Mamas of little boys I need some feedback - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 22 Old 01-03-2007, 12:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
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This is kind of a delicate situation for me, I'm coming here to ask other mamas of young boys (my son is 5) about their kids behavior regarding their penis. Ok, for me this is really tough because I don't want to embarass my son but I also need to determine that his behavior is normal and not something I should be concerned about.

For the last few weeks my son, who has never shown any prior interest in his penis, has been pinching his penis ALL the time. He is not circed. I am worried that because it came on so suddenly that he has some sort of infection (yeast? UTI?) but I'm hesitant to take him in quite yet. When we ask him why he's doing it he says it "feels funny" and if I ask him if it hurts, itches, etc. he says "No, just feels funny".

: Is this normal? If it is how do we teach him that it's ok to do it but only in private? I mean, I'm not a boy and DH doesn't recall doing this so we're clueless!

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#2 of 22 Old 01-03-2007, 01:01 AM
 
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My boys are not circ-ed either and my older boy (5.5) something does stuff like that in the bath-- I just usually say, " don't do that" and explain that we just touch our private parts ( I usually say wee wee, but whatever y'all call it) unless we are going to the bathroom or scratching an itch...

I don't really go in to more details that that... I think that bathroom thing works for us because he knows that this is when one needs privacy--but we change in front of each other and stuff so we are not a super 'private' family...

I hope this helps, like most stuff I bet it will pass soon, but I think that it is a good time to expain to your son than only he is to touch his body in certain parts and in certain circumstances (like the bathroom)...

I hope this helps a bit!

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#3 of 22 Old 01-03-2007, 04:53 AM
 
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hmmm... sounds normal to me I defnitely think a UTI or YI could also be a possibility but if it is one of those you would expect him to start feeling really sick/uncomfortable very soon and you'll know...

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#4 of 22 Old 01-03-2007, 07:09 AM
 
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Originally Posted by carmel23 View Post
My boys are not circ-ed either and my older boy (5.5) something does stuff like that in the bath-- I just usually say, " don't do that" and explain that we just touch our private parts ( I usually say wee wee, but whatever y'all call it) unless we are going to the bathroom or scratching an itch...

I don't really go in to more details that that... I think that bathroom thing works for us because he knows that this is when one needs privacy--but we change in front of each other and stuff so we are not a super 'private' family...

I hope this helps, like most stuff I bet it will pass soon, but I think that it is a good time to expain to your son than only he is to touch his body in certain parts and in certain circumstances (like the bathroom)...

I hope this helps a bit!
Um? Why would there be a problem with a little boy touching himself anywhere while in a bath? The bath seems like a very appropraite place for a person to touch their penis or vagina. Why would you tell him that he can only touch it to clean or itch...? This just seems very fearful and restrictive of you and totally wrong.
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#5 of 22 Old 01-03-2007, 10:25 AM
 
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HI, I have an almost 5 yr old boy and we are having penis issues too. NOt the same though. When he had his well check the PA said that his forskin is still fused to the head of his penis. At this age that is not a huge issue but could be due to a possible growth spurt. In other words if he has a growth spurt and happens to get an erection, since the forskin hasn't retracted yet, it could cause some pain. So she told me to encourage him to play with it whenever he gets a chance to loosen it up.
That is what occured to me when I read your post. I wouldn't rule out a type of infection but if his forskin hasn't loosend up yet (I think this is the case in about 50% of all 5 yr olds) he may be trying to do that instinctually.
Hope this helps!

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#6 of 22 Old 01-03-2007, 10:35 AM
 
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I would keep and eye on it in the tubby, looking for any changes in color or any other information from your son. I think it sounds normal to me...my son plays with himself as soon as he gets naked, pulling, pinching, stretching, it looks like he's torturing himself but really he's just having fun and learning about his body!

I sometimes get nervous if he's pulling too much IMO and I think he's got a UTI or something and he always says everything is fine, nothing wrong MAMA!

As for letting him touch and play...you got to let him do that. Heck, if I had a thingy hanging down between my legs I would grab it all the time too! It's not bad, dirty, or sinful. It's his beautiful body and it's his to play with. Just encourage his to wash his hands and to wash around his penis in the tubby so everything stays clean.
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#7 of 22 Old 01-03-2007, 10:40 AM
 
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mountainmama2 the #1 rule with the intact penis is never let a dr or anyone else try to retract (pull back on) or even touch his penis. The owner of the penis is the only one that should try to do this since retraction before it is ready causes infection, adhesions, scare tissue etc.

It will retract when it is ready maybe in a few months maybe when he is a teenager. You may already know this but I wanted to make sure any lurkers know that retraction is a process that takes time and is very individual to the boy it belongs to

To the OP normal the feeling funny thing may be his way of saying it feels good. If there were a infection or anything wrong it would show up very soon with redness and dishcharge.

Now is a good time to explain to him that penis touching is something that is done in private not were others can see.

Boys and girls both will explore that is just nature. I have recently started working with dd about touching should be in private she is 6yo now.


Please all of you come over to The Case against Circumcision there is tons of information there on this issue. And lots of people who will answer your questions.

Information regarding retraction can be found in the sticky A Warning To Parents Of Intact Sons. And The Definition of "Retraction" & Why it is BAD sticky.

 
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#8 of 22 Old 01-03-2007, 11:11 AM
 
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Now is a good time to explain to him that penis touching is something that is done in private not were others can see.
That's what we've done with our son--and we do somewhat restrict bathtime penis play, but more by offering toys etc; not by shaming or saying no. I do think that bath is a fine time to touch oneself--but to any great extent, I think it's more when one bathes solo, not so much when others are present, like his little brother or his cousin.
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#9 of 22 Old 01-03-2007, 11:36 AM
 
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I think it's normal - in fact, my son started this behavior much earlier than yours! My son pinches, stretches, and plays with his "parts" all the time. I expect it does "feel funny"

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#10 of 22 Old 01-03-2007, 11:43 AM
 
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I forgot to add in my pp that your son may have started the natural separation process and that can cause things to feel off. Like itchy or tingly from the synechiae (attachments) breaking down.

