Mothering Forum banner

What's the funniest thing your child has said lately?

10K views 190 replies 118 participants last post by  Leiahs 
#1 ·
This is an actual conversation between me and my 4-year-old yesterday evening.

Me (reading a Happy Meal box): Ariel's dream was to become human and live happily ever after with Prince Eric. What's your dream?

Chase: What do you mean?

Me: What do you want to do?

Chase: Right now?

Me: In life.

Chase: I don't know.

Me: What do you want to be?

Chase: All right. Now this is getting really lame.



Fill this thread up with funny kid quotes!
 
See less See more
1
#152 ·
dh was helping some friends move and they told me to stop by on my way home and see the new place. i told dd i wasn't quite sure where the house was so we would drive around the block until we saw the moving truck.

"That's a moving truck?" she said when we parked. "But Mommy- it isn't moving."
 
#153 ·
My youngest boy has a small speech impediment...so everytime he sees soccer on tv or outside - "soccer" always comes out "sf*cker" ! So when it is put in a sentence it always sounds really really bad... I blocked FSC (foxsoccerchannel)... I hope he grows out of this by next year - when he starts playing!
 
#154 ·
Ok here's one from today. Dh and his friend were building insulated boxes to line our dormers for the winter. They were wearing tool belts and Ds ran out and saw them and said they were builders. The gave him some scraps of wood, some nails, and a hammer and told him to build something. Ds loooved it. Then Dh and his friend took a break to and I asked them what they would like to drink, Dh's friend asked if I had soda and I said no. So he and Dh went to go pick up some. When they got back Ds piped up proudly: "Builders *like* soda!" We all laughed, then he eyed the cans of soda, gets the proudest look on his face and says "I'm a builder too."
 
#155 ·
Yesterday dd was napping and woke up a bit and wanted to nurse (booboo). She was saying mama I want booboo, come on mama. And THEN, out of the blue
she goes bwah babwah! (If you've ever seen blue's clues... it's the noise that Blue makes.)
DH and I were trying SO hard not to laugh and wake her up all the way. She's done that before and started growling like a puppy too. Guess I know what she's dreaming about!!
 
#156 ·
I got a good one today. I was in the bathroom and DS2 (29 mo) comes in and asks if I'm peeing and says "where's you're Yoni?? is it in there?" (I had on a long shirt that hung to my thighs) then "You don't have a penis" I say no and he says, "i've gotta get me a yoni..." (he's sort of wandering around the bathroom in front of me) "at the store..." (starts walking out of the bathroom into the kitchen and then comes back) "gotta keep it in the bag" and he pantomimes like he's got a bag in his hands and takes something out of the pretend bag and goes to attach his new yoni, lol! I about died laughing!!

He told me he had to take his pants off to put it on but I told him (as I am trying not to fall off the toilet from laughing) that we were about to leave and he should keep his pants on. What a nut!!
 
#159 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by rubelin View Post
I got a good one today. I was in the bathroom and DS2 (29 mo) comes in and asks if I'm peeing and says "where's you're Yoni?? is it in there?" (I had on a long shirt that hung to my thighs) then "You don't have a penis" I say no and he says, "i've gotta get me a yoni..." (he's sort of wandering around the bathroom in front of me) "at the store..." (starts walking out of the bathroom into the kitchen and then comes back) "gotta keep it in the bag" and he pantomimes like he's got a bag in his hands and takes something out of the pretend bag and goes to attach his new yoni, lol! I about died laughing!!

He told me he had to take his pants off to put it on but I told him (as I am trying not to fall off the toilet from laughing) that we were about to leave and he should keep his pants on. What a nut!!
DD said something similar about a week ago. She said "mama when i grow up i will be a BIG BOY!" and i said "no, you will be a big girl."
DD said "nope mama. I will get a penis and put it on and be a BIG BOY!"
 
#160 ·
Got another one!

DS's preschool didn't want them to wear costumes today since they dressed up on Friday for their schoolwide Halloween party. So last night, I asked DS to help me think of something he could dress up as, without actually wearing a costume.

He thinks for a second and then goes, "Probably a vegetarian."
 
#161 ·
This morning, dd wanted some more cereal. She's heard us spelling things when we don't want her to know what we're talking about a few times. So, instead of asking for more cereal, she said, "Can I have some more L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V?". I think she's figuring this out...
 
#162 ·
A few weeks ago, ds1 had a cold and I saw him rubbing his nose. I asked him if I could help him by getting a tissue and he said "no, it's just itchy and I NEED to spend the night with Aunt Sue!" and out he stomped. Now, mind you, that aunt Sue told him 3 nights before that he could spend the night another time. so funny his train of thought. I hadn't talked about spending the night with her since that conversation 3 days before.
 
#163 ·
Since communication can also be non-verbal, I thought I'd share this totally darling incident.

My nineteen-month-old loves giving kisses -- to us, to her babies, to pictures of people and animals in books. She periodically pulls at her diaper to tell us she wants to sit on her little potty, and lately she's started wiping herself over and over (both before and after peeing) with little pieces of toilet paper.

This morning she started kissing the toilet paper before using it!
 
