What's the funniest thing your child has said lately? - Mothering Forums
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The Childhood Years > What's the funniest thing your child has said lately?
becoming's Avatar becoming 11:47 AM 09-27-2006
This is an actual conversation between me and my 4-year-old yesterday evening.

Me (reading a Happy Meal box): Ariel's dream was to become human and live happily ever after with Prince Eric. What's your dream?

Chase: What do you mean?

Me: What do you want to do?

Chase: Right now?

Me: In life.

Chase: I don't know.

Me: What do you want to be?

Chase: All right. Now this is getting really lame.



Fill this thread up with funny kid quotes!

melanie83103's Avatar melanie83103 12:18 PM 09-27-2006
My little 3 year old Owen told me the other day that he has a baby in his belly and that the baby was having a bite of brocoli (which we were having for dinner). I was dying. I'm pregnant, so I guess he want's to be like mommy

Melanie
mamalisa's Avatar mamalisa 12:34 PM 09-27-2006
Ds hasn't quite figured out the whole Mr., Mrs., Ms. thing. His teacher is Ms. Smith. He keeps calling her Mrs. Smith. I told him that she's not married, so she's not a Mrs. and he was like "let's just call her Smith". Ok then, eliminate the issue entirely.

We're in the middle of figuring out an upcoming move. I decided to talk to ds a bit about it and asked him where the best place in the world would be to move. We're from Chicago, our families, friends, everyting is in Chicago. We go there a few times a month to visit, we've been planning on moving back since we moved here 3 years ago. The correct answer is "Chicago". His answer? "Myrtle Beach, because it's so fun there!" "Well, if you couldn't move to Myrtle Beach, where would you want to move?" His answer, "well we could just stay here." Ok, thanks buddy, you are no help at all here and you're supposed to be excited about moving back home!!!
supahero's Avatar supahero 12:36 PM 09-27-2006
I was nursing the baby, when my non-verbal almost-3 year old came up and kept handing me his sippy cup for more water. I kept saying "you have to wait, sweetie", "just a minute" etc. My daughter walked over and holding my leather-bound diary said, "according to my research, when someone is breastfeeding - you have to wait."
*Jessica*'s Avatar *Jessica* 12:42 PM 09-27-2006
My nearly 3 year old has a cold. Yesterday he sneezed and had an unpleasant surprise fly out of his nose and land on his lip. After making me wipe it off he looked at me and said with all seriousness, "I'm not having a very good day, am I Mom?"
KatherineNaomi's Avatar KatherineNaomi 01:56 PM 09-27-2006
My 5 year old son noticed that the city finally mowed the empty lot near our house the other day. He said "Oh, the jungle is gone. That's good because there were chicken pox in there". My husband and I were like "What"? and he said "You know, chicken pox that stick to your clothes". Ok, so he meant burrdocks. Got it. Then we were talking about chicken pox and the red dots you get and he says "Remember the time I ate horse shoes and got spots all over my body"? "Honey, I think you mean cashews". (He's allergic to them and got hives).

These kids never cease to crack me up.
GuavaLava's Avatar GuavaLava 02:06 PM 09-27-2006
My almost 4 year old has been very into babies and how one goes about getting some. She doesn't know were pregnant yet because I know there will be never-ending "where's the baby?!" interrogation. So that in itself is a little spooky.

Anyway, this was a recent conversation:

Her: How do you get a baby sister?

Me: You ask God.

Her: Oh. Remeber when we saw God yesterday?
adtake's Avatar adtake 02:12 PM 09-27-2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by supahero View Post
I was nursing the baby, when my non-verbal almost-3 year old came up and kept handing me his sippy cup for more water. I kept saying "you have to wait, sweetie", "just a minute" etc. My daughter walked over and holding my leather-bound diary said, "according to my research, when someone is breastfeeding - you have to wait."
Been watching MagicSchool bus lately??

Here is the best one from my 3 yo... taken from http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=525374

My 3 year old is wearing his winter toque around....he had put his little soccer ball, his light up ball and his red ball in the hat...then he put the whole hat in his pants..walked over to me holding the hat in his pants and said...

wait for it..















where are my balls


uberwench's Avatar uberwench 02:18 PM 09-27-2006
You know that advert on TV for "headOn" - with the "HeadOn, apply directly to forehead" ad infinitum? THe little ditty gots into my head, and the other night i was idly singing it and DS looks at me and says "Chocolate On - Apply directly to Drink!"


Also - the other day we were in the bank, and i was opening a new account. DS was playing rather happily with all the desk stuff but i could tell it was getting rather boring for him (and me as well) so while Mr. Bank Guy was filling out the computer screen i turned to DS and asked "Heya, D, what do we need to get at Target? can you help me with a list?" (he loves lists). He says, at full projection, straight-faced:

"Well first we need to go to the Poop aisle at Target, because we need poop for your butt. Your butt is out of poop and we have to get some more so that poop can come out of your butt"

I think we made Mr. Bank Guy's day
P-chan's Avatar P-chan 03:55 PM 09-27-2006
I was leaning back on the couch and my three-year-old son plopped down next to me.

