Unsupervised playdates? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 05-12-2003, 09:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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At what age would you feel comfortable letting your child play at a friend's home without you, and what would your requirements be as far as how well you know the family, if you've ever been to their home yourself, etc.? I know it depends on your child's comfort level as well, but assuming your child felt comfortable with it, what would it take to make you feel comfortable?

Boy, I used the words "comfort" and "comfortable" a lot, didn't I?
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#2 of 6 Old 05-12-2003, 09:38 PM
 
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I hope that day comes.
My son is 7, and we are definately not at that point yet.
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#3 of 6 Old 05-12-2003, 10:33 PM
 
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My son is allowed to play at the homes of neighbors unsupervised for short periods of time (one hour). Its not really much different than babysitting IMHO for *us*. We live in a very close knit neighborhood with all SAHM's and small toddlers, babies, preschoolers. They all play together on a daily basis outside or at each others homes and we all know the "quirks" of each others children (who is bossy, who is sensitive, who does what, etc etc) and the children are all very comfortable with the adults as well. We are in each others homes so frequently our children know where we keep each others snacks LOL

I have left my son with the same neighbors for dr. appts so to me it is the same thing. As long as they play inside. I don't have the same level of trust for outside play, nobody has fenced yards but ME.

I have not/do not plan on leaving him with any of my "acquaintances" - gals from playgroup or met on playground who you meet for park dates whatever. Just my neighbors.

HTH Oh, BTW, my son is almost 3.
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#4 of 6 Old 05-13-2003, 12:37 AM
 
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Usually all our playdates are also a time for us moms to get together so my dd who is 6 has not had a solo playdate but she did spend the night at a girlfriends home. I have known this mom for a year we get our girls together 3or 4x's a month and I have been to her house numerous times. We clicked so well because our parenting styles are so alike. Our girls personalities are very much alike and they compliment each other. I say that because for me that is the big issue how well my dd gets along with a friend and how they handle conflicts will determine who she spends solo time with .

Mybest friend whom I love has a dd who my dd plays with and we visit them for the weekend but I would never let my dd have a solo playdtae with her. She manipulates my dd and takes advantage of my dd's meek personality. I would be to afraid of my dd feeling bullied. I have actually limited what time we spend with them as a family but that is another story.
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#5 of 6 Old 05-13-2003, 07:13 AM
 
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I would say the caregivers ability to respect the childrens interactions and not coerce/shame or react violently (subtle violence as well: taking things out of a childs hands, glaring, controlling through voice tones etc) would be a signal that I would be ok with it.
Whenever he is ready Im ok with it.
If I know the children "fit" well too I would be ok
(I would know then that the chances of conflict would be slim and therefore successful for all)
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#6 of 6 Old 05-13-2003, 03:20 PM
 
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We have a neighbor mom and dad that I totally trust. I feel very comfortable with my boys (4 and 6) being over there for an hour at a time, probably longer would even be okay but I go over to check on them at that time and they have up until now either been ready to leave or the parents have been ready for them to leave.

I'm pretty paranoid about people in general as far as my kids are concerned, but I just feel good about these people. They aren't overly interested in my kids (which I would be suspicious about) but are respectful and aware in their supervision. They treat their kids like I treat mine, and their kids are really pleasant to be around, but still allowed to be kids. I've spent time with the parents in various situations, talking, and feel like I've gotten a pretty good feel for what they're about. I've been in their home several times and witnessed how their family interacts and what their home life is like. I'd say that's the minimum for me to feel comfortable.
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