Let's Discuss Forcing Children To Eat - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 08-22-2006, 10:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
MamaAllNatural's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Nearest chair with *ONE* nursling!
Posts: 6,882
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am against it and do believe that it can create control issues (and other issues) with food. I can understand not wanting to waste food. I try to serve my kids small portions and when they finish them, then they can have more, because I do not like them wasting food. If they take too much of something, (when I told them not to ) I will have them save it and eat it later.

Let's discuss.


*ETA: I think it's okay to gently encourage a kid to eat their veggies and such but I usually don't even do that. I think actually telling a kid they have to eat X amount of food and forcing them to is not ok.
MamaAllNatural is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 08-22-2006, 10:16 PM
Banned
 
~member~'s Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: on a lily pad
Posts: 11,133
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It overrides their natural ability to know what their body needs, in terms of nutrition. It also overrides their ability to know when they are hungry.

If a child loses that important part of control over their own body, they lose control over other aspects, as well. They will start to lack the ability to trust others, as it is 'proven' to them that they cannot trust their very own hunger.
~member~ is offline  
Old 08-22-2006, 10:20 PM
 
Thalia the Muse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,771
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I totally agree. It always seems strange to me that so many people push their kids to eat -- if you think about it for even a moment, it seems pretty obvious that they aren't going to starve themselves to death!

I was very impressed with the "Child of Mine" philosophy -- the parents choose what will be served and when, kids choose how much and whether to eat.
Thalia the Muse is offline  
Old 08-22-2006, 10:23 PM
 
TripMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: California
Posts: 1,420
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
What's to discuss? Its impossible. Literally.

You also can't force them to sleep.

So I say the whole motherhood profession should give up on both!

TripMom . . . . . loving mom : to DS (7) and BBG (4.5)
TripMom is offline  
Old 08-22-2006, 10:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
MamaAllNatural's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Nearest chair with *ONE* nursling!
Posts: 6,882
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I hope it's okay to post this reader's story from SUN magazine (July 2006 issue). I read it on my break at work and I cried...at work.

This is just the part of it that applies to the discussion at hand.

*WARNING* It's pretty upsetting.

Quote:
My fussy eating habits became a favorite target for my father's rage. In letters to him in the South Pacific, my mother had described the difficulty she had getting me to eat. Now my father took up that challenge. Each morning he would order me out of bed and assail me with all of my transgressions from the previous day. Then, as my mother slept, he would sit me at the breakfast table, place a bowl of dense, sticky oatmeal in front of me and tell me not to get up until I'd finished it.
The smell of the oatmeal made me gag, and I often ran to the bathroom to vomit. When I came back, my father would shove me into my chair and order me to eat. I would spoon the cereal into my mouth while crying hysterically, afraid I would throw up again if I swallowed. He would shake me and slap my face and scream at me to swallow the food and keep it down.
This is not the whole thing, just the part that applied. I'm sure not all parents are this abusive with it but still...it's just not ok. I think it's powerful to hear it from the child's perspective. And I HATE oatmeal. I can't imagine.
MamaAllNatural is offline  
Old 08-22-2006, 10:24 PM
 
CrazyCatLady's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 4,556
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have never felt the need to force Zayla or any other kid to eat. I offer lots of food during the day in small portions. Sometimes food does get wasted. Mostly though I'm good about saving it in containers for later (if I can get to it before she dumps it on the ground or something).

I even offer choices or alternatives at most meals. But her choices are never between things like apple slices or goldfish crackers. It would be apple slices or carrot sticks. If she doesn't like the soup were eating for dinner, then I'm always willing to make her some quick fried brown rice or whatever else is easy and available. It seems like the more junk they're exposed to, the less they want the healthy stuff.

So I never feel like I have to worry about how much she eats. Since I know that just about everything she did eat during the day, was all nutritious food. Makes life easy on me that way. I just kind of balance it in my head. If she had protein, fruit, and grains for breakfast. I'd make sure to get some veggies in her during lunch time, etc.

Btw, there isn't anything that she won't eat. She loves just about everything and will almost always try new stuff. So I feel I've done ok with how we handle food issues.

Melaya (29) - Mom to Z (9) and soon to be I (due Nov 2013) stork-boy.gif

Birth mom to M (7), O (5), & C (2). winner.jpgnovaxnoIRC.giftriadadopt.jpg

CrazyCatLady is offline  
Old 08-22-2006, 10:27 PM
 
alegna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 42,826
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I make it a point to have no rules when it comes to food. I want my children to listen to their own internal cues.

