The December 4 yr old thread - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 97 Old 12-27-2006, 01:25 AM
 
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oh yah.... this is the age my friend's daughter felt the need to watch the snow white movie over and over to figure out her fear.
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#62 of 97 Old 12-27-2006, 11:30 AM
 
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happy belated b'day to Elwynn.

i haven't been on much, but here is a belated BDAY ala MDC for my little munchkin too. Kathrynn had a nice bday party at home w/ all her family. i think it was all she had hoped it would be.

we'll have something for her when we get back to bloomington, kinda a joint bday party for her and me since mine is in a couple weeks.

hugs and loves to all!!!
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#63 of 97 Old 12-27-2006, 12:56 PM
 
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Happy Birthday Georgia Rose

I think she is the last birthday in this group..


A big happy birthday to all of our new 4 year olds! : :
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#64 of 97 Old 12-27-2006, 01:34 PM
 
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Happy birthdays to Georgia and Kathrynn.

Leah coolshine.gif adoptionheart-1.gif homebirth.jpg

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#65 of 97 Old 12-27-2006, 01:39 PM
 
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happy birthday to everyone!

my experience is that grls tend to have stranger fright, especially men around 2. in general the fear shows they have developed some kind of awareness of whatever is bothering them, which is cool and part of growing.
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#66 of 97 Old 12-27-2006, 02:13 PM
 
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happiest birthday wishes to georgia rose and kathrynn!

 

 

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Once in while you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right....

 

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#67 of 97 Old 12-27-2006, 02:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY KATHRYNN AND GEORGIA ROSE!!!

fern, how the heck do make all those purty colors?!? it's so cute w/ color! so a 3 week old? i swear anytime i think of a tiny tiny baby i get all mooshy inside.
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#68 of 97 Old 12-27-2006, 02:23 PM
 
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Julianna's issue is that she doesn't talk to anyone outside the immediate family, even people she has known since birth. She has this random few that she will respond to, like medical supply delivery people, and certain social workers. She is friendly enough with them, but most people she covers her face with her hands and/or hides behind me or DH when they talk to her. She may growl or grunt behind her hands, other times she is silent. Weird. I've given up trying to explain it. I've read that you shouldn't say "Oh, she's just shy!" because it gives the kid an easy out to act that way and be rude to people. I just say "She doesn't talk to strangers." If it's someone we know I say "She doesn't talk to strangers, but you're not a stranger so I have no idea why she's not talking to you." I can understand a fear of witches or monsters, but I don't get the fear of talking to people... Oh well!

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#69 of 97 Old 12-27-2006, 02:27 PM
 
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY KATHRYNN AND GEORGIA ROSE!!!

fern, how the heck do make all those purty colors?!? it's so cute w/ color! so a 3 week old? i swear anytime i think of a tiny tiny baby i get all mooshy inside.

at the top of the posting thing is an A box and that is the colours

newborns..i know.. its been a while for me and im really excited and kind of scared.. this baby has been breastfeeding so she is going to be pretty sad for a while to be torn from her momma. its such a tricky situation and i know that it probably is best for baby not to be with her parents (they are both heroin users and have already had one child born and adopted out) but part of me still thinks its better to keep her with the mom to nurse at least a while longer. there just aren't resources in our world to accomodate people in need of major support.. its totally wrong. there should be somewhere she can go live to get clean and learn to take care of herself and her baby.. but there just isn't such a thing.. she is in hospital now in a facility kind of like that but they can only stay a certan amount of time there and that is why she is having her baby taken away when she leaves. its so sad.

 

 

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#70 of 97 Old 12-27-2006, 02:31 PM
 
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Did I miss a post? Are you guys getting a foster baby, Fern? Did you end up getting the little boy? Out of all the foster parents out there, Fern, your family is the best for this little girl to go to because you understand the importance of bonding and nursing and hugs and love... Good luck!

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#71 of 97 Old 12-27-2006, 02:34 PM
 
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leah, yes we had the little baby boy justin for almost 2 weeks.. he went to live with his grampa and dad a few days ago. he was such a sweetie and it was hard to see him go, but it really is the best thing if someone in the family wants to love them.,.

we will be getting this little girl katelynn on the 2nd or 3rd of january, or so they say.. but ive learned that things can take a while longer..

