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The Childhood Years > I have HAD IT!!!
sphinx's Avatar sphinx 04:47 PM 12-23-2006
I fully agree that parents should never offer foods that they don't want the kids eating. I am a lazy cook, but I always serve healthy meals with fresh foods, and I would never offer dessert because it's too late in the day and I would not want it used as a bribe or reward for eating. We have sweets in the morning, maybe afternoon, if at all. In general we eat a heavier lunch and a light dinner; this seems more balanced and works for us.

My kids can always get something else, or i get it for them, if they don't like our meal. But I also make sure to make meals that everyone likes, or let the kids kow it's going to be something new and interesting and ask that they be open to trying it. They usually are. I've just noticed that when I've been more rigid, they've become more battlesome. So I have learned to let it go, even though sometimes that fickleness drives me nuts. DD (7) will say, "I hate that!" to something she ate yesterday with vigor. So i've encouraged her to change her language to "I don't like this today" or "i'm not in the mood today" and she gets a PB sandwich or cheese and apples or something. I have a similar view to thismama about kids and veggies - that most kids don't like many of them, if any, and my kids do stick strong to the same 4-5 veggies. That's fine with me. I tend to routinely eat similar stuff as well.

To the OP I think you are making a good choice to get those fast foods out of your son's repertoire. He won't die of hunger. Involving him when possible in food planning and cooking could help a long way in helping him be more open to new foods. Good luck!

Dakota's Mom's Avatar Dakota's Mom 06:46 PM 12-23-2006
My son goes for days without eating. Usually when he does eat it is something like Mac & Cheese. I keep Annie's Mac & Cheese in the house for him. It's organic so I hope it's a little bit healthy. He eats chicken nuggets sometimes. He'll eat most fish. And he loves mac & cheese. But that's about it. For breakfast it's usually cheese eggs or cheerios. But often he'll say he's starving and then only eat a bite or two. I swear he has gone an entire week without eating a bite of anything. But then he hits a "food" Day. You can't fill himup on a food day.

Kathi
sunnmama's Avatar sunnmama 06:56 PM 12-23-2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by sphinx View Post
I have a similar view to thismama about kids and veggies - that most kids don't like many of them, if any, and my kids do stick strong to the same 4-5 veggies.
This is interesting to me.....it is true that many kids don't like veggies. But I wonder if that is constant across culture?

My dd likes pretty much anything, depending on how it is prepared. Some she likes raw....others she won't touch raw, but loves in certain recipes. I'd have to say that my dd really likes veggies. Some of her favorite foods either are veggies, or are veggie-dense recipes.

I have to admit, I don't get the raw, leafy-green rule either. That sounds really gross to me, lol. I can understand not wanting any more clean-up, but my 5 yo is capable of getting a snack and cleaning up after herself (including washing the dishes she makes). Dishing up a cup of yogurt, and rinsing the cup/spoon, will make little mess AND provide some protein to fill bellies overnight. Same with a bit of cheese and an apple, etc.

And I choose not to make dessert contingent on eating a meal. We rarely have "dessert" (although we frequently go out for icecream, it is not tied to any other eating during the day). This hasn't happened in a while, but there have been occasions when we've had dessert and dd became *fixated*. Totally disinterested in dinner because she could only think of the dessert. So I put a serving of the dessert on her plate, alongside dinner. Guess what? She ate the dessert first, and then moved on to eat her dinner happily .
sphinx's Avatar sphinx 07:45 PM 12-23-2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnmama View Post
This is interesting to me.....it is true that many kids don't like veggies. But I wonder if that is constant across culture?
My dd likes pretty much anything, depending on how it is prepared.
My dd likes some veggies a lot too, but I have noticed as thismama that many kids really dislike veggies across the board. But after I posted it I was thinking about it and began to wonder, is this because society places so much importance on eating your veggies and there's so much tension around it in chlidhood? I live in a meat & potatoes culture in eastern europe, where veggies are rarely acknowledged except when people add some summer salads to their meals. Kids here seem to have similar reaction to veggies as they do in the states. but they aren't a great part of their diet, either. So I'd say across this cultural line, it generally holds true. Sorry, don't want to go too OT.
littlemizflava's Avatar littlemizflava 09:43 PM 12-23-2006
just dont buy what dc's stuck foods are try puting out snack foods to be picked at if dc is hungry and what i have always heard and now say is this is what we are eating this is what was made and you can chose to eat it or not but you must sit at the table till every one is done (this is the way i was raised was everyone stayed at the table it was nice family time) you could try to get dc to help you cook and say should we make pea's or carrots? things like that maybe if dc had choices about the meal it would be beter
mama2mygirl's Avatar mama2mygirl 12:15 AM 12-24-2006
aquadaughter--good to have your point of view!