-Angela
alegna is offline  
Old 08-22-2006, 10:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
MamaAllNatural's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Nearest chair with *ONE* nursling!
Posts: 6,882
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Those are really good points MITB. I hadn't thought of it in quite that way before.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thalia the Muse
I was very impressed with the "Child of Mine" philosophy -- the parents choose what will be served and when, kids choose how much and whether to eat.
This is what I do. I find it a very "family centered" approach and I like that about it. Of course I think it's important to have at least two items in case there's something they don't really like.
MamaAllNatural is offline  
Old 08-22-2006, 10:29 PM
 
AutumnMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Northwest US
Posts: 4,333
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Ok, I totally agree with al of you here; but what about when they are hungry but want to eat 'junk' instead of healthy food?

For instance: today we were at Gramma's house and my DD wanted a cookie, she hadn't had lunch yet, so I told her she could have half an avacado first (which she LOVES), then have a cookie. --We've discussed that we need to eat healthy food, especially before we have something with sugar in it.--

She said that she didn't want the avacado, just the cookie. I told her nope, sorry (not sure exactly what I said, but I explained more..), and cut her avacado up and put it in a bowl in front of her.
She had told me several times that she didn't want it, just the cookie, but when I gave her the bowl she proceeded to eat the avacado pretty much right away.

Anyway, long story to make my point, but would you have done things differently?
AutumnMama is offline  
Old 08-22-2006, 10:31 PM
 
MCatLvrMom2A&X's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: With Vin Diesel ;) YUMMMM
Posts: 14,210
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My cousin was basicly forced to eat. She was not allowed to get up from the table until her plate was empty. And they would put as much on her plate as they could really. A adult would have issues with eating that much and she was done this way from 1yr on up. She has major issues with weight now and I beleive it was a direct result of making her eat so much at a time.

A child can be made to eat more than they normally would and if this goes on time after time there stomach will get bigger and bigger meaning they can eat more and more each time. So in a sence they can be made to eat.

 
SAHMlady.gifread.giflovin' trekkie.giffan intactivist.gifwinner.jpg to loveeyes.gifenergy.gifDD 10/00 & superhero.gifmoon.gifDS 10/04 ribbonpb.gifIf your ds is intact, keep him safe, visit the Case Against Circ forumnocirc.gifCirc, a personal choice, Your sonsyes.gifbrokenheart.gif11/98brokenheart.gif6/99ribbonbrown.gifanti-tobaccoribbonyellow.gifThyroid cancer survivor. With cat.gif& goldfish.gif & (Boxer)dog2.gif wishing 4 whale.gif&ribbonwhite.gifsigncirc1.gifselectivevax.gifdelayedvax.gif

MCatLvrMom2A&X is offline  
Old 08-22-2006, 10:32 PM
 
TripMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: California
Posts: 1,420
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by AutumnMama
Ok, I totally agree with al of you here; but what about when they are hungry but want to eat 'junk' instead of healthy food?

For instance: today we were at Gramma's house and my DD wanted a cookie, she hadn't had lunch yet, so I told her she could have half an avacado first (which she LOVES), then have a cookie. --We've discussed that we need to eat healthy food, especially before we have something with sugar in it.--

She said that she didn't want the avacado, just the cookie. I told her nope, sorry (not sure exactly what I said, but I explained more..), and cut her avacado up and put it in a bowl in front of her.
She had told me several times that she didn't want it, just the cookie, but when I gave her the bowl she proceeded to eat the avacado pretty much right away.

Anyway, long story to make my point, but would you have done things differently?
I would have done exactly what you did. When left to his own devices, DS would eat popsicles, cookies and doughnuts exclusively. But to the OP - you can't force 'em to eat the avocado? But you can say "no cookie".

TripMom . . . . . loving mom : to DS (7) and BBG (4.5)
TripMom is offline  
Old 08-22-2006, 10:36 PM
 
4evermom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: PA
Posts: 8,752
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by AutumnMama
Ok, I totally agree with al of you here; but what about when they are hungry but want to eat 'junk' instead of healthy food?