 

 

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#72 of 97 Old 12-27-2006, 02:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Leah, i think fear for a child is legitimate even if we as adults don't get it. it's just easier to understand when it's fears we may have had as kids, yk?(like monsters) there are times razi is afraid of some random thing and it's really easy to think (or say )"this is ridiculous!!" but it's very real for him no matter what i think or say. maybe when she hides or does stuff like that you could just say "Julianna is feeling scared" to whoever she's hiding from. if an adult gets offended or whatever, that's there choice to react that way and not your responsibilty to take it on (by feeling embarraced by her actions). so what if someone thinks your raising her 'wrong' cuz she does that--you know your not!

i'm slightly nervous to push send! sounds good when i read over it but tones are tricky when you can't here them. so i'm trying to be supportive and give thoughts in the most loving positive way. so feel that coming with the words, not critisism at all!!!!
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#73 of 97 Old 12-27-2006, 02:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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fern, can you nurse foster babies? or leah would probably know too
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#74 of 97 Old 12-27-2006, 03:11 PM
 
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fern, can you nurse foster babies? or leah would probably know too
not legally..

 

 

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#75 of 97 Old 12-27-2006, 04:44 PM
 
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Happiest Birthday Wishes to all the new 4 year olds!!!

fern, I sent you another email.. did you get it? I sent it to fern@resist.com... please LMK, honestly.
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#76 of 97 Old 12-27-2006, 09:12 PM
 
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jazz, yes i got it..i havn't replied yet though. i did reply to the first one you sent, but i guess you didnt get it?!

 

 

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#77 of 97 Old 12-27-2006, 11:01 PM
 
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brilliant insight as always, casina-- galen has been getting bombarded with nonstop comments on how tall he is (which he is, poor thing, and he ***hates*** it when people comment about his appearance, even-- perhaps especially-- if it's a compliment!). I bet that's the trigger for that particular fear. makes total sense.

sarita, I have intuited that about fears, also, that having a place to put the fear helps process it, but I hadn't read it anywhere. thanks for that confirmation!

wishing everyone many peaceful and sacred days this season,

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#78 of 97 Old 12-28-2006, 02:05 AM
 
