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#121 of 164 Old 10-27-2006, 01:53 AM
 
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fern, i thank you so much for sharing your softness, your centered state.

i don't know if i made my opinion clear before on school starting, but my observances of children is that ages 7-8 really is ready for a beneficial school, if you want to wait until then. it is an age that they start to know themselves and notice their surroundings and other people (and learned lots from mamma and is ready to expand). they are always growing up, but this age and change is marked.

meg, that would really bother me too. i'm sure she didn't mean anything by it, but is just used to having the automatic responsibility and dealing with it that way. it shows where her level of respect is, which has probably deemed necessary in her position and is the limit of what she happens to be capable of.
we went to a pumpkin patch last where there were hundreds of pre-k and the teachers basically had to tell the parent chaperones what to do as if they were children too.
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#122 of 164 Old 10-27-2006, 02:20 AM
 
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odetojoy, you still here?
i finally got whisper of the heart dvd from the library and just adore it and have watched it twice already. i had forgotten how beautiful the drawings are, the light and wind. i'm always amazed how they hand draw these studio ghibli movies. and the dialogue is hysterical. though not for y'all protecting your littles verbally....

we also just watched the dakotafanning redub of my neighbor totoro this evening. i tried to be really patient with it cos my kids kept complaining, but in the end i am upset about the dialogue and cultural changes, like taking out a cosleeping statement, calling the garden a "market" when it was "gold" before, taking out my favorite phrases like "dragon whiskers" and "dustbunnies" and "gollywollypogs", and botching satsuki's name (my kids kept yelling it was "disneyfied")and not sure about the new theme vocals. at least totoro is such a great movie that it can't be ruined. i should have bought all the five dollar copies of the old version when i saw them at walmart two years ago. damn, i AM mad about it, and i had already expected the changes. this is THE movie, the only movie reed had when he was three and watched some everyday for over a year, and was also clay and ruby's first movie love affair. this is a movie i owned before i had kids, my friend in parenting. maybe i should join the legions of fans and write a complaining letter.... jeez, it's just a movie....
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#123 of 164 Old 10-27-2006, 01:41 PM
 
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. i had some terrible teachers growing up who made me feel like total shit because i didnt learn the same way most of the other kids did and because i was quiet and shy and dorky..and other kids picked on me and my friends who were not the popular ones.. i never want any child to have to go through that..


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ugh, i'm sorry fern--sounds like we went to the same school--well, or at least had the same experience.

so far the Plum Tree school is going great for Razi *thank goodness* it also gives me a good break.

Okay, I know this thread is about our 4 yr olds but seriously mama's I'm a bit in shock about being a mom to a newborn. I only got 3 hours sleep last night. The rest of the time, nursing, burping, cleaning up spitup (tons!) poopy dipes (i used 7 diapers last night!!) my boobs are like rocks (when I lay on my back they dont' even fall to the side, just straight up
okay, that's my little vent...i feel better now...mostly. i think i'm actually going to put a movie on for razi and go back to sleep!
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#124 of 164 Old 10-27-2006, 02:48 PM
 
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awww hugs mama!!
goddess, my first week was a hellish introduction to motherhood. i didnt' sleep for like 3 days, and my boobs too were like rocks.
I wound up using a combination of two homeopathics to resolved the engorgment.

I found this from the internet:

Phytolacca 12C: For redness and swollen lymph glands.

• Apis 12C: For a pink swelling of the breast, tenderness to the touch, and if it feels better with cold compresses.

--Bryonia 30C

--Belladonna (spelling....)

I personally used Phytolacca 12C but don't remember the other one. I also used cabbage leaves, which felt really good when out of the fridge or freezer.

hugs and loves!!!!
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#125 of 164 Old 10-27-2006, 02:55 PM
 
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Dh and I are seriously contemplating a third... but what you're going through now, Saita, is what's keeping us from it. It is SO hard.
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#126 of 164 Old 10-27-2006, 07:39 PM
 
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ugh, i'm sorry fern--sounds like we went to the same school--well, or at least had the same experience.

so far the Plum Tree school is going great for Razi *thank goodness* it also gives me a good break.