For instance: today we were at Gramma's house and my DD wanted a cookie, she hadn't had lunch yet, so I told her she could have half an avacado first (which she LOVES), then have a cookie. --We've discussed that we need to eat healthy food, especially before we have something with sugar in it.--

She said that she didn't want the avacado, just the cookie. I told her nope, sorry (not sure exactly what I said, but I explained more..), and cut her avacado up and put it in a bowl in front of her.
She had told me several times that she didn't want it, just the cookie, but when I gave her the bowl she proceeded to eat the avacado pretty much right away.

Anyway, long story to make my point, but would you have done things differently?
My ds has frequently gone on to eating healthful foods after having that cookie. It really works when you don't create a "forbidden fruit" out of a food by having strings attached to its consumption.

Mom to unschooling 4everboy since 8/01
4evermom is offline  
Old 08-22-2006, 10:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
MamaAllNatural's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Nearest chair with *ONE* nursling!
Posts: 6,882
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Well, I think it is our job to take care of our children, and part of that is ensuring good health. If you just let him eat cookies I would think that the damage being done to his body would be considered abuse, kwim? I know everyone has their own take on it, and their own thing that works for their own family. I don't think that's the same thing at all. You're doing what you know is in her best interest and you're protecting her body and her health. I think making a casual statement such as "Yes, you can have the cookie, right after you eat that avacado." is really not a big deal.

Oh, and 4ever mom, I agree that a lot of kids will eat the good food afterwards usually. As long as you offer them a variety of healthy things, kwim?
MamaAllNatural is offline  
Old 08-22-2006, 10:47 PM
 
4evermom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: PA
Posts: 8,752
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by TripMom
I would have done exactly what you did. When left to his own devices, DS would eat popsicles, cookies and doughnuts exclusively. But to the OP - you can't force 'em to eat the avocado? But you can say "no cookie".
If he is like my ds, he could do that for a few days but not forever. My ds will go on a binge when he discovers a new food, but it doesn't last. He has a tendency to not realize he is hungry before he is TOO hungry, then he asks for something high carb because he is feeling desperate. I give him what he is asking for, then follow up with a more healthful suggestion. I talk about how candy is a "short lasting" food and if he wants to feel good for a longer time, other foods are a good idea. I'll buy him food that he wants to try, let him make choices and "mistakes", while educating him about nutrition.

Mom to unschooling 4everboy since 8/01
4evermom is offline  
Old 08-22-2006, 10:50 PM
 
lisac77's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 3,191
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My husband is a "food forcer." I bugs the heck out of me (I'm a very laid back "he'll eat when he wants to" type), but it doesn't bother DS in the least. If he doesn't want to eat he will just clamp his little mouth shut and orbit around the room until DH stops.

I offer food all day, and so does my sister, who watches him in the evenings when I work. DS is a very healthy child who is growing at an acceptable rate. But DH just worries and worries that he is not eating enough. It makes me wonder if there is some sort of trauma in DH's past... maybe he felt hungry and his mom wouldn't feed him, so he worries that DS will be hungry. I don't know. However, we only see DH for about an hour a day, so I'm not too worried about it affecting DS too much.
lisac77 is offline  
Old 08-22-2006, 10:55 PM
 
member's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 2,872
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
This is one of those issues where I have issues.

I literally went hungry as a child. There were days that I was happy to have whatever was edible and put in front of me. There was no privilege in being picky; whatever was left on my plate would not go to a starving kid in Africa but to my cousin sitting across the table.

So. I have food issues. I hoard. I am not a picky eater. I overeat, I undereat. I have a hard time with self-regulation.

I also have a hard time with adults who are picky eaters or refuse good, wholesome food put in front of them. I've lost relationships because of this, unfortunately.

I never want to force a child to eat, but at the same time I don't plan on being a short-order cook or only offering up the three foods that kidlet will eat (my luck it will be the hotdog, Pringles, and M&Ms s/he got at Gram's house).
member is offline  
Old 08-22-2006, 11:01 PM
 
hubris's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: VA
Posts: 5,282
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by AutumnMama
Ok, I totally agree with al of you here; but what about when they are hungry but want to eat 'junk' instead of healthy food?
Griff loves "treats" and often asks for one. Things we do:

1. limit the number of "treat" foods available in the house
2. control the type of "treats" available
3. encourage eating healthy foods first

In your Grandma's-house example, you didn't have control over #1 and #2 but you were aiming for #3. What I might have done differently was to say something like this:

"Yum, that cookie looks delicious. After you have some healthy food we'll have a cookie together. Let's look for something healthy to eat."