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brilliant insight as always, casina-- ,
funny that you 'just got here', but already recognize casinas brilliance.

~~~

fern~ I didn't get an email from ya... maybe it was to my unused addy? I'll check.
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#79 of 97 Old 12-28-2006, 02:37 AM
 
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i replied to the email it came from is all i know..

 

 

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#80 of 97 Old 12-28-2006, 02:41 AM
 
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I had clicked on MDC here "send email" and there was a little box that was still in the MDC site... I didn't know where the email was coming from for you, or if it was a pm or what. I've never done that before. Now I know its my barely ever looked at 3rd email address that the email comes from when I click send an email on MDC. so theres my true explanation.



ETA~ I got your email now... found it on there.
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#81 of 97 Old 12-29-2006, 05:32 AM
 
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hey ladies. i just woke up after passing out putting the kids down earlier. i need to write to you/to me.

my dh hurt his back today at work, no actual "accident", but he called me to come get him from work and i was very scared since the last time he called me was when i was pg with ruby and then he was home for almost 2 years. i guess it was more like a year and half but he felt very broken more than that, until he got this job. my friend five minutes away happens to be home this week so thankfully took the kids over there. i wanted to be able to really pay attention to what was going on with him and i've learned my lesson from before abt towing my kids along, tho i'm not sure i would have asked anyone else.

we didn't go to any docs cos he didn't feel there was much they could do. we'll see how tomorrow is and fortunately he traded to be off work tomorrow. he is hurting alot but of course doesn't want to succumb to doom so he is going back and forth on saying he is okay and not. i knew it was worse than he was letting on cos he was cold wearing alot of clothes for him and it was a warmish day, and yes, he has been fighting a cold lately, so we need to watch that. i'm not sure if it is exactly the same problem with L4 and L5, but it seems to be related and is tending towards his right side. when he stretched it looked like the sciatic but when i poked around it didn't seem that way at all. i get perplexed cos he seems very sure of his body but i know from experience that he is kind of the opposite of a self-aware kind of person i am so it is hard to gauge what it the problem and what can be done or what should be done. he said when he called me it was shooting pain but it had subsided a little, it doesn't seem to be electric anymore, but just pain.

he didn't want to leave his scooter overnight so we went and got it this evening and he managed to ride it okay for the the seven minutes. he was going pretty durn fast so that's another clue he hurts more than he is letting on. he's sound asleep which is good tho i wonder if he dug out those pain pills he hasn't touched since ruby was a baby, or if he is feeling better. i will have to ask him cos i need to know at what level pain he is at. hmmm, that's possibly odd, that i really need to know all this?...... i already commanded him that he can't have any sugar or dairy or fried cos he is just starting to recover from the family xmas meal leaky gut problem and the last thing he needs is to exacerbate that with his lower pain (and that might be part of it too)
i told him he could eat only potatoes bananas and apples. we both know it doesn't have to be so strict, but at least he got the message that i care, LOL.

after i brought him home and he stretched for a long time i waited til he seemed a bit settled i went to the store and got him an electric heating pad and a massage pad, then decided to get the armchair from my mil, cos he wouldn't sit on the couches. these are chairs we have been meaning to get and they are really nice but i didn't know until today that i could make them fit in the explorer, or in my house, but i was determined to suddenly make it happen (and contemplated driving the icon of the daddy chair, see why it is better i have kids to deflect my running thoughts???)

he couldn't really sit in it either this evening, but i feel better having tried and am hopeful he can use the daddy throne soon. it's weird thinking how i debated buying a heating pad a few times a few years back but it was just too expensive for our budget and now i can get one with so much less fuss abt the money tho i did get worried i had overdrafted today. anyway and after i'm not even sure the heating pad works too well. but then he seemed pleased that i had got it for him, so it worth that.

it's been really interesting, revisiting all my feelings, thinking abt the past, observing exactly how exhausted i feel this evening even though this isn't a big deal really, how brusque my manner is when i am feeling scared of things i can't control. i had to make a real conscious effort to be lighter and loving cos i'm used to reacting with a shadow on me and i understood this ONLY from years of my deep regret i did not take care of him better before. but i understand better why now, after wondering how i could be so ignoring and seeming heartless back then, how easily i throw up a wall to protect myself from disintegrating, and back then it was to protect me and the kids. and again pondering exactly how much of a factor money is and how much is it i let it affect me so much or that money is really just that difficult. lately i've noticed that my limits are much lower than i have boasted of myself and this afternoon's sudden crisis feeling makes it really clear.

i happened to get a solicitation in the mail abt getting mortgage insurance for death and disability and it looked really appealing for a moment.

anyway, i'm trying to maintain an emotionally watchful outlook on dh, and lessen my intensity.

xmas day i sent out an email to some friends i was feeling so content and satisfied and happy, more than ever in my life, and today i have a better understanding of truly how far it has been for me to get here. i gained so those lessons so quickly then, because i had to survive, and there were times this past year i was almost nostalgic for the simplicity of crisis mode.