Okay, I know this thread is about our 4 yr olds but seriously mama's I'm a bit in shock about being a mom to a newborn. I only got 3 hours sleep last night. The rest of the time, nursing, burping, cleaning up spitup (tons!) poopy dipes (i used 7 diapers last night!!) my boobs are like rocks (when I lay on my back they dont' even fall to the side, just straight up
okay, that's my little vent...i feel better now...mostly. i think i'm actually going to put a movie on for razi and go back to sleep!
i think a lot of people have had the same bad experiences in school.. its so weird to me that people who went through that would make their kids go to school... just to be broken like we were.. ( razi's school sounds great!)

s for the sleepless nights and sore boobs.. its not easy, but it will pass. i styed in bed a lot after ngaio was born.. after ewlwynn i was out and about right away and felt pretty good but i felt like i needed a lot moe quiet me time and healing time after #2..



casina, thank you for your words about school. i like the idea of kids (elwynn) going when they are older and more in tune with themselves..
but man.. everyone is asking me when im going to put him into school.. its the same kind of look and feel that i always had when people said "is he STILL nursing?" its so irritating.. peole should just think about their lives and stop trying to run mine!

 

 

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#127 of 164 Old 10-27-2006, 08:16 PM
 
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OK, Mamas... I had an ultrasound today.

And I'm having a............

Little Girl!!!


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#128 of 164 Old 10-27-2006, 08:25 PM
 
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OK, Mamas... I had an ultrasound today.

And I'm having a............

Little Girl!!!

: congrats leah!!! im so excited for you.

 

 

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#129 of 164 Old 10-27-2006, 08:53 PM
 
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Hooray Leah! That's wonderful news!
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#130 of 164 Old 10-27-2006, 09:59 PM
 
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girls rock!
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#131 of 164 Old 10-27-2006, 10:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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wow, this must be a record, in our little group, we've had so many girls born, and no boys (rynna, me, xmaseve, punk, rynna again, fern, sarita, and now leah) Its awesome!....

So yay, leah! Girls are our mini-me's!
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#132 of 164 Old 10-28-2006, 12:44 AM
 
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Aaawww, leah i'm so excited for you. girls are wonderful- but you knew that before me, lol

back later...
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#133 of 164 Old 10-28-2006, 01:00 AM
 
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I just wanted to copy you, Sarita. You know- have a blonde boy, and then a baby girl.

I actually "copied" my cousin's family dynamic- they have 3 foster daughters, and a son and daughter of their own. My cousin and her sister both had baby girls within a month of each other this summer, and now my sister and I are due within a month of each other this spring. If my sister has a girl it would be so fitting, YK? I kind of feel bad for the boy cousins- their power is dwindling in this growing group of grrls. :

She was moving around so much tonight that I could feel her with my hand from the outside! That is such a cool thing. It feels so nice. I can't wait for Zachary to feel her move. He gave my belly a kiss tonight and said "I love you so much, baby!" I mean, how cute is that???

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#134 of 164 Old 10-28-2006, 01:03 AM
 
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second baby is a big adjustment, and was the biggest adjustment for me. recuperation is normally a bit tougher than first time, cos you've got to get up and look on firstborn. i feel that women should not get up except to pee the first two days and then take it very slow, but that is the ideal in a messier world where we have to do what needs to be done.

take your special capsules to shorten your flow and heal up other stuff. with reed, i bled for three weeks. with clay, i bled for 6. i'm anemic and clay was 10 lbs, but with ruby 3rd at 9lbs and with the special supplement in original form, i bled for 10 days. continue prenatal vitamins.

hang in there with the engorgement. it will go away. it always made me look like a russ meyer chick and i always thought it was more discomfort than any labor (which is why i don't know what to think of the general kidney stone comparison remarks). repeat, it will go away. i hesitate to promise you how long but i remember with the last two that i was always surprised when it was gone already because i remembered it so vividly it must have lasted longer!

the input output, well, we don't have to worry about infant weight loss here, and since she is big already the bigger she gets the faster she will regulate. i sure remember getting up all those times and all the wet stuff......sigh. do you need us to send you some clothes? just say yes or no.

i'm remembering now that with ruby i had arrived a point where wet did not bother me, or i seriously lacked the energy to give to it especially since i am so milky. consider wearing less clothes and cranking up a portable heater (and steam humidifier?) to get more rest. if y'all are not cold then you can feel reassured that spit up and human milk does dry, and will not cause harm though it sure gets crusty, and there will be less layers to wash or get wet. and nursing can be easier. maybe this is pushing it, but i feel that baby poop from your girl nursing, is benign. sure she needs changing, but don't sweat over a little on her clothes or yours or the sheets. these are the little details that can overwork mammas with new little ones. your rest is vital.

do you swaddle? for some reason i always felt swaddling made things easier for me, i guess i prefer having to move a tightly packaged baby than always looking out for little limbs.

