Daughters seeing Papa naked - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: Is it okay for your toddler or older aged daughter to see her dad naked?
Not in our house. We are all private about nudity. 10 2.21%
It's split by gender. Girls can see Mama, but not Pop. 45 9.93%
It's not a big deal if it happens. 171 37.75%
What's your hang up? We're all family here. 227 50.11%
Voters: 453. You may not vote on this poll

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#1 of 173 Old 01-28-2007, 06:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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No big deal? No way?

For whatever reason, I became uncomfortable with Dd seeing Dh naked at a little past one year of age. He thought is was weird and a little unfair, because she and I continue to bathe together so the rules clearly didn't apply to me. And it didn't bother me for him to change her dipe, dress her or see her naked.

I guess my own dad always was very private about his own nudity (not ours) and maybe that defined my views on the subject.

Also, what would that mean if I had a son? I know it wouldn't bother me for Dh and our son to see each other naked. But would I eventually become modest in front of my son? Not really sure...

What's it like in your household?

ETA: obviously I should have had an 'other' category (some households don't have two different genders of parents living together!) but it looks like poll editing isn't allowed.
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#2 of 173 Old 01-28-2007, 06:40 PM
 
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My DD is 13 months old, she sees DH naked, and he bathe her, most of the time.
About my 6 year old boys, I mean they're my kids, I don't see a problem if they see me naked.
We're pretty open about nudity in this house.

Oh and DD follows DH everywhere he goes and she sees him naked all the time
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#3 of 173 Old 01-28-2007, 06:49 PM
 
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We're pretty fine with the naked thing in our house. My 6 year old son regularly sees me naked, and he has never behaved in any way awkwardly about that. My daughter, nearly 3, occasionally sees her dad naked but he (dh) is not the type to walk around the house unclothed as I am. She will go into the bathroom when he's there, unclothed, and I don't think it makes anyone uncomfortable. If he was more often naked around dd, I also don't think that would bother me at all.
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#4 of 173 Old 01-28-2007, 07:20 PM
 
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I put it's not a big deal, but I just had my first girl. DH isn't often naked around the kids like I am since he's gone before they wake up a lot of times while I still have to shower around them and get dressed etc. So far I have no problems w/ the boys seeing me and I'm hoping I'll feel the same for Ilana seeing DH, but it does sort of sit funny w/ me right now already.

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#5 of 173 Old 01-28-2007, 07:23 PM
 
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Not a big deal here until around age 8 or so. Then girls can see mama and boys can see dad but if they see the other accidently then I would not make a big deal about it.
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#6 of 173 Old 01-28-2007, 07:28 PM
 
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Originally Posted by TexasSuz View Post
Not a big deal here until around age 8 or so. Then girls can see mama and boys can see dad but if they see the other accidently then I would not make a big deal about it.
:

I don't have a girl yet but this is how I feel about it, maybe avoid it from toddlerhood on but hey no biggie.
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#7 of 173 Old 01-28-2007, 07:31 PM
 
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DS is 6.5 and we still bathe together, shower together. He does so with his dad as well. Usually if we're in a rush to get somewhere all three of us (me, DS and BF) are in the shower together.

I can't imagine it'd be different if BF and I had a girl. I saw my dad naked lots growing up (skinny dipping at the lake, getting changed at the pool etc) no problem. We all have bodies so for me it's no big deal.
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#8 of 173 Old 01-28-2007, 07:39 PM
 
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I think it's fine as long as both the dad and the girl are comfortable with it. Since my girls' dad no longer lives with us, and they don't have sleepovers at his place, it's become something that just doesn't happen and I know my girls would be very uncomfortable if they happened to walk in on him changing his clothes or something. I'm not sure how it would have worked out if we'd stayed together, but I know that he bathed with them at 3-4 years old and it was no big deal.

DS nursed until he was over 4 years old- I certainly had no problem with him seeing me nude before he weaned! Now he's over 5 and we still share a bedroom, he doesn't like to go to the bathroom alone, etc, so he often sees me changing my clothes, I'll use the toilet while he's in there since I have to endure watching him use it, etc. At some point he'll get uncomfortable with seeing me naked and/or undressing in front of me and then we'll take turns and close the door while changing.