About kids not liking veggies--I thought of a funny story from this summer. My dd was three at the time and she loves veggies. Always has. Anyhow, this summer on vacation, my dd saw a little kid tv show about a boy who didn't like brussel sprouts. She totally got it into her that since he didn't like them, she would love them. She pestered us and pestered us to buy some and finally she did and she's right, she loves them!(How sad is it that our toddler had to beg for brussel sprouts!?!?!)
Last night, my husband got some after a month or so of her not having any, and she carried her little bowl of cooked brussel sprouts around, blissed out.
It's funny to me that she's picked up on the idea that other kids don't like vegetables the way she does. Especially because most of our friends are crunchy and from LLL or from homeschooling.
Anyhow, it made me laugh!
oldgirl,newtricks's Avatar oldgirl,newtricks 05:04 AM 12-24-2006
I agree with not being a short order cook. I also don't let mine just go fix anything they want. I don't see that as a helpful behavior down the road.

I get input from family when I make up the meal plans. We all have something we don't like. So on spaghetti night ds knows he'll either have to eat it or fix a sandwich to go with the other things. On fish night, dd will fix herself a sandwich. If they must suplement the meal, it cannot have to be something cooked since I'm busy with the stove.

If a child will only eat chicken nuggests or box mac and cheese, it's because they have had them and been given those foods when they refused something else. My parents never made food an issue. They never made us taste everything. They also didn't cook anything differently if someone decided to be picky. We chose not to be picky.

Dessert is rarely a part of a meal here. So we fill up on regular food and keep a sweet treat something which stands alone. My kids have always had a bedtime snack. It varies on what the can be, but no cooking is best, although my youngest will sometimes heat up a can of soup. I would prefer no dirty dishes after supper for the most part. That lends itself to fruit or carrot sticks, etc.
ericswifey27's Avatar ericswifey27 05:09 AM 12-24-2006
Mmm. this thread is making me hungry
CrunchyCate's Avatar CrunchyCate 06:16 AM 12-24-2006
Subbing. Love reading the suggestions..the two older kids have become way too picky.
nichole's Avatar nichole 09:08 AM 12-24-2006
aquadaughter- you are pretty smart!

last night ds didn't want his dinner and i knew it was something that he liked. i asked him just to try and he didn't want to. we had some grapes out for him and he ended up eating it. then like an hour later he agreed to try the dinner and he liked it!
Mamma Mia's Avatar Mamma Mia 09:37 AM 12-24-2006
I am coming from the POV of a person who grew up manipulated and punished with food and suffered eating disorders as a result. That's my history, for the record.

The food rules in my house are:

~Eat as much as you want or as little.

~Your parents will never let you go to bed hungry unless you are refusing all food.

~Graze all day and skip dinner. Don't eat all day and then eat tons of dinner. Just eat when you're hungry and stop when you're ready.

~The Mamma buys the food for the house and she decides what is healthy enough to enter. She will always make sure there are lots of options for every household member that are easy, tasty and healthy.

~When the parents cook dinner, they let the kid know what's for dinner ahead of time. If said kid doesn't like that dinner, said kid can poke around and see what they want. If it's easy and reasonable, the request won't be denied, as the Mamma has made sure all the options are healthy. If the kid can get it for herself, she is welcome to it. Always, all day and during dinner.

~If the kid doesn't know if they like dinner until it's served, they are encouraged to try it. If they don't like it, they are welcome to choose something else. The parents are happy to make a simple meal after they finish eating, so they can have their dinner fresh and hot. The kid is welcome to a snack during this time. The kid is also encouraged to spend dinner time with the parents even if they aren't eating so that everyone can chat. If not, oh well.


