Getting Help for my DD - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 10 Old 04-04-2003, 05:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
lilyka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Sioux Falls, SD
Posts: 17,896
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Mt dd does things. She writes on walls and cuts thing obsessively. She has little control and has tantrums that freighten me. She would rather break something she loves by fighting over it than asking me for help. She lies about everything even if there is no chance or any consequences ("Have you seen Lily's car? I can't find it" when it is in the toy box where she was just getting stuff and she knows its there) It is like she incapable of telling the truth. When she does something wrong she is completely remorseless. My friend told me the other day hen they were together she pushed a child and when my friend went ot handle the situation madeline said" Well I had to do it" all nonchalant like "what did you expect. She deserved it . no big deal.

I have talked to several people and we know she has issues with attatchment and sensrooy issues all stemming from her stay in e NICU as a babay. And it is getting to the point where I resent having a child like this and he sister is starting to imitate her. Which really concerns me. I am so tired and dso much in survival mode and just dealing with what is happen i haven't gpot a clue how to be premptive. I also don't want her to feel oike I hate her (which she already truely believes) and that I am always coming down on her or that I love her siblings more. It is just easier to feel close to them because they are so effectionate and want to be my friend. they aren't always working against me. Sorry wandering from the topic.

I think the time has long come for professional help. I hate the mother I am becoming. this is not how I envisioned things. I have ebven gotton over the guilt, feelings of failure and inadequacy. I don't care if this is my fault anymore. My shame etc. . .can't stand in the way of us getting past this. Whether I caused this or not it needs to be fixed and I obviously haven't got what it takes to fix this. the problem is dh says absolutely ot. If I were just more organized and provided a more stable home environment Well maybe if he was ever home! I swear he is never here. ever. I say if he isn't going to be home to help I should get to handle these things my way and my way is finding someone who can deal with her issues without my emotional baggage.,

Ok enough ranting and whining. Where does a girl even begin to look for help? Ho do i talk to dd about getting her help without making her feel llike a freak (or is that just my baggage). Does insurance usually cover this? what about dh? Internet resources? I am just so over whelmed by how she is I hardly have any strength to move forward to solve these problems. they just seem so big and so unsolvable and it all seems so late in the game. we should have addressed this when she was 4 not waited until she was 6 1/2 and everything is escalating.

Anyhelp anyone has to offer would be greatly appreciated.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

lilyka is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 10 Old 04-04-2003, 07:56 PM
 
carmen veranda's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: sd
Posts: 768
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am so sorry you are going through this. I wish I had some answers for you. I guess I might start with her doctor, just make a time where you can talk to her/him about Madeline when she can't hear you. List your concern, then take her in to see Dr. . Maybe an OT (occupational therapist) referral would be in order, to help with sensory issues. She is suffering, and I know you are, too. Reach out for help for your family. Take care. I will wish for peace in your home, and hold you and yoru family in my heart.
carmen veranda is offline  
#3 of 10 Old 04-04-2003, 08:00 PM
 
alexa07's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 251
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Does she go to school. Can they help. Is it a problem there? And definitely talk to your doctor. And don't worry about having her "labeled." Tons of kids today have some kind of diagnosis. You can talk about the bad that comes from this, but the good is that they hardly feel like freaks.
alexa07 is offline  
#4 of 10 Old 04-04-2003, 08:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
lilyka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Sioux Falls, SD
Posts: 17,896
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
We homeschool for many reasons,the least of which is that she would eaten alive in school. There are social issues and concentration issues (too much stimulus and she shuts down also she can't follow a page if that makes sense. I have to sit by her and say "look at this number, now this number, now write the answer here") She is so smart but if she was in a classroom setting she would never get past "you idiot why can't you do something as simple as finding the problem on a page" and they would spend all the time in the world on fixing her study habits and she would totally miss out on learning. On the other hand school has been sounding really tempting the last couple of days.
but how could I send her off to school why the other two kids were home all day enjoying a love fest. It would never escape her attention. i would totally feel like I was blowing her off. Thanks for the supprt. I have a friend who is a counselor that works speciafically with kids who have attatchment problems and the such and we have talked to her a bit. I would love it if I could get in with her but then it is sorta wierd working with someone you know.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

lilyka is offline  
#5 of 10 Old 04-04-2003, 10:35 PM
 
khrisday's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: High Desert of California
Posts: 3,913
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
lilyka,
Have you read The Out of Sync Child? It's an excellent book and will give you some ways to deal proactively with sensory issues. If you have health insurance, you may benefit from getting a referral to a specialist- developmental ped would probably be the best. I woudl explain it to her in simple terms- "We're going to see a doctor who will want to ask you some questions. He may be able to help us find ways to help you focus more (cry less, etc whatever)" Sometimes, getting the label opens the gateway to services that can benefit both the child and the family.
Even though you homeschool- you may be able to get her some services through the school, or through a non-profit agency. If you have a local Easter Seals or United Cerebal Palsy, call them and ask them if they can help you.
khrisday is offline  
#6 of 10 Old 04-04-2003, 10:48 PM
 
alexa07's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 251
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
At least where I live you don't have to go to the school to get services if you qualify. And, I have nothing against homeschooling if its working for you, but there are lots and lots of public school out there who work very well with all kinds of kids (and no one is called an idiot)
alexa07 is offline  
#7 of 10 Old 04-05-2003, 10:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
lilyka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Sioux Falls, SD
Posts: 17,896
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I talked to an OT oday and she agreed dd sounds like she has sensory intagration problems and thinks she owuld benefit greatly from OT. She told me where to go and who to talk to (we have a childrens specialty hospital here with some of the best OT and PTY in the ocuntry) She saounded really hopeful and was just so nice to talk to. The more i talk about it the more things begin to fall into place. Dd didn't like to be held as a baby and would only nurse for as long as she had to to get food. Otherwise she was happy to lay by herself and have her paci. I never related that to her SID but it fits in well. I also have to wonder if she was more prone to having a reaction to the pertussis vaccine because she has sensory problems.. i always assumed that the reaction aggrivated and prehaps pussed her over the edge with thie but sense she is had issues already perhaps she was more likely to have that reaction in the first place. Makes you wonder.

Thanks for all your help and encouragement. I am feling much better about eveything today.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

lilyka is offline  
#8 of 10 Old 04-05-2003, 10:37 PM
 
khrisday's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: High Desert of California
Posts: 3,913
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
lilyka,
I'm so glad you found some help, and that you're feeling better.
khrisday is offline  
#9 of 10 Old 04-06-2003, 01:40 AM
 
Funkeemonkey's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: NZ
Posts: 61
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I would just like to say that because you posted about your DD is why I posted about my DS. Thank you for your lovely comments under my posting.

My DS sounds quite different to your daughter, but still bizarre nonetheless. I don't know whether bizarre is the nicest way to put it, but I am sure you understand where I am coming from.

I did understand completely about the lack of support from the DH especially the and part. I am glad you are finding the help you need. If you need further support you know where to find me (and others). Hugs
Funkeemonkey is offline  
#10 of 10 Old 04-24-2003, 05:01 PM
 
guest^'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 1,796
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Your dd sounds a lot like my best friends ds...even though she practiced AP for his first few years,he is almost 7 and she is having many of the same things continueing that you guys are...she bought a book called THe Explosive Child, and has said how much it is helping her deal with him. She also got The Out of Sync Child and its Activity Book as well...has said it too is helping. The problem is also that she doesn't have time to sit and read and solve all problems.And I mean,really,who does? Just another book to have to read,but thought I
d throw it out anyhow!

Keep us posted and good luck!

mamapoppins
guest^ is offline  
Reply

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off