#164 ·
OK this one embarrases ME too:
We were on a car trip last weekend. 6 yo DS says to DH and me "Do you guys know anyone that sleeps naked?" We both say, "No".
He says,"yes you do."
We say, "We do? who?"
"Auntie J and Uncle Jim."
OMG I don't know how, but I hid my laughter and got as much more info as I could. Nothing interesting. He woke them up a little earlier than they expected on our last visit, I guess!
 
#165 ·
We went shopping today for groceries and the store is in the same shopping center as Wal-mart. We pull in and Ds says "mosters aren't real, monsters aren't real." I told him that monsters aren't real and then asked him why he said that. He says "Because Frankenstien lives in Wal-mart."
 
#166 ·
Oh, what a treat! A long, funny thread I haven't read! Just what I need for comic relief- I've only read 3 pages so far but I am laughing so hard!

Quote:

Originally Posted by uberwench View Post
"Well first we need to go to the Poop aisle at Target, because we need poop for your butt. Your butt is out of poop and we have to get some more so that poop can come out of your butt"

I think we made Mr. Bank Guy's day

I laughed so much at this one I woke up my sleeping, nursing baby! He kept sitting up giggling along with me and I had the hardest time settling him down to sleep after that!


Quote:

Originally Posted by P-chan View Post
I was leaning back on the couch and my three-year-old son plopped down next to me.

Son (poking): Is this your breast?
Me: Yes.
Son: Is that your other breast?
Me: Yes. I have two breasts.
Son (poking my stomach): Is this your third breast?

Time to start the abs work, I guess.
:

Quote:

Originally Posted by littleteapot View Post
This isn't so much just what DD said, but an interaction:

Today my DH made pumpkin ravioli. When he served it to 3 y/o DD she asked him to cut it up for her so she could eat it more easily. As he did, some of the filling started squishing out.
"There's something else in there!" she said.
"Yes there is, that's pumpkin."
DD got the most horrified look on her face and said, "That's PUMPKIN!?"
DH said, "Yes it is" and then quickly realized that DD was talking about OUR CAT NAMED PUMPKIN!!! He immediately started going, "No! No! Not pumpkin! PUMPKIN! The other pumpkin!" Forgetting that DD has actually never eaten pumpkin before.
Oh, that is classic! I'm glad you didn't cook and serve her your cat!
I can only imagine her shock and confusion!
 
#167 ·
Ok, here is my contribution.

Like a lot of kids, my ds couln't say 's' at the beginning of words. For the longest time he used a 'p' sound instead. We were having soup for dinner, and he said 'touch dada's poop (soup)!' and we started laughing, and said, ok touch dada's soup if you want to. So he put his finger in it, and said 'finger in poop!' and it got better- then he said 'finger in dada's brown poop!'

A couple weeks ago we were making molasses cookies together. He likes to ask questions about the world to determine what is 'ok' to do and what isn't. Usually when we're cooking he'll ask 'can eat flour?' "can eat baking soda?" 'can lick spoon?' and so on to gauge my reaction to see if that's ok. So we have our dark brown molasses cookie dough all ready, and we have to roll it into balls then flatten them into cookie shapes, and he says "CAN LICK BLACK BALLS!"
We are still laughing at that one.
 
#168 ·
my ds (2.5 yrs) was in the bath the other night and said "Mom look at my butt" i replied "yeah thats your butt" he then said "i wanna see Mom's butt" so i turned around and he said "whoa momma's got BIG butt"
I told him that is not something mommas want to hear. So of coarse he has been repeating it day after day. ha ha
 
#170 ·
I haven't read much of this thread, but littleteapot, your pumpkin story made me literally LOL, and I shouldn't b/c DH is trying to get DS to sleep!

The other day, DS and DH were doing their nighttime rituals, and for some reason DS (Eamon) started "seeing" monsters. Shocked expression on his face, looking around, pointing and saying "monster! monster!" DH (Robert) wasn't thinking, and put his hand on Eamon's back, while Eamon was facing the other way. Which *totally* scared poor Eamon.

He was shaking and put his hand out in the 'stop' gesture, and said "papa, no, papa, stop, papa no".

Then he put his finger in the air, and said "IDEA!!!" Then..."Tickle."

Robert tickled him, they giggled, and the monster scare was gone.
 
#171 ·
Nik was messing around with the vacuum cleaner, threatening to open it so the dirt would fall out. I, irritated and irrational, told him that if he didn't stop we were going to have to get his hair cut (which is something he hates more than anything else.) He told me, "Mom, that doesn't make good senses!"

He was right, it didn't make any sense!
 
#174 ·
So, this weekend I served our four-year old a dish of pasta with brocoli. As soon as it was in front of her she repressed an expression of disgust and said instead "Mum, it's great, you have a lot of fantasy, but... can I just have some cheese before I eat the pasta?" and then she ran away with her cheese in her little room. I always say, she will grow up to be a diplomat one day.
 
#175 ·
ok, this is more sweet than funny but i had to put it in here. I picked ds up from his nap the other morning and he laid his head on my shoulder and said "mommy, my head doesn't fit in your shoulder anymore." It was just so cute and kinda sad...

I'm sure I'll think of more later after I pick my little muse up...
 
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top