help, 4 yr old and masterbation - Mothering Forums

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Old 04-10-2007, 02:44 AM - Thread Starter
 
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my 4 yr old DD has discovered masterbation.
I know exactly what she is doing. SHe is fairly discreet, no hands down her pants or anything but if I know, I am sure there will be others who will notice as well.

I am NOT against masterbation at all, and I have tried to talk to her about it and tell her it is a private thing that needs to be done in her room and not all the time.

She does it all the time now (like when we are watching a movie)! Ugh, It drives me crazy. I do my best to distract her but there are times when she just wont stop. And that is where I need help.

I dont want to tell her what she is doing is wrong or bad. But how can you convince a 4 year old when it is appropriate ???
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Old 04-10-2007, 09:36 AM
 
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What I told my boys was..... If you want to have your hand down your panties you need to go to your room or the bathroom. That is a private thing.

Neither of the older 2 would want to give up what they were watching to go to their room. The busy fingers in our house was usually during tv / movie time. They both would just stop. It took a many times reminding them but it did stop in the living room (: I never checked in their bedroom) I was never mean or stern about it just matter of fact.....

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Old 04-10-2007, 11:28 AM
 
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I wouldn't even label it masturbation at this age. Honestly, I'd just ignore it unless we were in public or had company. Then I'd just remind her not to do it when other people could see. Also, consider the possibility of her having a yeast infection or allergic reaction to laundry detergent.

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Old 04-10-2007, 11:46 AM
 
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how about offerring a fidget in place. my dd will masturbate at times, suck on her fingers and just fidget while watching movies. I have picked up random things that she can use instead...smooshy balls, anything fairly small that she can absent mindedly play with.

I don't mind her doing any of the above activities, but she is starting to get adult teeth (one loose now) and we don't want her adult teeth to become crooked.

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Old 04-10-2007, 11:46 AM
 
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"I know that feels good, but it is something we do in private in our bedrooms with the door closed. We wash our hands afterwards."
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Old 04-10-2007, 01:08 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 4evermom View Post
I wouldn't even label it masturbation at this age.
Just curious, why not?
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Old 04-10-2007, 01:29 PM
 
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Originally Posted by kkeris View Post
Just curious, why not?
I think of masturbation as sexually satisfying oneself. Most children that I've seen touching themselves are merely exploring themselves. I'm not saying some children aren't touching themselves for sexual stimulation, just that I don't think one should automatically call all touching of one's genitalia masturbation. When my ds sees how far he can stretch his foreskin or is just wiggling his penis around, he isn't masturbating, KWIM?

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Old 04-10-2007, 03:15 PM
 
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I can only speak for my own kid, but when my five-year-old does it, she is clearly doing it because it feels good and is arousing -- she gets red-faced, she breathes hard, etc. If you ask her, she will tell you she does it because it feels good. We went through a few months of having to remind her not to do it in the living room, and enforcing it by turning off the TV or sending her off. Now she only does it in bed, and the only issue we've run into is when she wants to do that in the morning instead of getting dressed.

As to how to convince her -- this is a family rule. Some things are not public. we do not masturbate in the living room; we do not pick our noses in the living room; we do not floss our teeth in the living room. But all of these things are fine to do in private in an appropriate place (and then wash your hands, if necessary -- my daughter does it with her clothes on and just rubs against a stuffed animal or pillow, so we have't made a big whoop-de-doo about handwashing in her case). If you can either stop and watch the movie, or go to your room and masturbate there -- and then enforce it with the same methods you use for every other family rule. And going to the room isn't a punishment; you can pause the movie until she's ready to sit and watch with you guys, maybe the next night, so she doesn't miss out.
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Old 04-10-2007, 11:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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thank you. it is nice to know I am not alone and I certianly dont want to punish her for this.

I just need to not get frustrated with her. And turning off the TV is a great idea....plus a fidgit toy!

Thank you again.
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