Son (poking): Is this your breast?
Me: Yes.
Son: Is that your other breast?
Me: Yes. I have two breasts.
Son (poking my stomach): Is this your third breast?

Time to start the abs work, I guess.
rileysmommy's Avatar rileysmommy 03:57 PM 09-27-2006
i had made a comment to myself that " geez, if people don;'t want to have babies, there are ways to not get pregnant! but to just abandonthe baby... how crummy"

i was reading an email, and then just muttering to myself.
riley heard me.
it then leads to a big talk about HOW you can NOT have babies.

him: how do you not have babies? isn't the sperm just already in there from before?

me: no, it take new sperm each time you make a baby, mommies just don't have little sperm dispensers inside them.

him: oh, well then, thats really easy, just have the husband stop putting sperm in the vagina then



really, i thought i was going to crash the car( yes this conversation moved from the dining room to the car, for the drive to school)
becoming's Avatar becoming 04:01 PM 09-27-2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by rileysmommy View Post
him: oh, well then, thats really easy, just have the husband stop putting sperm in the vagina then
It sounds so simple, doesn't it?


HollyBearsMom's Avatar HollyBearsMom 04:06 PM 09-27-2006
My 5 year old threw up for the first time, took one look at it and said "Eeeeew gross! I am SO out of here!" and ran ut of the room. yeah kid we know how you feel, try cleaning it up!!
mashtree's Avatar mashtree 04:25 PM 09-27-2006
I said something to my 4-year-old DS and he did not hear what I said.

DS: What did you say Mom?
Me: Nothing. Just talking to myself.
DS: Can you talk to yourself again? Say the same thing you just did!


nonconformnmom's Avatar nonconformnmom 04:37 PM 09-27-2006
I was in the bathroom and 4 yo dd was there with me.

dd: Mom, does your poop stink?
me: (laughing) sometimes!
dd: Papa's poop stinks!

(me, stifling laughter; dd, pause ....)

dd: Yesterday-a-long-time-ago, Papa pooped and I had to run away!
me: (guffaw)
dd: If you were a man, your poop would stink.
autumn_faune's Avatar autumn_faune 04:42 PM 09-27-2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by P-chan View Post
I was leaning back on the couch and my three-year-old son plopped down next to me.

Son (poking): Is this your breast?
Me: Yes.
Son: Is that your other breast?
Me: Yes. I have two breasts.
Son (poking my stomach): Is this your third breast?

Time to start the abs work, I guess.

And in our house, courtesy 22mo dd:

You know you're pregnant when the nursing toddler finishes both sides and decides to try latching on the the protruding bellybutton. (BTW, it tickles!)
Elyra's Avatar Elyra 06:35 PM 09-27-2006
My children have said some doozies!

Just the other day one of the younger ones was having a very loud emotional discussion with himself (aka: a tantrum ) in the middle of the kitchen floor impeading the way for anyone walking by. So I picked him up to move him 2 feet into the dinning room where he could finish his discussion with himself. I picked him up like he was a turtle because he was all balled up and all of the sudden he yells:

PUT. ME. DOWN! I am probably dangerous!
Daffodil's Avatar Daffodil 07:42 PM 09-27-2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by uberwench View Post
"Well first we need to go to the Poop aisle at Target, because we need poop for your butt. Your butt is out of poop and we have to get some more so that poop can come out of your butt"

becoming's Avatar becoming 09:10 PM 09-27-2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elyra View Post
PUT. ME. DOWN! I am probably dangerous!

This is too cute!!!
Destinye's Avatar Destinye 09:12 PM 09-27-2006
The other day DH and I were having a discussion and 2.5 yo DD pipes up:

Daddy's not too smart. :

Today I aked her if she took off her shoes because she preferred bare feet and she replied "They arent bears silly they are pigs"
charmander's Avatar charmander 09:17 PM 09-27-2006
Not my son, but his 6-year old friend. After explaining to DS's friend that I was young, we didn't have the internet - at all.

He got a horrified look on his face and said:

"That is, quite possibly, the most tragic thing I have ever heard."
familylove's Avatar familylove 09:22 PM 09-27-2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by P-chan View Post
I was leaning back on the couch and my three-year-old son plopped down next to me.

Son (poking): Is this your breast?
Me: Yes.
Son: Is that your other breast?
Me: Yes. I have two breasts.
Son (poking my stomach): Is this your third breast?

Time to start the abs work, I guess.
:

My 4 y/o DS said, "Are you and Daddy married?"
Me: Yes. We got married a long time ago, before you were born.
DS: So that's when you became a woman.

I tried to argue this point saying I was already a woman before DH and I married, but DS insisted that I wasn't a woman until DH and I made it official.