Honestly, I would be so upset if someone forced me to eat something or go hungry. As an adult, I would be outraged. As a child, I would feel that it was injustice. We can't afford to order pizza or chinese every night. Dd knows this. If we are going out we give her a list of restaurants that we are both "feeling like" and she chooses, so that we know she'll eat and enjoy a good meal there. We tend not to choose a lot of junk and are lucky to live where our take out and dining choices are varied and often healthy.

And yes. My kid would eat sweet and sour with white rice every.single.day. all day if I let her. But instead of saying to her it's abc or nothin', I make sure that there is always stuff around that is going to be a yes. Plain yogurt, fruit, veggies, hummus, sweet potato (to be baked into fries- healthy and a total picky kid food) etc. are all things that are generally found somewhere in our house. Sometimes I have to say, "No, we really can't afford to go out" or "Sorry hon, even if we could go out tonight, xyz is closed." but I'm not presenting her with an ultimatum.

No, back to the OP- if my dd said fast food or absolutely nothing and wouldn't budge, I would just make sure there was a grazing plate of snacks that she normally liked out on a low table somewhere in the house and let her know that if she got hungry she could eat what we has at home. And if she chose not to eat, I wouldn't sweat it.

But I am not going to do the food battle thing. It isn't worth it to me. When I make dinner, I make something that is really yummy-- TO ME. (and hopefully DP! ) If it's not tasty to her, that's not her fault. Not something to force her out of. If someone made me broiled brussel sprouts and boiled cabbage for dinner, I would not eat it. And I would be so upset if they expected me to go hungry if I didn't eat it.

From someone who went to bed hungry in their childhood a lot for many reasons, I just can't play that game with my kid. It feels terrible to be hungry. It makes my kid crabby and unable to handle frustrating events. It makes *me* that way too.
Houdini's Avatar Houdini 11:03 AM 12-24-2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mamma Mia View Post
I am coming from the POV of a person who grew up manipulated and punished with food and suffered eating disorders as a result. That's my history, for the record.

The food rules in my house are:

~Eat as much as you want or as little.

~Your parents will never let you go to bed hungry unless you are refusing all food.

~Graze all day and skip dinner. Don't eat all day and then eat tons of dinner. Just eat when you're hungry and stop when you're ready.

~The Mamma buys the food for the house and she decides what is healthy enough to enter. She will always make sure there are lots of options for every household member that are easy, tasty and healthy.

~When the parents cook dinner, they let the kid know what's for dinner ahead of time. If said kid doesn't like that dinner, said kid can poke around and see what they want. If it's easy and reasonable, the request won't be denied, as the Mamma has made sure all the options are healthy. If the kid can get it for herself, she is welcome to it. Always, all day and during dinner.

~If the kid doesn't know if they like dinner until it's served, they are encouraged to try it. If they don't like it, they are welcome to choose something else. The parents are happy to make a simple meal after they finish eating, so they can have their dinner fresh and hot. The kid is welcome to a snack during this time. The kid is also encouraged to spend dinner time with the parents even if they aren't eating so that everyone can chat. If not, oh well.


Honestly, I would be so upset if someone forced me to eat something or go hungry. As an adult, I would be outraged. As a child, I would feel that it was injustice. We can't afford to order pizza or chinese every night. Dd knows this. If we are going out we give her a list of restaurants that we are both "feeling like" and she chooses, so that we know she'll eat and enjoy a good meal there. We tend not to choose a lot of junk and are lucky to live where our take out and dining choices are varied and often healthy.

And yes. My kid would eat sweet and sour with white rice every.single.day. all day if I let her. But instead of saying to her it's abc or nothin', I make sure that there is always stuff around that is going to be a yes. Plain yogurt, fruit, veggies, hummus, sweet potato (to be baked into fries- healthy and a total picky kid food) etc. are all things that are generally found somewhere in our house. Sometimes I have to say, "No, we really can't afford to go out" or "Sorry hon, even if we could go out tonight, xyz is closed." but I'm not presenting her with an ultimatum.