now i know it definitely wasn't that simple, i just have a limited memory of it.

so right now i just feel in awe of how life continues to be, how it is much harder than i ever imagined, how all the little details add up because i cna't help but notice them, how things just keep going up and down and jumping in every direction, and how i am still clinging on okay, cos i know now that it doesn't ever just stay still, that things happen and happen, and that it is within the ride of it i need to accept and appreciate.
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#82 of 97 Old 12-29-2006, 06:25 AM
 
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I laughed at the part.. "i was very scared since the last time he called me was when i was pg with ruby and then he was home for almost 2 years."... I can imagine!

you sound very thoughtful and caring to your DH. I hope he appreciates you for that.

Sorry if I sound so anti-man these days. I've been reading a really eye-opening book called "Why is he like that? Inside the minds of angry and controlling men"... It sure has made a lot of sense out of things for me. and maybe I project things that aren't there too, so N/M.... please. it's late, and i shouldn't even be typing anything.
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#83 of 97 Old 12-29-2006, 12:50 PM
 
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funny that you 'just got here', but already recognize casinas brilliance.
well, I'm not so smart, but she sent me a long pm early on that was really great casina, have we embarrassed you yet?

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#84 of 97 Old 12-29-2006, 01:00 PM
 
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casina- i'll be thinking of you and your dh and hope things heal quickly.
your Being sounds very aware and attuned atm. i'm jealous- i've been feeling unable to distance myself from my life events enough to do that, but i yearn for it.

i'd love to say more, which would tie into the fact that i still believe that men are just grown up boys, but need to get some things in order while dd is watching "Elmo in grouchland" :P

hugs and loves!
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#85 of 97 Old 12-29-2006, 01:00 PM
 
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ps. these ads are really fucking annoying :/
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#86 of 97 Old 12-29-2006, 02:47 PM
 
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Casina- sending healing vibes to you and DH...

Sarita- I'm not embarrassed by Julianna's behavior. (I hate that people think I raised her to be a brat, but who really cares, YK?) I might be a bitch by feeling this way, but I just think it's RUDE to be rude. I think she does it for attention, I don't think she really does it because she's genuinely afraid. It may have started out with just shyness, but now it's a fun thing for her to do because it always gets a reaction. Last night she and I met my friend for dinner and she covered her face and refused to talk to my friend, who she usually *adores*. There's no reason she should have been afraid of her. We just ignored her while she colored and ate. Like I said, I'm probably being a bitch here, but I just find this behavior very annoying- and the family photo episode was just a huge little "show" on her part, because she definitely got lots and lots of attenion for stomping her feet and crying, whereas if she had just sat there and smiled no one would have given her a second glance, YK? I don't think there really is a reason behind why she refuses to talk to people, this is just the way she is at this stage in her life. I for one just wish she'd get a grip and be personable, but oh well... Negative attention is still attention, and that's what I think she is after.

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#87 of 97 Old 12-30-2006, 02:38 PM
 
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good for you leah!
my main concern with the kids these days is to behave gracefully and graciously, over all things. to work towards feeling content no matter what. this is after years of moral code and fairness and sharing, screaming at them for doing dumb things and mean things and daily physical injuries, accidental and purposeful. we know what we are supposed to do and know each other very well. and i'm tired of reminding all of them each others limitations which doesn't really do anyone any good.

yesterday i wrote a big treatise on my thoughts on men and i was in such a hurry that i closed the window and i had not logged in again to post it. so maybe it wasn't meant to be viewed.

my af must be coming because i am long-winded. oh yah, that's just how i am. i'm probably a prime candidate for a blog but i'm worried it would be more public than i could stand.

part of the reason i think i have a different view on men from some is simply cos i had two boys and then the girl to compare.

one opinion i have is that generally, men are not made to be nurturers of children and babies, and mammas. can you imagine the uphheaval of the world if they could nurse? they lack the instincts and hormones. and in modern life, there is no common training. the first fiveish years are meant to be mother bonding/ bonding with woman caregiver. so at this stage it is still harder for many men to fit with the parameters of family, and is often a survival period for marriages. esp when with the sahm situation we tend to go back to individual perceptions of the 50s archetypes. balancing the marriage is a big factor that keeps women going to work, and puts kids in school, because we lack that old fashioned village/family/community. so a man with no training, habits, mentors, or examples to do housekeeping or taking care of his partner, has a rough time. modern ways makes us all a bit isolated but at least at some point we want to be mammas or think our babies are cute. many male partners cannot say the same thing about their jobs that they very much have to do, and they are often pushed aside due to how big the mamma job is in isolation. add on top that we select partners for the myth of true love overriding skills, and there we have some tricky things to work with, regardless of how fantastic people are.