Them pulling and tugging on the foreskin helps things along were natural retraction is concerned. It isn't 100% necessary that they do pull on it to make it happen but it does help.


Boys even if circed will pull and tug on their penis. Like a pp said if I had one I know I would

 
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#11 of 22 Old 01-03-2007, 12:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks you guys!!
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#12 of 22 Old 01-03-2007, 12:40 PM
 
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My circ'd son : pulls and tugs on his penis all the time (in the bath). I'm pretty over it.

Sometimes he does complain of painful pees though.

My daughter touches herself in the bath too, which used to freak me out! I can't believe little girls do this so early! But my friends reassured me it was normal (theirs did it also).

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#13 of 22 Old 01-03-2007, 02:16 PM
 
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If he's not retractable yet, my guess would be he's becoming retractable and the natural adhesion to the glans is breaking down and his foreskin is becoming moveable. Totally normal.
My 4 yo is not retractable at all, but his younger brother was at 2.5 and was constantly playing with his penis for a while.

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#14 of 22 Old 01-03-2007, 02:57 PM
 
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Originally Posted by 2crazykids View Post
.my son plays with himself as soon as he gets naked, pulling, pinching, stretching, it looks like he's torturing himself but really he's just having fun and learning about his body!


mine too!!

i would bet if it feels funny, it may be his forskin loosening. I wouldnt worry unless he expresses pain.
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#15 of 22 Old 01-03-2007, 04:20 PM
 
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Another vote for normal. Griff could audition for that Puppetry of the Penis show, it's amazing how such a small thing can be stretched! Yikes! Since I don't own that piece of the anatomy, it looks horribly uncomfortable to me, but he seems fine.

I'm pretty sure that if Griff were hurting, I'd hear about it. Most kids that I know are pretty frank about bodily discomforts with their parents.

The "funny" feeling is probably a good funny, but you could ask him "funny in a nice way or a yucky way?" if you're concerned.

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#16 of 22 Old 01-03-2007, 04:28 PM
 
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Sounds totally normal to me! I have two sons, and this is a pretty typical behavior from what I've seen.

Also I have to say, I see no point in telling a child that he shouldn't touch his penis except to go to the bathroom or scratch an itch. He's going to touch it anyways, so all that is going to accomplish is making him ashamed of his behavior. I've lightheartedly told my older son "not in front of your mom, hon", but that's about the extent of my 'guidance' in that department.
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#17 of 22 Old 01-03-2007, 04:42 PM
 
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I do not have a 5yr old - but my 1.5 year old Loveessss to pull on his foreskin. Loves it. As soon as we get his diaper off, he goes for it - and then runs away as we try to redipe him.

And for telling him not to do such a thing? I would never think of it. It's his body, he needs to feel secure and become entirely aware of it. Feeling ashamed of ones privates is a real problem these days, and personally - I'd rather my son masturbate, and often, than find someone else to help those urges (at a young or teenaged age, at least.)
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#18 of 22 Old 01-03-2007, 04:45 PM
 
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Originally Posted by MCatLvrMoMof2 View Post
mountainmama2 the #1 rule with the intact penis is never let a dr or anyone else try to retract (pull back on) or even touch his penis.
I read her post three times and I don't see where the doctor tried to retract.

To the OP...it could be that your son is just starting to notice when he gets an erection, and it probably is a very funny feeling to a young boy.
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#19 of 22 Old 01-03-2007, 04:54 PM
 
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Originally Posted by 2tadpoles View Post
I read her post three times and I don't see where the doctor tried to retract.

To the OP...it could be that your son is just starting to notice when he gets an erection, and it probably is a very funny feeling to a young boy.
She was probably just making a note that if OP went into a doctor, remember never to let them near her sons penis.

It's a sentiment that ought to be mentioned as many times as it needs to until doctors and nurses stop.
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#20 of 22 Old 01-03-2007, 05:00 PM
 
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I read her post three times and I don't see where the doctor tried to retract.

To the OP...it could be that your son is just starting to notice when he gets an erection, and it probably is a very funny feeling to a young boy.

The doc sounds like she MAY have "attempted" to retract in order to find out, and seems way too concerned about retraction for the child's age. Maybe the doc is relaxed, but the advice is such that one would wonder. Also, the mama started by saying they were having "penis issues" so the doc made her worry--however she actually shouldn't worry nor should the doc.

That's why it is a suggestion to the mama to read about it so she will know. Parents of uncirced boys have to know their stuff to protect their children because often the docs don't. There is enough info there to think there might be something a bit "off" with what the doc has said/done.

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#21 of 22 Old 01-03-2007, 05:15 PM
 
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I would say unless he is saying it hurts..let him do whatver..he wont do anything to hurt himself. My son (4 years) pulls on his very hard, enough to think he would rip it off.. But, he thinks its funny. Anyways, I think this is a matter of boys being boys? Unless anyonbe has any info otherwise.
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#22 of 22 Old 01-03-2007, 05:36 PM
 
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Originally Posted by 2tadpoles
I read her post three times and I don't see where the doctor tried to retract.
When she said the Np said his foreskin was still fused the only way they could know that is by either trying to retract it to see or by asking. I didnt know which but since Dr. and healthcare workers are so retract happy (see all the horror stories over in CAC) I thought it a good idea to mention that that was a huge

And I did say
Quote:
You may already know this but I wanted to make sure any lurkers know that retraction is a process that takes time and is very individual to the boy it belongs to

 
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