Please help me and our 4 year old!!! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 02-01-2002, 12:37 AM - Thread Starter
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This is my first time posting here and I really need some support and help. Our 4 year old has really gotten me. I struggle on a day to day basis with him. Our two boys are 18 months apart and Cameron has an uncontrollable urge to hit, punch or knock down Shea. He is very energetic and is always on the go.I have been told that he needs meds and also I was a "ridlin"(spell?) child myself. Although I was not 4 when put on it but I was on it for quite a few years. At any rate, Cameron has got me wanting to throw in the towel. He is a very lovable little boy and can be very good but all the other times he is either hitting or not listening. He laughes at me when I am correcting him. It just seems that he is so angry. Now, he is not starving for attention because he gets alot of it and it isnt negative attention. He gets alot of one on one. His pre-school teacher says he has a hard time keeping his hands to himself(not hitting though). I just feel like I am a failure as a mother that I cant get a grip on a 4 year old. I can get so mad at him and he will come right back at me and say "I love you mom" I dont want to hit him allthough I have but that is the absolutly last resort for me. I have tried everything there is to get a handle on this. Please give me any advice you can.Thanks so much

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#2 of 5 Old 02-01-2002, 01:19 AM
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Hi Angela,

I too have a very active, very physical 4 year old. I have a few suggestions for you, and hope that one or more will help.

First, we have noticed a very definate connection between Nick's behaivor and the amount of sugar he consumes. We limit processed sugar to a minimum. No candy, ice cream, syrup, sweet granola bars, fruit snacks, etc (unless it is a special occasion and we are prepared for the ensuing behaivor).

Second, we make sure he has time every day where it is okay to be physical. If for some reason we have a day without any release, he gets very difficult by the evening.

Third, I have found that the best way to remind him to not use his body when he is frustrated is to talk about how it feels to the other person. I often remind him of a time when another child hurt him, asking him to remember how that felt. "Do you like it when someone hits you?" "How do you think your sister feels when you do that to her?" "Do you think she is going to cooperate now?"

Finally, I always go back to 2 books when I find I am at my wits end. The Discipline Book by Dr. Sears. And Redirecting Children's Behaivor by Katherine Kvols. Both of these books are full of good ideas, and help me to remember good ways of reacting to him.

Gotta run, crying little person... good luck...

- Chelsea
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#3 of 5 Old 02-01-2002, 01:24 AM
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First of all, you are certainly NOT a failure as a mother! Also, welcome to the Mothering boards! I have four children with ages ranging from 16 monthes to 10 years old. I actually have an almost four year old son right now with similar troubles. My oldest is also a boy and I remember him going through this stage too. With my current four year old (Owen) everyday seems to be a battle. He is very physical and he is always yelling at or saying rude remarks to strangers. It's very difficult for me to take him places. When my oldest two have gymnastics I have to sit in the car with him because he is really awful to the other kids in the waiting area. I personally feel that he needs more physical activity but he is still really glued to me. So we do go to Gymboree and I notice on those days he is a bit calmer. I try to get him outside as much as possible. Honestly, and I don't think this will help much, I think it's a boy thing. I'm not trying to generalize as I am aware that some boys do not go through this. However, both of my boys have and it's very unnerving! I also think that boys are often mistaken as ADD because of their physicalness (is that even a word? ).

Anyway, there are so many days when I just feel that my hands are tied. Owen does a lot of things like standing on the train table and throwing the pieces of puzzles or the train against the wall. He will just do these things out of the blue. He growls at people as they walk by. I'm hoping he will be over this soon!

So, I'm sure I wasn't very helpful but just wanted you to know that you're not alone! There are some really great books on boys that I have read. I will check the titles and get back to you tomorrow!

You are NOT an awful mother!

Amy - Blessed wife to Jesse (the best dad in the world), mother of 10 on earth plus 8 in heaven.   PROUD to be a Catholic! : winner.jpg familybed2.gifhomeschool.gif

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#4 of 5 Old 02-01-2002, 12:07 PM
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{raising my hand} I have that passion and physical 4 yr. old too! DD Is the most wonderful child - however she challenges us on a daily basis.

I have ADD, but was not diagnosed untill College. I was very lucky to have participated in a study program that was using diet, sleep patterns and behavioral management instead of powerfull drugs. I learned a great deal about myself and have been able to carry it on into adulthood and motherhood.

With a 4 yr. old it's hard to say if they have ADD or if they're just passionate beings. You may want to read 'Raising Your Spirited Child' - GREAT book for thoes of us with passionate little ones. Also, there is a back issue of Mothering that may still be available that had an article on Ritalin and ADD - it was FANTASTIC! It offered many alternatives, such as diet modification.

With a little on that likes to hit, I've found getting something in their hands helps. Crayons are a life saver in my house. Sometimes they get thrown, but mostly they create the most wonderfull pictures! Playdoh's great too. Talk about hands while they're drawing "aren't hands beautifull! Look at what you can do with hands, make art and touch mommys cheek softly - like this".
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#5 of 5 Old 02-02-2002, 03:40 PM - Thread Starter
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Thank you all for giving me some advice. At this point anything helps. I do have to say something for Cameron, he had a "no hit day" yesturday. We were so proud and so was he. I do say that I like what I read about putting something else in his hands and saying how nice they look and what else they can used for. It is hard I know it but who said raising kids was easy!!!:
But thanks alot, sometimes it just helps to vent to someone and hope they know what you're talking about!
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