TinyFrog's Avatar TinyFrog 09:27 PM 09-27-2006
I love this thread. That bank one was great!


meemee's Avatar meemee 09:45 PM 09-27-2006
my dd then was 3 1/2 when we would babysit our friend's 3 and 5 year old son on a regular basis. now i dont have a car so my dd knows all the rules fo the road. and she proudly taught her friends too. they were struggling with driveways. the street and alleys were fine but they still couldnt figure it out and it was making my dd all frustrated.

during one of those times i told her 'ur daddy is so smart to get u a cool flashlight like that' (he is my ex and it really was a cool thing) my dd's eyes grew really big, she became all silent and then took a deep breath and said v. seriously 'yes mommy daddy is v. smart. he even knows driveways. i didnt have to teach him that.'
crazycandigirl's Avatar crazycandigirl 10:38 PM 09-27-2006
While visting family out of town, and eating dinner with everyone gathered around the table talking, my mom asked me if we liked the hotel.

My DD cut in saying

" Its great! you know the best thing is the big bubbly bathtub! and you know what the coolest thing is!"

(she paused here and beamed at me and her daddy)

"Its big enough for mommy and daddy to have sex in!"

I turned red, my sister in law choked on her food, and my grandma was shocked. I swear that we didnt say anything like that in front of her- she came up with it on her own! LOL

Oh goodness she really knows how to make an impression.
waterproofmascara's Avatar waterproofmascara 11:07 PM 09-27-2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by cmd View Post
Not my son, but his 6-year old friend. After explaining to DS's friend that I was young, we didn't have the internet - at all.

He got a horrified look on his face and said:

"That is, quite possibly, the most tragic thing I have ever heard."
ROTFL



My dd, almost 5, cracks me up all the time. I have my current fave in my sig, and have 2 more.

I have a female cousin in her 30's. Dd asked who she was married to, and I told her nobody. She then asked who took care of said cousin, I said nobody, she just takes of herself. DD gets a satisfied smile on her face and says, "Oh, then she is married to herself."

And on the topic of marriage, my baby-crazy dd says that when she is 21 she is going to have a husband, a baby, and a boyfriend!
Guess we need to have a few more life lesson talks before then.
lisac77's Avatar lisac77 11:13 PM 09-27-2006
Note: We say Baba instead of Daddy.

DH has just taken a shower and DS is following him around. DH is wrapped in a towel, and DS is only wearing a shirt.

DS: Baba, you're NAKED!
DH: You're naked!
DS: No, Baba, you're not wearing clothes, so you're naked.
DH: You're not wearing pants, so you're naked.
DS: [sighs and takes on a pedantic tone] Baba, I am wearing a shirt. You are not wearing clothes. You're NAKED.
DH: But you're not wearing pants, so you're naked.

I walk into the room.

DS: Mom, Baba's naked.
Me: He is?
DS: Yes.
DH: You're naked too!
DS: Baba, I am wearing a SHIRT.
DS: [to himself] I'm wearing a shirt, and Mom's wearing a shirt, and Baba's NAKED.

I was dying by the end.
mommyto3girls's Avatar mommyto3girls 11:39 PM 09-27-2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by autumn_faune View Post
And in our house, courtesy 22mo dd:

You know you're pregnant when the nursing toddler finishes both sides and decides to try latching on the the protruding bellybutton. (BTW, it tickles!)
I'm not pregnant and Sage did that last week!! My bb doesn't really stick all of the way out, but it is funny looking since my bowel resection, they cut a nice vertical incision right down my pretty, flat, no stretch mark tummy
mommyto3girls's Avatar mommyto3girls 11:41 PM 09-27-2006
Today in Target Sage ate part of the tag on a shirt we were buying. The cashier looked at her and said "Were you hungry honey?" Maia pipes up with "No, she ate mommies boobies when we first got in the store, she was just being ornrey."
fyoosh's Avatar fyoosh 01:27 AM 09-28-2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by crazycandigirl View Post
" Its great! you know the best thing is the big bubbly bathtub! and you know what the coolest thing is!"

(she paused here and beamed at me and her daddy)

"Its big enough for mommy and daddy to have sex in!"
Bahahah! Does she know what sex is yet (I assume she probably does if she knows you need room for it)? I went camping with my ex (when he was still my hubby) and some friends of ours with children. At one point their then 6 year old was sitting by us, and she said very matter of factly, "I can leave if you want to have sex now". Thing is, later on they found out that she thought kissing was sex. Heh.

Quote:
Originally Posted by waterproofmascara
And on the topic of marriage, my baby-crazy dd says that when she is 21 she is going to have a husband, a baby, and a boyfriend!
Heheheh. This is not such a bad thing. I have just that! Well, except my baby is almost 4 years old

Speaking of which, he said something funny today -- we were driving past a driving range and he saw the cart that was driving around picking up all the golf balls and asked me what it was. I told him, and he said, "I want to do that when I am 70 years old". I said, "well... that seems like a reasonable thing to do at 70." He continued, "and when I am 80, I want to be a construction worker. And at 90, a doctor (god, I wouldn't want to be his patient!) and at ten one hundred (heh) I will be a bicycle rider!" He plans on living to a ripe old age
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