That is, I wouldn't have demanded that she eat the avocado. I would have allowed her to have more input on what healthy food she ate.

We haven't created a forbidden fruit out of the treats, we're simply modeling and encouraging good habits. We sometimes have a random treat in the middle of the afternoon, it's not always compulsory to eat healthy food first, and we don't act like it's a reward. But if he's *hungry*, the message we're sending is that your body needs to eat healthy food first.

may my heart always be open to little birds who are the secrets of living whatever they sing is better than to know  - e.e. cummings
hubris is offline  
Old 08-22-2006, 11:02 PM
 
Bruden's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 122
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My MIL's sickness with food seriously damaged her relationship with my husband. She has an all-consuming need to decide the portion size and then cajole, bribe, stuff, threaten, scare, or plead for a child to eat. She did to him, I've caught her trying to do it to my son (not my daughter she's a stellar eater). My son would come home from preschool, first question: What did you eat? It's as if it's the only thing that matters . . . since she sees us 2-3 times a year, I've told her to let me feed my kids and just enjoy them.

You can imagine how shocked I was to hear her telling my son that the "Black Witch" will get him if he doesn't eat. I wasn't sure I heard right (MIL is Polish and I can understand a lot but not all). She smiled and said her mom used to tell her that. Oh how sweet, food issues down through the generations.
Bruden is offline  
Old 08-22-2006, 11:09 PM
 
alegna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 42,826
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by AutumnMama
Ok, I totally agree with al of you here; but what about when they are hungry but want to eat 'junk' instead of healthy food?

For instance: today we were at Gramma's house and my DD wanted a cookie, she hadn't had lunch yet, so I told her she could have half an avacado first (which she LOVES), then have a cookie. --We've discussed that we need to eat healthy food, especially before we have something with sugar in it.--

She said that she didn't want the avacado, just the cookie. I told her nope, sorry (not sure exactly what I said, but I explained more..), and cut her avacado up and put it in a bowl in front of her.
She had told me several times that she didn't want it, just the cookie, but when I gave her the bowl she proceeded to eat the avacado pretty much right away.

Anyway, long story to make my point, but would you have done things differently?
I would have done it differently. I would have cut up the avacado and had it available, but if she still didn't want it I would have given her a cookie. Otherwise you're making the cookie a bigger deal than it's worth. We really don't have rules about food. If she wants a cookie before dinner, she gets one. SO it's no big deal for her to take one bite of the cookie then set it down to eat her broccoli.

-Angela
alegna is offline  
Old 08-22-2006, 11:10 PM
 
hubris's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: VA
Posts: 5,282
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Selu
I never want to force a child to eat, but at the same time I don't plan on being a short-order cook or only offering up the three foods that kidlet will eat (my luck it will be the hotdog, Pringles, and M&Ms s/he got at Gram's house).
First, I swear I'm not following you from thread to thread tonight.

Now, the short-order cook thing. I feel your pain! I think Griff is going through a growth spurt or something, he constantly wants to eat. I'm glad that he's an all-day grazer and that he likes healthy food, but good gracious, I get sick of "mommy, I'm hungry" all day long! Fortunately for me, he has recently learned how to get fruit out of the fridge for himself. I'm considering leaving yogurt low enough for him to reach as well, since he can peel off the top and get a spoon out of the drawer by himself. The lowest shelf in our pantry contains foods that he is welcome to snack on. For about half of the food requests during the day, I help him to find something or prepare something. For the other requests, I invite him to choose a snack that he can reach in the fridge or pantry. And it's working SO WELL! He's well fed, I'm sane. Beautiful. I love this age (he's 3.5).

may my heart always be open to little birds who are the secrets of living whatever they sing is better than to know  - e.e. cummings
hubris is offline  
Old 08-22-2006, 11:17 PM
 
HollyBearsMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: nomans land
Posts: 6,006
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I live by the motto:

It is my job to provide healthy meals and snacks for my son. It is his job to eat (or not) as he sees fit.

period. end of story. Thank you to the author of "How to get your kids to eat...but not too much"!!