No, back to the OP- if my dd said fast food or absolutely nothing and wouldn't budge, I would just make sure there was a grazing plate of snacks that she normally liked out on a low table somewhere in the house and let her know that if she got hungry she could eat what we has at home. And if she chose not to eat, I wouldn't sweat it.

But I am not going to do the food battle thing. It isn't worth it to me. When I make dinner, I make something that is really yummy-- TO ME. (and hopefully DP! ) If it's not tasty to her, that's not her fault. Not something to force her out of. If someone made me broiled brussel sprouts and boiled cabbage for dinner, I would not eat it. And I would be so upset if they expected me to go hungry if I didn't eat it.

From someone who went to bed hungry in their childhood a lot for many reasons, I just can't play that game with my kid. It feels terrible to be hungry. It makes my kid crabby and unable to handle frustrating events. It makes *me* that way too.

thismama's Avatar thismama 12:44 PM 12-24-2006
Yay Mamma Mia! I love your rules.
Mamma Mia's Avatar Mamma Mia 07:01 PM 12-24-2006
Thanks
captain optimism's Avatar captain optimism 07:17 PM 12-24-2006
I like Mamma Mia's ideas. I especially like the part about providing lots of food she knows to be healthful. If you think that some food is gross, you shouldn't, as the parent, have to have it in your house. You shouldn't be worrying, "what if my child keeps choosing chicken nuggets, I don't think they are good for him."

It is way easier to be relaxed about your child's food choices if you know that everything in your house is nourishing by your standards. You can trust that they will pick good foods at a time that's good for their bodies if you only provide things that don't gross you out! It's much easier to be relaxed and not give them some kind of complex if you are honestly not worried.
Mamma Mia's Avatar Mamma Mia 07:53 PM 12-24-2006
I do keep cookies in the house at this time of year, but I am either relaxed about them or I hide them
mama2mygirl's Avatar mama2mygirl 08:11 PM 12-24-2006
mamma mia--Me too! About the cookies!

Yesterday we went to dd's cooking class and they "made" gingerbread houses with graham crackers and lots of frosting and candy. Normally, those are not things I would give dd. (She was the only kid who didn't already know what an M&M was.) For the other parents--all mainstream and not at all crunchy--it became this weird contest to tell their kids no, you can't eat that. My husband was sitting and helping with the building and he started it too. That is, he started saying no, you can't have any. All the kids were four and under. Finally I said to him that I thought she should have some. "I just think it's silly to have all these treats out and and expect little kids not to eat any of it."
It was just so weird...not on topic except for treats this time of year and being low key about it. I mean, if I hadn't wanted her to have candy I should have just not agreed to take her to a cooking class making gingerbread houses.
Demeter9's Avatar Demeter9 10:36 PM 12-24-2006
I thik that some people's children have different termperments. The implicit idea seems to be that ALL children will respond to a relaxed atmosphere, and if they don't then you must not be doing something right.

Some children push. And push and push and push. You make them a good meal, that they like. They don't eat it. You get them another they request. And they take one bite and push it away. You get them more and snacks and they push them away after one bite. Tell you that everything is disgusting. Dump it on the floor.

At that point, you damn well better believe that the new rule is you eat dinner or go hungry.

Different temperments. You may think something is harsh. Having your children try and run you down ...and yes some do that. Just like a dog that senses you aren't the top dog - sometimes some dogs will just naturally instinctively try to make you aware they are the new top dog. And some children will too. Mine will. Daily. Hourly. Other people recognize that my children have "leadership" qualities and are very smart. And manipulative.

Being manipulative isn't necessarily a bad thing. But it needs limits and direction. Given the option, my children WILL rule the house and the family. My nephew - never ever would have. Doesn't have the temperment for it.

Being accepting and loving of your children, and meeting their needs - sometimes that need is for LIMITS. Reasonable limits. Somebody who tests constantly needs and craves limits. Just because a child tests all the time does NOT mean that they are lacking trust.
mom2L's Avatar mom2L 11:58 PM 12-24-2006
My daughter, who's almost three, eats what we eat and that's that. We serve enough variety that she can eat what she wants from her plate, not eat what she doesn't, and she won't go hungry. I always give her as much of what we are eating as she would like and she stops when she's no longer hungry. If she has decided that day that she suddenly doesn't like anything that is on the menu, then she can choose not to eat, but she isn't allowed to fix something else and I certainly am not fixing something else. She's a 40 inch, 40 pound 35 month old kid, skipping a meal isn't going to hurt her and if she is skipping it, it's most likely because she ate more heavily at other meals that day.