fern, i was saying something today, to my 2nd cousin's wife who i met and hit it off....how just by simply choosing to take mothering seriously, unfortunately it puts me in a defensive and fighting position by default, because it is not the norm. i do know that once i started stating i was homeschooling, these kinds of annoying "conversations" feel like they have a resolution for both parties. probably cos they then decide i am too crazy to talk to. i still wish i could say outrageous lies. "he's nursing cos he has cancer" "i'm giving them up to the circus next week" "oh sorry, these aren't my kids. i'm the aunt". i guess if i could do that, then i could say militant statements. if you need, practice your dreamy movie star smile and shrug and moving your body away from the conversation. smile and "okay". "thank you" "sure" "yes, you are right".

i have a new phrase my man developed or acquired lately from work: "i don't know the right way to answer your question"
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#135 of 164 Old 10-28-2006, 01:09 AM
 
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do you swaddle? for some reason i always felt swaddling made things easier for me, i guess i prefer having to move a tightly packaged baby than always looking out for little limbs.
I totally agree with this. It is SO much easier to move a baby who's all wrapped up, rather than a floppy crabby hungry wet tangle of limbs and blankets and nightgowns...

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i have a new phrase my man developed or acquired lately from work: "i don't know the right way to answer your question"
That is classic, Casina. Awesome. I hope I remember that and can use it effectively.

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#136 of 164 Old 10-28-2006, 12:57 PM
 
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second baby is a big adjustment, and was the biggest adjustment for me. recuperation is normally a bit tougher than first time, cos you've got to get up and look on firstborn. i feel that women should not get up except to pee the first two days and then take it very slow, but that is the ideal in a messier world where we have to do what needs to be done.
How do you do this? I just can't do this. After months of them being rocked away in my womb, to come out and just sit on my chest while I "recuperate" doesn't fly. They want movement. But they want my smell as well, so they demand that I must move. I retire to the rocking chair, it's the best I can do, but I would LOVE to just lay there.

Course mine hate swaddling too, as a rule. Ah, to have a nice *normal* baby for once. At least they grow up to be *mostly* agreeable toddlers.

Interesting altercation at the playground yesterday. There was a large group of mixed ages kids all together, the older ones playing ball on the grass, the two youngest, a boy and a girl, playing on the jungle gym. They seemed to be a bit older than dc, at least kindergarten age. Dc ran right up and started talking away, I seriously wonder when she takes a breath. The other girl, though quiet, tried to interact with dc, even though she couldn't get a word in. She started singing the ABCs, but wasn't putting them in order- much the way dc counts LOL. But dc said, "I know that song too, let's sing it together," and started singing it in order. The older girl got VERY upset and started yelling repeatedly at dc and me, "I'm telling! I'm telling!" A phrase dc's never even heard before. She took her brother and ran off to the older kids on the grass, where she stayed for the rest of our visit. Dc was confused, but accepted it without asking me to explain anything. As I was counting down to time to go time, she started saying that we would walk by the other girl on the way home and she would give her a hug and a kiss and tell her she was her best friend and she hoped to see her again next time at the park. She very much feels that if someone is angry at her for any reason, it is her lucky job to love them even more so that they will feel happier. I hope she never changes, but I worry for her emotional reserves.

Anyway, as we walked by the girl on the way home, the girl again started yelling, "I'm telling!" Dc just waved goodbye and "I'll see you next time." Maybe she's just dense
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#137 of 164 Old 10-29-2006, 01:25 AM
 
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Course mine hate swaddling too, as a rule. Ah, to have a nice *normal* baby for once. At least they grow up to be *mostly* agreeable toddlers.
what's a *normal* baby?? I mean, really? I want one too! my ds was no swaddler, that's for sure. he didn't turn into an agreeable toddler or larger little person either but I do adore him to pieces! :

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#138 of 164 Old 10-29-2006, 01:55 AM
 
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i swaddled both mine..

elwyn nwas very into it as a wee baby..he would cry and cry but swaddled he was hapy. ngaio also liked it but didnt "need" it as much as elwynn did.. i liked swaddling.. a little bundle of goodness

 

 

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#139 of 164 Old 10-29-2006, 03:07 AM
 
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xmas. may your dc always cope and react so beautifully. her words show so much how you have parented.

i feel that women shouldn't get up or have to in order to recuperate, but that is different from what has happenned for me. but i still feel that it is the standard to attempt to keep, to know what is doing too much in this very special time.

as for the swaddling, i guess i never even paid attention to whether they liked it or not. now i'm trying to remember whether it bothered them! it was something i needed to survive and i guess with my absolute assumption that i needed it for practicality, and they needed to feel secure to cope from being in the womb, somehow we adapted to it. as for the movement, i have noticed the same with my own though i didn't realize the first baby, but i guess for the first few days, they didn't have much of a choice. that doesn't sound very nice, but that's just how things went for me.

