Tantrums at almost 5 yo. ? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 01-28-2002, 01:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I was wondering what everyone thought about handling tantrums in an almost 5 year old? He is very articulate, and for the last 2 years has been good about using his words, and taking deep breaths to calm himself down. The last few weeks, though, we has taken to stomping his feet, flailing his arms, and screetching. I have had little patience for it. Any suggestions?

- Chelsea
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#2 of 7 Old 01-28-2002, 02:51 AM
 
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Generally, how much control over his every day life do you give him? Sometimes (usually?) children begin to express their frustration like this when so much is done for them. Because they are still so young, they still do not have the tools to deal with things that are beyond their control.

Providing choice, even if you are not in reality (big juice or little one?) makes children feel more in control.

I don't know the details of your situation, so I may be way off base.

Hope this helps.

a

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#3 of 7 Old 01-28-2002, 04:48 AM
 
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Chelsea,

My 6 yr old was a mellow toddler, at least in the tantrum dept, but started having them at age 5. They have recently gotten worse, she's now age 6. It's hard for me to have patience with them as well, but I try to be understanding and get to the root of the cause. I think Alexander has a good point, at least in our situation. Sometimes I realize that we are micro-managing her and we are trying hard to let her make decisions without intervening. This helps a lot. We have recently moved overseas and that has intensified the situation, although it is starting to improve now.

I think there is a new sense of independence that comes at this age that can cause a lot of frustration. I tell her that I will listen to anything she has to say as long as it's done respectfully and not yelling and encourage her to express herself in a calm way.

Hope this helps. Alison
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#4 of 7 Old 01-29-2002, 01:36 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, I honestly think that we do very little for him. He has always been independent, he picks out his own clothes and dresses himself, fixes his own lunch when he wants to, helps with chores, etc... I try very hard to not order him around. The tantrums seem to be more random, he flys off the handle about something that I would expect him to be able to handle at this age.

For example: It was bath time tonight. He was finishing his dinner while coloring and didn't come in when asked, so our daughter got in the bath and I put the toys in. A few minutes later he came in, saw the toys in the tub and started screaming and yelling. My husband put him in the next room and told him he could come out when he was done screaming and they could talk about it. My son threw open the door of the room and took a swing at my husband, who sent son upstairs until calm. He did calm down after about 5 minutes and came down, took a bath, no problem.

I guess I just expect him to be able to say "Dad, I wanted to put the toys in" and to accept the explaination that he could have if he had come to take a bath when first asked. A year ago, this would have been much smoother
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#5 of 7 Old 01-29-2002, 04:03 AM
 
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I'm wondering if your ds is going through a growth spurt. Not so much a physical spurt but a cognitive one. Is he trying to master a new skill like reading or trying something new like a sport. I discovered that my ds (4.5yrs) has outbursts like you describe and is much less cooperative during a growth spurt period. It's hard to see while you're in the middle of it but when you come out on the other side..... .....A - HA!

Five yr olds are very busy little people, especially if he goes to school and a lot is expected of them.

I'm sure there's a light at the end of the tunnel, until then, good luck to you.
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#6 of 7 Old 01-30-2002, 01:17 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Actually, he is trying to figure out how to read. He is very persistent about things like this, and very resistent to help. Perhaps that is it. I'll see what I can do. We have been working on little lessons to help him, but he hasn't gotten it yet, maybe I'll try a different approach. That could very well be the source of his frustration. Thanks, probably wouldn't have thought of it myself...

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#7 of 7 Old 01-30-2002, 02:49 AM
 
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