As far as veggies go, kids will eat as many veggies as they are continuously exposed to. Sticking to the same 4-5 is not true of other cultures. In our house we have always been exposed to foods from other countries and cultures given me and DHs backgrounds and we expose our daughter to the same. She eats many more veggies than 4-5 and eats just about any fruit put in front of her. She doesn't tend to like bitter veggies, but I wouldn't expect her to, her palate isn't old enough to appreciate those flavors. She does however try them all, since we encourage trying new things in our house. We always have, so for her, that's normal.
dharmamama's Avatar dharmamama 12:06 AM 12-25-2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by Demeter9 View Post
Being accepting and loving of your children, and meeting their needs - sometimes that need is for LIMITS. Reasonable limits. Somebody who tests constantly needs and craves limits. Just because a child tests all the time does NOT mean that they are lacking trust.
:

My daughter is the type to push and push and push and question and push and never take no for an answer. It's just who she is. It doesn't mean that we don't allow her enough freedom. She has more freedom than most kids. It's just who she is to always try to be in charge. She's like her mother that way.

An example of my daughter's personality is a conversation she had recently with my dh. After reading Harry Potter and hearing about the Forbidden Forest, she wanted to know what "forbidden" meant. Dh said it meant "not allowed." He said, "Like how you are not allowed to touch matches unless Momma or I am there." Ramona said, "But what if it was really really cold and you and Momma were not home and I had to light a fire to keep us warm?"

That's my daughter. Always looking for the way out.

Namaste!
velochic's Avatar velochic 08:16 AM 12-25-2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnmama View Post
This is interesting to me.....it is true that many kids don't like veggies. But I wonder if that is constant across culture?
It ıs defınıtely not true across cultures. We are ın Turkey rıght now vısıtıng famıly and vegetables are part of both the mezes, or appetızers, and the maın dıshes. The kıds here eat everythıng from eggplant to carrots to peppers to cabbage to leeks to turnıps to... well, you get the poınt. Kıds wıll eat what they are offered. If you offer them a really wıde varıety, and don`t offer the same thıng agaın and agaın, they`ll learn to eat a varıety. Bottom lıne ıs that they`ll eat what they are offered... AND what they see you eat. If your own dıet ıs lımıted, they wıll learn by example. My own dd loves Okra and although I don`t lıke ıt, I wıll choke ıt down because I don`t want to gıve her the ıdea that ıt`s not tasty.
Mamma Mia's Avatar Mamma Mia 08:55 AM 12-25-2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by mama2mygirl View Post
mamma mia--Me too! About the cookies!

Yesterday we went to dd's cooking class and they "made" gingerbread houses with graham crackers and lots of frosting and candy. Normally, those are not things I would give dd. (She was the only kid who didn't already know what an M&M was.) For the other parents--all mainstream and not at all crunchy--it became this weird contest to tell their kids no, you can't eat that. My husband was sitting and helping with the building and he started it too. That is, he started saying no, you can't have any. All the kids were four and under. Finally I said to him that I thought she should have some. "I just think it's silly to have all these treats out and and expect little kids not to eat any of it."
It was just so weird...not on topic except for treats this time of year and being low key about it. I mean, if I hadn't wanted her to have candy I should have just not agreed to take her to a cooking class making gingerbread houses.
ITA about the cooking class. When I bake treats with dd I assume that she is going to be sticking her hands in and wanting to lick the spoon and taste the dough. She tastes home made seitan dough, which is gross and she acknowledges, but it's a sensory experiment. I know that by the time a batch of cookies turns out she'll have eaten more than her fair share, which is why I just make treats after a big meal and don't mention it beforehand. My dd would get totally excited about it wouldn't be able to sit still through a meal or snack. But yes, don't put your kid in a situation where it's impossible for them to hang around without going crazy for treats and then not give them treats. (Obviously I'm allowing for bizarre emergency situations, like emergency stops at the gas station on night time road trips and your kid wants a slurpee but they need to go right back to sleep or something.)