i'm laughing at the word agreeable. i think that loosely defines many girls. whoa now, ruby is screamy and whiny and wild and very stubborn, but a tiny part of her can see the need for the way things are done, as are other girls i know. hence the sulking. i only know it is there because i had two boys that didn't and she has had it in her awareness since she was born. boys have different tolerances but once they hit a brick wall, it is all over, because my way never registered as an option. it used to bother me how much dh used distraction as a tool, but now i can see how digging in my heels wanting them to see my way or the logical process was fruitless at that age. i guess that's why i let my boys run so wild cos they need so much to experience consequences, over and over and over. again, this is my own sexist opinion!:
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#140 of 164 Old 10-30-2006, 02:39 PM
 
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i guess that's why i let my boys run so wild cos they need so much to experience consequences, over and over and over. again, this is my own sexist opinion!:
I don't think that's sexist at all, tea olive. we are kidding ourselves if we pretend there aren't gender differences! sure, there are girls who are really energetic and physical, and boys who are really gentle and quiet. it doesn't deny individual variation to acknowledge generalities, imo; you only get into trouble when you try to force a certain stereotype or expectation (whether a conventional or alternative one) on a child when it doesn't fit *that child.* dtmas? my ds is "all boy" as the old saying goes, and he's also very spirited, which has been hard for me. all my talking and explaining just falls on deaf ears. I have to watch and hold my breath and hope whatever he does doesn't require stitches or a cast : so far that has only happened once!

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#141 of 164 Old 10-30-2006, 03:00 PM
 
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i think that all kids need to run wild and experience the world..

speaking of running wild..

we were walking down the street in west vancouver (the super expensive yuppy/rich old fart part of town) and elwynn was running ahead singing and just enjoying the world around him..i was holding ngaio in my arms and a bag of new yarn that i had just bought from the most amazing yarn shop.. and chatting with timothy.. the leaves were falling all around and it was just a beautiful crisp autumn day and we were all pretty blissed out.. then all of a sudden this old man came running out of a coffee shop yelling at us. i was stuunned. i didnt even know what he was saying at first..then he yelled it again.. i cant even remember exactly what he said but basically "ARE YOU THE MOTHER? ARE YOU THE FATHER? HOW DARE YOU LETYOUR CHILD RUN AROUND LIKE THAT! HE'S GOING TO RUN INTO TRAFFIC AND GET KILLED!" and he was not talking he was bellowing this. everyone was staring at us and we were just dumbfounded.. i shook my head and said something like " its none of your busines what we are doing and my child wouldnt ever run into the street" but the guy wasnt listening.. he just kept saying weird stuff about elwynn running into traffic.. now.. the sidewalks in west van are about 3 normal sidewalks wide.. im talking a roadway in most parts of the world.. and there was a wall of cars and elwynn is sooooo safetly oriented its not even funny... "think safe" is his motto so i just couldnt swollow this guys blatant disrespect. i mean.. i understand how he could have been concerned( but the way he approached the situation was so uncalled for. it left me shaking.. timothy turned around and said "fuck off dude" after i had tried to talk to him and we walked away..the guy was still yelling!..elwynn looked at us both like "what the hell was that about.. im not stupid!" but kept on his merry way...but our perfect day was shattered..well sort of anyways.. i was trying to figure out if this man would have done the same to some super posh looking young parents or if it was because we are pierced and patched and US..

so.. that taught me that a lot of people think kids belong on leashes.that they arent welcome to be free and childlike. and that bothers me. a lot. he was doing no wrong and neither were we and we were basically assaulted for being happy.

 

 

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#142 of 164 Old 10-30-2006, 03:51 PM
 
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Rude people suck, Fern.

The "All bundled up" picture of Ngaio on your site is just the cutest thing I have ever seen. Oh my goodness, what a cute little princess you have!!!

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#143 of 164 Old 10-30-2006, 04:02 PM
 
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no wonder i'm so tired. simply letting a kid run is an act of rebelliousness these days.
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#144 of 164 Old 10-30-2006, 04:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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oh, god, fern. I would so tear that idiot a new one, if that was me

It's nice when people 'care', but obviously that dude was out of line.

I'm gonna PM you.
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#145 of 164 Old 10-30-2006, 10:34 PM
 
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i thought about yelling back.. but ive made a decission to try to react peacefully to eveything going on in my life. it was his shit not mine and i left it at that... maybe he had a kid run into the street and get hit by a car..or saw that happen.. i dont know why he did what he did.. but still..it doesnt make it OK..


