Socialization difficulties with 3 3/4 yr old - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 02-07-2002, 06:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi there,
I am new to this website and message board but it looks wonderful to me and I am anxious to see if I can get any help or suggestions for my son. He will be four years old at the end of April this year. He has always been in home based daycare. His first daycare was with our neighbour and lots of kids, he went out every other day if not daily to different activities, library programmes, local kids drop in centres etc. He was with this same person from 6 months - 3 1/4 ys old. Some of the kids changed during this time but he always had at least one constant - the daycares younger daughter who is 9 months older than my son. (He still sees her regularly too) Starting in August he changed sitters to his God mother who has her youngest at home (he's 5 months younger than my son. They do not go anywhere becasue she has no car. The two boys get along very well. My difficulty is that we have recently enrolled our son in a learn to play sports group and he does not want to particpate at all. We have tried reinforcers, they play his favoourite things, hockey, soccer but he gets very sad (even just when i tell him as enthusiastically as I can that we are going to play group) and simply says he doesn't want to go, he just wants to go home. Curiously he is very quiet and calm about this, his nature however is not quiet and calm. It is more like him to be quite loud and yell and cry he doesn't want to go.
Any suggestoins? I fear that he will not want to go to school in September (actually he has begun saying this today) and have serious seperation difficulties (I currently work full time but am expecting in late May)
Help please and sorry for such a long post! Promise I'll make it shorter next time!
RoseAnn
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#2 of 4 Old 02-08-2002, 12:40 AM
 
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Welcome to the board RoseAnn. Your son sounds like he has had some pretty major changes lately in his routine, switching daycare is a big one. It sounds to me that he may be anxious about having a brother or sister coming. This kind of anticipation can ground even the most spirited child. Maybe he thinks when he is away at school in September, you and daddy and the new baby are going to forget all about him. It's hard to say how the young child's mind perceives things...have you discussed this with him? Also, with my son (3 1/2) when I over-explain things he gets anxious.
By the way, I remember apologising for the length of my first post (not on this board)! Your post isn't long compared to some of them!
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#3 of 4 Old 02-09-2002, 02:13 AM
 
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My son is nearly the exact same age as yours! He also is acting in a similar manner. He has been in gymnastics for a year or so now. He started out in the class where a parent goes with him. He liked that but now he's too old for it. So, we signed him up for the "alone" class, which my older daughter is in with him, he won't go. I learned the hard way, after forcing my oldest son to do sports (and now he hates them) that I am not going to force him. I just act like it's not a big deal to me. It really isn't except that I paid for it and there's no refunds! Anyway, in my experience, it's just a phase. Probably by the fall he'll be older and over it. Three, almost four, is a weird age for kids. They're not toddlers, almost pre schoolers but not really. He'll be fine! You sound like a loving parent. Just keep loving him and he'll be just fine!

Amy - Blessed wife to Jesse (the best dad in the world), mother of 10 on earth plus 8 in heaven.   PROUD to be a Catholic! : winner.jpg familybed2.gifhomeschool.gif

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#4 of 4 Old 03-08-2002, 04:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks fo your kind words. We persisted with th eprgoramme, offering him incentives and workingour way out of the gym area. He did fairly well being able to stay and play for the majority of the time fo rthe last two sessions. Of course the very last session when we were supposed to stay and watch he decided he din't want to go. He eventually did and was pleased to show us and his big sister what he could do (parents and sibs went in and worked on the equipment with their child)
We have signed him up again but he will have a friend (not the one he had at his old day care, another close friend of mine her son who's 6 months younger than my son) going to the class too. So I am hoping this will give him a postivie experience and over the summer I guess I will try to try some things where he does it 'alone'.
Thanks again.
Rose Ann
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