My family spends quite a huge amount of time with another family (we see each other normally every day at least for a short time- we are neighbors, good friends, help eachother out a lot.) We both have DD's who are just shy of 3 yrs. old. The girls will both be 3 in June. Their DD has turned into quite the screamer over the past few months and is rude to my DD and sometimes to other children.
If you say anything to their DD that she does not want to hear (the comment can come from her parents, my DD or from my DH or myself) she either screams or runs and slams a door to whichever room she has chosen to hide in. After someone goes in to get her, she screams more and more, kicks sometimes, throws things sometimes, and just overall becomes quite a mess. She does this when it is time to go home, clean up, change activities, and many other times, even if she is given a few warnings, such as "you have 5 more minutes", and then "you have two more minutes", etc.
She often comes over to play and then immediately proclaims that she does not want to talk to my DD when my DD tries to talk to her or start to play with a toy together. She screams if I tell her to be nice. Her parents always ask, "didn't you want to come over to play" and then tell her, "well then you need to be nice." This works occassionally, but most times it just sets her off to screaming. They either go home, play in other rooms, or she gets over it at some point. My DD used to get upset by this and scream also, but now she just says "you need to be nice to me if you want to play." I guess she has heard us say it quite a few times.
Our DD's have a relationship similar to sisters since they have known eachother since the beginnings of their times and have spent soooo much time together. This is why I think their DD behaves worse around our DD than around other children.
Overall, she seems to be having major tantrums (even if they don't sound too bad by my description- they are bad and we all agree!) and they happen numerous times each day. We can often hear her screaming when we walk down the hall in our building or when we are outside and the windows are open. So they are obviously happening more often than we witness first hand. Her parents finally are becoming verbal to us about needing to do something to change this behavior.
The other day her mom, my friend, told me that she doesn't want her DD to be "such a brat" but just does not know what to do to change her behavior. The conversation didn't go anywhere b/c her DD didn't want to put away toys that I had just asked the girls to do put away and she began kicking, screaming, and throwing the toys. Mom picked her up, told me we would finish the conversation later, and left. Now I am not sure how to bring it back up without sounding like "your DD is awful and needs help" and I am not sure what advice to give her. I have not had to deal with this with my DD. Any advice or suggestions that I could pass on would be greatly appreciated.