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The "All bundled up" picture of Ngaio on your site is just the cutest thing I have ever seen. Oh my goodness, what a cute little princess you have!!!
thanks i think she is pretty great! im o totally madly in love with her.. its crazy. and elwynn too of course.. but he is the lick my face, fart on me kinda kid now "charming" is what i call him these days

 

 

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#146 of 164 Old 10-31-2006, 12:28 AM
 
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I have been feeling very anxious lately. The pregnancy hormones are getting to me, I think. I especially can't stand DH right now. He is so getting on my nerves. I know I don't have any patience right now, but it doesn't help that he is so lazy and annoying. (I just turned off the stereo before I came into my room and now he has it blaring again with music...) Grrr... :

I have to take Fern's advice and (try to) act peacefully to everything that comes along. I just have a fuck it attitude right about now. Sorry to bring it here.

Not much to "report". Crystal and Kaylee are sick, beginning our long crappy winter cold season of back-to-back viruses. Fun fun! Julianna started having visits again with her Grandma (after two months of no-shows), and she tells me she loves me every two seconds. I swear if I didn't have Crystal and Kaylee to take care of I'd probably take Zach and Julianna and run to Canada or Mexico so I could keep her forever!

Leah coolshine.gif adoptionheart-1.gif homebirth.jpg

Hubby guitar.gif, ds (11) REPlaySkateboard04HL.gif, adopted dd (10) notes2.gif, dd (6) dust.gif, dd (1) femalesling.GIF & 3 foster dd's wheelchair.gif upsidedown.gif diaper.gif  

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#147 of 164 Old 10-31-2006, 12:30 AM
 
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Fern, it's my opinion that people who start yelling at strangers have spent their day looking for someone to yell at. It's not like that guy was having a cheerful, ho-hum kind of day and then the sight of Elwynn caused his day to go 180. He was in a bad mood, conciously or not trying to find things to yell at, and chose you guys.

Also, I've been thinking about this in my own life the past few days, but maybe it wasn't that big a deal. Things roll off dc's shoulders that would put me in a funk for a week. Most of that is because she's just too innocent to understand it. But the rest of that is because she doesn't put it on herself. Your questioning if he yelled at you because it was YOU, patched and pierced and all, is what ruined your day. Elwynn shrugged it off because he knew it was nothing he did, he knew there was nothing about himself to be attacked. If we could all just be so secure in ourselves! Even if the crazy guy thought you deserved to be yelled at because you look different, he's wrong. You don't deserve to be yelled at, and you should know that, and not spend a second of your day wondering if *he* thought you deserved it.
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#148 of 164 Old 10-31-2006, 03:08 AM - Thread Starter
 
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peaceful.... wish I had thought of that.
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#149 of 164 Old 10-31-2006, 04:04 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by XmasEve View Post
Fern, it's my opinion that people who start yelling at strangers have spent their day looking for someone to yell at. It's not like that guy was having a cheerful, ho-hum kind of day and then the sight of Elwynn caused his day to go 180. He was in a bad mood, conciously or not trying to find things to yell at, and chose you guys.

Also, I've been thinking about this in my own life the past few days, but maybe it wasn't that big a deal. Things roll off dc's shoulders that would put me in a funk for a week. Most of that is because she's just too innocent to understand it. But the rest of that is because she doesn't put it on herself. Your questioning if he yelled at you because it was YOU, patched and pierced and all, is what ruined your day. Elwynn shrugged it off because he knew it was nothing he did, he knew there was nothing about himself to be attacked. If we could all just be so secure in ourselves! Even if the crazy guy thought you deserved to be yelled at because you look different, he's wrong. You don't deserve to be yelled at, and you should know that, and not spend a second of your day wondering if *he* thought you deserved it.

 

 

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#150 of 164 Old 10-31-2006, 05:04 AM - Thread Starter
 
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But, to ignore the dude, isn't going to help. You have to be assertive in life. Peacefully assertive.

When I said "tear him a new one", I just meant replying to his attitude with an attitude of your own. he wouldn't expect that, and maybe it would make him look at himself.. I wouldn't be able, personally, to let someone scream at me like that. I'd want to protect my kids, and myself.

I have had experiences like that before, and it wasn't fun. it can sure screw up your day

Like when we go for walks, and the dogs scare us, or bark at us, I scare them back, because they startled us. Those dogs are just mean sometimes. they may be protecting, but the feirceness makes me get mad.

I'm working on maintaining my equanimity.
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