Thanks so very much!
Anyway, I think it is developmental to a degree. I think they have to be taught the right way to act and they're just testing things out.
Kinder and school can be very stressful even if sensitively run etc and finding out what the trigger is may be difficult or impossible. Is there any way you could hang out at her school (say helping with some task) to see what gut feelings you get? Sometimes they can be very happy with friends but there is someone in the room they don't get along with or who bothers them somehow.
Sorry that sounds very nonspecific but I would be concerned by the sort of things you describe, they seem like stress reactions to me.
Emmaline I think you may have hit the nail on the head! There is a girl at her school that stresses her out and I'm sure there are others and other things. I spend time in her class often, but not as much in the past month. I am going to look into this more next week and see what is going on at school. Perhaps I will spend the whole time she is there (4.5 hrs) with her instead of only a half an hour or an hour. DD2 loves hanging out there with me and I am sure she would would be thrilled to get to stay the whole time too. So we will see. I think I just automatically blamed myself for it that is usually the case with anything (like as if I was being a bad/poor mama to her- and I truely know that isn't the case).
Any other perspectives etc or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
i think it's a developmental change, and i was still treating her like a "preschooler", but now that she's really a big girl I have to come up with new approaches. sometimes in her most serious-seeming i'm-gonna-stare-you-down mode she'll suddenly break into laughter, as if the hitting and yelling and defiance are really just a big game and i'm the fool!
I would go back into school and ask for an interview wiht the teacher and anyone else who deals with her. In my school if a parent expressed such a concern about a change of behaviour we would keep a log of what went on to try to identify a cause. Eg on the playground there could be incidents that worry your daughter.
Wetting is often normal at this age, but soiling is a very strong sign of something wrong. My instinct is that some form of bullying is taking place - not necessarily physical, it could be verbal, but that is what I would be looking for, if nothing at home has changed. With the toilet issues, it doesn't sound like simply a developmental phase to me.
I'd be persistent in looking for a reason for her behaviour. You might find answers by being there in school, although this will change the dynamics of your daugthers' interactions with others, so it might not be so simple. I'd put pressure on the staff to work out what is going on. I'm sure they will be concerned to know of her change of behaviour and be keen to find out the cause.
Hope this helps!
Was she in school last year? You said nothing has changed, but it sounds like there is a baby. If she has recently aquired a sibling and started school she just may be overwhelmed. If you didn't see things change immediantly it doesn't mean they are not the cause. Some things build.
Could she be allergic to something? At first, before you get to the attitude stuff, it seemed like she was sick.
As for being perfectly sweet at school and not so sweet at home I think that may just be a 4/5 year old thing (oh, please tell me they grow out of it) it is so frustrating that someone else gets all thier good behavior and we get all thier bad. I have been on the opposite end of it too. i was the daycare provider who saw perfectly sweet well behaved children freak out on thier parents as soon as they walked through the door. Back then I thought it was because I was so wonderful : I see more clearly now.
The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it. We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.
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