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#9 of 173 Old 01-28-2007, 07:42 PM
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I checked the last one, although I don't feel quite as hostile about it as you seem to

We have two little ones, a two year old boy and a nearly one year old girl. We have a small house, one bathroom, and we're all comfortable with each other. We don't run around naked (well, except the two year old ), but if someone happens to be in the room when we're changing, eh, no big deal.

Here's a funny story to relate:

When I was about 2 WEEKS old, my mother brought me into her bedroom where my father was changing. My father screamed and jumped into the closet. When my mom asked what was wrong he yelled, "Take her out! She can't see me naked!"

I wonder if he knew I probably couldn't see much farther than 8 inches a way at that point?
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#10 of 173 Old 01-28-2007, 07:44 PM
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It didn't really become a 'problem' until my ds started becoming embarrassed. That happened at around 8 like a pp mentioned. At six it was no biggie.

All three of my kids still walk in on me in the bathroom but my ds12 and 9 will back track when they realize I am changing or on the potty...... I'm not concerned about it but they seem to be aware so I respect their feelings. My 12 year old will be 13 in two weeks and I am cognizant of his maturity. He mentioned to me the other day that he couldn't help it, but he can't stop staring at girls who wear low shirts at school. So now, honestly, I worry about his feelings when I wear my bra around the house......

My dd11 and I still shower together. My boys see daddy naked all the time. My dd is very comfortable around her dad and his nudity. She doesn't flinch or blink. He, on the other hand, is careful around her. He will cover up when she comes in. Also, she is not in the least bit concerned about nudity around him or her brothers (which started becoming a problem lately - but I won't derail the thread and start discussing siblings!)


ETA - I finally noticed the poll only mentioned toddlers...... My kids totally do not count for toddlers. As toddlers - it is completely acceptable for dads and daughters to see each other. My response to the poll probably shouldn't count now......

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#11 of 173 Old 01-28-2007, 08:55 PM
 
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My kids are 2,4 and 6. Dh is naked much of the time at home, he's comfortable that way. I don't like being naked. Never really did care for it, but if the kids see me, I don't care. I leave the bathroom door open when I shower, so I cna hear if anything happens. If/when they start getting modest about it, we'll cover up.

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#12 of 173 Old 01-28-2007, 08:56 PM
 
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No hang-ups here. But I will cover up if/when asked to.
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#13 of 173 Old 01-29-2007, 12:26 AM
 
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No big deal. I saw my dad naked until at least high school... it was never an issue

-Angela
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#14 of 173 Old 01-29-2007, 12:29 AM
 
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I don't have daughters but feel nudity it okay until a child (or adult) expresses discomfort. What feels right or wrong for one person is individual. My 3.5 year old DS sees me naked all the time and I guess I feel I'll start covering up a bit once he gets into school and seem develop his own boundaries. DH, on the other hand, is very private about his body and I don't even think he feels comfortable letting DS see him naked!
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#15 of 173 Old 01-29-2007, 12:37 AM
 
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I dont care if dd or ds sees either one of us nekked. : my dh tho got uncomfortable with dd seeing him nekked around the time she turned 2yo. In his words "She is staring at IT" so he usually dosnt go nekked any more at all. Me I walk thru the house sans clothing constantly I dont know when or if my attitude will change but I want my kids to feel comfortable not only with their bodies but others as well.

If either one ever says anything I will respect that. But until then it just dosnt matter.

 
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#16 of 173 Old 01-29-2007, 12:55 AM
 
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DH is naked most of the time he is at home, our oldest DD is 4. We have no issues with nudity at all, and will continue to be naked, if they don;t want to see when they get older, then they don't have to look.


My dad was NEVER naked in front of me as a child, and it took me years to be comfortable with nudity.

There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.
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#17 of 173 Old 01-29-2007, 01:06 AM
 