one thing me and dh have is that we committed for life. he said otherwise there was no point in getting married. i can tell you i was surprised at the concept and he brought it up after we had decided but before the wedding. it has taken years for me to really understand and embrace it, but i think it is what makes the difference. marriage is sometimes stinking hard work. feeling like there were options could have shut us down pretty fast. we weren't big believers in the institution, but figured it would make moving and family easier, and it has turned out to mean a great deal.

i never expect to be appreciated, or let's say i am where i usually don't expect it. too many things happenned to us to where i had to learn to break down my finetuned fairness meter. if i do anything for anyone, it is still a selfish thing. no matter how sacrificing it may appear, it is for my own emotional well-being and satisfaction. it began as manipulating the situation so people are easier to live with, or just so i can feel like i have tried so i won't feel guilty about not having done anything, which has started to evolve into: sometimes to just doing things simply cos i am capable and feeling proud of it. ignoring actions i know i could do to improve the situation makes me feel bad, though this also means i have had to learn with great difficulty, to choose to do nothing when it was the best thing. and sometimes the best thing is that i am out of energy and if i make myself do anything to help, i will be mad about it and a pita to live with, so forget it. so i've made it to where how i deal with things is my ultimate choice, but what happens and reacts outside of me is not my control.

having said that, i had an appreciation blowup the day after xmas. : clay pointed out that he thot last years xmas was better and he had more presents last year (he says 14??). after i opened my mouth abt how last year we gave only thrift store toys and clothes he of course he didn't want and this year actually got things they have dreamed of wanting and are enjoying playing with, i had to walk away and feel sullen for a little while and get over it. he is constantly pressing my buttons this way, and often just blasting his middle child syndrome all over the place. it is mostly because of his keen tendency towards feeling wronged and depressed, finding fault with every aspect of life, and punishing us for his awareness and hypersensitivities that has truly got me to work on my own attitude the past few years, cos guess whose personality is just like it?????? it makes me understand better why my parents kept such a distance from me, LOL.

so no, i'm not going to feel embarrased abt what you may call brilliance, cos i'm just being my wild wacky self. : my brain and awareness runneth over and it is a price. learning lately about adult add has really helped me understand better my little brain hopping around and find loads of peace with how i am. i love to give advice, even advice i am unable to follow myself, i love the sitraction of trying to figure out stuff that is not my problem or applying it to myself later. i have always had a big mouth (that gets me in lots of trouble too). i have always loved to observe people and interactions. and mammahood has made me really see how we need each other and how i could have used hard advice people close to me were too afraid to say, so i tend to say it sometimes. now that our kids are 4 and possibly getting out more, you will start to see more kids and moms and see how common many behaviours are. i simply have the advantage of having the parenting older kids in this group, and i have also learned to really listen to mammas of older children because parenting wisdom accumulates every day one is a parent. sometimes i know what i am talking about and sometimes i am guessing. and if you can't use it just ignore it cos i can only claim to be an expert-in-training abt my own family - my usual disclaimer.

my kids are running around in a terrific thunderstorm. i want to edit, but i gtg.
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#88 of 97 Old 12-30-2006, 02:50 PM
 
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Rynna-
how r u?

<3
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#89 of 97 Old 12-30-2006, 03:20 PM
 
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When I was at the dentist's office in Mexico I found a copy of "O" magazine from 2005 with an awesome article by Dr. Phil about what it takes to keep a marriage going. It was exactly what I needed to read- that a good marriage takes a lot of work. It's always nice when the good times outweigh the bad times, but of course there are times when you have to work at it to get what you want.

This year I thouroughly enjoyed handing Crystal her Christmas gifts and watching her open them and show them off with such pure gratitude and joy. Z and J were, of course, saying "Where's my next present?", but Crystal was so happy to have gotten what she did. I know the other kids will get to that point when they're older- they can at least fake the gratitude- but until then I try not to feel unappreciated, YK? My kids are spoiled, they have too many material things, but I tried hard to find gifts that they would really use this year. We got junk from other people, but the gifts DH and I gave the kids are meaningful and were picked out with love.

So, I'm sick. DH and I have the cold that J and Z have. Crystal has strep pneumonia and psuedomonis, Kaylee has proteus, so they are on antibiotics for their lung infections. I'm kind of glad that they aren't growing the same bacteria because it shows that we are diligent about hand-washing between clients and we didn't cross-contaminate them! I am loading up on the vitamin C and Zicam but I still feel like crap. I'm heading to the store right now to get some chicken or turkey to make a nice pot of soup...

I'm thinking of you too, Rynna...

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#90 of 97 Old 12-30-2006, 05:01 PM
 
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leah, try the raw garlic, as much as you can stand. The benefit of taking strongly flavoured things while pregnant (besides immune system boost) is that the baby won't be as likely to have aversions to your breastmilk later on when you eat those strongly flavoured things. My DD's love garlic! They even eat it raw on occation
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