I don't cajole, encourage, bribe, entice. All foods are equal. On the rare days I make "dessert" it is just served with the regular meal with no fanfare. Sometimes the brownie gets eaten first, sometimes only the brownie gets eaten. Some times it doesn't get eaten at all.

If offered meals and snacks at regular intervals the child's hunger with indicate it is time to eat. Missing a meals, 2, 3, 4 even 5 will not harm a child.
*Most* children will not starve. *Most* children will eat when hungry and self regulate. *Most* children will not eat only cookies day after day, for weeks on end.

I said most because I am sure some one's mother's cousin's SIL has a friend whose kid did starve to death when not forced food or has a rare disorder that doesn't allow them to eat or they know some one whose kid ate nothing but plain pasta for every single meal for an entire year

Sorry this is a hot button issue for me. I get all when I read or here about kids getting forced to eat.

Pardon me while I puke.gif

HollyBearsMom is offline  
Old 08-22-2006, 11:22 PM
 
HollyBearsMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: nomans land
Posts: 6,006
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Sorry I meant to answer this:
Quote:
She said that she didn't want the avacado, just the cookie. I told her nope, sorry (not sure exactly what I said, but I explained more..), and cut her avacado up and put it in a bowl in front of her.
She had told me several times that she didn't want it, just the cookie, but when I gave her the bowl she proceeded to eat the avacado pretty much right away.
I would have cut up the avocado and given her both at the same time and let her choose what she wanted to eat first or at all. By indicating that the cookie was "special" even though you didn't use those words exactly your were telling her the cookies was a "treat" . You are also teaching her to ignore her own cues. She may have been full after the avocado but darn if she wasn't going to eat her cookie.

Pardon me while I puke.gif

HollyBearsMom is offline  
Old 08-22-2006, 11:26 PM
 
member's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 2,872
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by funshine
First, I swear I'm not following you from thread to thread tonight.

Now, the short-order cook thing. I feel your pain! I think Griff is going through a growth spurt or something, he constantly wants to eat. I'm glad that he's an all-day grazer and that he likes healthy food, but good gracious, I get sick of "mommy, I'm hungry" all day long! Fortunately for me, he has recently learned how to get fruit out of the fridge for himself. I'm considering leaving yogurt low enough for him to reach as well, since he can peel off the top and get a spoon out of the drawer by himself. The lowest shelf in our pantry contains foods that he is welcome to snack on. For about half of the food requests during the day, I help him to find something or prepare something. For the other requests, I invite him to choose a snack that he can reach in the fridge or pantry. And it's working SO WELL! He's well fed, I'm sane. Beautiful. I love this age (he's 3.5).
Hee.

I think that sounds really good. I love hearing how other folx do this because it seems like such a struggle in my mind.
member is offline  
Old 08-23-2006, 12:16 AM
 
sehbub's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Back in the bush...
Posts: 4,539
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We really don't have that many issues, and I'm trying really hard to be more laid back about the issues we do have. I grew up in a "you have to eat what you're given" houselhold, and feel incredibly guilty when I take more food than I could eat...even while pregnant with the unpredictable hunger patterns!

DSDs are actually really good about eating, most of the time. The only time we have trouble with DSD2 is if she's tired, in which case she eats as much as she wants and then goes to bed. Other than that, the girls usually choose their meals, and if I'm trying to make something new, they watch me make it and see that all of the ingredients are things they really like. I made meatloaf the other night and they both came in asking for slices of green bell pepper to snack on. And they really don't like sweets, so we don't worry about it too much. They think that 5 skittles (as much as the gumball dispenser spits out for 1 penny) is a great dessert, and are happy to have that much.

All in all, we're pretty lucky. They're willing to try anything once, and very good at eating something and then saying, "No thank you." when asked if they'd like more.

Sarah - Mama to Vic (1/19/00), Syd (4/06/02) Sam (4/20/06-born at 30wk2d), JackJack (2/14/07) and Charlie (4/30/10)
sehbub is offline  
Old 08-23-2006, 12:54 AM
 
Maggi315's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,315
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
OK, I took training to become a certified pediatric obesity trainer, sounds fancy, but really it's just to help me help families with eating problems and obesity problems.

What we learned is that research has shown that when we impose eating habits including the amount, etc. on children, they "forget" to follow their natural instincts and learn not to listen to their body when they are full.

Forcing a child to eat or finish their food IS ALWAYS a control issue. Period. Has nothing to do with nutrition or food or even waste. It's about control.