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I'm all for helping Leila feel confident with her self, her body & people in general.... However, I was also sexually abused as a preschooler by my neighbor/tutor -- my method of coping with this added dynamic to parenting a girl was to research child gender + sexual development, discuss with therapists who help child victims of sexual abuse, etc. Leila's Daddy is also an OBGYN so she knows the proper names for all body parts thanks to his educational posters (used to explain the basics to non-native refugees & teen patients) & the "G" version of what each body part is for (she knows Daddies have sperm that are like seeds which implant Mommies' eggs & babies grow in wombs, but she hasn't asked how the sperm get into Mommies so I haven't offered the information either).... Our basic rules are:
  • her entire body is only hers & our job as her parents is to make sure NO one touches her body unless she wants them to
  • that she can always trust her feelings & tell us if a touch feels funny or painful or scary or confusing
  • everyone in the family is granted privacy in the bathroom except Mommy is the parent who will help her if she asks for me
  • we wear at least as much as we would at the beach around the rest of the house
Seeing adults' genitalia can & does produce confusion + arousal in most children: this can be considered sexual abuse even when there is no other sexual activity -- because it disrupts the child's natural discovery of the human body & triggers anxiety over what their own body will become.... Some basic guidelines are:
  • parent of the opposite sex should stop being in the nude when the child is about 1 year of age
  • child should not see the same sex parent in the nude after about 4 years of age
  • child should ALWAYS innitiate conversation about their maturing body unless the topic has not been raised during the Middle School years, in which case the parents MUST innitiate the conversation before the child is immersed in High School
None of this means the child will be scared of nudity -- it's more likely that a child will be intimidated by nudity when exposed to adult nudity more often & it is also more likely that a child will be intimidated by nudity when the parent uses other overt or even covert methods to associate sex with shame: such as, saying "ew" at media images of scantily clad women, covering a child's eyes during sex scenes instead of simply choosing more appropriate programming, etc. Two recommended readings:
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#18 of 173 Old 01-29-2007, 01:08 AM
 
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I couldn't answer the poll, as my daughter's father doesn't live with us.

But if he did, I'd say, well, don't go out of the way to run around naked, but if it happens, it happens. I grew up finally having to tell my dad to put clothes & it wasn't traumatic or anything. I just figured it's ugly, who needs to see that?!

As for the thread title, well no, my daughter won't ever see my my dad naked unless she walk in him changing or smoehting by accident. I don't get the title about grandfathers when the thread is about fathers?
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#19 of 173 Old 01-29-2007, 01:17 AM
 
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my oldest dd will be 6 in april..
dh does not walk around naked..but if she walks in while he's changing or bathing it is not a big deal
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#20 of 173 Old 01-29-2007, 01:18 AM
 
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It has been talked about here many times about how other countries it isnt uncommon for members of the same family including grandparents to bath/see each other naked and it dosnt affect them negitivly. I have to wonder if it is more a cultural thing. I just dont see how a child seeing a parent naked can cause them damage as long as it isnt a "in your face" kind of nakedness.

 
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#21 of 173 Old 01-29-2007, 01:21 AM
 
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I have no problem with dd (8 yrs.) seeing me naked and sometimes she doesn't either. I don't really walk around naked that often. Just today tho I was nursing ds and he had my other boob exposed and was playing with it and dd said "mom, put that boob away. i don't wanna see it."
Dh, on the other hand is very uncomfortable about letting dd see him naked. It probably started around the age of 3. He then stopped getting dressed in front of her. She would be horrified if she saw dh naked.
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#22 of 173 Old 01-29-2007, 01:29 AM
 
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I'd consider comparing those countries' social dynamics related to Childhood Sexual Abuse & how women/girls are treated in general -- when everyone in the US is in some way associated (through family relation, friend, work, school, etc.) with at least 1 woman who suffered CSA by the age of 12 & this is based on a low estimate ... I can see how culture has something to do with it (there being an association with spanking & sexual abuse), but if those countries where nudity is more common & the people claim there's no relationship between psychosexual development with this, then I'd like to know what the likelihood of their own cultural negativites has on their thinking: is sexual abuse seen for what it is? Is sexual abuse publically spoken against? Is there adequate support for victims/survivors? When sexual abuse is seen as the norm, then it's effects are not recognized or even discussed. If the society is such that the sexual abuse rate actually is low & studies still show a lack of impact on psychosexual development, then I would so love to know how else their culture differs & push our representatives to do what it takes to help bring about such a change here!
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#23 of 173 Old 01-29-2007, 01:34 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Papooses View Post
Seeing adults' genitalia can & does produce confusion + arousal in most children: this can be considered sexual abuse even when there is no other sexual activity -- because it disrupts the child's natural discovery of the human body & triggers anxiety over what their own body will become.... Some basic guidelines are:[list][*]parent of the opposite sex should stop being in the nude when the child is about 1 year of age[*]child should not see the same sex parent in the nude after about 4 years of age[*]child should ALWAYS innitiate conversation about their maturing body unless the topic has not been raised during the Middle School years, in which case the parents MUST innitiate the conversation before the child is immersed in High School
I don't buy this, at all. Sorry, but I don't think it's natural AT ALL in any human culture for children to be shielded from naked bodies. My 4 yr. old opposite sex child still nurses, bathes and showers with me, cosleeps, and sees me naked many times a day. I assure you that this does not cause him any discomfort. It is natural and normal.