Quote:
Originally Posted by Demeter9 View Post
I thik that some people's children have different termperments. The implicit idea seems to be that ALL children will respond to a relaxed atmosphere, and if they don't then you must not be doing something right.

Some children push. And push and push and push. You make them a good meal, that they like. They don't eat it. You get them another they request. And they take one bite and push it away. You get them more and snacks and they push them away after one bite. Tell you that everything is disgusting. Dump it on the floor.

At that point, you damn well better believe that the new rule is you eat dinner or go hungry.

Different temperments. You may think something is harsh. Having your children try and run you down ...and yes some do that. Just like a dog that senses you aren't the top dog - sometimes some dogs will just naturally instinctively try to make you aware they are the new top dog. And some children will too. Mine will. Daily. Hourly. Other people recognize that my children have "leadership" qualities and are very smart. And manipulative.

Being manipulative isn't necessarily a bad thing. But it needs limits and direction. Given the option, my children WILL rule the house and the family. My nephew - never ever would have. Doesn't have the temperment for it.

Being accepting and loving of your children, and meeting their needs - sometimes that need is for LIMITS. Reasonable limits. Somebody who tests constantly needs and craves limits. Just because a child tests all the time does NOT mean that they are lacking trust.
I have that child. The child that can't take no for an answer, that will ask why until your head hurts. The child with so much energy to just push and push and push. The child that my other mamma friends have told me they couldn't imagine parenting because it looks so hard. The kid who asks for a glass of soymilk and freaks out because it's in the wrong glass or isn't vanilla, or whatever. The kid who woke mee up at 3 or 4 in the morning as I was posting to this thread asking for mango that needed to be peeled and sliced and then didn't eat it. The kid who begged for a big helping of stuffing tonight and then told me it was gross. I have the kid who couldn't eat solid food until after a year, who ate no more than 3 bites of solid food until 2 years and can still go a day and eat barely a cup of food. The child with a will of steel.

I could never assume of my child or anyone else's that they were being manipulative to gain power over me. That it was to show me who was top dog. If my child is seeking power with a hierarchal family structure, that is because I set up a hierarchy. I am teaching my child about power structures and world of power over rather than power together, and if she is adopting a mentality of power over or is participating in power struggles, I share the blame for that. I am teaching her those things, if they happen. And they do sometimes. And I do engage in power struggles sometimes. But I can't believe that it is simple willful manipulation. Practically everything a young child does is a caricature of what s/he sees the adults on their lives do. I remember the "mine" phase, which made me realize that I pointed out all the time that things were mine and not for her to play with. My food, my jewelery, etc. So if she is seeking power it's because she sees me doing it. I am glad for those tests.

This also reminds me of the book "How to listen so kids will talk and talk so kids will listen". When I first read it, before parenthood, it seemed so radical to me. Now I see a lot of what I feel is manipulation by parents of children in it. It is still a very helpful book though. Something that I remember from it is talking about labeling kids. How once the label is in your mind you treat them as such, even if you don't tell them. Then they in turn respond by acting even more in that way. For example if somewhere in your mind you think your kid is always in the way and always pestering you, you have labeled them a pest. And the more you push them away when they're trying to get up in your business, the more they try to get up in your business. Then it feels even more like they are pests. I think that is true with any label, and it's dangerous to think of our kids as being manipulative. All humans manipulate situations and try to read and play others. Kids are still learning about all that and I don't really think being punitive is effective.

I don't think that children test their parents all the time because they lack trust. I think they are finding their place in the world and within their family. They aren't testing their parents to drive them crazy, they are testing the waters of their relationships.

I feel that just like I am allowed to have horrible pms and make irrational choices like making some food that sounded good and deciding it's gross and not eating, that my kid should be allowed that too. Just like I hate some foods (and I'm really not very picky and never was) and don't have to eat them, that she shouldn't either. No one is going to make me eat what's on the table or go hungry. And I don't feel like I have the right to do that to my child. I see her as an autonomous person who is not developmentally in a place that she makes rational decisions as often as I do. By giving her flexibility to make decisions like what she eats and when, I am teaching her to be responsible for her own needs, to know what she wants and what her limits are, that ultimately her body is her own and she needs to learn to nourish it-- and I'm not really even doing anything.

