Bean never did that, but BizzyBug did for aaages... of course, that was after several months of therapy to explain that when other people were crying, that meant that they were sad, and so on and so forth. It's fantastic, though, today she's very empathic and sensitive.
I'm feeling a bit better today. I'm thinking about the present and the future, and the scary "let's run away from home" feeling has passed. I'm still feeling pretty selfish, but I feel once again that Mike and the kids don't spend their days exclusively working to piss me off and make me feel unappreciated. I'm glad that I could post that on this thread without someone saying "Call a shrink right now, before you ruin your kids for life!!" You ladies rock.
I bought myself a pack of cloves, even though I really don't have cash to spare, because... well, because I don't have a good source for pot.
It's better (and cheaper) than pot or a beer anyway, and I don't really feel like I'm wasting money if I have this pack around for a year and a half (the last pack I brought actually lasted about two years
). I'm not really a smoker, not even cloves, but it was nice to do something purely selfish. Of course it's hard to wrap my head around that when my girls are wheezing... I mean, I don't smoke around them (I can't imagine what Bean would say!!
) at all, but the idea that I'm doing something negative to my body when I'm working so hard to try to heal my girls is... well, it messees with me a bit.
I'm going on a serious elimination diet after Yom Kippur; nothing but brown rice for a week, and then slowly adding things back into my diet. It's going to be insane, so today I'm going to gorge myself.
It's not a good time for it, because I won't have any food stamps until tomorrow (of course), and tomorrow I'll be fasting, but maybe I'll dig through the change and get myself a special treat.
I dunno. I'm a bit messed up, I guess.
We had a major discussion about religion with Mike's dad and sister yesterday, the upshot being that they actively refuse to not preach their religion to the kids.
So we won't be down there every weekend. It's a bummer, but if that's the way it's got to be, that's the way it's got to be. Mike's dad claimed that he wasn't being sneaky at all, that he had straight out told one or both of us that he was going to talk about Jesus with the kids. I said, "If you don't feel a need to sneak around behind my back, why is my kid coming home saying things that I know he learned from you? Why is it that you take them downstairs to do this, instead of bringing it up right in front of me? I call that 'sneaky,' and it's more than offensive; it's morally reprehensible." He just shook his head and claimed that I was "going against my own scriptures," because he dug up a verse saying that "you shall teach your children and your children's children."
Nothing in that verse (or anywhere) says that grandparents should take precedence over parents when it comes to teaching children.
He said that they had to preach to kids because they believe that children are born sinful and that as they get older, their hearts become more firmly cemented in their sinful natures and that's why it's harder for them to accept salvation.
What I heard was "My religion makes so little sense, I don't expect anyone over the age of 12 to be able to accept it," only with a sad, sentimental rationale.
Okay, enough about that. The point: We're not going to be spending tons of time down there anymore. No breaks for me.
We have to do what we have to do, though. That's that.