine how he couldn't have. What causes that? His mother seems very loving with him and him reciprical to her (except peeing on her which is very strange). Big smooches on the lips, bear hugs, and cutesy names. It seems at least Day Care could have fostered some empathy in him since they had him all day since birth. How could a child not learn empathy if they've been show love as his mother has, which I've witnessed?
Well, we don't know what mom is like behind closed doors, and we don't know what daycare is like, either. Perhaps his mom didn't learn empathy as a child and is therefore unable to model it for her son. There's no way to know for sure. Sociopaths are excellent at appearing "normal," and say all the right things . . . it's their behavior that gives them away. Like I said, there are millions of "garden variety" sociopaths running around who never escalate to violent behavior. We only hear about the serial killers. This child urinated on him mother's head . . . I don't know exactly what he was trying to communicate by doing this, but I can guess . . . not to mention the fact that his mother proudly states her intent to retaliate against anyone who calls CPS . . . yikes! You don't need a degree in psychology to put these pieces together.

When I said sociopaths are created, not born, I was thinking of the myriad studies about attachment and the development of empathy done primarily by Bowlby, but also many others in recent years. Humans are social creatures, and we learn by observing/experiencing our caretakers. So even though genetics do play a large role in our propensity for certain behaviors, it's the environment in which we live that is the defining factor for which behaviors emerge. IOW, if this child was experiencing a safe and healthy environment, he wouldn't act out violently even if he's genetically predisposed to do so.

Anyway, please continue to take care of yourself and your family, and good luck with the move!

Daughter since '68 ~Sister since '72 ~Wife since '97 ~ Mama since DS 5/03& DD 10/08
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#129 of 137 Old 08-20-2006, 02:07 AM
 
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This thread is giving me chills. I just want to thank you for calling and give you a . It must have been terribly hard to call CPS when no one else wanted you to. Even if they do end up coming to your door it will be fine since your household is healthy and happy. It is noble and right that you called despite the fact that it might inconvenience you with a undeserving visit from CPS. I wish you peace away from this other family.
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#130 of 137 Old 08-20-2006, 02:55 PM
 
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You absolutely did the right thing. That mother needs CPS intervention. Any child who acts out violently as he did needs serious help, and now! I'm facing somewhat of a similar situation except it doesn't involve violence but serious neglect on the mother's part...there's a thread about it in the parenting issues. I'm afraid I might have to call CPS and it's such a hard decision to make but in this cases like this where the parents refuse to acknowledge and seek help for their child's violent and destructive behavior than it is needed and warranted. I hope that child gets some help. Stay strong, you did the right thing.

Bethany, crunchy Christian mom to Destiny (11) Deanna (9), and Ethan (2)

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#131 of 137 Old 08-21-2006, 09:49 PM
 
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Originally Posted by MPJJJ
This child is hurting YOUR child! Why on earth are you still allowing that kid near your child? You owe it to your children to protect them, which you are miserably failing by allowing them to be injured by this child! Even if you do not call CPS, you need to step up to the plate and start protecting your own babies, not worrying about someone else's feelings. :
My thoughts exactly. Get proactive with your own kids at least. How could you even care what this person thinks of you? He stomped on your childs skull???? :
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#132 of 137 Old 08-26-2006, 04:40 PM
 
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Just wondering if there are any new developments . . . ?

Daughter since '68 ~Sister since '72 ~Wife since '97 ~ Mama since DS 5/03& DD 10/08
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#133 of 137 Old 09-09-2006, 07:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Just wondering if there are any new developments . . . ?
Nothing new. The mother hasn't called me for 3 weeks...thank goodness! I hve no idea if she was ordered to take him to counselling or anything.

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#134 of 137 Old 09-10-2006, 04:03 PM
 
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Well - if CPS hasn't talked to you, either at this point - that's a good sign, isn't it? I'd been wondering if you were going to have any sort of harassing charges leveled against you by her. Good to hear that if she tried, they didn't fly.

Maybe she's actually scared into getting help for herself and her ds. One can hope. How much longer 'til you move?

Not all who wander are lost.
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#135 of 137 Old 09-10-2006, 04:39 PM
 
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I really really really really hope that this family gets the help they so desperately need. I hope against hope that CPS truly stays on top of it and makes sure the mother is following through.

Bethany, crunchy Christian mom to Destiny (11) Deanna (9), and Ethan (2)

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#136 of 137 Old 09-11-2006, 07:52 AM
 
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This child is looking for the shock value in his behaviors. If he is looking at you smuggly after he does these things he knows what he is doing and he is milking his mother and everyone around him for attention. There is a definate disorder here. I have a son who is PDD, ODD and ADHD and he would say twisted and bizzare things all the time when he was around 4-6. But after having him evaluated and treated since he was 4 has helped him a lot. He however never harmed animals and that is very disturbing that he keeps doing it. I am glad you called CPS maybe the state will step up where this mom hasnt and help him.
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#137 of 137 Old 09-11-2006, 04:29 PM
 
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You know what- I am stunned. Call CPS immediatly- and continue doing so untill they pay attention. Even if you lose the friendship, hopefully she will understand one day why you did what you did. Seriously, what the PPs have said about serial killers starting out with animals at a young age is true.

The sad thing is that since she has never had a solid, consistant form of discipline, its hard to start now. She needs to realize that its NOT normal boy behavior and its going to get worse before it gets better IF she does start a consistant form of discipline. If started at an early age, MOST kids do not respond well to physical punishment (such as spanking), but since she didn't do that- shes in a whole different ball game. I can see why the CPS person telling her to spank isn't ok, BUT, maybe he was so badly behaved that even the CPS person thought "wow, lets see if spanking will work?" Were all human and desperate times call for desperate measures.

I am just stunned!
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