As a result, I have a kid who may be "spirited" and tough to parent, but one who is learning to make her own choices and be responsible. Yes, her meltdown threshold is way higher than mine, but in giving her the space to be frustrated and change her mind I am teaching her that I respect and acknowledge her feelings, and that I believe she is able to take good care of her needs.

I am trying very hard to model loving language to her, and I expect that she will use it. And if she is telling me in a nasty way that things are disgusting and throwing things on the floor it is not okay, I agree. I just try to discuss it with her person to person and not be powerful over her to get her to stop treating me badly.
straighthaircurly's Avatar straighthaircurly 10:52 AM 12-25-2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by fyoosh View Post
The only things this kid will eat are chicken strips/nuggets, pizza, and occasionally cheeseburgers. I am sick of making him different things than my hubby and I are eating.

Sorry you are having such a struggle right now but I just wanted to give my support to you. However, I am chuckling a little bit because I kind of have the opposite problem (although certainly it is a problem I can live with) in that my ds refuses to eat any of those foods listed. He hates anything that is meat or mixed together like pizza We , of course, have our own battles. My strategy has been to always put something on his plate that he likes (such as cottage cheese or frozen vegies...he will only eat them still frozen ) and then serve up the rest of the meal. He can then choose to take-it or leave-it as one person said. One other concession...I won't mix foods on his plate (for example I keep noodles and sauce separate or rice and stir fry separate on his plate). But I will not cook different meals.
mommy68's Avatar mommy68 01:06 PM 12-25-2006
I agree, he won't starve. I would just let him eat what he WILL in fact eat. That's what I always did when my oldest DS when he used to be so picky. He was very picky and then got to the point around age 4/5 where he wouldn't even eat the foods he did like to eat. He was very hard! He finally started eating what we eat around age 7 after taking a 4-H cooking class and now eats above and beyond most of the foods that "I" even like. I would try and work with your child if you can.

The kid has gotta eat. Don't you have any back-up frozen dinners in the fridge or canned ravioli or veggies like corn or peas?? I always keep stuff like that on hand in case of emergencies, especially canned foods. Maybe you can cut up some hot dogs and put them in with beans or just serve him a hot dog without the bun. Anything to get them to eat IMO.
mommy68's Avatar mommy68 01:12 PM 12-25-2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by velochic View Post
If you offer them a really wıde varıety, and don`t offer the same thıng agaın and agaın, they`ll learn to eat a varıety. Bottom lıne ıs that they`ll eat what they are offered... AND what they see you eat. If your own dıet ıs lımıted, they wıll learn by example. My own dd loves Okra and although I don`t lıke ıt, I wıll choke ıt down because I don`t want to gıve her the ıdea that ıt`s not tasty.
I don't agree with all of this. I agree that if the parent has poor eating habits that it would spill over to the children obviously if they don't have the right foods in the house to begin with. But there are many, many people who state that they DO in fact have the right foods in the house and eat those foods in front of children that still choose not to eat them. So it happens whether parents are eating perfect in front of the children or not. It can be very frustrating. I can make a pizza or buy one out and the simplest thing like burnt chees on the top can turn off my youngest DD. I KNOW she loves the pizza because she eats it every time we get it but yet something will turn her off and that's it, she won't eat it.

In our house we've always eaten every meal together as a family (when home) and I still have had 3 picky kids at one point or another. And I'm talking about a supper each night that consists of a salad (every single day) and two veggies and a meat. We eat very well. I don't focus just on the small amount of foods they "do" like and I make sure I fix other foods and incorporate those in to meals so they get used to new things. But I realize what works for us may not work for others. It's not that cut and dry.

I do agree that if you offer a child a larger variety of foods that they will start to eat more foods. So I definitely try to offer my youngest DD her usual favorite food along with one or two new foods a few nights per week. But whether she will eat it or not is a totally other issue. It's like the old saying, you can lead a horse to water but...