Please, please, anyone doing this, stop.
Maggi315 is offline  
Old 08-23-2006, 03:34 AM
 
littleteapot's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Mystery Island
Posts: 3,200
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
What if your kid routinely goes 20+ hours without eating unless you say, "sit at the table and eat your food"?
Even as long as two days.

photosmile2.gifBabs + trekkie.gifCurtis - Parents of Tempest blahblah.gif(08/07/03 autismribbon.gif), Jericho angel2.gif(11/01/05 ribboncesarean.gif), Xan moon.gif(10/03/06 uc.jpghbac.gif), Zephyra baby.gif(06/02/11 hbac.gif). mdcblog5.gif @ babyslime.livejournal.com

littleteapot is offline  
Old 08-23-2006, 03:41 AM
 
familylove's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Flyover Country
Posts: 491
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Nothing gets my panties in a wad more than my well-meaning friends, family and ILs attempting to cajole DS into eating. Regardless of the number of times that I explain that the more you push, the more he pulls away, every mealtime is full of choruses of "Oh, its soooo good DS, don't you want some??" "We're all eating it, c'mon you'll like it." "Ooooh, watch me eat it..now you try a bite."

The only thing any of this accomplishes is setting up a power struggle that revolves around food. Ds is the kind of kid that if there are foods on the table he hasn't eaten, he will occassionally ask to try some. The more laid back we are about food, the more willing he is to try something new.

Ok, getting off my soap box now
familylove is offline  
Old 08-23-2006, 05:01 AM
 
Amylcd's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 3,808
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
What if your kid routinely goes 20+ hours without eating unless you say, "sit at the table and eat your food"?
Even as long as two days.
My children will sometimes go a day (or more) without eating. As long as they are healthy, and it's not a frequent habit, I will not make them sit down and eat. I will encourage them to eat, and offer all their favorite foods... but I won't make them eat it.

I was forced to eat as a child, and I absolutely consider it a form of abuse. It had a huge emotional impact on me.

knit.gifMom of Many  jumpers.gif

Amylcd is offline  
Old 08-23-2006, 05:21 AM
 
oceanbaby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 11,167
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by funshine
Griff loves "treats" and often asks for one. Things we do:

1. limit the number of "treat" foods available in the house
2. control the type of "treats" available
3. encourage eating healthy foods first

In your Grandma's-house example, you didn't have control over #1 and #2 but you were aiming for #3. What I might have done differently was to say something like this:

"Yum, that cookie looks delicious. After you have some healthy food we'll have a cookie together. Let's look for something healthy to eat."

That is, I wouldn't have demanded that she eat the avocado. I would have allowed her to have more input on what healthy food she ate.

We haven't created a forbidden fruit out of the treats, we're simply modeling and encouraging good habits. We sometimes have a random treat in the middle of the afternoon, it's not always compulsory to eat healthy food first, and we don't act like it's a reward. But if he's *hungry*, the message we're sending is that your body needs to eat healthy food first.
That's almost exactly what happens here. I don't tell him what or how much he has to eat, but I will discuss eating some healthy food before something sugary, both for health and behavior issues. He knows that he can act a little crazy when he has too much sugar on an empty stomach. And yes, he will often go on to eat other food after he has the cookie, but not always. It's kind of a day by day thing over here.

I will say that even this level of control over his eating makes me uncomfortable, but I am also uncomfortable with letting him eat nothing but chocolate chip cookies all afternoon, which is pretty much what would have happened here today. So I can't say exactly what the answer is, but we do what I quoted above.
oceanbaby is offline  
Old 08-23-2006, 10:10 AM
 
mummy marja's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ontario
Posts: 1,049
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
This is a great discussion and it's given me a lot to think about.

I am pretty relaxed about food but I'm sometimes guilty of saying, "eat (healthy food) first and then you can have (not so healthy food)"

I'm worried about letting go of all control of my kids eating--because I think they'll end up eating way more junk food than I'd like. If dd knows there are cookies in the cupboard, she'd want them all the time. I KNOW she'd end up eating more than just the one a day that we do now. But maybe this evens out after awhile?

Marja: consensual-living, unschooling, piano-teaching, doula and mom to 3 creative, independent people:
DD, 8, DS, 6, and Baby DS born July 1, 2010 Married to DH for 10 years!
mummy marja is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off