Seeing your parents naked is NOT sexual abuse. It's not even confusing or the cause of *any* anxiety, IMO and experience as a child and a parent.
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#24 of 173 Old 01-29-2007, 01:39 AM
 
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You don't have to believe it, but science says otherwise....

Calmly asking for privacy when a child does see a parent in the nude teaches the child that they have the right to request privacy themselves -- this is different than freaking out if the child happens to walk in on a parent changing.

Genitalia are not breasts.
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#25 of 173 Old 01-29-2007, 01:57 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Papooses View Post
Some basic guidelines are:
  • parent of the opposite sex should stop being in the nude when the child is about 1 year of age
  • child should not see the same sex parent in the nude after about 4 years of age
  • child should ALWAYS innitiate conversation about their maturing body unless the topic has not been raised during the Middle School years, in which case the parents MUST innitiate the conversation before the child is immersed in High School
I think this is totally and completely absurd.

Are all Europeans abusing their children? Most cultures do not make the huge deal out of the human body that American culture does.

I feel sorry for anyone who lives with such a paranoid state of mind.

As I said, nudity was relaxed and comfortable in our household growing up. No one in our immediate family was sexually abused.

Frankly I am quite offended for you to suggest that my 2.5yr old seeing daddy naked is damaging her.

-Angela
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#26 of 173 Old 01-29-2007, 01:59 AM
 
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Originally Posted by hottmama View Post
I don't buy this, at all. Sorry, but I don't think it's natural AT ALL in any human culture for children to be shielded from naked bodies. My 4 yr. old opposite sex child still nurses, bathes and showers with me, cosleeps, and sees me naked many times a day. I assure you that this does not cause him any discomfort. It is natural and normal.

Seeing your parents naked is NOT sexual abuse. It's not even confusing or the cause of *any* anxiety, IMO and experience as a child and a parent.
:



I agree, entirely.
In fact, I bathe with my 18m old every, single, day - and he never once has looked at my yoni as anything but a foot or a forehead. He doesnt care, one day he'll understand the functions more, but he needs to be aware of his body and mine. There is No Shame in our house.

He doesn't really look twice at Papa either.
We'll continue to be naked around him as long as we feel comfortable.
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#27 of 173 Old 01-29-2007, 02:04 AM
 
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Funny story on this...

Last week my 3.5 yo walked in on dh peeing. Her eventual question: "Daddy, what are those buttbangers behind your penis?" Needless to say, he was totally taken off guard and by the time he recovered she had skipped away singing a song about buttbangers.

Kids! Where do they come up with this stuff?
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#28 of 173 Old 01-29-2007, 02:18 AM
 
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We're private with nudity here. I think it's an important part of teaching them about appropriate boundaries. I don't think having a family that's more nudity-open is harmful, though.
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#29 of 173 Old 01-29-2007, 08:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
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In fact, I bathe with my 18m old every, single, day - and he never once has looked at my yoni as anything but a foot or a forehead..
This is how my 3 yo is as well. I think it's kind of interesting. Early on she would rarely glance at my genitals, and once asked 'what's that?' I answered 'my vagina'. She kind of looked down at her own and then went back to playing. Now it's like she purposefully avoids looking or paying any attention. I think she's just being respectful of privacy, to be honest.

I imagine she'd be equally nonchalant about papa's gear if she'd been around it all her life. We just didn't do it that way though.
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#30 of 173 Old 01-29-2007, 08:41 AM
 
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Funny story on this...

Last week my 3.5 yo walked in on dh peeing. Her eventual question: "Daddy, what are those buttbangers behind your penis?" Needless to say, he was totally taken off guard and by the time he recovered she had skipped away singing a song about buttbangers.

Kids! Where do they come up with this stuff?
: I am so glad I was done drinking before I read that. : buttbangers

 
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