If a child is picky then they're picky. You just go with the flow until they are old enough to realize they'll eat what you are eating and sometimes that's not until they are school age and are around their peers who eat normally. That's what it took for my two oldest DS.
KaraBoo's Avatar KaraBoo 01:48 PM 12-25-2006
I disagree that children can be conditioned to eat what they are offered. Don't you have certain foods you don't like, no matter how many times you've been offered them?

If you are worried about nutrition, can you make the chicken nuggets yourself? Homemade pizza can be nutritious. You can make your own dough and sauce and your child can choose the toppings. It's fun too! Cheeseburgers...well, if you are worried about the white bread rolls, try wheat. I eat meat so I don't think ground meat is bad for you. If you are worried about the fat content, get reaaaalllly good ground sirloin.

Are those REALLY the only three things your child eats? I ask gently because I used to use those words about my child as well. When I typed it out, I'd realize that, wow, she really does eat more stuff than I give her credit for.

((())) I know the food thing can be frustrating. Good luck, mama, in your journey.
GooeyRN's Avatar GooeyRN 02:12 PM 12-25-2006
Your job is to provide food. You did that. The meal you provided does not sound disgusting or anything. (my parents would make liver and onions with brussel sprouts, YUCK!) Your dc will eat if they get hungry enough. Missing one meal won't hurt. I would keep the foods that you do not want him to have out of the house. I would let take out be a monthly "treat", but not something that is expected on a daily basis.
sunnmama's Avatar sunnmama 04:41 PM 12-25-2006
Thanks for posting about the diet of children in Turkey, Velochic.

Just some more food for thought.....while I believe that parents *can* influence children's eating habits, I also believe that certain children have some innate limitations. For example, SID can limit what a child will eat, just due to texture. I do not believe that the perfect food approach will avoid choosiness in a child with those oral sensitivities.

Also, different people have different tastebuds. There are people called "supertasters" who taste things differently from the rest of us. To them, bitter foods (like greens) can be absolutely unbearable.

So, while I believe that I have a good approach to feeding that has facilitated my dd becoming an adventourous eater and lover of veggies, I also acknowledge that we lucked out in the gene pool with her eating habits.
Demeter9's Avatar Demeter9 10:30 PM 12-25-2006
I see a major values difference here - I don't think that hierarchy, manipulation or competitiveness are BAD or undesireable. I therefore I have interest in subduing those attributes. The value judgement in the use of these words is not in the word itself and the use of it, but in the assumption that this trait is undesireable.

Heirarchy doesn't mean disrespect for children for example.

Therefore, one parent will change the rules of the interaction based the assumption of heirarchy and competitiveness being undesireable in a child and parent, and in the interaction. Another will work with the competitiveness, and heirarchy. Neither is correct, and neither is incorrect. Both can be used incorrectly for sure.
Houdini's Avatar Houdini 10:43 PM 12-25-2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by velochic View Post
It ıs defınıtely not true across cultures. We are ın Turkey rıght now vısıtıng famıly and vegetables are part of both the mezes, or appetızers, and the maın dıshes. The kıds here eat everythıng from eggplant to carrots to peppers to cabbage to leeks to turnıps to... well, you get the poınt. Kıds wıll eat what they are offered. If you offer them a really wıde varıety, and don`t offer the same thıng agaın and agaın, they`ll learn to eat a varıety. Bottom lıne ıs that they`ll eat what they are offered... AND what they see you eat. If your own dıet ıs lımıted, they wıll learn by example. My own dd loves Okra and although I don`t lıke ıt, I wıll choke ıt down because I don`t want to gıve her the ıdea that ıt`s not tasty.
Just so ya know....this is not always the case. All of my children were offered the same variety and food choices from birth and they range from a self-declared vegetarian (who incidently has never ate a vegetable in the 11.5 years he has been on the planet) to a moderately picky eater (the youngest) to my middle son who is a tad bit more adventurous than his brothers to my daughter who will try just about anything you give her.

The idea that all you have to do is offer and eat a variety and the child will eat anything they are given is not always the case.

Interesting thing about my kids is their food choices are just as varied as their personalities are.
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